Hi, it’s a Tuesday, and I’m feeling a bit like this baby today.
Today’s big news is the Senate runoff election going on over in Georgia today, and the fate of the Biden administration’s ability to get anything done for at least the next two years. And honestly? I have a hard time thinking about it without having heart palpitations. The bottom line is I want to be optimistic about this race, but I just can’t. Part of it is that I’m trying to protect myself from disappointment if the election doesn’t go the way I want it to, and part of it is just reality. Democrats Jon Ossoff and the Rev. Raphael Warnock are only in this runoff thanks to electoral technicalities — they actually both had fewer votes than their Republican counterparts in November. Also, I live in a state a lot like Georgia: we here in Texas are constantly being told that we will turn purple any day now, and yet … the votes just never fully show up.
But then again, there’s our criminal president. Honestly, if he had just been a normal politician who conceded graciously and then spent his energy rallying Republicans in Georgia to vote for Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue, I don’t even think there would be a chance in hell for Ossoff and Warnock. But because he keeps screaming about how the election in Georgia was fraudulent and stolen from him — as recently as yesterday right there in Georgia — he’s planting the seeds of doubt in some of his supporters’ minds, and possibly encouraging them to stay home. After all, if the election is just going to be “stolen” again, why bother?
(But honestly, I’m not getting my hopes up and am going to do everything in my power to avoid Steve Kornacki and his khakis tonight.)
One of the other things President Dickweasel also said at yesterday’s Georgia’s rally was a suggestion that Vice President Hand Cream could do … something … tomorrow during the Congressional certification of the vote.
Note: He can not.
But here’s President Booger-eater blatantly threatening his own Vice President:
"I hope Mike Pence comes through for us. I have to tell you … of course if he doesn't come through, I don't like him quite as much." — Trump pic.twitter.com/jZDOsiEllB
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 5, 2021
And then just flat-out lying on Twitter this morning.
The Vice President has the power to reject fraudulently chosen electors.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 5, 2021
No! He does not! But I do look forward to seeing how Vice President Fro-Yo wriggles himself out of this one tomorrow.
Meanwhile, President Firestarter is encouraging his lunatic followers to protest in Washington D.C. tomorrow at “Stop the Steal” rallies. 300 members of the District of Columbia National Guard have been activated and every Washington D.C. police officer will be on duty today and tomorrow, as the streets fill with Proud Boys and other lowlifes so that’s fun. And I’m not saying that President Race-Baiter is hoping violence erupts out on the streets so that he has an excuse to declare martial law, but it’s enough of a worry that all ten living former secretaries of defense co-signed a letter denouncing any talk of involving the military in election disputes. They wouldn’t have felt the need to write it if they weren’t a little bit worried about it.
The one piece of information that makes me take a deep breath and return to that place of relief and calm I felt on November 7 is that according to Scotland’s largest newspaper, The Herald, the Scottish airport closest to President Shit Gibbon’s golf course was told to expect a U.S. military plane on January 19. The suggestion is that President Orange Jobby plans to hide in Scotland for Joe Biden’s inauguration — which suggests to me that he knows the gig is up and won’t drag out this fight any longer than that. However, the United Kingdom is on lockdown until mid-February, including his golf resort. But I’m sure ol’ Cunty McLittleHands won’t let a thing like “a pandemic” and “laws” stop him from doing what he wants.
Scotland reaction to rumors Trump is heading their way should be that they are coordinating with the Hague. They do not like him. The fact is, they are who coined calling him a "Shit Gibbon" pic.twitter.com/BnopMOoZ3E
— REESUS PATRIOT™💙 (@ReesusP) January 4, 2021
I don't think Scotland is going to be welcoming Trump with open arms. pic.twitter.com/tD96lbZn4P
— Heather Thomas (@HeatherThomasAF) January 5, 2021
Scotland knows Trump. pic.twitter.com/oJJZcXO86N
— Graham Pendreigh, Esq. (@GrahamOtago) January 4, 2021
15 days to go.
Ugh. A judge has ruled that the civil lawsuits brought against Danny Masterson by four different women must be settled by the Church of Scientology in “religious arbitration.” So, basically, the Church gets to control these cases. Fortunately, Masterson has a criminal case proceeding against him, as well, and will be arraigned tomorrow.
Fashion designer Alexander Wang has been accused of drugging people, assaulting them, and forcing them to engage in unwanted sexual activity.
