December 8, 2016
THEN: “Onwards and upwards. He’s gone big. And he’ll go bigger.”
Sam and Dean join their “colleagues” in the morgue. Crowley and Castiel are still in buddy cop mode. Lucifer is body hopping and burning through vessels. His latest victim was a billionaire philanthropist and “CEO of almost everything”. Crowley says Lucifer has moved on from randos to blue chips. It makes him even more dangerous. Castiel agrees with Agent Zappa’s assessment. Dean’s can’t even just can’t.
Research-fu back at the bunker suggests that Lucifer may have jumped from the CEO to his good friend the Archbishop of St. Louis. The boys arrive at the Archbishop’s residence in the middle of the night in a driving rain. Sam brushes at the rain on his coat in a weirdly distracting way.
Sadly, neither of them are dressed as priests.
They find the Archbishop’s secretary in his office. He’s bloody and broken but still alive. He says they tried to perform an exorcism. Based on the trail of bodies it did not go well.
At Not!Camp David, the President of the United States is praying and negotiating terms. Lucifer agrees to help him bring a new era of spiritually to America and heal the country’s wounds. The President says yes.
I might have enjoyed this episode more had it aired two months earlier. Now it just feels a little too real.
Well, except for the part where President Jeff is the most popular sitting president in history. Lucifer likes the sound of that. He also doesn’t mind that President Jeff and Aide Kelly have been having an affair. They have the sexy times and Lucifer is intrigued when Kelly brings up children. She says she knows he would make an amazing father. Lucifer instantly warms to the idea.
Castiel is in the library scanning newspapers. He asks if the Bunker’s warding has failed. The “again” is implied. Seriously, who can’t get into that place anymore? Dean says he just powered it down for Crowley. He’s coming by with news. Sam calls foul on Crowley just dropping in whenever he feels like it. And wait, what? Crowley has been doing that for ages. He practically has his own room. And Sam summoned him after Metatron killed Dean in Season 9. How was the demon supposed to get in then?
Dean is like, dude. Buckner and Ross-Leming wrote this episode. Don’t over think it. You’ll just hurt yourself.
Anyhoo, Crowley reveals the Lucifer is now the leader of the free world. Sam responds to this news by scurrying off to a dark corner and secretly placing a call to the BMoL’s Mick Davies. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, SAM? GOING BEHIND DEAN’S BACK IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA. HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING? DO YOU EVEN GO HERE??!?
Castiel walks into the map room from the kitchen. He comes over all woozy. He begins to shake uncontrollably. The two cups of coffee he was carrying shatter on the floor. He grabs his head and staggers against the table. He says it’s angel radio. So many voices. A surge of celestial energy.
“A nephilim has come into being.”
Acting on Crowley’s tip, Castiel and the boys motor to Indianapolis to confront Lucifer. The plan: “Impeach LOTUS. Find Rosemary’s baby.” They’re stopped on the road by a Secret Service detail. Dean flashes the FBI badge, but Agent Sanchez has already been briefed by Lucifer. The Winchesters are dangerous cultists who mean to assassinate the president. They think he’s the devil. Imagine! The actual devil.
The boys put up a fight, but they’re outnumbered and outgunned. Well, except for the fact they have an angel riding shotgun, but Dean told him to stay in the car, so. He eventually gets out, but Dean tells him again to stand down. Cas full body rolls his eyes all like, WHAT’S THE POINT OF MY BEING HERE IF I CAN’T SMITE ANYONE?
A tense silence settles over the stand-off. And then the sound of Dave Brubeck’s “Take Five” floats through the air. A fine black sedan pulls ups. A man steps out, points his grenade launcher at the Feds’ SUV, and pulls the trigger.
The agents break right. Sam and Dean go left, rolling across Baby and taking cover behind her. Castiel calmly stands his ground and watches the SUV explode in a ball of flame. He turns and looks at the newcomer, nonplussed. The man calls out to him, “You. Angel. Wipe their memories.” Cas cocks his head. He’s like, you’re not the boss of me.
The man finally introduces himself. Arthur Ketch. British Men of Letters.
Some time later. Night has fallen. Mr. Ketch explains that his instructions are to “strongly encourage” the Winchesters to join the BMoL in their efforts. He lies when Castiel asks if he’s been following them. He says the MBoL are good dogs; they only come when called. And Sam called.
