After 42 days and one electoral college vote, President Pissy-Pants is still a loser

Today is Tuesday. Good luck.

Political Crap

Yesterday was a lot.

We surpassed 300,000 American deaths from COVID (although in reality, the number is much higher than that) on the same day that the first vaccines were distributed here; the electoral college elected Joe Biden as the 46th President of the United States, while the Republicans tried to create their own slates of electors in some states because they’ve all lost their damn minds; and Attorney General and War Pig William Barr submitted his resignation.

That’s a lot for one day! That’s too much for one day!

 Joe Biden delivered a speech last night after the electoral college made it official, in which he denounced President Burn It All Down’s attempts to overturn the election, praised the record voter turnout, reminded everyone of his huge margin of victory, pointed out that dozens of judges have found no evidence of voter fraud, and urged the country to move on.


There are more of these tweets — so many more of these — but you get the idea. We’ve moved on from the legal-challenges portion of President Freakout’s meltdown to the threatening-to-imprison-those-who-have-angered-him portion of the meltdown. In short, he’s not moving on. And in fact, he’ll never move on or admit that he lost — he literally psychologically can not accept it.

But just because he’s not accepting it doesn’t mean others aren’t. In the past 24 hours, both Vladamir Putin and Mitch McConnell have congratulated Joe Biden. And tellingly, Putin congratulated Biden first, because that’s how broken the GOP is.

As for Bill Barr’s resignation … stay tuned. It seems Barr knew his time as Attorney General was over, and it was just a question of whether he could resign before he was fired. Barr had pissed off President Never Enough by refusing to announce an investigation into Hunter Biden before the election, a la James Comey, and then set fire to the relationship when he announced there was no evidence of voting fraud in the election. And then there is the question as to whether or not he left before the onslaught of questionable pardons — including pardons for all of President’s Chonker’s adult children, and possibly for himself — start flying.

More troubling is the question of what President Individual #1 will do without Bill Barr acting as a check. Will he demand a special counsel be set up to investigate the Bidens? Will he demand special counsel investigate the election itself? Will he expect the Justice Department to investigate the governors and secretaries of state who oversaw his losses? The tweets seem to suggest it’s on the table. Like I said, stay tuned. The next five weeks are going to be a ride.


FKA Twigs has sued ex-boyfriend Shia LaBeouf, for physically, emotionally, and mentally abusing her for a year. Her suit was joined by another of his exes, Karolyn Pho. The allegations against him are horrific. He responded by claiming he’s an alcoholic and really the person he hurts the most is … himself.

“I’m not in any position to tell anyone how my behavior made them feel…I have no excuses for my alcoholism or aggression, only rationalizations. I have been abusive to myself and everyone around me for years. I have a history of hurting the people closest to me. I’m ashamed of that history and am sorry to those I hurt. There is nothing else I can really say.”

Singer Sia then joined the chorus claiming that LaBeouf manipulated her into an adulterous relationship.

Peter Nygard, a fashion retailer, has been arrested in Canada for sex trafficking and racketeering and is being extradited to the United States.

Jerry Harris is facing even more child porn charges. Oh, Jerry.

BREAKING: Prince Andrew is a lying liar.

I can not even begin to express my fury over the Joseph Epstein Wall Street Journal piece, attacking Dr. Jill Biden for using her duly-earned title and calling her “kiddo.” Fuck that guy and fuck the Wall Street Journal for publishing it.

Natalie Portman opened up about how terrifying it was to be sexualized as a child, and the sexual terrorism she faced after The Professional came out.

Kirby Dick, the male co-director of On the Record, an HBO Max documentary about the women Russell Simmons allegedly sexually assaulted, spoke about the culture that allows sexual assault to take place:

“Let’s be clear that sexual assault is not a women’s issue. This is everyone’s issue,” Dick said at TheWrap’s Power Women Summit. “And if anything, I think it’s the responsibility of men, obviously much more than women, to step up.”

“This is an issue that has been buried for so long, he continued. “It’s going to take multiple films, it’s going to take multiple investigations, a lot of journalists, a lot of filmmakers … and the public as a whole, and activists, to come together to help change this issue.”

Uber was fined $59 million for not handing over to the California Public Utilities Commission the sexual harassment complaints lodged against them.

Part of Rose McGowan’s case against Harvey Weinstein, the racketeering part, has been thrown out by a federal judge.

Ricky Gervais, Matthew McConaughey, and Jameela Jamil on “cancel culture,” if you care. Personally, I do not and think celebrities need to learn how to deal with being criticized.

Going Viral

The Pfizer vaccine is out, and Moderna’s might be approved by the FDA by the end of the week, which is terrific news.