Four NY1 reporters, Roma Torre, Kristen Shaughnessy, Jeanine Ramirez, Vivian Lee, and Amanda Farinacci, have settled their age and gender discrimination lawsuit with Spectrum Networks and will be leaving the network as part of their deal.
Vanessa Kirby, the star of Pieces of a Woman, put out a statement regarding Shia LaBeouf that read: “I stand with all survivors of abuse and respect the courage of anyone who speaks their truth. Regarding the recent news, I can’t comment on an ongoing legal case.” Not included in her statement: “I SWEAR TO GOD, LABEOUF, IF YOU FUCK UP MY OSCAR CHANCES, I WILL CUT YOU.”
Daisy Ridley opened up about being labeled “intimidating” and “aggressive” by crew members on different films. Fuck those guys.
This is an excellent Pajiba piece on the problems of how male consent is treated in Bridgerton and Wonder Woman: 1984, problems that had the characters been women would have been viewed as clearly rape apologia. I have not watched WW: 1984, but as for Bridgerton, I both enjoyed the series while simultaneously was disturbed by the scene in question and how it was ultimately excused away because the character clearly just didn’t know what he really wanted. (I’m trying to be as non-spoilery as possible — sorry to be so vague.) It’s a gender flip on the old romance novel trope of the forced seduction — or the rape-and-forgive plotline — that is so problematic as a different Pajiba piece outlines here. (Also: thanks to Charles Kuffner for pointing this piece out to me last week!)
Eddie Izzard is out here defending J.K. Rowling and saying that she’s not a transphobe. OK.
THINGS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET AND SCREAM: The story of the girlfriend of the Nashville bomber who contacted the police to report that he was building bombs, and asked them to take his guns because she was afraid for her safety, but instead of investigating him, they took her to the hospital for a psychological evaluation and then claimed that the bomber “was not on our radar.”
We’re really making a bollocks of the vaccination efforts. Maybe if there had been a federal plan and some organization at the top that could have guided states instead of just leaving everyone to their own devices? LOL, OK.
And speaking of the states, the Governor of Nebraska has announced that undocumented meatpacking workers will not be eligible for the vaccine because apparently they can’t catch the virus and pass it along to anyone else? Orrrrrr, alternatively, the Governor of Nebraska Pete “My Head Looks Like a Penis” Ricketts is a racist asshole who doesn’t understand community spread.
And then there’s this asshole:
Los Angeles is now telling first responders to not bring in patients if they have a low chance of survival.
Over in the U.K., they are going back into lockdown thanks to this super-contagious variant of the virus. And in Germany, they’re extending their lockdown.
Cleveland Browns head coach Kevin Stefanski, two other coaches, and two players all tested positive and will miss Sunday’s playoff game against the Steelers. Oops.
In the world of television, there apparently were still some productions that hadn’t yet shut down in Los Angeles. And Kimmel and Corden had to return to shooting from their homes.
The Grammys have been postponed.
UC San Diego stocked a vending machine with COVID tests which is very clever and should be replicated at campuses everywhere. Shit, put these vending machines in every CVS already.
In case you missed Alex Trebek’s holiday message on yesterday’s Jeopardy! His final episode is this Friday.
All Other TV News
The Office left Netflix this weekend and moved to its new home on Peacock, most of the seasons hidden away behind the paywall, and fans are NOT OK with it.
The office being taken away from Netflix is a very serious offense towards my well being- I take this shit personally pic.twitter.com/Hvbd133prp
— marlen 🌹 (@marlenmeza24) December 31, 2020
When The Office is leaving Netflix and it’s the only thing you used to cope with 2020 pic.twitter.com/5phi5fx6dQ
— Chase Mandell (@chase_mandell) December 31, 2020
But can you blame Peacock? The Olympics were supposed to be the streamer’s big debut piece, but then 2020 happened, and now the rabid Office fandom is all they’ve got.
Dwight takes the blue pill in a never-before-seen cold open that Peacock released. Netflix never had this:
This is just a great fucking headline.
Despite being problematic as outlined above, people are loving them some Bridgerton.
Bean Dad is sorry. Tell it to Ken Jennings, Bean Dad. Also, a reminder: “ironic” racism is still racism.
Meghan McCain has only been back at The View for two days, and it’s already been a ride.
First, thanks to her own experience with pregnancy, yesterday Meghan explained that she finally sees that mandatory paid maternity leave should be a thing.
Conservatives in particular, she added, “given that we are the party of family values and that everything about our ideology sort of stems from the nucleus of the family, that we are leaving women in this country without the capacity and ability unless you have an employer that allows you to take care of your child, to heal physically which is something that needs to happen.”
