‘Supernatural’: Failure to communicate

Supernatural
“First Blood”
January 26, 2017

THEN: “Usually, this is when Sam and Dean take off, before anyone asks any questions.”

Unless BAD WRITING lands you in a Black Ops site. And here’s the thing. There have been numerous assassination attempts made against US presidents in the last 100 years. And each of the assailants were given due process.

I would like to believe that even in our post-9/11, post-Cheeto Mussolini, LOL!Constitution world, that Sam and Dean would be afforded the same.

Agent Camp sits at his desk with Sam and Dean’s criminal files open in front of him. Dean’s ‘Blue Steel’ mug shot from “Folsom Prison Blues” sits on top of the pile. Good times. Agent Sanchez lists the charge:

“Six hours ago, Sam and Dean Winchester tried to kill the President of the United States.”

Agent Camp is like, ‘Huh. Why would these handsome boys want to do something like that?’ Sanchez doesn’t know. They haven’t said a word since they decided to linger in the motel like dummies and get their dumb asses taken into custody.

Sanchez skims through their bio. He says the Winchesters came to the FBI’s attention in 2007 – shout out to “Nightshifter” and Agent Henriksen – when they were investigated for assault, murder, and multiple counts of desecrating a corpse. Agent Camp asks if it was the same corpse. Heh. I kind of like Agent Camp.

Sanchez continues that they were placed on the Most Wanted list in 2011 and died in a shootout with police in 2011 (“Slash Fiction”). He doesn’t mention that Dean was also declared dead in 2005 (“Skin”) and that both boys were presumed dead in 2008 after the standoff in Monument, CO (“Jus in Belo”). He concludes by saying that the only people who know what the Winchesters did and where they are being held are himself, Camp, the arresting agents, and POTUS.

Sam and Dean are led to a secure detention area and locked in separate cells.

Sanchez recommends taking them out back, shooting them in the head, and getting an early lunch. Camp blandly takes it under advisement, but suggests they might not be working alone. What if the Winchesters have ties to a larger terrorist organization? They should find out.

Camp steps into Dean’s cell. He opens by playing the affable Good Cop. Dean adopts a posture of stoic, stony silence. He is uncharacteristically quipless. In Sam’s cell, Camp says Sam is going to talk to him. He calls him son. Camp’s tone darkens, but he says it’s not a threat. He doesn’t believe in torture. “It doesn’t work. They talk, but they never tell you what you need.”

Sam isn’t as salty as he was with Lady Cardboard. He doesn’t tell Camp he’s already been tortured by Lucifer. What could the government do to him?

Camp asks Dean if he knows what does work, every time – “Nothing.” Camp says when he walks out, the door is going to close and it’s going to stay closed. That may not seem so bad now, but after a month? A year? Camp has all the time in the world to wait until they’re ready – begging – to talk.

Days blur one into the other. The only way to mark the passing of time is by the regular call of “CHOW TIME” and the metal tray shoved through the slot in the door. Dean uses a screw from the metal cot to keep a tally on the wall.

Six weeks. Two days. Ten hours. Mary and Cas meet in a bar to compare notes. And here’s where this episode just really, totally lost me. Because there is zero urgency to their search. It seems like they’ve just given up. Mary says all her law enforcement contacts are either retired or dead. Uh, Jody? Or work the contacts of other hunters? She helps Alicia and Max Banes on a hunt. They’re freaking witches! They couldn’t cast a damn locator spell?

Castiel turns immediately to Crowley, but that information is above his spies’ pay grade, and honestly, he can’t be bothered. He is confident that, like herpes, the boys will pop up and leave a trail of bodies in their wake. Frankly, he pities the fools that are holding them.

Cas doesn’t say anything about hearing their prayers. Or not being able to locate them because of the sigils on their ribs, although I’m not sure if that’s even still a thing. We don’t see him go to Heaven to ask for help. You’d think after preventing the world from ending again some more AND putting Lucifer back in his cage (maybe) that there would be a few angels willing to help.

Instead, Cas decides to work a vampire case? But it goes poorly so he leaves town before killing the monster? And is really sad about it so he sits in the dark, moping alone in the Bunker?

What even is this episode, Andrew Dabb?

Eventually, Sam and Dean take matters into their own hands. When Sam doesn’t take his meal tray, the guard peers through the slot. Sam is sprawled out on his cot. But he’s not just playing possum to take the guard by surprise and escape – he’s dead, Jim. Dean too. Wait, what?

Their bodies are left in the infirmary. Dean gasps back to life. Sam is already upright. They both looked wrecked. Sam says “it” worked – at least so far. They hear footsteps in the hallway. Dean grabs the doctor as he comes through the door.

The doc stammers that he doesn’t know where they are. He’s blindfolded each day when they bring him to work. The place they’re in isn’t supposed to exist. Dean rolls his eyes. ‘Isn’t supposed to exist’ is their stock in trade.

Sam and Dean slip outside. There’s a sign by the door that warns the area is under video surveillance. Except it’s totally not. The boys stand out in the open while Dean places several calls to Cas on the doctor’s purloined phone. They don’t even try to be stealthy.

They decide against stealing a van, because LoJack, but hey! Sam finds a map. They’re in Colorado in the middle of Rocky Mountain National Park. I guess the guards like to hike during their off time?

Sam says they’ll head north and try to reach State Route 34. Dean tells Cas to start driving – and hurry. They’re on the clock.

