‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Beating a hasty retreat

The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“A Retreat to Remember”
November 16, 2017

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‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Parent traps

The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“Growing Up Jersey”
November 8, 2017

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‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: In which Joan Rivers gets dragged into it

The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“The Apology”
October 18, 2017

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Taking the Cake

The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“Shady Beach”
October 4, 2017

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‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Reunion’: In which murder clowns get involved

The Real Housewives of New Jersey
Reunion, Part 2
November 13, 2016

Hey, check out part one of the reunion special over here if you missed it.

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‘Real Housewives of New Jersey: Reunion’: Oh, right, there was a reunion I never wrote about. Sorry.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey
Reunion, Part 1
November 6, 2016

I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why it took me until this new season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey debuted for me to recap the reunion special that aired almost a year ago. I don’t really have an excuse but laziness and distraction.

I will point out that part one of the reunion special aired three days before the Presidential Election, and I was busy fantasizing about having our first female President, trying to imagine what excuse Mitch McConnell was going to come up with to explain why she wouldn’t be allowed to fill the Supreme Court vacancy and bracing myself for Trump TV and its broadcasts full of rants about how Hillary Clinton stole the election. You’ll notice that the date of the second reunion was five days after the Presidential Election. I’m not sure I was out of bed yet.

But all of that is (mostly) behind us now, and the new season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey debuted last night, so what better time to revisit last season’s reunion and remind ourselves where we left off with these stugats?

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‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: One-on-none

The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“And Then There Were Four”
October 30, 2016

After 16 weeks we’ve finally come to the end of the Most Boring Season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey Ever. Not a single table was thrown, nor weave pulled, even Mortadella was on her best behavior. But we did get some riveting stuff about kitchen counters and driver’s licenses, right? UGH. Go ahead and take off your Louboutins, we have one last episode to run through.

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‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Childish poses

The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“Nama’Stay Away From Me”
October 23, 2016

First of all, episode title, it is “NAMAST’AY away from me,” not “NAMA’STAY away from me.” It’s right there on the shirt!

Second of all, after a couple of interesting episodes in Vermont and one emotional episode, we are right back to this season’s boring holding pattern, so you might want to go make yourself a quick espresso or something, because madonn’. So boring.

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‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Arrivederci, Meatball

The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“The Importance of Being Family”
October 16, 2016

It’s time for Meatball to go to meatball prison for committing meatball fraud, and I am not going to cry because Meatball brought this upon himself by being a dumb meatball. I’M NOT GOING TO CRY, DAMMIT.

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‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’: Checking attendance

The Real Housewives of New Jersey
“Picking Sides”
October 9, 2016

Like me catching up with this season, and a violence-free Posche fashion show, they said it couldn’t be done. Shows what they know.

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