“We are the only developing nation that doesn’t supply women with paid family leave,” she continued, urging conservatives and Democrats to come together and make mandatory paid maternity leave a policy focus for 2021.
And listen, it’s frustrating that it often requires a personal experience to push some people (~cough~ conservatives ~cough~) to find empathy, but as someone who was also pretty radicalized by the experience of being pregnant, an experience that fundamentally changed my own personal politics, I would be a hypocrite to criticize her for it. We should accept that people change and mature and not punish them for not doing so on our timetable.
But then! Today! Joy Behar was discussing the rift within the Republican party, and claimed that such divisions are not as pronounced with the Democrats, a point which Meghan took issue with. They began bickering, and Behar was irritated that Meghan interrupted her. Then this happened:
Meghan: “You missed me so much when I was on maternity leave. You missed fighting with me.”
Joy: “I did not. I did not miss you. ZERO.”
💀 #TheView pic.twitter.com/fBmDPhFgoP
— Justice Dominguez (@justicedeveraux) January 5, 2021
I AM DEAD.
I AM! I AM DEAD.
Kiernan Shipka still wants that Sabrina/Riverdale crossover, and honestly, so do I.
Meet your new Gossip Girl characters. XOXO
If you are a Dr. Phil fan — or hater — you might enjoy this deep dive into how Dr. Phil uses power dynamics that are very similar to cult leaders. It’s a 20-minute-long video, but it makes some fascinating points (or maybe I’m just obsessed with cults, which I am). H/T BoingBoing
Yesterday, I included Tanya Roberts, former Bond girl, and That ’70s Show cast member in the R.I.P. section, and then, hours later, the publicist who announced her death took it back. Ms. Roberts was alive and well, false alarm. Except! She’s not, Tanya Roberts is actually dead. 2021 is off to a wild start, guys.
- A sequel to We Can Be Heroes is in development at Netflix.
- Clancy Brown has been cast in the Dexter revivial.
- Jonathan Capehart is joining PBS NewsHour as a contributor.
Mark Your Calendars
- One Night in Miami will premiere on Amazon on January 15.
- WandaVision will debut on Disney+ on January 15.
- The Investigation will premiere on HBO on February 1.
- Arthur’s Law will debut on HBO Max on January 7.
- The Great Escapists debuts on Amazon on January 29.
- Kid Cosmic is available on Netflix.
- 9-1-1 and 9-1-1: Lone Star will have a crossover event on February 1 on Fox.
- Home Again with the Fords will return on HGTV on February 2.
- Mary McCartney Serves It Up will debut n Discovery+ on February 4.
- Banfield, a talk show hosted by Ashleigh Banfield, will debut on WGN on March 1.
- Maz Jobrani’s comedy special Pandemic Warrior will debut on Peacock on January 28.
George Gerdes, Actor who had appeared in many TV series, including Miami Vice, Seinfeld, and Bosch
Marjo Bernay, Art Director, and labor and feminist leader
Lee Breuer, Playwright and co-founder of a New York City theater company
History of Swear Words: Nicholas Cage hosts this etymological study of my favorite words in this new series. Netflix
Gordon Ramsay’s American Road Trip: Gordon Ramsay and friends Gino D’Acampo and Fred Sirieix travel the Western U.S. in this new special. 7 p.m., Fox
Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist: A lot has changed in Zoey’s world since she’s been gone. Season premiere. 7 p.m., NBC
This Is Us: Kate confronts a painful part of her past. Winter premiere. 8 p.m., NBC
PBS American Portrait: This new docuseries explores what it means to be an American today. Series premiere. 8 p.m., PBS
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Gwen Stefani, Ralph Macchio
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Chelsea Handler, Maika & Maritza Moulite, Chris Coleman
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Anya Taylor-Joy
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: James Marsden, Tim Minchin
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Jim Parsons, Elizabeth Olsen, Yungblud
- The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
- Watch What Happens Live: Stephanie Hollman, Carson Kressley
|ABC||The Lion King||The Goldbergs
|FBI: Most Wanted
|CW||World’s Funniest Animals
|World’s Funniest Animals
|Masters of Illusion
|Masters of Illusion
|FOX||Gordon Ramsay’s American Road Trip
|NBC||Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist
|This Is Us
One thought on “In which I am completely calm and not at all freaking out about what might happen in this country over the course of the next 48 hours.”
Turns out we should have been freaking out more……