They somehow manage to get over the wall and try to make good on their 45 minute head start. Running through the forest. Running through the forest. Running through the forest. Camp is struggling to keep up with the tactical team. It’s been a while since he’s been in the field. And dude, I feel you. I tore my meniscus on a hike during a staff retreat. I love nature, but sweet Chuck don’t make me go out in it.

The boys trudge on. Six hours to midnight. The timeline seems important, but Dean doesn’t want to talk about it. Not right now.

Castiel decides they need help. Mary is horrified when the backup he calls is the BMoL. They almost killed her sons! “Suddenly the demon and his mommy don’t look so bad.” I wondered at the end of “LOTUS” if they set the boys up as a way to bring them into the fold, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Still, Mick and Mr. Ketch are happy to take advantage of the situation.

Cas tells Mary that the BMoL helped them with Lucifer. Mr. Ketch is surprised – and impressed – to learn that the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch was used to take on “the bleeding devil himself”, and that Team Free Will won (maybe).

Mick assures Mary that he came to the US to do one thing – make friends. But he’s found American hunters to be a surly and suspicious lot who don’t play well with others. Helping them save Sam and Dean is just good business. Innit?

Mary shares what little they know. Mr. Ketch immediately identifies the place that doesn’t officially exist as Site 94. They know about it because that’s what they do.

Mick says he’ll have their techs put a satellite over the area. it’s just one of the things they can do – and there is so much more.

The tactical team closes the distance. They’re right on the boys. Sam and Dean jump one soldier who strays off. Sam puts him in a sleeper hold. Dean takes his walkie and guns. Now he’s feeling quippy.

He radios that Agent Norton has gone night-night. He tells Sanchez to fall back and no one will get hurt. Sanchez is like, no we’re not, you are! He says the Winchesters can’t run forever. They’re trapped out here.

Dean goes to his dead-eyed place. “We’re not trapped out here with you. You’re trapped out here with us.”

Sanchez doesn’t have the good sense to soil himself and go home. Night falls and the tactical team presses on. They come upon a cabin. There’s a light glowing in the window. They approach with caution, but also don’t have the good sense to anticipate that the boys have booby-trapped the shit out of the place. One by one the tac team falls – but the boys leave them alive. Sam even gives a first aid kit to one.

Only Sanchez and Camp are left. Sanchez steps into a bear trap. See? Dean told him. “Trapped.” Sam covers Camp before he can raise his gun. He tells them the truth – the president was possessed by the devil. They saved his life. The expression on Dean’s face says, ‘You’re welcome.’

With a final warning not to come after them, Sam and Dean walk away. Camp calls out, “Who are you?”

“We’re the guys that save the world.”

The boys break through the trees and walk right into Cas. Mary is standing just behind him. There is hugging. YAY! HUGGING! Mick and Mr. Ketch are waiting for them on the road. No need for thanks. They’re just happy to be of service. They boys are like, okay then.

Sam says they need to go before Sanchez and Camp call for back up. They haven’t figured out yet that Mr. Ketch doesn’t like loose ends. He considers it unprofessional.

Mary’s car conks out. It rolls to a stop in the middle of a bridge. Sam looks back over his shoulder at Dean. “It’s time.” Cas shoots a look at Dean. He’s all, the hell have you dummies done now?? Dean can’t meet his eyes. They all get out of the car. Billie is waiting for them.

” ‘Sup?”

Dean says there was only one way out of Site 94. So he made a call. They made a deal – to die and come back one more time. But at midnight …

“A Winchester goes bye-bye. Permanently.”

Billie says it’s something she’s been looking forward to for a long time. Mary is stunned. She asks why, but Dean cuts her off. He says they were already dead.

“Being locked in that cell. With nothing. I’ve been to Hell. This was worse.”

Jensen sells the line, but show, Show. Don’t tell. They’ve done it before. We’ve seen the boys locked up, tormented by their own minds. Not that I wanted this Extreme Lockup story line to drag out, but at least one episode with some actual build up to the deal would have been nice.

Anyhoo, the boys seem totally fine with it. Sam says at least this way, one of them gets to keep fighting. Billie warns that their pact was bound in blood. Breaking the deal will have consequences on a cosmic scale.

Before the boys can start arguing over who gets to sacrifice himself, Mary pulls out her gun. If Billie wants a Winchesters … “I’m a Winchester.” Billie’s not picky as to choice. Mary puts one in the chamber and holds the gun to her temple. Sam and Dean plead with her from the ground where Billie’s mojo has them pinned. Through her tears she tells her boys she loves them.

Billie watches. She’s satisfied, but professional and detached enough still not to gloat. Castiel’s attack takes her by surprise. The gladius erupts through her chest in a blaze of glowing white grace. What has the angel done?

“What had to be done.”

“This world. This sad, doomed little world. It needs you. It needs every last Winchester it can get, and I will not let you die. I won’t let any of you die. And I won’t let you sacrifice yourselves! You mean too much to me. To everything.”

“Yeah, you made a deal. You made a stupid deal and I broke it.”

“You’re welcome.”

Mick continues trying to make inroads with the American hunters. He meets with one in a diner and gives his sales pitch, painting a picture of a world without monsters or demons. A world where no one has to die because of the supernatural. A new world. A better world.

Mary leans forward. She’s listening.

Supernatural airs Thursday at 8:00 p.m. (Eastern) on The CW.

Whitney is also watching Hawaii Five-0 and Timeless. Follow her on twitter @Watcher_Whitney.