It’s over, fucko. And Pelosi is coming for you.

by Therese Odell, posted in Uncategorized

It’s Friday, and let’s hope we can get through the weekend without another national crisis.

Political Crap

I’ve written some thoughts about what happened on Wednesday that I’m going to publish shortly. In the meantime, some developments in this crazy time we’re living through:

President Sedition — literally now — has finally FINALLY conceded. And it only took a failed coup and five Americans dying! I strongly suspect he did this under duress, possibly a threat by Vice President Sour Cream, Mitch McConnell, and certain cabinet members that they would 25th amendment his ass if he didn’t.

His lunatic followers aren’t taking it well.

He’s also not going to attend Joe Biden’s inauguration. I am shocked. This is my shocked face.

He’s also looking into pardoning himself.

Oh, and Facebook and Instagram have told President Twatter to fuck off forever. (But he’s back on Twitter, as you can tell from above.)

And the Wall Street Journal editorial board has demanded that he resign. (The Wall Street Journal!)

The Kraken is getting sued by Dominion and Senator Josh Hawley has lost his book deal at Simon and Schuster after encouraging an insurrection. He is decrying this as “Orwellian” when in reality it’s just called “capitalism.”

Meanwhile, Nancy Pelosi is NOT FUCKING AROUND. She asked Vice President Duncan Hines Creamy Vanilla Frosting to deploy the 25th Amendment, threatening that they will impeach his orange ass again if he didn’t do it. (Vice President Cottage Cheese is resisting because he’s a fucking coward.) They could impeach him again next week.

Madam Speaker also called Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Mark Milley and discussed what can be done to prevent President Lunatic from using the nuclear codes in his next few remaining days in office. GREAT TIMES WE’RE LIVING IN, GUYS!

Going Viral

4,085 Americans died of COVID-19 yesterday according to Johns Hopkins. And according to Worldometer, we will surpass 375,000 American deaths sometime today. 

There were more deaths from COVID in Los Angeles on Tuesday than all the homicides in all of 2019.

President-Elect Joe Biden has announced that he will release nearly all the doses of vaccine before the second doses are administered.

Japan has declared another state of emergency over the rising cases of COVID.

You’ll have to provide a negative COVID test to be able to fly into the U.K.

R.I.P. Broadway’s Mean Girls.

Sunny Hostin revealed on The View this morning that both of her in-laws died of COVID over the holidays.

Steven Manios Sr., a camera optics pioneer, died of COVID-19.

The Ellen DeGeneres Show is going to resume filming next week. Good luck with all that.

All Other TV News

Alex Trebek’s final Jeopardy! episode airs today. Here’s a lovely piece about him as told by the people who worked with him.

Roku has indeed bought Quibi’s shows and will make them available for free on their ad-supported Roku Channel.

NOW’S YOUR CHANCE TO OWN K.I.T.T.! I mean, you need to find one million dollars or more, but STILL! K.I.T.T.!

Greg Daniels keeps toying with The Office fans’ emotions.

Letterkenny fan? Here’s a ranking of the characters — ALL of the characters. I don’t know that I agree with it (the other hockey players above Jonesy and Reilly? Are you crazy?) but it’s comprehensive. Also, this is just a great quote:

“When I told a friend I’d been assigned an extensive column on Letterkenny, he spent the following weekend watching the first five seasons and reported back: ‘I don’t know what my own thoughts sound like anymore.’”

Can confirm.

I keep seeing stories about this Danish children’s series about a dude with a super-long penis, so I guess I should share it with you.

Hilaria Baldwin has lost her deal with Cuties Bay Care over the thing where she pretended to be Spanish for no good Goddamned reason. Pity.

You’ll be able to watch some classic Universal monster movies on YouTube for free very soon.

Renewals

In Development

Casting News

  • Chris Mason is joining the cast of Riverdale as SPOILER! Mr. Veronica.
  • Aliyah O’Brien has been cast as Kayla on D.C.’s Legends of Tomorrow on The CW.
  • Rebekah Graf is joining the cast of Walker on The CW.
  • Grace Porter has been added to the cast of Godfather of Harlem on Epix.

