“War of the Worlds”
November 23, 2017
Jack is still at liberty and in the wind. Castiel worries that the absence of signs or leads means Jack has been dragged to Hell by Rock Me Asmodeus or spirited to Heaven. So he resolves to go and politely ask one of his angelic brethren if they have the kid.
Solid plan. What could possibly go wrong?
Dean tells his angel not to do anything stupid. It’s how Team Free Will says, “I love you.”
Lucifer is inside a coffin torture cage suspended from the ceiling of the Apocalypse!verse church. Michael’s fingers are pressed to Lucifer’s temple. He’s Vulcan mind melding everything there is to know about the blue and beautiful, rich and verdant ‘verse that this version of his brother calls home.
Michael likes what he sees.
He tells Lucifer that the concept of alternate universes isn’t new. It’s something he and the finest minds on their dead rock have been exploring. And with the information gleaned from Lucifer’s nugget, Michael is now ready to move from theory to implementation. He orders one of his minions to bring “him” in.
Him. The Prophet of the Lord.
After babbling a string of twitchy qualifiers, this Kevin says the angel tablet has revealed that a fly in the ointment exists. The key ingredient is archangel grace, which Michael has thus far refused to donate. Which is where Lucifer comes in. Michael reassures his other!brother that he won’t take it all – he’ll save some for a rainy day.
Michael nicks a wide slash in Lucifer’s neck and collects a small vial of glowing grace. Lucifer looks bereft.
Since there doesn’t seem to be anything more to do on the Jack front, Dean proposes they work. He’s found a case. Someone is killing witches and it’s not a hunter.
While Dean checks in with Jody, Sam pulls up surveillance footage showing the last victim before she was kidnapped and killed. A man walks into the frame and Dean is like ZOOM AND ENHANCE. ZOOM AND ENHANCE.
It’s Mr. Ketch.
Hey, did anybody else see “My Christmas Dream” on Hallmark over the holidays? Marlena from Days of our Lives is possessed by the devil again and Winnie from The Wonder Years is determined to impress her with the best holiday display that Marlena has ever seen! Mr. Ketch kills Marlena (because she’s possessed by the devil again) and convinces Winnie to give up her dream of moving to Paris.
It really made me stop and reflect on the true meaning of Christmas.
While the boys debate why on Chuck’s green earth Show decided to revisit the terrible BMoL storyline, a woman approaches them. She calls them by name. She knows who they are. She says in her profession it pays to know the enemy.
Kevin mixes up the spell salad while Lucifer tries to convince him that helping a monster like Michael is a Very Bad Idea. Sadly for Lucifer, he doesn’t have much credibility. “I’m confused, aren’t you Satan?” And besides, Michael is taking Kevin with him, so.
The archangel strides into the church and, after a few more disclaimers and a final warning from Lucifer, Kevin adds the grace vinaigrette. He recites an Enochian incantation over the bowl and a glowing rift appears. The angels and prophet are rocked back on their heels by a blinding flash of energy. Lucifer reacts quickly, taking advantage of the brief distraction. He throat punches the two minions holding him and dives headfirst into the floating space vagina.
With another flash, it winks out of existence.
Kevin crows with delight that the spell actually worked – even if it is only designed to admit one person inside. “Who saw that coming!?!”
Daniella the witch takes the boys to a safe house. She tells them she’s a survivor of the serial witch killer. She shows them the deep cuts on her chest as proof. Wounds she says he made with a red-hot knife. She tells them the man asked the same thing, over and over, while he was torturing her.
“Where is Rowena MacCloud?”
Daniella knows Rowena is dead. All the witches know Rowena is dead. But she says the man will keep hunting them until he gets the answer he wants.
The boys use Daniella as bait and are ready when the killer arrives. He’s a few pounds heavier and has grown a beard, but it’s definitely Mr. Ketch.
Or, as he claims, Ketch’s good twin, Alexander.
Dean calls bullshit because his gut is rarely wrong. Sam is swayed by “Alexander’s” extensive paper trail. Also, Mary shot Ketch in the head and then they dumped his body in the waste canal, so he can’t possibly still be alive.
I’m sorry, what?
The boys didn’t burn the body? Why? When? How? HOW DID THEY NOT BURN THE BODY?
I mean, that is a whole new level of Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming bad writing bullshit.
Lucifer lands hard on the pavement. He picks himself up, looks around, and satisfies himself that he’s back on Earth Prime. Cincinnati maybe? He asks passersby where he is, but they hurry past without making eye contact. I thought at first he actually was invisible, but no, they just think he’s homeless.
Two women slide by him. One loudly wonders when they’re going to get “those people” off the street. Lucifer is affronted! Wounded, even! He pushes himself in front of the women and wags a smitey finger at them. Do they have any idea who they’re talking to?! The one holds out a folded bill to him.
“And don’t go spending it on drugs, now.”
