It’s Thursday, October 8, 26 days until Election Day, 5 days until early voting here in Texas (and yes, it will go happen on October 13, despite the GOP ratfuckers’ best efforts — unfortunately, my husband’s team’s work to send absentee ballot applications was thrown out by the Supreme Court), and one of the most important elections has been decided: FAT BEAR WEEK.
— US Department of the Interior (@Interior) October 7, 2020
Congratulations, 747! You are a true chonker! Go enjoy a well-earned hibernation, friend.
Today’s story: FLIES! wait, I mean, DEBATES!
Last night was the one and only Vice Presidential debate and the best thing that could be said about it was it never devolved into a yelly shitshow. That said, sentient bleeding eyeball Mike Pence, took some cues from his boss, and spoke over and interrupted both Kamala Harris and the moderator Susan Page multiple times, which, for a campaign that needs to win back suburban women voters was NOT A GREAT LOOK. MIKE.
"Mr. Vice President, I'm speaking." Kamala Harris's response to Mike Pence has already inspired merchandise being sold online — variations of it have showed up on T-shirts, mugs, face masks and laptop decals. https://t.co/2EW0rSoiuB pic.twitter.com/VgbobGyOTn
— The New York Times (@nytimes) October 8, 2020
And this won’t help:
Trump refers to Kamala Harris as "this monster" pic.twitter.com/hcnUpV8PBf
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) October 8, 2020
As for the content of the debate itself, no actual news was broken here, unless you thought after four years of serving this administration that Lord of the Flies Mike Pence would suddenly find his soul and concern for our country and speak out against President Autocrat’s pronouncements that he won’t respect a peaceful transfer of power. And if you actually believed Pence would do that, like some of the mainstream media seemed to, well … just … bless your heart.
The rest of the debate was pretty much what you would expect: Kamala ripped the administration a new one on the issue of how they handled the pandemic (as of today, Worldometer reports that over 217,000 Americans are dead from COVID-19), while Pence tried to attack the Obama Administration for their handling of the swine flu — you remember, that deadly pandemic that locked us all in our homes, shut down our economy, and left hundreds of thousands of Americans dying alone — OH WAIT, THAT’S NOT A THING THAT HAPPENED.
They also discussed climate change and fracking and foreign policy and President Pussilini’s coziness to dictators and taxes and the Supreme Court and health care, and policing and boths sides said exactly what you would expect both sides to say.
Holy shit Pete Buttigieg, holy shit!pic.twitter.com/oyomgkUtNA
— Ricky Davila (@TheRickyDavila) October 8, 2020
And that, friends, is how Pete got as far as he did in the election process.
In the end, most viewers felt Harris won, but that is going to be split on heavily partisan lines, obviously. Remember, not everyone saw the debate the same way you did. This is a fascinating story about an experiment NYU professors did after the 2016 debates in which they gender-swapped the performances with actors and then solicited audiences’ responses to each of the candidates. It does not turn out how you think.
I won’t spoil it for you in case you want to read it yourself (and you should) but I will note that the behaviors women are conditioned and taught to do from a young age to smooth over social situations — specifically smiling through uncomfortable situations — actually turns people off. All you have to do is take one look over on right-wing twitter to see how that came to life last night.
As for the two big stories that had nothing to do with Trump’s Handmaiden Mike Pence dodging questions about abortion and health care, how about that pink eye and fly?
First, the fly.
The Veep season 8 we never asked for pic.twitter.com/4yORJwF6bB
— Stephen Groves (@stephengrovesjr) October 8, 2020
— Vinny Thomas (!) (@vinn_ayy) October 8, 2020
Debates Motel pic.twitter.com/40lpMsDU6l
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) October 8, 2020
— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) October 8, 2020
— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) October 8, 2020
real presidents kills flies with their bare hands pic.twitter.com/vzliIkXd2S
— alex (@alex_abads) October 8, 2020
Now, look. Pasty Beezlebub obviously had no control over whether or not a fly would get comfortable in his hair last night — although we all know what flies are attracted to. AHEM. But harder to brush away as just some bad luck was his weird, bleeding eyeball.
