As you might have noticed, I’ve been gone for most of the past week on important family business: dropping off my oldest for his first year in college in another state. I’M DOING FINE, DON’T WORRY. AND JUST IGNORE ME IF I BURST INTO UNEXPECTED TEARS. IT’LL PASS, I PROMISE.
But because it’s been a long and emotional week for your trusty blogger, I choose to start with some unexpected but happy news: it looks like HBO is very close to greenlighting another Game of Thrones prequel pilot — this one about the Targaryen clan, and probably based on George R.R. Martin’s book, Fire & Blood. It sounds like the series would focus on the events leading up to the Targaryen civil war known as the Dance of the Dragons. It’s unclear how far back it would go, though, I can’t imagine all the way back to Aegon’s creation of the Iron Throne. But who knows, right?
My concern about this is that I WANT IT but I also don’t want HBO to flood the zone with too many Game of Thrones projects BUT I WANT IT and I also don’t want them to exhaust everyone’s patience with Game of Thrones shit ~cough~ The Walking Dead ~cough~ BUT I WANT IT but I also want a whole series devoted to the Targaryens pre-arrival-in-Westeros which this won’t be about at all BUT I WANT IT and I also want George R.R. Martin to FINISH THE GODDAMN BOOKS ALREADY.
Also in Game of Thrones news: the cast, specifically Alfie Allen, Gwendoline Christie, Emilia Clarke, Peter Dinklage, Kit Harington, Lena Headey, Sophie Turner, Carice van Houten, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, and Maisie Williams will all present at the Emmys this year.
Now, the actual big story of the day: Saturday Night Live announced their new cast members yesterday, Chloe Fineman, Shane Gillis, and Bowen Yang, who will be the first Asian-American performer in the show’s history. Hooray!
Except. Almost immediately this bit of progress was undercut when it was revealed that on his podcast, Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast, fellow new cast member, Shane Gillis said among other things, “Chinatown’s fucking nuts … Let the fucking chinks live there.” This was in 2018, so not years and year ago. Also, I bet he was wishing that podcast was a little more secret right about now.
today SNL announced the hiring of its first cast member of East Asian descent, and also this guy pic.twitter.com/0FAGJZJUkK
— Seth Simons (@sasimons) September 12, 2019
In that same episode, Gillis attacked other comedians:
In another clip from the podcast, Gillis and McCusker complain about “comedians who adopt a more confessional style,” as Vulture comedy editor Megh Wright describes them—including Judd Apatow. Gillis calls these comedians “white f*ggot comics” and “fucking gayer than ISIS.” As Wright notes, the hosts also generalize comedians’ ability by race, gender, and sexual orientation, with Gillis declaring, “Black chicks are very funny, especially when they’re sassy…. White chicks are literally the bottom. Ali Wong is making it so Asian chicks are funnier than white chicks.” The two go on to debate Sarah Silverman’s attractiveness.
And he also managed to make some Islamaphobic remarks in that episode, claiming that to “praise Allah,” and get into “Muslim heaven” you have to “spill some blood.” Cool.
Two episodes later, he and his podcast partner manage to be homophobic and misogynistic about ~checks notes~ the Civil War?
A little more than 21 minutes into “Ep 146 – Live from Shane’s Parent’s Basement,” while talking about the Battle of Gettysburg, Gillis refers to soldiers yelling as “so gay.” About 29 minutes into the podcast, Gillis uses the word “retard,” and “faggot,” and shortly afterward he and McCusker joke about “hot Southern boys” being raped during the Civil War, comparing it to “having gay sex in jail.”
Gillis, in describing women who disguised themselves as men to fight in the war, refers to them as “flat-chested fucking bitch[es].”
Hilarious.
Gillis released a Twitter “apology” but, as noted ONE BAJILLION AND THREE TIMES BEFORE, saying “I’m sorry if you were offended” is not the same thing as actually apologizing for saying offensive shit and recognizing why what you said was NOT OK.
— Shane Gillis (@Shanemgillis) September 13, 2019
Ugh, I don’t know how you guys missed this, SNL, and a part of me thinks that you didn’t, you just hoped either no one would notice or that when they did notice, there would be a whole, “isn’t he so anti-PC and EDGY?” backlash. But just fire him already, Saturday Night Live. He’s clearly not even funny and none of this is worth it.
Speaking of not funny, James Corden went after Bill Maher’s unfunny “New Rules” bit in which he claimed fat-shaming needs to make a comeback, talking about his own struggles with weight and overeating. Good for you, James.
