Quack TV doctor says we could go back to school at the low, low cost of 6 to 9 million American lives!

As promised, first a clip that made me laugh: this groundhog sat on the back porch of a Philadelphia home and ate this piece of pizza FOR AN HOUR.

My husband is a Philadelphian and I’ve spent a lot of time in that wonderful, tough town and I am here to tell you that a pizza-eating groundhog who does not give TWO FUCKS about the dogs staring him down is absolutely the perfect mascot for that city.

On the actual pandemic front, last I checked, we were well over 323,000 dead with yesterday bringing in one of (if not the) highest death rate yet (over 2,700), so of course there are some (REPUBLICANS) who are calling for people to go back to work, the economy to reopen and for people to pretend this never happened. What is remarkable here is that they all recognize that this will cost people their lives — thousands, maybe millions of people — and to their credit, they are at least honest about the fact that they don’t give one single solitary shit:

OK, a few points about this completely insane Dr. Oz bit:

  1. I don’t think he’s talking about 2-3% of school children dying, as the virus isn’t really hitting kids and teens that hard (I don’t want to sound callous about the children who have died or those who are immune-compromised who could die — but the numbers do seem to suggest that it’s just not hitting those under 20 as hard as other populations).
  2. But what he is saying is that 2-3% OF AMERICANS could die. Which is somewhere between 6-9 MILLION AMERICANS. AND HE IS SAYING THAT IS MAYBE AN ACCEPTABLE TRADEOFF.
  3. So The Leftovers is about the profound, unsurmountable grief and existential crisis that befalls the survivors of an event that disappears 2% of the population. It’s a wonderful, heartbreaking show, one of my favorites of this century. BUT I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE IT BECAUSE SOME TV DOCTOR TELLS FOX NEWS VIEWERS THAT IT WILL BE FINE.

And seeing these pro-Trump, anti-stay-at-home protests popping up in Michigan, Kentucky, and Ohio … well, we may get to that 2% sooner than anyone could have possibly thought:

But listen — I don’t want to sound like I don’t get where this anger is coming from. We are possibly facing another great depression because of the catastrophic impact of keeping our economy closed so as to save lives. I just think some of that anger should be less directed at the governors and local officials who are trying to keep those people alive and more at the administration and the GOP congressional leaders who don’t want to face the reality that the stimulus they agreed to — reluctantly — is not going to be nearly enough to put a dent into this situation.

Hey, you know that ONE-TIME $1,200 check (of your own money) the government is sending you? Guess how long Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin thinks that will last you. No! Really! Go ahead and guess!

And a point that I think is going underreported is that banks are allowed to withhold some of that $1200 to make up for negative balances, SO THAT’S FUN.

Meanwhile, another 5.2 million people filed for unemployment this week, making the total since last month 22 million. So, yep! That one-time $1200 check is going to go really far.

Here’s a bunch of TV producers talking about how COVID-19-inspired TV episodes are certainly going to happen … one day. Maybe. But possibly in only a hazy symbolic way because we don’t really want real horror to be fed to us in escapist entertainment.

As for when production can begin on shows again, the most optimistic projections are shooting for July-August, but more realistic ones are aiming at September. And that’s if we don’t have a second wave that shuts everything down again after we reopen the economy too early. This is an EXCELLENT article that lists all of the things shows will have to contend with before they can get up and running again: relaxing restrictions against groups coming together, mass testing protocols, insurers, lawyers, privacy issues, craft services, hair and makeup issues, possible quarantining at hotels, testing testing testing testing and more testing. And then there’s the issue of the storytelling itself (as noted above): will people want to be reminded of what hell we just went through, or will it be tone-deaf to ignore it? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The My So-Called Life cast had a reunion via Zoom:

And I would scream-ask where Jordan Catalano is, but the truth of the matter is there’s no way Jordan Catalano would show up for a Zoom meet-up.

The Good Fight, which just returned on CBS All Access … checks notes … one week ago, has already had to delay episodes thanks to this whole virus situation. Next week’s episode, which was to be its third, will be delayed a week because of post-production issues. Helpfully, the cast and crew made a video to explain the situation and then they burst into a rendition of “You Are My Sunshine” because we all could use someone singing “You Are My Sunshine” to us right now and no, I’m not being a cynical asshole, I really mean it:

Brian Allen of the L.A. Rams has tested positive.

