Good afternoon! How are things with you? Because, THINGS DON’T SEEM GREAT, OVERALL.
The Coronavirus is spreading across our country alarmingly (but predictably) very quickly, sickening at least 500+ people (a number that is artificially too low thanks to our refusal to take testing seriously) and as of right now, some 22 people have died. Meanwhile, our government is being led by the most incompetent person to ever become President, who is more worried about the stock market crashing and hurting his re-election campaign than he is with an actual public health crisis. This fucko thinks he can tweet the virus away, and sending the message to his administration that he doesn’t want to hear bad news, even if it is the truth.
So last year 37,000 Americans died from the common Flu. It averages between 27,000 and 70,000 per year. Nothing is shut down, life & the economy go on. At this moment there are 546 confirmed cases of CoronaVirus, with 22 deaths. Think about that!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 9, 2020
As a result, no one knows what to believe and President Paradox has set into motion the very thing he was trying to prevent: a stock market freefall. This morning, the Dow Jones had to pause trading when it fell nearly 8% on opening (and since it has resumed, it is still going down). Part of this — a large part — has to do with an oil price war Saudi Arabia has launched against Russia, sending the price of a barrel of oil plummeting this morning.
Good for the consumer, gasoline prices coming down!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 9, 2020
Hey, President Shit Fer Brains, tell that to your supporters here in Texas where a drop in oil prices will send us into a recession, you goddamned idiot.
The other big news for those of us here in Texas is that SXSW has finally been canceled over Coronavirus concerns. It was hardly a surprise: a number of big players had pulled out of the event and maybe now is not the time to host a major conference that brings hundreds of people in from around the world. It’s a damn shame for Austin and all the artists who have been working towards this moment all year. Meanwhile, Houston continues to have Rodeo has if NOTHING IS HAPPENING LALALALA CAN’T HEAR YOU CORONAVIRUS.
Is Coachella next? MAYBE.
- The Upfronts are starting to be canceled
- Film festivals are closing
- Concerts are being canceled
- The Olympic torch lighting ceremony is going to be closed to the public
- Twitter has closed its Seattle office
- Facebook, Google, and Amazon are urging staffers to work from home
- Emerald City Comic Con has been postponed.
CNN is now officially calling it a “pandemic” even while WHO does not.
happier other news, Ted Cruz has self-quarantined after being exposed to an infected person at CPAC. Apparently, this infected person also had contact with:
Here are some of the other people who may have been in the green room on Thursday afternoon at the same time as the CPAC #coronavirus infectee:
– Rep Louie Gohmert;
– Ronna McDaniel
– Michael Knowles
– Kay James
– KellyAnne Conway
– Betsy Devos
– Rep Matt Gaetz
— Raheem Kassam (@RaheemKassam) March 9, 2020
And just last week, GOP dipshit Matt Gaetz thought he’d make a funny about the outbreak:
Reviewing the coronavirus supplemental appropriation and preparing to go vote. pic.twitter.com/wjJ4YY4VZz
— Rep. Matt Gaetz (@RepMattGaetz) March 4, 2020
One of his constituents died a few days later. COOL JOKE, MATT.
AFI has postponed its Lifetime Achievement Award honoring Julie Andrews because YOU BETTER POSTPONE IT. GOD FORBID YOU GET JULIE ANDREWS SICK, YOU GUYS.
Here are a bunch of Prince songs you can sing to yourself while washing your hands to get to that 20-second mark.
Meanwhile, our President tweeted what is either a Qanon reference or the biggest “Nero fiddling while Rome burns” self-own of all time:
Who knows what this means, but it sounds good to me! https://t.co/rQVA4ER0PV
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 8, 2020
And his wife Marie Antoinette was mad that people called her out for tweeting about a fucking tennis pavilion in the middle of a public health crisis.
— Melania Trump (@FLOTUS) March 7, 2020
I hope First Lady Jill Biden enjoys that pavilion next year.
It’s also been a busy week for gross men.
First, Hatchett Book Group announced that one of its imprints would be publishing Woody Allen’s memoir, Apropos of Nothing, on April 7. This was news to fellow Hatchett author, Ronan Farrow, who immediately announced he was severing ties with his publisher.
Hey, just wanted to share my thoughts on some recent news: pic.twitter.com/ovPczgx8pB
— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) March 4, 2020
Then, more than 75 Hatchette employees walked out in protest of the Allen memoir, and Hatchett eventually decided to pull the memoir:
“At HBG we take our relationships with authors very seriously, and do not cancel books lightly. We have published and will continue to publish many challenging books. As publishers, we make sure every day in our work that different voices and conflicting points of views can be heard.