— Brian Bee (@Brian_Bee) October 8, 2020
— Brian Bee (@Brian_Bee) October 8, 2020
Based on data so far, doctors believe that 1%-3% of people with COVID-19 will get conjunctivitis, also called pinkeye. It happens when the virus infects a tissue called conjunctiva, which covers the white part of your eye or inside of your eyelids. More: https://t.co/NW5mI3byCD pic.twitter.com/Y16xSCIhI1
— WebMD (@WebMD) October 8, 2020
Something I did not learn until this summer when a relative of mine revealed that he had the virus and developed a pretty bad case of pink eye: conjunctivitis is a symptom of COVID-19.
But, hey, Vice President Oozy insists he’s negative and considering he’s one of the highest-ranking people in the administration, it’s not like they would allow him to be exposed to a deadly virus, amirite?
And then this morning, the Commission on Presidential Debates announced that the next Presidential Debate, scheduled for next Thursday, October 15, would be held virtually. Within an hour, President ZOOMING ON STEROIDS called into Fox Business’s Maria Bartiromo’s show because God knows he can’t allow anyone else have the spotlight for even 12 hours, and he announced he absolutely would not do a virtual debate.
"I'm not going to waste my time on a virtual debate" — Trump, on with Maria Bartiromo, begins his first post-coronavirus interview by saying he's pulling out of the second debate. (He sounds a little hoarse.) pic.twitter.com/R43JSszfll
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) October 8, 2020
(You should click on that tweet and read Aaron Rupar’s entire Twitter thread recap of this interview because HOLY GOD. Other highlights: he calls Regeneron a “cure” [it is not], he suggests Gold Star families gave him COVID-19 [they did not], he calls for Barr to charge Biden, Clinton, and Obama with crimes, claims that Biden will be dead within two months of his term, claims he killed “bigger” terrorists than Bin Laden, and as noted earlier, calls Kamala Harris a “monster” multiple times. It’s a lot.)
So then President Snorty’s campaign called for both remaining debates to be pushed back to October 22 and 29, but Biden’s campaign is like, “Fuck that. Show up on the 15th, or the 22nd should and will be the final debate, you coward.” It looks like Biden has booked a town hall with ABC News for the 22nd.
JUST IN: @ABC News will host a town hall with @JoeBiden moderated by @GStephanopoulos on October 15th. The primetime event will take place in Philadelphia where the former vice president will answer questions from voters. pic.twitter.com/7IPzdqK9Sx
— ABC News (@ABC) October 8, 2020
And that’s where that stands. Stay tuned.
Meanwhile, though most news media had counted some 24 white House aides and their contacts who had contracted the virus in this outbreak, ABC News got their hands on a FEMA memo that says some 34 people have — which certainly means the number is considerably larger than that. And NBC News broke a story that the White House required the Walter Reed staff and doctors to sign NDAs (which are completely unnecessary with HIPPA).
Anyone else who recklessly squandered lives and money in this way would be suffering legal consequences. Our leaders have largely claimed immunity for their actions. But this election gives us the power to render judgment. Reasonable people will certainly disagree about the many political positions taken by candidates. But truth is neither liberal nor conservative. When it comes to the response to the largest public health crisis of our time, our current political leaders have demonstrated that they are dangerously incompetent. We should not abet them and enable the deaths of thousands more Americans by allowing them to keep their jobs.
Finally, two stories that have nothing to do with COVID-19 (well … I take that back … one is tangentially related):
The FBI arrested twelve members of two different terrorist militia groups who had hatched a plan to kidnap and execute Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer and overthrow the state government. They were apparently pissed about the lockdown … and, you know, inspired by others.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 17, 2020
Also, it should be noted that President Militia called Governor Whitmer “lockup queen” just this morning during his batshit insane interview on Fox Business. Either he had been briefed on these arrests and the plot when he made this statement this morning — or he hadn’t been briefed. And frankly, I’m not sure which one is worse.
Governor Whitmer took direct aim at President Proud Boy in her statement just now.
And then there was this morning’s tweet by Utah Senator Mike Lee, saying the quiet part out loud:
Democracy isn’t the objective; liberty, peace, and prospefity are. We want the human condition to flourish. Rank democracy can thwart that.
— Mike Lee (@SenMikeLee) October 8, 2020
Welp. I guess at least the GOP is finally being honest about their authoritarian bullshit?
