‘American Horror Story: 1984,’ ‘Between Two Ferns: The Movie,’ The Emmys and everything else you don’t want to miss on TV this week

 

MONDAY

So You Think You Can Dance: The best dancing show on TV chooses a winner and ends another season. Season finale. 7 p.m., Fox

Dancing with the Stars: And then there’s this dancing show. Season premiere. 7 p.m., ABC

Beyoncé Presents Making the Gift: Look, I literally have no idea what this is, there are no descriptions anywhere, including on ABC’s press site. All I know is that it says “Beyoncé” so I’m in. It’s about The Lion King. 9 p.m., ABC

2019 NBC Primetime Preview Show: It’s NBC’s turn to tell you about their new shows. 9 p.m., NBC

A Little Late with Lily Singh: Lily Singh is Carson Daly’s replacement! Yes, Carson Daly was still on the air! Series premiere. 1:30 a.m.,NBC

TUESDAY

Bachelor in Paradise: The four remaining couples have some hard decisions to make in the season finale. (Finally.) 7 p.m., ABC

Country Music: I know I mentioned this miniseries last week, but this episode is about one of the all-time greats (and for whom one of my sons is sorta kinda named for) Hank Williams. 7 p.m., PBS

They Shall Not Grow Old: Peter Jackson produced and directed this previously unseen footage of World War I that brings the heroes of that world to life in an all new way. 8 p.m., HBO

WEDNESDAY

American Horror Story: 1984: I DON’T WANT TO WATCH THIS SEASON, but I’m totally going to. Season premiere. 9 p.m., FX

America’s Got Talent: America chooses its most talented person of the year. “Talented.” 7 p.m., NBC

MasterChef: A winner is chosen. Season finale. 7 p.m., Fox

THURSDAY

The Paley Center Salutes The Good Place: PLEASE DON’T GO. I’M NOT READY TO BE IN THE BAD PLACE WHERE THERE IS NO MORE THE GOOD PLACE. 8 p.m., NBC

Return to Downton Abbey: A Grand Event: The cast talks about the upcoming movie because we have to fill the last week before the fall TV season begins somehow. 7 p.m., NBC

The Last Days of Phil Hartman: I still remember where I was when I learned Phil Hartman had died. He was a comedic genius and I miss him terribly. 8 p.m., ABC

First Wives Club: Originally this was supposed to be on TV Land? But then it moved to Paramount Network? And then somehow landed on BET’s new streaming service? I don’t even know. Series premiere. BET+

FRIDAY

Between Two Ferns: The Movie: Exactly what it sounds like. And dare I say that it looks better than I was expecting? Netflix

Criminal: This anthology series follows 12 separate crime stories set in 4 different countries. Series premiere. Netflix

Disenchantment: Season two premiere. Netflix

Killjoys: Series finale. 9 p.m., Syfy

SATURDAY

Drunk Parents: Alec Baldwin and Selma Hayek star in this film that has received such glowing reviews as, “Unfunny dark comedy leans on cursing, molestation jokes,” and “Audiences might need to be inebriated, as well, to have a chance at enjoying this broad suburban farce that’s completely detached from reality.” But! It as a 14% rating from audiences, so shows what critics know, right?  7 p.m., Starz

Escaping the NXIVM Cult: A Mother’s Fight to Save Her Daughter: Catherine Oxenberg’s story of rescuing her daughter from the crazy sex cult. Yesssssss. 7 p.m., Lifetime

SUNDAY

The Emmys: I swear to God, if Marvelous Mrs. Maisel sweeps again, I’m burning the place down. 7 p.m., Fox; the red carpet specials begin at 3:30 on E! and 5:30 on Fox

The Circus: This is back and not a moment too soon. HOW’D Y’ALL MISS THE ALABAMA HURRICANE STORY? Season premiere. 7 p.m., Showtime

And I mean, I could try to find a third thing for you to watch on Sunday, but let’s be honest, if you pay attention to this blog, you’re watching the Emmys.

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