Sam tries to weasel out, as he is wont to do, by saying he hung up. Mr. Ketch says that made Mr. Davies think they were in trouble, so Bob’s your uncle, you’re welcome. Dean still isn’t buying it. Mr. Ketch looks at Castiel. He asks if the angel senses he’s lying. He calls him Halo. Cas gets salty and sadly does not smite him. He does admit that he doesn’t sense deception, but cautions that the truth can be situational.
Mr. Ketch takes it all in stride. He understands their hesitation. The Winchesters haven’t seen the BMoL at their best. The boys push back. Why should they believe that Mr. Ketch is any better than Lady Cardboard? Mr. Ketch simply says they’re here to collaborate. He can offer them the BMoL’s expertise, skills … and weapons. Dean asks if that was a grenade launcher before. Yes. Yes it was.
Dean looks at Sam. WHITHER HIS GRENADE LAUNCHER? WHITHER??
Ketch pops the trunk. “The toys are the fun part.” He shows them a gun that looks like it goes PEW-PEW. He says it can irradiate an entire nest of vampires and make their own blood lethal to them. And then he holds up the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. It will drive a demon from a possessed meatsuit. Much more reliable than an exorcism. Sam wonders if it would work on an angel.
Mr. Ketch gives them the Holy Hand Grenade in a show of good faith. Team Free Will assemble at a motel while Crowley zaps to Not!Camp David to snatch up Kelly. She doesn’t believe them when they tell her she’s carrying Lucifer’s baby. She says it’s impossible.
“Well, to be fair, so is teleporting, but TAH-DAH.”
Castiel tells Kelly that what is inside her is unholy. An abomination. He takes a Gideon’s Bible from a dresser drawer. He asks her to place her hand on it. The Bible bursts into flame.
And you know, to be fair, that one nephilim we met back in Season 8 seemed pretty nice. She was just trying to live her life-like people. And what about Jessie the Anti-Christ? That kid was good people, too. But nuance isn’t exactly in Buckner and Ross-Leming’s wheelhouse, so.
Kelly calls Lucifer and asks him to meet her at the motel. He arrives with a small detail of agents. They go in first to sweep the room. One agent tries the door to the adjacent room where Sam, Dean, Crowley, and Rowena are hiding. He seems satisfied that it’s locked.
The second agent checks the closet. Castiel presses a finger to the man’s temple. He tells him there’s no one in the room but Kelly and to wait in the car. These are not the droids he’s looking for. The agents give Lucifer the all clear.
When he walks in the room, Kelly flatly tells him she can’t have the baby. He grabs her by the throat and backs her hard against the wall. His eyes flash red. Sam bursts out of the bathroom. He activates an angel banishing sigil and then pulls the pin on the Holy Hand Grenade. He struggles to hold onto it as it pulls Lucifer’s grace from President Jeff’s body. With a cry, Rowena casts the spell to send Lucifer back to the cage.
Waiting in the SUV, the agent Cas glahmuhed shakes his head like he’s just waking up. Is that a side effect of the Holy Hand Grenade? Is that going to be important later? What does it mean?
Lucifer’s grace spills from the vessel. It swirls above him before streaming down through the air register in the floor. President Jeff’s body collapses.
Wait. That’s it? Is Lucifer back in the cage? Is he trapped in the motel’s HVAC system? What just happened??
Stillness settles over the room. The only sound is Kelly’s strangled sobs. Castiel bends down and puts his hand on President Jeff’s forehead. Cas says he’s alive and won’t remember anything. Sounds like a job well done to Crowley. He and Rowena zap away. Sam gives Cas the Holy Hand Grenade and tells him to get Kelly out. Sam and Dean stay behind to get arrested.
SAM AND DEAN.
Because, as always, the only way that Buckner and Ross-Leming can get a character from Point A to Point B is to have them act like brain-damaged kittens.
Castiel takes Kelly to a diner to wait for the boys WHO AREN’T COMING BECAUSE THEY’RE BRAIN DAMAGED KITTENS. He appears to have ordered her pancakes. That’s nice. She excuses herself to the lady’s room. Castiel lets her go alone because he hasn’t learned FROM THE TWO PREVIOUS TIMES THAT CLAIRE AND METATRON DITCHED HIM THAT YOU NEVER LET THEM PEE ALONE.
Kelly slips out through the kitchen and calls Cas from a cab. She knows she’s in trouble deep but she’s made up her mind, she’s gonna keep her baby, ooh ooh.
Supernatural airs Thursday at 8:00 p.m. (Eastern) on The CW.