Chris Cuomo’s wife, Christina, has tested positive.

Good News:

Saturday Night Live‘s Michael Che is paying the rent for the 160 residents of his grandmother’s public housing complex to honor her memory. While this is a beautiful, heartbreaking gesture, MAYBE WE SHOULD GIVE PUBLIC HOUSING RESIDENTS A BREAK ON RENT RIGHT NOW.

Broadway actor Nick Cordero is improving.

Together in Pride: You are Not Alone, a fundraiser GLAAD will host on their YouTube channel, will raise money for LGBTQ community centers.

Danny Trejo has donated hundreds of meals to frontline workers from his Mexican restaurant.

Sean Penn, founder of the Community Organized Relief Effort (CORE) disaster relief charity, is working on establishing testing sites in Southern California and possibly the rest of the country.

Finally, please enjoy: “Living Through a Pandemic or Potty Training a Toddler?” It’s been more than a decade since I’ve had to potty train anyone, and this still gave me PTSD.

All Other TV News

Charter’s HBO subscribers will get free access to HBO Max when it debuts next month after striking a deal with WarnerMedia.

Well, here’s something I did not know: David Lynch and Mark Frost had talked about making a noirish sequel to Twin Peaks that would be about Audrey going to Los Angeles to try to become a star. It was going to be called Mulholland Drive. The series never happened, but it became the germ of what eventually became the film.

In Development

  • Design at Your Door, a home renovation do-it-yourself series for the pandemic, is in the works at HGTV, and if you want to be a part of it, email your story to designatyourdoor1@gmail.com or visit HGTV.com/beonhgtv for more information.
  • Doomlands, an animated comedy, has been ordered at Quibi.
  • Big Dummie, a comedy about rapper Dumbfounded, has been ordered at Peacock.
  • Time to Hunt is coming to Netflix.

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • Never Have I Ever will debut on Netflix on April 27.
  • A.P. Bio will make its debut on Peacock soon? Now? It’s unclear.
  • Saved by the Bell will premiere on Peacock this year.
  • Punky Brewster is debuting on Peacock sometime this year.
  • Angelyne will debut on Peacock this year.
  • Brave New World will debut on Peacock this year.
  • Psych 2: Lassie Come Home will premiere on Peacock sometime this year.
  • Labor of Love will debut on Fox on May 21.
  • Solar Opposites will debut on Hulu on May 8.


Brian Dennehy, Legendary actor in The Blacklist, Dynasty, Hap and Leonard, and countless movies

Harold Finker, Legendary WWE ring announcer

Glenna Goodacre, Sculptor, mother of Jill Connick

Paul Cooper, Record executive

Jimmy Webb, Punk stylist


The Disney Family Singalong: Erin Andrews, Bobby Bones, Michael Bublé, Auliʻi Cravalho, Jordan Fisher, Josh Gad, Derek Hough, Julianne Hough, Carrie Ann Inaba, Little Big Town, Kenny Ortega, Donny Osmond, Thomas Rhett, Amber Riley, and John Stamos will all be signing Disney songs from the safety of their homes in this new special. 7 p.m., ABC

In the Dark: Season two premiere. 8 p.m., The CW

Indebted: Rebecca and Dave decide to put a modern spin on sitting shiva in the first season finale. 8:30 p.m., NBC

Devs: Lily arrives for her final confrontation. Season finale (which means I can now binge the whole thing, finally.) Hulu

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Chelsea Handler, Kelly Clarkson, Michael McDonald
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Bill Hader
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Trevor Noah, Christine and the Queens
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Bob Odenkirk, JP Saxe & Julia Michaels
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Seth Rogen
  • The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
  • Conan: Julia Louis-Dreyfus
  • Watch What Happens Live: John Oliver, Luann De Lesseps
  • A Little Late with Lily Singh: Kevin Nealon
THUR 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Disney Family Singalong
Station 19
How to Get Away With Murder
CBS Young Sheldon
Man With a Plan
CW Katy Keene
In the Dark
FOX Last Man Standing
Last Man Standing
Mental Samurai
NBC Super-store
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Will & Grace
Law & Order: SVU

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