“Also, as a company, we are committed to offering a stimulating, supportive and open work environment for all our staff. Over the past few days, HBG leadership had extensive conversations with our staff and others. After listening, we came to the conclusion that moving forward with publication would not be feasible for HBG.”
— Dylan Farrow (@RealDylanFarrow) March 6, 2020
Meanwhile, Stephen King says he’s “uneasy” at Hachette dropping the memoir, worried about who might be next. Yes, it’s tragic when old white men face consequences for their bullshit.
Sherry Pie, who was a frontrunner on RuPaul’s Drag Race, has been kicked off the show after admitting to catfishing several young actors. Sherry Pie appeared in the season premiere (part two) and it is unclear how far she made it in the season. The season will air as planned, but Sherry Pie will not appear in the finale.
Watching Drag Race knowing about Sherry Pie is like pic.twitter.com/4fu4jzbcfv
— Pete☠ (@PetePilgrim) March 7, 2020
Gays should run the country. We had Sherry Pie tried and canceled in less than 48 hours but we can’t impeach a criminal president. #DragRace
— Bret Gallatin (@BretG) March 7, 2020
A jury has found that Tavis Smiley violated the morals clause of his contract with PBS by having affairs with multiple employees.
Harvey Weinstein is finally in jail, guys. That said, he has a private floor, so.
Roman Polanski’s movie, An Officer and a Spy, doesn’t have a U.S. premiere date. GOOD. LET’S KEEP IT THAT WAY.
Other TV News
You know what I wouldn’t want to be filming right now? That’d be The Stand.
Have you ever wondered why Dwight wasn’t made the boss after Michael Scott left The Office? It’s because he wasn’t “famous” enough. Oh, and if you’re interested, here’s how you could get paid to binge-watch The Office.
Oh, lordt, the WGA contract talks are set to begin in a couple weeks. I DO NOT HAVE THE STRENGTH FOR ANOTHER WRITERS’ STRIKE THIS YEAR, GUYS.
The Outsider ended last night. Here’s a decent short recap/discussion of what happened (and what might be next — if anything). It was a brilliant adaptation, and I urge you to go back and watch on HBO Go if you missed it.
President Dingus has sued CNN. This comes on the heels of him suing The New York Times and the Washington Post, all defamation suits. It’s all bullshit, of course, because AIN’T NO WAY Donald Trump is going to be deposed for any of these or submit to discovery. Christ, what an asshole.
Quibi is going to unleash around 50 new “shows” on its debut in April. Here are some of the more ridiculous series to look forward to. (Barkitecture is my personal favorite.)
I hope that whatever is going on with Evangeline Lilly, things get better for her:
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#fbf #flashbackfriday Yesterday many of you said “brunette”. Well, here she is, about a year ago today. I had such a rough year last year but I didn’t want to share all of it with you because i didn’t want to be a dark cloud in your world. All I’ve ever wanted to do was put joy in the world. To add sunshine. I didn’t want you to be having a perfectly good day and then have my post make you sad. But I struggle deeply with feeling that all I ever am is what I feel everyone else wants and needs me to be. I often feel alone and unseen. . I have always known I was strong. Strong enough, I believed, to hold all my pain and everyone else’s also. So I kept it all inside, kept it to myself, and made space in there to hold your pain, too. Publicly, I hid and made light of my deepest traumas and laughed in the face of my most profound pain. . Until, last year, I broke. Suddenly I was forced to face my weakness and my limitations, my trauma and fears. I was left with no choice but to accept that I am limited or…carry on down a road of perfectionist denial that would inevitably kill me. . I am coming out of that deep place, slowly. As I start to breathe the fresh air, as I start to find my new, limited footing, I feel disconnected from you. I feel it’s pointless to share the light when you don’t know my darkness. I feel lost and apathetic about this space we share. . But I ask myself…would you have wanted to come along in my darkness had I shared it? . 📷 taken by my four-year-old son #whenbabieshavecameras . #lightanddarkness
- Lost in Space has been renewed for a third and final season on Netflix.
- Mulligan, a post-alien invasion animated comedy from Tina Fey and Robert Carlock’s production company, has been bought by Netflix.
- Judy Blume’s Wifey is being developed at HBO by Frankie Shaw.
- A Beauty and the Beast live-action spinoff featuring Gaston and Le Fou is being developed at Disney+.
- Kingdom Come, a heist movie, has been bought by Netflix.
- The Innocence Files, a docuseries, has been ordered at Netflix.
- Attila’s Forbidden Tomb is being developed by Science Channel.
- Pooch Perfect, a dog grooming competition, is coming to BBC.
- Nathaniel Halpern has signed an overall deal with Fox 21 Television Studios.
- The PGA Golf Tour has signed a nine-year deal with NBC, CBS, and ESPN+.
- Julie Bowen will star in Raised by Wolves, a CBS comedy pilot.