However, we are still on a path to have 450,000 dead by the beginning of February. Stay vigilant.

Dr. Fauci wants Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, and President Denier, and Vice-President Wonder Bread to be vaccinated “as soon as we possibly can.” AGREED.

Speaking of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, their inauguration will have a “scaled-back crowd” and a “reimagined parade.” They are urging supporters to not travel to attend. “Our goal is to create an inauguration that keeps people safe, honors the grand traditions of the Presidency, and showcases the Biden-Harris Administration’s renewed American vision for an inclusive, equitable, and unified citizenry,” Presidential Inaugural Committee CEO Tony Allen said in a statement.

  1. How refreshing that a leader would care about the welfare of his supporters over stroking his own ego.
  2. Expect President for Only 36 More Days to be tweeting furiously about the crowd size on January 20.
  3. Did I mention the part where the White House is hosting more than 25 holiday parties in the next few days/weeks?

Related: Crede Bailey, the director of the White House security office, lost his leg to COVID and had to set up a GoFundMe for his rehabilitation. “The White House declined to say whether Trump has contributed to the effort.” YOU DON’T SAY. 

A man dressed as Santa Claus delivered coronavirus to 75 residents of a Belgian nursing home. The manager of the nursing home admits to making a mistake. Oh? What makes you say that?

Sharon Osbourne not only contracted COVID but had to be hospitalized briefly.

Kathy Hilton and Kyle Richards are doing fine after getting the virus.

British television stars Prue Leith and Michael Whitehall are among some of the first in the world to have received the vaccine.


SAG-AFTRA is threatening its members with disciplinary action if they don’t comply with safety protocols.

Shows that have shut down after positive tests:

Honestly, productions would be wise to just shut down until after Christmas, but no one asked me.

All Other TV News

HBO Max is pulling down Chappelle Show after Dave Chappelle publicly asked them to do so. ViacomCBS had licensed the show to Netflix and Warner Media without compensating Chappelle, and he’s shamed the companies into removing the show as a result. It’s interesting: Netflix has a huge contract with Chappelle and therefore a compelling reason to abide by his request, but Warner Media seems to be doing it to avoid being vilified by Chappelle’s sizable fan base. Chappelle’s Show will stream on HBO Max through December 31, after which it will only be available on CBS All Access.

While we’re talking about HBO Max, it will now be available to stream on Xfinity X1 and Flex. But not Roku.

The Office is coming to Peacock on January 1, but only the first two seasons will be available on the free level — the other seasons are going to be behind the paywall.

Matt Smith is looking forward to “riding a few dragons.” I SHOULD SAY SO.

Is so much Star Wars actually a good thing? It’s a real thinker.

Speaking of franchises that are overstepping their welcome: they’re working on a Walking Dead “comedy.”


In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • All American will return on The CW on January 18.

  • Yearly Departed will premiere on Amazon on December 30.

  • Resident Alien will premiere on Syfy on January 27.

  • Everybody’s Doing Great will debut on Hulu on January 13.

  • Bridge and Tunnel will premiere on EPIX on January 24.

  • Crack: Cocaine, Corruption & Conspiracy will premiere on Netflix on January 11.


Ann Reinking, Broadway legend, dancer, actor, choreographer, protégée of Bob Fosse and Tony-winner for choreography the 1996 revival of “Chicago”

Bob Kaliban, Voice actor and former president of the New York branch of SAG


The Voice: A winner is chosen in the “star-studded” three-hour (read: bloated) finale. 8 p.m.

Song Exploder, Vol. 2: Musicians discuss their most intimate thoughts on the songwriting and creative process. Netflix

30 for 30: The Infinite Race: This documentary explores an indigenous community in Mexico who made barefoot running popular, but now face threats from drug cartels. Premiere. 7 p.m., ESPN

Play On: Celebrating the Power of Music to Make Change: Musicians perform to raise money for NAACP Legal Defense & Educational Fund, Inc. and WhyHunger. 8 p.m., CBS

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Kristen Wiig, Graham Norton, Jack Harlow
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Amanda Seyfried, Craig Robinson, Mehdi Hasan
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Whoopi Goldberg, Father James Martin
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Keegan-Michael Key, Roddy Rich
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Carey Mulligan, Alanis Morissette
  • The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
  • Conan: Diego Luna
  • Watch What Happens Live: Anderson Cooper, Kaley Cuoco

TUES. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Bachelorette
Big Sky
CBS Play On: Celebrating the Power of Music to Make Change
CW Swamp Thing
Tell Me a Story
FOX Cosmos: Possible Worlds
NBC The Voice

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