Five more days of these goddamned grifters.

by Therese Odell, posted in Uncategorized

It’s Friday and it’s a long weekend. Try to enjoy it and not think about the fact that credible threats of violence against our country and states are floating around out there.

Instead! Read these stories of very dumb dogs!

Political Crap

I’m going to keep this brief today for my own mental health. Because with headlines like:

“Some Democrats in Congress are worried their colleagues might kill them”

and

“Capitol Police officer had to beg Trump rioters not to kill him with his own gun”

and

“Pence was escorted to a safe room 1 minute before Trump rioters broke in to kidnap and hang him”

IT’S KINDA HARD TO STAY BALANCED.

In that first story, Democrats talk about their genuine concerns that some of the more outrageous Republican House members traffic in Qanon conspiracy theories, insist that they should be able to carry guns in the Capitol, and might have aided and abetted the rioters who were looking to kidnap and possibly kill them. EVERYTHING IS SUPER TERRIFIC.

In the second story … well, just let him tell you in his own words:

“Thank you, but fuck you for being there.”

And in that third story, it was revealed that the Vice President of the United States came perilously close to being caught by the mob. And some uncomfortable questions need to be asked: for instance, why was he not evacuated by the Secret Service for some 14 minutes after the mob had entered the Capitol? That is completely bonkers and combined with another story that came out on New Year’s Eve about how the Secret Service is removing some agents they are concerned are too politically aligned with President Bullshit Artist … it brings up some troubling questions.

So here are a few stories that actually made me laugh because Jesus, you have to laugh:

Jenna Ryan, a Dallas-area woman who flew on a private jet to Washington D.C. to be at the rally, posted a Facebook Live video of herself INSIDE THE CAPITOL DURING THE RIOT, and then told reporters that she did not expect that she would be arrested, has been charged with federal crimes. My favorite part: in the video, she says, “We are going to fucking go in here. Life or death, it doesn’t matter,” before adding, “Y’all know who to hire for your realtor. Jenna Ryan for your realtor.”

AMERICA. THE LAND WHERE INSURRECTIONISTS STILL GOTTA DO THAT HUSTLE.

Meanwhile, President He Only Wishes He Were Half as Good as Richard Nixon, he apparently is getting very testy any time someone mentions Tricky Dick’s name or the idea of resigning to save his orange ass. This entire story is ~chef’s kiss~ but some highlights: he wants a big going away party to be held for him on January 20, but will not participate in the inauguration; he’s super mad at having to ask Biden’s permission to use No-Longer-Air Force Once to fly him to Florida; because he’s being a little bitch about not attending the inauguration, they are going to have to make two nuclear footballs; he’s abdicated all of his duties and is making Vice President Almost Murdered do them for him; and his aides aren’t allowing him ANYWHERE near a camera out of fear he’ll say something insane.

And then, finally,  there is the story of how Javanka refused to allow their Secret Service protection — the men and women protecting their lives — to use any of their 6.5 bathrooms in their home. So, at first, the agents were allowed to use the bathroom the secret service agents protecting the Obamas use at their home, but then someone from the Javanka detail “left an unpleasant mess,” and the Obama detail forced them to leave. So then, the federal government had to spend $3000 a month for a nearby basement apartment — totaling some $100,000 over the past four years — so that the agents could do their business. ON BRAND. The only thing surprising about this story is that the Trump’s didn’t own the basement apartment, forcing the government to pay them for the use of it.

Five more days. Just five more.

Going Viral

According to Worldometers, we’ve surpassed 400,000 American deaths as of today. According to Johns Hopkins, we are still at 389,944. But by the time President Voldemort leaves office, we will have crossed that 400,000 line. Worldwide, we’ve lost 2 million people to this virus. Additionally, the CDC is warning that by March, this more contagious variant will be the dominant one in this country.

And now for the good news: President-Elect Joe Biden laid out his plan for a $1.9 trillion COVID-relief package. $400 billion would go towards vaccine efforts and reopening schools and $350 billion would help state and local governments cover shortfalls. He’s only planning to send folks $1400 checks instead of the $2000 checks promised — which isn’t going over well with folks. But also as part of the plan, he is urging Congress to raise the minimum wage to $15 an hour, extending unemployment benefits and giving $30 billion in rental assistance, and extending eviction bans.

President-Elect Joe Biden has also chosen Dr. David Kessler, former head of the FDA, to phase out “Operation Warp Speed,” and usher in a plan to accelerate the vaccination distribution. He’s a grown-up. This is good.

Disney is suspending its popular annual passport program because of the uncertainty surrounding the parks reopening.

The Real Housewives of New York had to pause production after one of the Housewives tested positive. OK BUT WHO?

