Hi, it’s Tuesday!
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Happy Safe Harbor Day. Although Trump forces will undoubtedly try to continue re-re-litigating the election, challenges to state election results are effectively over as CRS explains in the snip below. The official Electoral College vote takes place 12/14. pic.twitter.com/XVgatbpoTD
— Joyce Alene (@JoyceWhiteVance) December 8, 2020
Today is Safe Harbor Day, the day when states’ finalized votes have to be treated by Congress as the “conclusive” results, and no more lawsuits challenging a state’s election can be brought in state court — but they can in federal. This limits Congress’ ability to make mischief in the election, but it doesn’t mean President Coup-Attempts’ allies are going to quit looking for trouble. In fact, the tantrums seem to be becoming more hysterical, if anything.
President Galoot continues to call state officials to try to pressure them to change election results: he called and harassed Georgia Governor Kemp this weekend, and apparently, in the past week, he’s called Pennsylvania House of Representatives Speaker Bryan Cutler demanding to know what they could do to “fix” the vote in Philadelphia. Short answer: NOTHING. NOT A THING.
But, that didn’t stop some Pennsylvanian Republicans from filing suit to throw out mail-in ballots and allow them to choose the electors. Here’s the funny part: It was the Republican legislature who wrote the bill that allowed mail-in votes, and they passed it unanimously.
— John Fetterman (@JohnFetterman) December 8, 2020
So … the Republican legislature is arguing that they shouldn’t have been allowed to write the mail-in ballot law, but they should be allowed to choose the electors and ignore the will of millions of voters? YEP! MAKES SENSE.
And then, for some reason, Texas’ own Blobfish, Ted Cruz, announced he would personally argue the case at the Supreme Court. Because he’s a preening, no-chinned monster who is willing to subvert democracy on behalf of a state he’s not from. I hate him so much, you guys.
Also from my state, we’ve pulled a real dipshit move courtesy of our thoroughly crooked attorney general, Ken Paxton, who, FUN FACT! is not only under indictment but also the subject of an FBI investigation. Anyway, this asshole right here, he’s trying to make a federal case of this (thereby getting around the Safe Harbor Day rules) and filed suit in the Supreme Court against Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin to “enjoin the use of unlawful election results without review and ratification by the defendant states’ legislatures.”
Basically, Texas wants the Supreme Court to say that other states did FRAUD! and therefore can’t determine how they choose their electors, and to throw out literally millions of valid votes. Listen! We can certainly go to a nationalized system of voting in which every state’s elections follow some set of federally determined set of rules and laws. BUT WE DON’T HAVE THAT, AND KEN PAXTON CAN GO KICK ROCKS FOR WASTING EVERYONE’S TIME IN HIS EFFORT TO OUST TED CRUZ AS PRESIDENT CULT LEADER’S MOST SYCOPHANTIC LACKEY.
And then over in Arizona, the GOP has completely lost their damn minds and are actively encouraging violence:
He is. Are you? https://t.co/OY8qxNMPxm
— Arizona Republican Party (@AZGOP) December 8, 2020
"Die for Trump" is the official "AZ GOP" twitter message? Really guys? Really? https://t.co/S2jXNx2GD3
— Meghan McCain (@MeghanMcCain) December 8, 2020
Meanwhile, someone seems to know the jig is up. Look how depressed he is and wait for Mr. Gable’s amazing response:
This is unreal. Trump abruptly walked out of Dan Gable’s Medal of Freedom ceremony today, leaving Gable shrugging and at a complete loss about what he was supposed to do. pic.twitter.com/mOzlLn8poC
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) December 8, 2020
Lou seems chill. pic.twitter.com/a21nYnFuul
— Schooley (@Rschooley) December 8, 2020
The Electoral College votes in less than a week. Expect the hissy fits and the considerably less funny calls to violence to grow louder between now and then. It’s going to be a bumpy few days, but we will get through it. And when we do, Joe Biden has concrete plans for what he wants to accomplish in his first 100 days: vaccines, masks, and reopening schools.
We are hitting 200,000+ new cases a day, well over 15 million cases in total, and are now up somewhere between 283,000 and more than 290,000 deaths in America. We will hit 300,000 deaths very, very soon, possibly next week.
