Everything else might be shit in the world, but at least we’re alive at the same time as Dolly Parton

by Therese Odell, posted in Uncategorized

HELLO TUESDAY.

Going Viral

Joe Biden is pointing out the obvious: people will needlessly die if the current asshole in the White House doesn’t coordinate a vaccine distribution plan with Biden’s team.

Of course, Dolly Parton donated money towards vaccine efforts. Obviously, she did. She is a literal angel here on Earth.

A grim statistic: 80% of people who died of COVID in Texas jails hadn’t been convicted of anything. At the beginning of all this, some were OUTRAGED! at the idea of releasing those who were in jail, and I got into a Facebook argument or two with some of them, pointing out that it’s not just the arrested people — who had not been found guilty of anything — who were going to die if they weren’t released, it would also be guards and jail/prison staff and their families. And here we are.

New York City projects tourism might not fully return until 2025.

What visiting Santa is going to look like this year.

The NCAA is looking into having a single city host the entire basketball tournament, not just the final four.

Here is a list of 13 TV stars who have had COVID. I think I missed that Colton Underwood caught it early on.

No, Tony Award-nominated actor Chad Kimball, that’s not how any of this works, you moron.

Dear White People had to shut down production after several people tested positive.

The Michael Bay COVID thriller, Songbird, is coming to VOD instead of theaters, WHICH ONLY SEEMS LOGICAL.

Judd Apatow is making a movie for Netflix about making a movie during COVID-19.

The Second Wave, Robert and Michelle King’s coronavirus series, has added Will Swenson, Phillipa Soo, and Leslie Uggams to the cast.

The Vicar Of Dibley will return on BBC with a series of lockdown specials.

Political Crap

In 64 days, President Stain will be out of the White House. But before he goes, he’s looking to maybe start a war, pull troops out of Afghanistan, Iraq, and Somalia, continue to discredit our democratic process and hamstring the Biden administration’s handling of the virus and a vaccine rollout.

As for the lawsuits, today President Failure’s lawyer (singular) is in a Pennsylvania courtroom, asking that the judge stop certification of the state’s votes … because. The lawyers on this case were originally from the firm Porter Wright, but they quit last week and were replaced by a bunch of yahoos. But then THEY quit yesterday, all but one, who asked to delay the hearing, but the judge was all, “OH HELL NAW.” So this is going well for them.

UPDATE: It looks like Rudy Guiliani is now also on this case. GOOD LUCK, MY MAN.

Meanwhile, Rudy Giuliani is charging President Bankruptcy $20,000 A DAY for his legal representation. First of all, HA! FOR WHAT? But second of all, pro tip, Rudz: get that upfront in cash.

Lindsey Graham pressured the Republican Georgia Secretary of State to throw out legal votes.

And Ted Cruz continues to be a total putz.

But my other senator is at least part of a growing number of Republicans who are gradually accepting reality, so that’s something. I suppose. I mean, it’s the BARE FUCKING MINIMUM, but it’s something.

#MeToo

Jeffrey Toobin has been fired from The New Yorker. He still has a job at CNN.

A rape lawsuit against Russell Simmons has been thrown out for being filed four years outside the statute of limitations.

How The Crown foreshadowed Prince Andrew’s scandal this season.

Louis C.K., ladies and gentlemen: “I was in a chess store … and the guy who ran the store says, ‘I know who you are. You are a great martyr for history. And like the martyr, you will be crucified and destroyed, and then you will live on,’ Louis C.K. joked. “And I’m like, ‘Jesus, man. I’d really rather just fucking live my life.’” 

All Other TV News

One of the stars of Big Sky might have just spoiled the ending of tonight’s series premiere. Or she could be lying, but what a weird thing to lie about … Proceed carefully.

The royal family hates The Crown. (LOL)

Unsolved Mysteries viewers: there has been a small update in the Alonzo Brooks case:

Terrence Winter is leaving the HBO Max series The Batman as its showrunner.

Kazakh-Americans hate Borat Subsequent Moviefilm and do not want it considered for Oscars. (Meanwhile, the country of Kazakstan has actually come round to Boart and even co-opted his catchphrase, “Very nice!”)

While we’re on the subject, the true star of Borat 2, Maria Bakalova, says her audition process was so weird and secretive, she was worried she was about to be human trafficked.

The single best thing that came from this election, Four Seasons Total Landscaping, has hired a social media marketer, and I mean this sincerely, it’s going well:

This is pure genius:

Hulu is about to raise the price of live TV.

Renewals

  • Woke has been renewed at Hulu.

Cancellations

  • Conan is ending on TBS this summer. Conan O’Brien will move to HBO Max with a weekly series.

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • The Stand will premiere on CBS All Access on December 17.
  • Pieces of a Woman will debut on Netflix on January 7.
  • Tiny Pretty Things will premiere on Netflix on December 14.
  • 40 Years a Prisoner will debut on HBO on December 8.
  • Small Axe: Lovers Rock will debut on Amazon on November 27.
  • The Movie Show will premiere on Syfy on November 27.
  • 30 Coins will debut on HBO sometime next year.
  • Earth at Night in Color will debut on Apple TV on December 4.
  • 69: The Saga Of Danny Hernandez is now streaming on Hulu.

WATCH THIS

The LEGO Star Wars Holiday Special: Rey, Finn, Poe, Rose, and Chewie celebrate Life Day, and there better be weird musical numbers, dammit. Premiere. Disney+

Kevin Hart: Zero Fucks Given: Kevin Hart has a new stand-up special, guys. Netflix

We Are the Champions: Rainn Wilson narrates this new series that explores weird competitions around the world. Season premiere. Netflix

The Oprah Conversation: Oprah interviews that scamp Barry Obama. Apple TV+

Big Sky: Ryan Phillippe stars in this new David E. Kelley mystery as a private detective who has to team up with his ex to investigate the disappearance of two sisters in Montana. Series premiere. 9 p.m., ABC

NCIS: The team deals with a cadaver that goes missing from their autopsy room in the season premiere. 7 p.m., CBS

FBI: The team searches for a mass shooter. Season premiere. 8 p.m., CBS

FBI: Most Wanted: A single mother goes on a rampage in the season premiere. 9 p.m., CBS

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Whoopi Goldberg, Emma Corrin, Dierks Bentley
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Hugh Laurie, Rachel Bloom, LP, Valerie Franco
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Lewis Hamilton, Andrea Bocelli
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Melissa McCarthy, Bobby Cannavale, FITZ
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: “People”‘s Sexiest Man Alive, Alison Brie, G-Eazy featuring Blackbear
  • The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
  • Conan: Tracee Ellis Ross
  • Watch What Happens Live: Stephen Dorff, Elizabeth Berkley

TUES. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Bachelorette
(new)		 Big Sky
(new)
CBS NCIS
(new)		 FBI
(new)		 FBI: Most Wanted
(new)
CW Swamp Thing
(new)		 Tell Me a Story
(new)		 Local
FOX Cosmos: Possible Worlds
(new)		 neXt
(new)		 News/Local
NBC The Voice
(new)		 This Is Us
(new)		 Transplant
(new)

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