‘Game of Thrones’: The troops, the troops, the troops are on fire. We don’t need no water, let the motherfuckers burn. Burn, motherfuckers! Burn!

“Game of Thrones
“The Spoils of War”
August 6, 2017

DRACARYS, MOFOS!

Continue reading “‘Game of Thrones’: The troops, the troops, the troops are on fire. We don’t need no water, let the motherfuckers burn. Burn, motherfuckers! Burn!”

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‘Game of Thrones’: Poison is a woman’s weapon

Game of Thrones
“The Queen’s Justice”
July 30, 2017

In this very chatty episode, Jon and Daenerys finally meet and build up a lot of sexual tension and NEED TO JUST KISS ALREADY; Bran comes home and like every teenager that spends some time away from his family for the first time, thinks he knows everything; Sea Pacey becomes our new favorite character; everyone just flies around the entire continent like they’ve got Elon Musk’s hyperloop installed on Westeros and the writers failed to mention it to us; and The Queen of Thorns is given the greatest death scene that officially ends all death scenes. There should be no more death scenes for anyone ever. EAT IT, BITCHES.

Continue reading “‘Game of Thrones’: Poison is a woman’s weapon”

‘Game of Thrones’: A wolf in sheep’s clothing

Game of Thrones
“Dragonstone”
July 16, 2017

Dragons, giant ice zombies, mass murder, bedpan montages, the Hound calling people “cunts,” Ed Sheeran, Lil’ Lady Badass telling dumb men what’s what, Brimund … IT’S ALL HERE! GAME OF THRONES IS BACK, Y’ALL! BE EXCITED!

Continue reading “‘Game of Thrones’: A wolf in sheep’s clothing”

‘Game of Thrones’: The feminine mystique

Game of Thrones
“The Winds of Winter”
June 26, 2016

The season finale was filled with everything we expected: R+L = J; the North uniting; Arya giving Walder Frey exactly what he deserved; Sam going to the Citadel; Cersei having a final showdown with the Faith Militant; Tommen fulfilling Cersei’s prophecy; Daenerys on her way to Westeros to take it back once and for all; and winter has FINALLY come, amirite, Ned Stark? And something I don’t think anyone predicted — Cersei taking the Iron Throne for herself. Girl, I need one of those black leather dresses.
Continue reading “‘Game of Thrones’: The feminine mystique”

‘Game of Thrones’: Where you Benjen?

Game of Thrones
“Blood of My Blood”
May 29, 2016

Oh, hey, George R.R. Martin, remember how you told your editor that Coldhands — the figure that helps Sam and Gilly escape, and who, in the books, helps Bran, Meera, Jojen and Hodor make their way to The Three-Eyed Raven’s cave — was not Benjen Stark? Because I remember you telling your editor he was not Benjen Stark. And I guess, technically, they could still be two separate characters in the book. But I’m guessing they won’t be.

So…

Continue reading “‘Game of Thrones’: Where you Benjen?”

‘Game of Thrones’: Whatever happened, happened

Game of Thrones
“The Door”
May 22, 2016

TIME LOOPS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

I KNEW IT. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. I mean, I didn’t know HODOR, but I knew it.

UGH. WHY DIDN’T I WRITE IT?
Continue reading “‘Game of Thrones’: Whatever happened, happened”

‘Game of Thrones’: Promises, promises

Game of Thrones
“Oathbreaker”
May 8, 2016

So, last week we were teased in the previews that Game of Thrones was going back to the past, to the Tower of Joy to finally confirm that theory — you know, THAT theory — once and for all. The Tower of Joy, “R +L = J,” you know nothing Jon Snow, THAT theory. I mean, now that Jon Snow is magically back to life, we might as well get on with it, and learn about who he is and where he came from and what makes him so special, right? RIGHT? Surely they aren’t going to take us all the way to the Tower of Joy, the most anticipated location in all of Game of Thrones history, and NOT tell us what happened there.

… They wouldn’t do that, would they?

oh-my-sweet-summer-child-game-of-thrones

Continue reading “‘Game of Thrones’: Promises, promises”