This is Peak British right here. Martin Kenyon has just had the vaccination — sorry, inoculation. Could almost be a Monty Python sketch. Lovely man. pic.twitter.com/IZG2v0wJCS
— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) December 8, 2020
Over on this side of the world, the White House came up with a grand idea: they’d host a “Vaccine Summit” today so that President Doofus could take credit for the vaccines. But the two manufacturers who are most likely to deliver the first vaccines, Pfizer and Moderna, were like, NO THANK YOU PLEASE.
And maybe we’ll begin vaccinating folks next week, who knows! But even when we do, you’ll still need to wear a mask. The vaccine trials only tracked how many people got sick after they were vaccinated: you might get the vaccine and still contract the virus and spread it without ever knowing you’re contagious. It sucks! But that’s where we are. Also, stop being a baby about masks — I’m not sure I’ll ever fly without one even after all this is over and done with, honestly.
‘This is not that hard to understand, everybody’ — Bill Nye is back on TikTok to drop more knowledge about masks and COVID-19 pic.twitter.com/XozmrelfFA
— NowThis (@nowthisnews) December 5, 2020
Hey! Guess who has COVID-19 now? Did you guess Jenna Ellis, the woman Rudy Giuliani was literally farting on just a week ago and who attended a senior staff holiday party at the White House and now has a bunch of Trumpies FREAKING OUT? “‘People brought their families,’ said one senior White House official who attended the party and has since been informed of Ellis’ diagnosis.” YEAH. THAT’S WHY YOU DON’T TAKE YOUR CHILDREN TO KNOWN SUPER SPREADER EVENTS. I swear to God, you can literally hear the rocks bouncing around these people’s heads.
And here’s a terrifying story: in Florida this summer, a woman named Rebekah Jones was fired from the Florida Department of Health after she accused the state of mismanaging the pandemic and hiding the number of people who had become sick and died. Yesterday, Florida cops raided her house, pulling their guns and her and her children, and confiscated her computer, phone, and other equipment that she uses to run her own website critical of the state. They are accusing her of hacking into the Department of Health’s website to urge other professionals to speak out, but she denies the allegations and says that her computer contains “evidence of corruption at the state level.”
The Shot: Race for the Vaccine – A Special Edition of 20/20 will air on ABC on December 14.
Chris Collinsworth has only now learned that women watch NFL, too. What an educational moment for him!
Mads Mikkelsen put out a statement about Johnny Depp’s court case in the U.K. which confirmed that yes, he’s a wife-beater, wishing both parties “the best” and “I hope both of them will be back in the saddle again really soon.” Oh noooooo, that ain’t it, Mads. Johnny Depp does not need to be in any saddles again anytime soon. Maybe ever.
Magic Castle, the legendary Los Angeles club for magicians, is a hotbed of sexual harassment and assault to absolutely no one’s surprise.
All Other TV News
MSNBC has named Rashida Jones as their next president. She becomes the first Black executive to run a cable news network.
I don’t know if you watched Murder on Middle Beach, but if you enjoy true crime and family DRAMAZ as much as I do, I highly recommend you give it a looksee. And watch past the first episode — I know it seems like they settle on an obvious suspect in the first hour but I assure you things go bonkers in the next two episodes. If you have watched, Madison Hamburg addresses your questions here, including whether there could be another installment (yes, maybe!).
Christopher Nolan is, unsurprisingly, unhappy with this HBO Max movie situation. But considering it was his movie, Tenet, which he forced Warner Brothers to release in theaters MID-PANDEMIC which made Warner Brothers realize that maybe people aren’t ready to go back to movie theaters, considering all this, he should probably shut it.
Nielsen is going to finally combine linear and streaming viewing into one number. It’s complicated but basically, by 2022 ratings will be more accurate.
YOU GUYS, BREAKDANCING IS NOW AN OLYMPIC SPORT. I am LEGIT excited about this.
That Pete Davidson table reading of It’s a Wonderful Life that people are so bunched up about will also feature Karolyn Grimes, the original Zuzu Bailey. The reading will take place on December 13.
Speaking of Pete Davidson, his fellow Staten Islanders — specifically someone named “Mr. Tobacco” — are SO MAD about his jokes on this week’s SNL. I mean, if you’re going to be a walking stereotype, you need to learn how to take a joke, guys.
Hi, @chancetherapper. If you are very obviously a rapper why did you put it in your stage name? I cannot stop thinking about this.