Stay vigilant, folks. The next few weeks and, honestly, months, are going to be ROUGH.
On Becoming a God in Central Florida has been canceled after one season on Showtime because of COVID-19.
Morgan Wallen will not be Saturday Night Live‘s musical guest this week after the dumbass went partying maskless all over Instagram. What a moron.
The Tony nominations will be announced on October 15. Still no date for a show, though, because, you know.
All Other TV News
Supernatural returns tonight (and on Whitney’s birthday no less! Happy birthday to our dear Whit!), and Misha Collins will be hosting a Zoom watch party with the cast. You can sign up to participate here!
There’s no such thing as bad publicity, the Lou Malnati Pizza edition:
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“We’ve been serving Chicago’s favorite Deep Dish since 1971. When Netflix’ Emily in Paris writers chose to take a shot at Chicagoans and our pizza to try to get a laugh, it felt heartless and not humorous in the midst of Covid-19.” – Marc Malnati Thank you to all our fans who have shown so much love and support! . To say “merci” for keeping us #ChicagoStrong we’re giving you $5 off a Tastes of Chicago shipped 4 or 6 pizza pack! Place your order by Wednesday, October 14th and use code TCXCHISTRONG at checkout. Shop through the link in our bio! . . . #shipapizza #pizza #chicagostylepizza #chicagoeats #pizzaislife #loumalnatis #tastesofchicago
CBS is trying to brand itself more cohesively in this new streaming world we live in. Good luck, guys!
- Shudder has bought The Banishing.
- Angela Black, a psychological thriller, is being produced by ITV and Spectrum.
- Natalie Zea is joining the cast of The Unicorn.
- Eboni K. Williams is the newest Real Housewife of New York City — and the first Black one.
- Gary Carr will star in The Peripheral on Amazon.
- Monica Barbaro will co-star with Arnold Schwarzenegger in his upcoming action-adventure series.
- Michelle Rodriguez will host the Quibi series Ten Ton Chum.
- Samantha Marie Ware and Shalim Ortiz are joining All Rise on CBS.
- Courtney Hope is joining the cast of The Young and the Restless as her Bold and the Beautiful character Sally Spectra.
Mark Your Calendars
- Unsolved Mysteries will return on Netflix on October 19.
- Dickinson will return on Apple TV+ on January 8.
- Mank will debut on Netflix on December 4.
- Dash & Lily’s Book of Dares returns on Netflix on November 10.
- Chelsea Handler: Evolution will premiere on HBO Max on October 22.
- Somebody Feed Phil returns on Netflix on October 30.
- Madness in the Hills will debut on Peacock on October 9.
- Gemusetto returns on Adult Swim on November 7.
- The Magic School Bus Rides Again: The Frizz Connection will debut on Netflix Jr. on October 20.
- High School Musical: The Musical: The Series will have a holiday special on Disney+ on December 11.
- Martha Knows Best will return on HGTV on October 28.
- Terror Lake Drive will stream on UMC on November 26.
- Killer Siblings will return on Oxygen on November 7.
Supernatural: The boys are back! For about five episodes. Tonight they meet a wood nymph. … sure. Ok. 7 p.m., The CW
A Closer Look Thursday: Seth Meyers does his “A Closer Look” thing in primetime. Maybe. WHO KNOWS. By this time Thursday, it very well may seem like a bad idea. We’ll see. 7:30 p.m., NBC
Connecting …: A sitcom about Zoom calls. Because who hasn’t had enough Zoom calls in their lives right now? 7 p.m., NBC
The Outpost: Talon struggles to maintain peace in the season premiere. 8 p.m., The CW
Doctor Who: Faceless Ones, Parts 4, 5, & 6: More of this! 7 p.m., BBC America
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Eddie Redmayne, Guy Raz, Lele Pons x Guaynaa
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Jim Parsons, Amber Ruffin, Yaa Gyasi
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Mindy Kaling, John Brennan
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Armie Hammer, Surfaces
- The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
- Watch What Happens Live: Mariah Carey
|ABC||Celebrity Family Feud
|Press Your Luck
|Star Trek: Discovery
|Penn & Teller: Fool Us
|FOX||Thursday Night Football
|A Closer Look Thursday