The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“The Importance of Being Family”
October 16, 2016
It’s time for Meatball to go to meatball prison for committing meatball fraud, and I am not going to cry because Meatball brought this upon himself by being a dumb meatball. I’M NOT GOING TO CRY, DAMMIT.
Continue reading “‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Arrivederci, Meatball”
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“Picking Sides”
October 9, 2016
Like me catching up with this season, and a violence-free Posche fashion show, they said it couldn’t be done. Shows what they know.
Continue reading “‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Checking attendance”
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“The Other C Word”
October 2, 2016
It was always going to come to this. It was always going to happen this way. You can’t fight fate.
Continue reading “‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Teresa v. Jacqueline: Round ∞”
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“Rage on My Ass”
September 25, 2016
We begin this episode exactly where we left the last: with Teresa telling her cugini that she doesn’t want to have a relationship with them, but, confusingly, that her “door is always open.” Continue reading “‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Take a lap”
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“Cut the Cancer Out”
September 18, 2016
And the most depressing season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey keeps chugging along.
Continue reading “‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: All happy famiglie are the same”
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“Driving Miss Siggy”
September 11, 2016
We begin with Siggy’s son coming home after passing his driver’s test, and immediately demanding a car. As the mother of a 15-year-old who is counting down the days until his 16th birthday, I feel your pain, Siggy. I feel it.
Later, Siggy, Siggy’s Ex-Husband, Siggy’s Ex-Husband’s New Wife, Siggy’s Ex-Husband’s New Son and Son all go to Delmonico’s to celebrate Son’s 17th birthday. There, Son bitches about his mother being too affectionate with him and Siggy cries thinking about him when he was a baby. I FEEL YOUR PAIN, SIGGY. I FEEL IT.
Continue reading “‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Famiglia reunion”
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“All Bets Are Off”
September 5, 2016
So this episode was a bummer. Continue reading “‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Sympathy for the Meatball”
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“Spa-Cation”
August 28, 2016
To celebrate Teresa cutting off her ankle monitor — but really, in an attempt to force Teresa and Jacqueline to try to work things out — all five ladies head to some spa out in the woods together for the weekend. And if you, like me, were hoping this trip would be interesting, you’re out of luck. It’s not. Oh my God, it’s not.
Continue reading “‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Is there a spa treatment for boredom?”
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“Swimming with Gefilte Fishes”
August 21, 2016
Ugh. Dolores. Does anyone actually care about Dolores? SHOW OF HANDS: Who cares about Dolores? Continue reading “‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Famiglia time”
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“Dinner Interrupted”
August 14, 2016
For an episode billed as A GRANDE FIGHT BETWEEN TERESA AND JACQUELINE, I can not begin to stress how much of this episode is actually devoted to Melissa’s kids being in a dumb fashion show, yous guys. If I had to break it down, this episode was 5% Siggy giving her kids grief, 1% something about Dolores and a gym that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT, 8% Teresa and Jacqueline having a fight and 9,000% Melissa and this dumb kids’ fashion show. Continue reading “‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: The more things change”