Here on the stupidest timeline, the President hires people he sees on the teevee.

Trump hired a lawyer he saw on Fox News spouting baseless conspiracy theories about the FBI manufacturing evidence against him to help Clinton because as we all remember, the FBI sure helped the Clinton campaign with their huge 2016 victory. OH WAIT.

This goes hand-in-hand with some of Trump’s other recent hires, including his new economic adviser Larry Kudlow from CNBC.

In a hall-of-mirrors moment on Wednesday, Mr. Kudlow went on television to describe how Mr. Trump was impressed with how he appeared on television.

“He said, ‘You’re on the air,’ and he said, ‘I’m looking at a picture of you,’ and he said, ‘Very handsome,’” Mr. Kudlow said during a chummy interview with his soon-to-be-former CNBC colleagues. He let out a laugh: “So Trumpian!”

And Pete Hegseth of Fox & Friends Weekends is being considered for Secretary of Veterans Affairs.

Oh, and he once interviewed Jeanine Pirro for Attorney General according to the New York Times story about Kudlow. Morning Joe joked about Pirro replacing Jeff Sessions this morning, but it could be a real thing.

James Comey is fielding offers from Hollywood to turn his book into a movie or TV series. YES PLEASE TO THIS AND PREMIERE IT ON OCTOBER 28, THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE DAY HE REOPENED THE CLINTON INVESTIGATION IT IS TOO PERFECT.

It’s official: Cynthia Nixon is going to run for Governor of New York:

Go ahead and get your “Miranda Rights” jokes out of your system now. 

Anthony Scaramooch claims he’s received a bunch of reality TV show offers, and turned them all down. He also thinks Trump should calm the fuck down about being made fun of on Saturday Night Live, which might be the most reasonable thing he’s ever said.

There’s a slap fight happening over at Fox News: Sean Hannity called Shep Smith “clueless” because Shep Smith spoke truthfully about what Sean Hannity does.

Seth Rich’s parents are suing Fox News for that dumbfuck Hannity’s awful stories, by the way. GOOD.

Gross: Dumbass Jr. ALLEGEDLY had an affair with Aubrey O’Day when she appeared on Celebrity Apprentice back in 2011. They broke things off in 2012, and then she released this gem of a song entitled “DJT” in 2013:

Oh and one last Trump-related story that happened last week: he went to a rally in Pennsylvania to try to help the Republican win a congressional seat (he lost), and there he said he wanted Oprah to run against him because he knows “her weakness,” he called Chuck Todd “sleepy-eyed” and a “sleeping son of a bitch,” CNN “fake as hell,” MSNBC “third rate,” and NBC “horrible.” Also, this nugget:

I did The Apprentice on NBC for 14 seasons. I made a lot of money for them. We had a big, successful show.Arnold Schwarzenegger failed when he did The Apprentice and he’s a movie star.Martha Stewart failed. I kept chugging along, every year it was a big hit. I made them a lot of money, gave them good ratings when they were absolutely dying and they did nothing but kill me. NBC is perhaps worse than CNN. I have to tell you. MSNBC is horrible.

Chuck Todd took it in stride, at least.

In other TV news

Westworld‘s season 2 codename is “The Door.”

Some pictures from the Supernatural/Scooby-Doo crossover are here. And Jensen Ackles is saying he is going to play a different character soon, adding, “Something big’s coming.”

And the ladies are back in Monterey:

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Madeline and Renata are back. #BLL2

A post shared by Laura Dern (@lauradern) on

We now know how the season one Handmaid’s Tale cliffhanger ends. Don’t click if you don’t want to be spoiled.

Everything we know about the second season of The Orville, the most important thing being I AM NOT GOING TO WATCH IT.

The Taylor Swift-Katy Perry feud made it to American Idol:

Here’s the trailer for the Mister Rogers movie — the movie we all need in our lives right now:

Twitch is hosting a Mister Rogers marathon RIGHT NOW.

Time’s Up

WOW, BBC, GREAT JOB GUYS. First, you pay Matt Smith more than Claire Foy on The Crown, for which you had to issue an apology once people found out, and then you pay John McEnroe more than 10 TIMES more than Martina Navratilova for the same job? Y’all suck.

Two women have stepped forward to accuse Steven Seagal of raping them.

The Weinstein Company has dissolved all of their non-disclosure agreements with Harvey Weinstein’s accusers.

Project Runway very well may be a casualty of the Weinstein mess.

Michael Ferro has stepped down as chairman of Tronc ahead of a Fortune magazine story detailing his gross behavior.


  • Dynasty earned an impressively low .1 rating but is unlikely to be canceled.
  • FBI Magician is a tossup after two episodes.
  • Instinct is doing slightly better than Wisdom of the Crowd, and will probably be renewed if it can hold steady.
  • Ghosted is probably doomed.
  • Good Girls continues to do well for NBC.


In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • 3% returns on Netflix on April 27. (If you’re into dystopian thrillers, this is a particularly good one, by the way.)


Mike MacDonald, Comedian


The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Kyle hosts a seance, lord help us all. 8 p.m., Bravo

Fresh Off the Boat: Jessica tries to get Stephen King to endorse her book in the season finale. 7:30 p.m., ABC

The Graduate: “Just one word … Plastics.” 7 p.m., TCM

Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: John Boyega, Bob Saget, PRhyme featuring 2 Chainz Late Night with Seth Meyers: John Oliver, Laura Benanti, Blake Shelton, Lil’ John Roberts The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Hilary Swank, Thomas Middleditch, Rory Albanese The Late Late Show with James Corden: Dakota Fanning, Will Forte, Iggy Azalea Jimmy Kimmel Live: Katie Couric, Judd Apatow, the Decemberists Conan: Bill Hader, Alexandra Shipp, Natalie Prass The Daily Show: Drew Barrymore The Opposition with Jordan Klepper: Of Montreal Watch What Happens Live: Erika Jayne, RuPaul

TUES. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Middle
Fresh Off the Boat
Modern Family
For the People
NCIS: New Orleans
CW The Flash
Black Lightning
FOX Lethal Weapon
L.A. to Vegas
The Mick
NBC The Voice
Chicago Med

3 thoughts on “Here on the stupidest timeline, the President hires people he sees on the teevee.

    1. Yeah, the fact that Fox is treating it like a red-headed stepchild is not a great sign for its chances.


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