Mark Your Calendar

  • Malcolm & Marie will premiere on Netflix on February 5.

  • Derek DelGaudio’s In & Of Itself will premiere on Hulu on January 22.

  • Bling Empire will debut on Netflix on January 15.

  • ATL Homicide returns on TV One on January 26.

  • Black Water: Abyss will be available on Crackle on January 21.

R.I.P.

Tommy Lasorda, Baseball legend

Dave Creek, Character designer for Bob’s Burgers

Deezer D, E.R. actor and rapper

Marion Ramsey, Police Academy actress and Broadway veteran

Neil Sheehan, Pulitzer Prize winner and the New York Times journalist who obtained the Pentagon Papers

WATCH THIS

FRIDAY

Dickinson: The first three episodes of season two are available. Apple TV+

Pretend it’s a City: “Author Fran Lebowitz provides a guide to New York City, weighing in on tourists, money, subways, the arts, and the not-so-simple act of walking in Times Square.” Directed by an up-and-coming director by the name of Martin Scorsese. Premiere. Netflix

MacGyver: Desi’s brother needs help in the winter premiere. 7 p.m., CBS

Magnum P.I.: Magnum and Higgins help a mixed martial arts fighter. Winter premiere. 8 p.m., CBS

Blue Bloods: Frank has to make a hard decision about a wheelchair-bound detective in the winter premiere. 9 p.m., CBS

SATURDAY

The King of Staten Island: Pete Davidson stars in this semi-autobiographical dramedy. 7 p.m., HBO

A Discovery of Witches: Season two premiere. Sundance Now

Ghost Nation: Winter premiere. 8 p.m., Travel Channel

SUNDAY

American Gods: Season three premiere. Remember when I blogged about this show for about five minutes? I really enjoyed it, can’t explain why I gave up … 7 p.m., Starz

Tiger: This two-part documentary examines the rise and fall of one of golf’s greatest players.  8 p.m., HBO

The Circus: The political docuseries is back just in time for the Georgia Senate runoffs and Joe Biden’s inauguration (and Trump’s final humiliation). 7 p.m., Showtime

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Rob Lowe, Lil Nas X, Regé-Jean Page, Mark Normand
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: (Friday): Mountain Goats, “The Colbert Questionnert”, featuring George Clooney, Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep
  • Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Cynthia Bailey, Bob Harper

FRI. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Shark Tank
(new)		 20/20
CBS MacGyver
(new)		 Magnum P.I.
(new)		 Blue Bloods
(new)
CW Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(repeat)		 Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(repeat)		 Penn & Teller: Fool Us
(new)		 Local
FOX Friday Night Smackdown Local
NBC Weakest Link
(repeat)		 Dateline

—

SAT. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30
ABC To Tell the Truth
(repeat)		 Shark Tank
(repeat)		 The Good Doctor
(repeat)		 News/Local
CBS NCIS: Los Angeles
(repeat)		 48 Hours 48 Hours News/Local
FOX Hell’s Kitchen
(repeat)		 The Masked Dancer
(repeat)		 News/Local
NBC Mr. Mayor
(repeat)		 Mr. Mayor
(repeat)		 Dateline
(repeat)		 Saturday Night Live
(repeat)		 News/
Local		 Saturday Night Live
(repeat: Dave Chappelle)

—

SUN. 6:00 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
(new)		 Celebrity Wheel of Fortune
(repeat)		 Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?
(new)		 The Rookie
(new)
CBS NFL Football 60 Minutes NCIS: Los Angeles
(new)		 NCIS: New Orleans
(new)
The CW Local Critics Choice Super Awards
(new)		 Local
FOX The Simp-sons
(repeat)		 Bob’s Burgers
(repeat)		 The Simp-sons
(repeat)		 Family Guy
(repeat)		 Bob’s Burgers
(repeat)		 Family Guy
(repeat)		 Local/News
NBC Sunday Night Football
(live)

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