- Cheyenne Jackson has been cast as the male lead in Call Me Kat, a Fox comedy pilot.
- Goran Visnjic is your new Dracula on the ABC pilot, The Brides. (This is perfect casting, btw.)
- Pete Buttigieg is going to host Jimmy Kimmel Live! Uh … OK?
- John Krasinski is going to host Saturday Night Live on March 26.
- Ramon Rodriguez is going to star in the Goonies re-enactment pilot at Fox.
- Josh Segarra has been cast in the Night School comedy pilot at NBC.
- Carl Tart, Echo Kellum, and Justin Cunningham are set as the leads in the untitled Jackson & Goor NBC comedy pilot.
- Rachel Sennott, Joey Bragg, Emma Caymares, and Austin Crute have been added to the ABC comedy pilot, My Village.
- Richard Brooks is joining the Echo pilot on NBC.
- Sheryl Lee Ralph and Miguel Gomez are joining the pilot Harlem’s Kitchen on ABC.
- Kimia Behpoornia is joining Someone Out There, a romantic comedy pilot on NBC.
- Lovie Simone has been added to Power Book III: Rising Kanan on Starz.
- Gbenga Akinnagbe and Bill Heck have been added to the cast of The Old Man on FX.
- Vanessa Lengies has been cast in Turner & Hooch on Disney+.
- Agneeta Thacker, Leah Kreitz, and Ianne Fields Stewart are joining Dash & Lily on Netflix.
- Victor Garber and Saul Rubinek are going to guest star on Schitt’s Creek on Pop TV (and Netflix).
- Joely Richardson will guest star on The Blacklist.
- Wayne Brady is going to guest star on The Neighborhood on CBS.
- Jack Gleeson will return to TV on BBC’s Out Of Her Mind.
- Sharon Osbourne and Yvette Nicole Brown will guest as judges on The Masked Singer.
- Boyz II Men, Florida Georgia Line, Luis Fonsi, H.E.R., Lady Antebellum, Martina McBride, Julia Michaels, Ben Platt, Bebe Rexha, and Usher will all guest star on Songland on NBC this season.
Mark Your Calendar
- The Third Day will debut on HBO on May 11.
- Penny Dreadful: City of Angels will debut on Showtime on April 26.
- Home Before Dark will debut on Apple TV+ on April 3.
- Fierce Queens will debut on Quibi on ??? I am guessing April 6, but who knows?
- Greenhouse Academy will return on Netflix on … well, I don’t know? Now?
- Dino Girl Gauko returns on Netflix soon:
- Vampires is going to debut on Netflix on March 20.
- There is going to be a town hall with Bernie Sanders on Fox News tonight. Alright.
Max Von Sydow, Legendary actor in The Exorcist, The Seventh Seal, Star Wars and, of course, Game of Thrones
Roscoe Born, Soap actor who appeared on One Life to Live, All My Children, Ryan’s Hope and The Young and the Restless
Danny Tidwell, So You Think You Can Dance runner-up.
Nicholas Tucci, Actor who appeared in Channel Zero and You’re Next
McCoy Tyner, Jazz pianist
Mart Crowley, The Boys in the Band playwright
Marnie the Dog, Internet-famous dog
The Bachelor: Part one of what will certainly be an interesting season finale. 7 p.m., ABC
Cosmos: Neil deGrasse Tyson is out of time out and back with his astronomy lesson. Season premiere. 7 p.m., Nat Geo
9-1-1: Lone Star: A gender reveal party goes wrong in the two-hour season finale. 7 p.m., Fox
All American: Billy makes a decision about his future in the season finale. 7 p.m., The CW
Black Lightning: Black Lightning faces Gravedigger who I thought was a monster truck, but OK. Season finale. 8 p.m., The CW
The New Pope: John Paul III addresses his followers with a message of love in the season finale. 8 p.m., HBO
McMillion$: Uncle Jerry takes the stand in the series finale. 9 p.m., HBO
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Alex Rodriguez, KJ Apa, HAIM
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Nicolle Wallace, Rupert Everett, Daymond John, Steve Ferrone
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: John Krasinski, Rachael & Vilray
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Niall Horan, Thandie Newton
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Vin Diesel, Aidy Bryant, Thundercat
- The Daily Show: Mikki Kendall
- Conan: Kristen Schaal, Randy Sklar, Jason Sklar
- Lights Out with David Spade: Jo Koy, Chris Hardwick, Yamaneika Saunders
- Watch What Happens Live: Parker McCown, Georgia Grobler
- A Little Late with Lily Singh: Robbie & Stephen Amell, Vanessa Gonzalez
|The Good Doctor
|Bob Hearts Abishola
|FOX||9-1-1: Lone Star