The planned Batwoman/Superman & Lois crossover had to be scrapped because of the virus.

The Vaccine: Conquering Covid, featuring Dr. Fauci, will premiere on Discovery and Discovery+ on February 21.

Phoebe Dynevor, one of the stars of Bridgerton, wants very much to be on a second season, but worries about filming during the pandemic.

All Other TV News

Bruce Springsteen, Foo Fighters, and John Legend will all be performing for the primetime inauguration special Celebrating America. Eva Longoria and Kerry Washington will also be on hand to serve as co-hosts.

Whoa: neither Pepsi nor Coca-Cola are going to have Super Bowl ads this year. That’s … kind of a big deal.

The Mandalorian ended Netflix’s stranglehold on the top spot of the most-streamed series list since Nielson started keeping track.

Interesting: so The CW’s deal with Netflix ended in 2019, and instead of streaming their shows over on Paramount+, they’re going with HBO Max, even with their shows produced by CBS.

“Since Warner Bros. and CBS are co-owners of the CW and both are intent on the network succeeding, I hear they made a collective decision last year that it is in the CW’s best interest if its shows are kept together on the same streaming platform, and HBO Max was selected as home.

But, while HBO Max currently has emerged as a successor to Netflix in being the library destination for the CW series, this is not a formal arrangement, and CBS Studios may opt to take its new 2021-21 CW series to another platform, most likely Paramount+.”

If you were hoping that Swamp Thing‘s run on The CW might give it a second life, I have some disappointing news for you.

And if you were hoping that Jared Padalecki would be kicking people in the face in his remake of Walker, I have some VERY disappointing news for you.

Lisa Kudrow claims that they are shooting the long-awaited Friends reunion this spring. Also, The Grinder‘s cancellation turned her off of network comedies forever. The Grinder! So good! So underappreciated!

Karen Valby has written a love letter to Leslie Jones for her Twitter political news coverage.

I’m sorry, Chris Rock was nearly cast as WHO?

Shonda Rhimes, Ryan Murphy, Lena Waithe, and Greg Berlanti are responsible for 20% of all LGBTQ characters on TV. Frankly, that number seems low. And Shonda Rhimes thinks it’s bullshit that she’s the only straight creator on the list. Fair.

A TON of ABC soap opera actors will perform on ABC Daytime: Back on Broadway to raise money for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS including: Bobbie Eakes, Melissa Claire Egan, Vincent Irizarry, Eva La Rue, Susan Lucci, Cameron Mathison, Eden Riegel, Chrishell Stause and Walt Willey (from All My Children); Kristen Alderson, BethAnn Fuenmayor, Kathy Brier, Kassie DePaiva, David Gregory, Renée Elise Goldsberry, Catherine Hickland, Mark Lawson, Hillary B. Smith, Jason Tam and Brittany Underwood (One Life To Live); and Bradford Anderson, Brandon Barash and Anthony Geary (General Hospital). The event will stream for free on February 11 (find out where here).

Donovan Eckhardt, the former co-host of Windy City Rehab, is suing Discovery and the show’s producers for defamation and emotional distress based on his portrayal on the show.

Cancellations

In Development

  • The Sparrow is being adapted into a series at FX and will be written by Queen’s Gambit writer and showrunner Scott Frank.
  • Providence, a supernatural thriller, is being adapted into a series at Peacock by the producers of You.
  • Kim’s Spa, a comedy starring Bobby Lee, is in the works at ABC.
  • A biographical documentary about Oprah Winfrey is being made at Apple TV+.
  • Julia, a dramatic series about the life of Julia Child, and starring Sarah Lancashire and David Hyde Pierce, has been ordered at HBO Max.
  • Sasquatch, a documentary series from the Duplass Brothers, has been ordered by Hulu.
  • Confronting a Serial Killer, a documentary about America’s most prolific serial killer, Samuel Little, is coming to Starz.
  • Kitbag, a Napoleon epic directed by Ridley Scott and starring Joaquin Phoenix, is being made at Apple.
  • Heart of Stone, a spy thriller starring Gal Gadot, has been bought by Netflix.
  • Dead of Winter, a survival thriller, is being made at Netflix.
  • Who Fears Death and The Secret Lives of Church Ladies two drama projects from Tessa Thompson’s production company, are being developed at HBO Max.