— Dionne Warwick (@_DionneWarwick) December 5, 2020
I am now Dionne the Singer.
— Dionne Warwick (@_DionneWarwick) December 5, 2020
I just got roasted by Dionne Warwick and I feel honored! You just made my day 😂❤️❤️❤️ https://t.co/uO9e0h067q
— The Weeknd (@theweeknd) December 6, 2020
Came here to find foolishness in my replies. I am rushing to into an interview and this is the last time I’m saying this. Thanks. pic.twitter.com/En49BaoGRK
— Dionne Warwick (@_DionneWarwick) December 7, 2020
- For All Mankind has been renewed for a third season on Apple TV+.
- Carrie & Me, a film based on Carol Burnett’s book about her relationship with her daughter and produced by Tina Fey, is close to landing at Apple TV+.
- Killer In Plain Sight is coming to Hulu.
- High Maintenance has been picked up by Discovery.
- Bryan Cogman has signed an overall deal with Entertainment One.
- Billy Porter will appear on New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2021 on ABC.
- Tony Plana, Brittany S. Hall, Erica Luttrell, Zsané Jhé, Bobbi Baker, Patrice Arenas, Trinity Cidel, Brandi Huzzie, Rodney Gardiner, and Janmarco Santiago are joining David Makes Man on OWN.
- Alicia Coppola, Marwan Salama, and Marisela Zumbado are joining the cast of Generation on HBO.
- Idara Victor, Oscar Montoya, Jessica Lowe, Lennon Parham, Michael Angarano, and Jake Johnson have been cast in Minx on HBO Max.
- Cleveland Berto is joining the cast of Chicago P.D. on NBC.
Mark Your Calendars
- Clarice will debut on CBS on February 11.
- Letterkenny returns on Hulu on December 26.
- Double Dad will premiere on Netflix on January 15.
- The Minimalists will debut on January 1 and I’m going to tell you right now they can just fuck all the way off. HANDS OFF MY STUFF.
- Letters to Satan Claus will premiere on Syfy on December 19.
- Transformers: War for Cybertron Trilogy – Earthrise premieres on Netflix on December 30.
- grown-ish returns on Freeform on January 21.
- A Discovery of Witches will return on Shudder and Sundance Now on January 9.
- Bobby and Giada in Italy will debut on Discovery+ on January 4.
- Here are a whole bunch of Hallmark Movie premiere dates for January.
Chuck Yeager, War hero and test pilot who broke the sound barrier and helped usher in the age of space travel, subject of The Right Stuff
Iconic Test Pilot General Chuck Yeager has slipped the surly bonds of earth. A WWII fighter ace and the first human to break the sound barrier.
— Scott Kelly (@StationCDRKelly) December 8, 2020
Mark O’Brien, Former Warner Brothers executive and founder of Mighty Oak Entertainment
40 Years a Prisoner: The story this documentary explores is a bit of history I lived through but hadn’t ever heard of until I was an adult, and only then because my husband is from Philadelphia and told me about it. Back in 1985, the Philadelphia police raided a townhouse that served as the headquarters for MOVE, a black militant anarcho-primitivist group, and an officer was shot (by whom remains an open question). The police dropped a bomb on the house from a helicopter and refused to allow firefighters access to stop the ensuing blaze. The fire killed five children, and six adults and burned down 65 houses in the neighborhood. True story! Anyway, the son of two of the MOVE leaders who were arrested after this raid seeks justice in this film. 8 p.m., HBO
Transplant: Two-hour season finale. 8 p.m., NBC
Kong: Skull Island: I have ridden the Universal Studios ride, but I have not seen the movie. However, after watching this (unintentionally?) hilarious clip (SPOILERS, SO DON’T CLICK IF YOU CAN’T STAND SPOILERS), I’m thinking I need to give it a looksee. 5 p.m., TNT
— not dookie (@LucidBoardshop) December 4, 2020
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Taraji P. Henson, Chloe Fineman, Finneas
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Jimmy Fallon, Joe Manganiello, Kaz Rodriguez
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: John Dickerson, Emily Bazelon, David Plotz, Greta Van Fleet
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Meryl Streep, Billy Eichner
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Tim Allen, Stacey Abrams, Ari Lennox
- The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
- Conan: Marshawn Lynch
- Watch What Happens Live: Dianne Wiest, Candice Bergen
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