Dear Nationals Fans: Thank you, sincerely, for your patriotic performance last night. Signed, an Astros fan

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What you need to know before you watch the Watchmen.

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You have officially survived 1,000 days of this shitshow, give yourself a round of applause.

But also, buckle your seat belt because it’s only getting worse.

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UNEXPECTED TWIST: War Walrus John Bolton burns it all down and all the other delicious revelations from yesterday’s Congressional testimony

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Question: Can we impeach the new Bachelor for being a klutz?

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George R.R. Martin doesn’t care what you thought about the finale of ‘Game of Thrones;’ he’s gonna do what he wants

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Just admit it: if you were friends with Sophie Turner, you would ask her about ‘Game of Thrones’ spoilers, too.

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Pelosi just took away one of President Teevee’s very favorite things and I am here for it.

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President Joffrey has been spending so much time live-tweeting Fox News that he hasn’t caught up with ‘Game of Thrones’ season 7. NO ONE SPOIL HIM.

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‘Shameless’ without Fiona? No thank you, please.

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