Casting News

Mark Your Calendar

  • I Care a Lot will premiere on Netflix on February 19.
  • For All Mankind returns on Apple TV+ on February 19.
  • Last Week Tonight with John Oliver returns on HBO on February 14.
  • Firefly Lane will debut on Netflix on February 3.
  • Animals on the Loose: A You Vs. Wild will premiere on February 16.
  • Strip Down, Rise Up will stream on Netflix on February 5.
  • Red Dot will premiere on Netflix on February 11.
  • The Map of Tiny Perfect Things will debut on Amazon on February 12.
  • The Crew will premiere on Netflix on February 14.
  • V.C. Andrews’ The Landry Family will debut on Lifetime on March 20.
  • Pele will stream on Netflix on February 23.
  • Reunions will stream on Acorn TV on January 25.
  • We Are: The Brooklyn Saints will stream on Netflix on January 29.
  • Don’t Waste Your Pretty will debut on TV One on February 28.
  • Looney Tunes Cartoons will debut on HBO Max on January 21.
  • Prince William: A Planet For Us All is now streaming on Discovery+.
  • What Would Sophia Loren Do? will premiere on Netflix today.
  • Vice returns on Showtime on March 7.
  • Top Class: The Life and Times of the Sierra Canyon Trailblazers will debut on IMDbTV on February 26.
  • Flack will begin streaming on Amazon on January 22.
  • Drawn to Change will premiere on Cartoon Network on January 16.
  • Flora and Ulysses will stream on Disney+ on February 19.
  • Esme & Roy will return on HBO Max on February 4.

R.I.P.

Joanna Rogers, Musician and wife of Mr. Rogers

Peter Mark Richman, Actor in numerous movies and TV series, including Three’s Company and Beverly Hills 90210

Syl Sylvain, Guitarist for The New York Dolls

WATCH THIS

FRIDAY

WandaVision: Elizabeth Olson and Paul Bettany star as Wanda Maximoff and Vision in this hotly anticipated trippy new Marvel series where everything is not what it seems. Series premiere. Disney+

Bling Empire: This new reality series follows Los Angeles’ wealthy Asian and Asian American scene. Series premiere. Netflix

Disenchantment: season three. Netflix

Outside the Wire: Anthony Mackie stars as a droid soldier in this new sci-fi action-adventure film.  Netflix

SATURDAY

Ocean’s marathon: Complicated heisting! Hours and hours of witty banter and complicated heisting! 11 a.m., TBS

The Evil Twin: “Emily escapes from an abusive relationship by moving back to her hometown only to discover she has a long-lost twin, but her newfound sister might be a murderer.” Emily needs to go on a nice Caribbean vacation and get away from this bullshit life. 7 p.m., Lifetime

The Searchers: I’m not a huge fan of Westerns, but this is one of those films that you really need to have seen for your film education to be complete. 7 p.m., TCM

SUNDAY

Batwoman: A homeless woman finds Kate’s Batsuit and decides to use it as armor to take out dangerous Gotham gangs in the new season of Batwoman. Season premiere.   7 p.m., The CW

Miss Scarlett and the Duke: This is not a sequel to Clue, but instead a PBS Masterpiece series about the first-ever female detective in Victorian London. Series premiere. 7 p.m., PBS

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Nicole Kidman, Cole Sprouse, Henry Hall
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: (Friday): John Heilemann, Mark McKinnon, Alex Wagner, Jennifer Palmieri, The War On Drugs
  • Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Bevy Smith, Snoop Dogg

FRI. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Shark Tank
(new)		 20/20
CBS MacGyver
(new)		 Magnum P.I.
(new)		 Blue Bloods
(repeat)
CW Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(new)		 Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(repeat)		 Penn & Teller: Fool Us
(new)		 Local
FOX Friday Night Smackdown Local
NBC Figure Skating
(live)

—

SAT. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30
ABC Celebrity Wheel of Fortune
(repeat)		 The Chase
(repeat)		 For Life
(repeat)		 News/Local
CBS NFL Playoff
(live)		 48 Hours News/Local
FOX The Masked Dancer
(repeat)		 Name That Tune
(repeat)		 News/Local
NBC Ellen’s Game of Games
(repeat)		 Dateline
(repeat)		 Saturday Night Live
(repeat)		 News/
Local		 Saturday Night Live
(Jason Bateman & Morgan Wallen)

—

SUN. 6:00 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
(new)		 Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?
(repeat)		 Card Sharks
(new)		 The Rookie
(new)
CBS 60 Minutes NCIS: Los Angeles
(new)		 NCIS: New Orleans
(new)		  
The CW Local Batwoman
(new)		 All American Stories
(repeat)		 Local
FOX The Simp-sons
(repeat)		 Bob’s Burgers
(repeat)		 The Simp-sons
(repeat)		 The Simp-sons
(repeat)		 Bob’s Burgers
(repeat)		 Family Guy
(repeat)		 Local/News
NBC Weakest Link
(repeat)		 This Is Us
(repeat)		 Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist
(repeat)		 Good Girls
(repeat)

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