We have the American Horror Story: 1984 opening credits. I had half-decided to not blog this season as I plan on doing The Walking Dead, SNL, whatever you jerks choose for me to hate blog, and maybe Watchmen, and that’s A LOT, but … I have to admit, it looks like such fun:
Pilot Peter is being followed around by a camera crew, so I guess we know who the next Bachelor is unless this is all an elaborate ruse to throw us off, which I DOUBT IT.
Here’s just a very good piece on Unbelievable, the Netflix series I intend to watch this weekend. (Although Bachelor in Paradise might make that impossible. What I do for you people.)
Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey have launched Office Ladies, a podcast that rewatches The Office. YES, PLEASE.
If you were waiting for Constance Wu to apologize, keep holding your breath.
Obviously, last night was the third Democratic debate held right here in sweaty Houston, Texas. I have to admit, I slept through most of it thanks to not feeling great after some bad food choices in a gas station somewhere in north-central Florida, but I caught Beto’s big gun moment (and then saw that an idiot Texas state representative in Webster made a death threat against Beto on Twitter, which is just a really great way to ask for the FBI to pay you a visit. What a dumbass.)
But I didn’t see this HORRIFIC political ad that featured a photograph of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez being set on fire, followed by graphic images of skulls and corpses (which were related to the Cambodian genocide which somehow = socialism? OK, but no?). I should note that the reason I didn’t see the ad because our ABC affiliate is not owned by Sinclair Broadcasting, thank God, which is who ran the ad on their ABC stations. Now there’s a boycott effort against both ABC and Sinclair for running the ad. #BoycottABC and #BoycottSinclair were trending this morning on Twitter.
You have only a little more than a week to decide how to ruin my year. Evil and Emergence are still neck-in-neck in my Hate Blog poll, but Stumptown is right behind. Make your feelings known:
Old News I Missed Last Week:
Oh, hey, it sounds like Nancy Drew is going to be Veronica Mars, 2.0.
Amazon “accidentally” released the sequel to The Handmaid’s Tale a little early and not because the TV series is a Hulu property, I’m sure.
Renewals
- Queen Sugar has been renewed at OWN.
In Development
- Grow Up, a coming-of-age comedy, has been bought by Fox.
- Fleishman Is in Trouble is being developed into a series by FX.
- The Mysterious Benedict Order is close to being ordered at Hulu.
- The Last of the Mohicans is being developed into a series by BBC.
- The Vast of Night has been bought by Amazon.
- Legendary, a voguing series, and The Greatest Space, a design competition have been ordered by HBO Max.
Casting News
- Ken Watanabe is going to star in Tokyo Vice on HBO Max.
- John Lithgow is going to star in The Old Man on FX.
- Michael McKean will star in the HBO Max pilot Delilah.
- Cheryl Hines will star in Turkey Drop on Freeform. Also joining the cast: Ben Levin and Tyler Perez.
- Jill Marie Jones, Persia White, and Golden Brooks will guest star in an episode of black-ish, in a Girlfriends reunion.
- Quincy Isaiah and Solomon Hughes have been cast as NBA legends Magic Johnson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar respectively in HBO’s untitled Lakers movie.
- Karine Vanasse will join God Friended Me.
- Bambadjan Bamba is joining the cast of Bosch on Amazon.
- Terrence Howard is threatening to quit acting after Empire. OK.
In Older Casting News
- Gillian Anderson will star as Margaret Thatcher in The Crown.
- Alexander Skarsgård and Whoopi Goldberg have been added to the cast of CBS All Access’ The Stand limited series as Randall Flagg and Mother Abigail. This is fantastic casting. Boring personal story: this spring break, my family happened to drive by the Air Force base outside of Las Vegas where spoiler alert, I guess, Randall Flagg sets up his military operation. I got chills. (It’s now used as the Air Force’s drone headquarters, which seems perfectly fitting.)
Mark Your Calendar
- Little Monsters is going to debut on Hulu on October 11. FOR THIS.
- The Walking Dead returns on AMC on October 6.
- Looking for Alaska will debut on Hulu on October 18.
- Modern Love will debut on Amazon on October 18.
- How to Get Away with Murder will return on ABC on September 26.
- Into the Dark, “Uncanny Annie” will debut on Hulu on October 4.
- Are You Afraid of the Dark? returns on Nickelodeon on October 11.
- Impulse returns on YouTube on October 16.
- Hell House, LLC 3 will debut on Shudder on September 19.
- “Netflix and Chills” — Netflix’s Halloween season movie titles and dates have been released:
- Daybreak will debut on Netflix on October 24.