Girl, don’t judge. You don’t know his life. Lucifer tosses the money over his shoulder. He’s LUCIFER. He snaps his fingers.
He evil jazz hands at them. Nothing happens. The woman regards him with pity.
“Honey, you’re not Lucifer. My ex-husband is Lucifer.”
Castiel meets with Allie from The 100 at the sandbox gateway. She assures him that Heaven doesn’t have Jack – and if they did, they’d be putting him to work making new angels to replenish their ranks. Two more angels appear in the gateway because – SURPRISE! – this is a setup. Now, if Castiel could just come along quietly with them, they’ll need his influence to convince Jack to help them stave off extinction.
Fight, fight, struggle, fight. Allie from The 100 gains the upper hand, but Lucifer appears and tells her to drop her blade. When she hesitates, his eyes flip red. The three angels peace out through the gateway leaving Castiel behind. Once they’re gone, Lucifer hacks up a lung and doubles over, winded by even that effort. Losing part of his grace has weakened Lucifer, but he warns Cas that he’s not that weak. Also, they have a situation.
“We’re sort of … all gonna die.”
Castiel is less than receptive to Lucifer’s dire warning about Apocalypse Michael. He’s understandably still sore over the whole Lucifer killing him thing. Lucifer is like, yeah well you stabbed me first. Bygones. He says it’s time to save the world! The two of them! Together!
Cas is not having it.
Anyway, he has to talk to Sam and Dean first. Lucifer moans and begins rhythmically banging his head on the table. Show pretty well ruined Lucifer for me over the past few seasons, but I have to admit, this scene between the two angels is a delight. I kind of like powered down, enemy of my enemy Lucifer. Anyhoo, he insists this is an emergency! It’s no time for the Winchesters’ second guessing and whining!
Lucifer nudges the conversation back around to Jack. Is his boy awesome? A chip off the old block? Yes on one, no on two. Castiel snaps that thankfully, Jack seems to favor his mother. Lucifer shrugs and asides that that’s nothing he can’t fix.
A call comes into the Bunker on the fake!FBI line. It’s the manager of the Stampede Motel in Dodge City. His front desk clerk went missing right after a man showed up asking questions about Jack. Dean says the man’s description fits Asmodeus. Or, as Dean calls him, “Evil Colonel Sanders”.
Alexander wanders into the library munching on a cheese sandwich. Dean is all, THE HELL? Sam prissy pants that he’s in chains. What’s the problem?
One day Sam will learn not to second guess his brother’s gut, but apparently today is not that day.
Alexander asks about Mary. Dean goes absolutely still. He says she’s good and then growls at Sam to put Alexander back in the armory. Sam grumbles and rolls his eyes. He rolls. His eyes.
Dean calls Castiel for an update on Jack. Cas says nothing yet, but interesting things are afoot. Lucifer takes the phone out of his hand and ends the call before Cas can elaborate. Dean’s spidey senses rightly begin tingling and they’re forced to leave Alexander alone in the Bunker while they check it out. Sam reassures Dean that Other Ketch is locked up tight. He’s not going anywhere.
Right. Because no one has ever escaped from the Bunker before.
He’s also confident that Castiel will take to heart Dean’s warning not to do anything stupid.
And then Assman walks into the bar flanked by a brace of demons. Lucifer plays it cool, but Asmodeus has his number. He wouldn’t have dared challenge the old Lucifer, but this new version, “seems a little more screwable.”
The bar is dark and seems deserted when the boys pull up. They’re soon set upon by demons. Fight fight struggle fight. Just as Sam is about to take a gladius in the chest, Alexander appears out of nowhere to save his bacon.
And THAT’S why you always do a full cavity search.
Also, to no one’s great surprise – except maybe Sam’s – Alexander is totally Ketch.
And beyond the BMoL being a poorly executed storyline that should never be spoken of again, Ketch being alive totally undermines Mary’s big breakthrough last season in “Who We Are”! She fought through her own guilt and the BMoL’s programming and mind rape to save her son. And now Show is just going to erase that?
Whatever. Ketch cops to it. He explains he used Rowena’s do-over charm – the same one she used to come back after Cascifer snapped her neck in Season 11. It seems she was captured by the British Men of Letters some years earlier. Ketch struck a deal for the charm in exchange for her freedom. And now he needs her to recharge it.
Dean breaks the news that Rowena is well and truly dead. He wonders why Ketch followed them. Ketch blah blahs about being one of the good guys. When it becomes apparent that Dean is going to shoot him anyway, he drops a David Copperfield flashbang. Dean gets off a shot, hitting Ketch in the shoulder, but he’s able to escape.
He escapes, patches up the arm, puts on a clean suit and gives Asmodeus a full report. So, yay. The BMoL are back in play, said no one ever. Just add that to the list of Buckner and Ross-Leming’s sins.