High school is hell … and that was before the zombie apocalypse turned every clique into rival gangs that will do whatever it takes to survive.#Daybreak premieres October 24 — FIRST LOOK: pic.twitter.com/OSNQfms33s
— See What's Next (@seewhatsnext) September 12, 2019
- This is merely a rumor — and a rumor from Adam Corolla of all people — but Curb Your Enthusiasm might be back on Hulu sometime in January.
- AMC is running a Friday the 13th marathon right now, btw.
- The Graham Norton Show returns on BBC America on October 4.
- CMT Crossroads: Sheryl Crow & Friends will air on CMT on September 27.
- Crikey! It’s the Irwins will return on Animal Planet on October 5.
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic‘s series finale will air on Discovery Family Channel on October 12.
- Forever in My Heart will debut on the Hallmark Channel on September 14.
- When Hope Calls – New Hope and When Hope Calls – From the Ashes will debut on Hallmark Channel on September 21.
- Here are the premiere dates for a bunch of Hallmark Movie Channel movies.
R.I.P.
Chris March, Project Runway contestant (and breakout star) and host of Mad Fashion.
Eddie Money, Singer and star of Real Money.
WATCH THIS
FRIDAY
Undone: Early word is that this animated series about a young woman who travels through time to investigate the truth about her father’s murder (the father is played by Bob Odenkirk, by the way) is that it is wonderful and trippy in all the best ways. Stick a pin in this one, people are going to be talking about it. Series premiere. Amazon
Unbelievable: Merritt Weaver and Toni Collette star in this crime miniseries based on a true story about a teenager whose rape claims were not believed by the authorities, BUT THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN. It’s safe to assume that some space should be reserved in the Outstanding Actress in a Limited Series nomination list for Collette and Weaver because everything they do is amazing. Series premiere. Netflix
Room 104: This whackadoo series is back. Season premiere. 10 p.m., HBO
Murder in the Bayou: Eight young women were murdered in Jennings, Louisiana between 2005 and 2009. This docuseries investigates their murders and the culture that allowed it. Series premiere. 9 p.m., Showtime
Marianne: WITCHES! FRENCH WITCHES! Netflix
The Ranch: Season premiere. Hey, at least Danny Masterson is gone, right? Netflix
SATURDAY
LEGO: Jurassic World: Series premiere. 10:30 a.m., Nickelodeon
The Amityville Horror: Listen. The first Conjuring movie is a far better haunted house movie, but there’s no Conjuring without the O.G. Pay some respect. 7 p.m., Epix Drive-In
SUNDAY
Country Music: Ken Burns turns his exhaustive eye towards America’s music. HEY! Just today I saw the Cadillac and THE OUTFIT Hank Williams died in, true story. Thought you might like to know. Series premiere. 7 p.m., PBS
Comedy Central Roast of Alec Baldwin: An asshole is roasted by other assholes. 9 p.m., Comedy Central
The Masked Singer: Super Sneak Peek: This insanity is back so soon, you guys. But if you can’t wait … 7 p.m., Fox
| FRI. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | American Housewife (repeat) |
Fresh Off the Boat (repeat) |
Reef Break (new) |
20/20 (new) |
| CBS | Hawaii Five-0 (repeat) |
Magnum P.I. (repeat) |
Blue Bloods (repeat) |
| CW | EA Madden NFL 20 Classic (new) |
Peaking (new) |
Peaking (new) |
Local |
| FOX | BH90210 (repeat) |
MasterChef (repeat) |
Local |
| NBC | American Ninja Warrior | Dateline (new) |
—
| SAT. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 | 10:00 | 10:30 | 11:00 | 11:30 |
| ABC | College Football (live) |
News/Local |
| CBS | NCIS: New Orleans (repeat) |
48 Hours (new) |
48 Hours (new) |
News/Local |
| FOX | College Football (live) |
News/Local |
| NBC | America’s Got Talent (repeat) |
Dateline | News/Local | Saturday Night Live (repeat) |
—
| SUN. | 6:00 | 6:30 | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | America’s Funniest Home Videos (repeat) |
Celebrity Family Feud (new) |
The $100,000 Pyramid (new) |
To Tell the Truth (new) |
| CBS | 60 Minutes (new) |
Big Brother (new) |
NCIS: Los Angeles (repeat) |
NCIS: New Orleans (repeat) |
| The CW | Local | Warigami (new) |
Local |
| FOX | The OT (live) |
The Masked Singer: Super Sneak Peek (new) |
The Simpsons (repeat) |
Family Guy (repeat) |
Local/News |
| NBC | Sunday Night Football: Eagles at Falcons (live) |
Remember, just say no to gas station sushi!
NOW you tell me.
–T
“The Last of the Mohicans is being developed into a series by BBC.”
This would be the 4th iteration, including a mini-series in 1971 by … the BBC!