This has absolutely finished me off I love her pic.twitter.com/6DaI0gxDEe
— wap rem x (@jackremmington) November 15, 2020
I still don’t understand how COVID is worse than ever after we’ve tried everything from pretending it’s over to pretending it never happened
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) November 16, 2020
Joe Biden is pointing out the obvious: people will needlessly die if the current asshole in the White House doesn’t coordinate a vaccine distribution plan with Biden’s team.
Of course, Dolly Parton donated money towards vaccine efforts. Obviously, she did. She is a literal angel here on Earth.
When I donated the money to the Covid fund I just wanted it to do good and evidently, it is! Let’s just hope we can find a cure real soon. pic.twitter.com/dQgDWexO0C
— Dolly Parton (@DollyParton) November 17, 2020
Apparently, Dolly Parton donated $1 million dollars to scientists for a COVID vaccine — which means she did more end the pandemic than Donald Trump. https://t.co/Jn2rbc8gAN
— Trish Zornio (@trish_zornio) November 17, 2020
Shakespeare may have written King Lear during the plague, but Dolly Parton funded a covid vaccine, dropped a Christmas album and a Christmas special.
— Lyz Lenz (@lyzl) November 17, 2020
More of Dolly Parton's benevolent acts:
-sent 100 million+ books to children worldwide
-raised $9 million for Great Smoky Mountains wildfire victims
-worked to save the bald eagle from extinction
-raised funds for AIDS research
-exec produced Buffy & Father of the Bride https://t.co/WeDeqf8IRG
— Jarett Wieselman (@JarettSays) November 17, 2020
A grim statistic: 80% of people who died of COVID in Texas jails hadn’t been convicted of anything. At the beginning of all this, some were OUTRAGED! at the idea of releasing those who were in jail, and I got into a Facebook argument or two with some of them, pointing out that it’s not just the arrested people — who had not been found guilty of anything — who were going to die if they weren’t released, it would also be guards and jail/prison staff and their families. And here we are.
The NCAA is looking into having a single city host the entire basketball tournament, not just the final four.
Here is a list of 13 TV stars who have had COVID. I think I missed that Colton Underwood caught it early on.
No, Tony Award-nominated actor Chad Kimball, that’s not how any of this works, you moron.
Dear White People had to shut down production after several people tested positive.
The Michael Bay COVID thriller, Songbird, is coming to VOD instead of theaters, WHICH ONLY SEEMS LOGICAL.
The Second Wave, Robert and Michelle King’s coronavirus series, has added Will Swenson, Phillipa Soo, and Leslie Uggams to the cast.
The Vicar Of Dibley will return on BBC with a series of lockdown specials.
In 64 days, President Stain will be out of the White House. But before he goes, he’s looking to maybe start a war, pull troops out of Afghanistan, Iraq, and Somalia, continue to discredit our democratic process and hamstring the Biden administration’s handling of the virus and a vaccine rollout.
As for the lawsuits, today President Failure’s lawyer (singular) is in a Pennsylvania courtroom, asking that the judge stop certification of the state’s votes … because. The lawyers on this case were originally from the firm Porter Wright, but they quit last week and were replaced by a bunch of yahoos. But then THEY quit yesterday, all but one, who asked to delay the hearing, but the judge was all, “OH HELL NAW.” So this is going well for them.
UPDATE: It looks like Rudy Guiliani is now also on this case. GOOD LUCK, MY MAN.
Meanwhile, Rudy Giuliani is charging President Bankruptcy $20,000 A DAY for his legal representation. First of all, HA! FOR WHAT? But second of all, pro tip, Rudz: get that upfront in cash.
And Ted Cruz continues to be a total putz.
Aside from the fact that masks are helpful indoors even when more than six feet away, there was a staff member right below Sullivan.
Similar to when Trump removed his mask when he had Covid – allies said there was nobody around even though a photographer was right there. pic.twitter.com/zWo2gn97du
— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) November 17, 2020
But my other senator is at least part of a growing number of Republicans who are gradually accepting reality, so that’s something. I suppose. I mean, it’s the BARE FUCKING MINIMUM, but it’s something.
A rape lawsuit against Russell Simmons has been thrown out for being filed four years outside the statute of limitations.
Louis C.K., ladies and gentlemen: “I was in a chess store … and the guy who ran the store says, ‘I know who you are. You are a great martyr for history. And like the martyr, you will be crucified and destroyed, and then you will live on,’ Louis C.K. joked. “And I’m like, ‘Jesus, man. I’d really rather just fucking live my life.’”
All Other TV News
One of the stars of Big Sky might have just spoiled the ending of tonight’s series premiere. Or she could be lying, but what a weird thing to lie about … Proceed carefully.
Unsolved Mysteries viewers: there has been a small update in the Alonzo Brooks case:
UPDATE: The FBI learned of a second party in La Cygne, Kansas the night Alonzo Brooks disappeared. Attendees left the party after a fight broke out, then headed to the Farmhouse where Alonzo was last seen. If you attended either party or know someone who did, please come forward. pic.twitter.com/qqUeQLrnDy
— Unsolved Mysteries (@Unsolved) November 17, 2020
Kazakh-Americans hate Borat Subsequent Moviefilm and do not want it considered for Oscars. (Meanwhile, the country of Kazakstan has actually come round to Boart and even co-opted his catchphrase, “Very nice!”)
While we’re on the subject, the true star of Borat 2, Maria Bakalova, says her audition process was so weird and secretive, she was worried she was about to be human trafficked.
The single best thing that came from this election, Four Seasons Total Landscaping, has hired a social media marketer, and I mean this sincerely, it’s going well:
— Schitt's Creek (@SchittsCreek) November 14, 2020
— Four Seasons Total Landscaping (@therealfstl1992) November 16, 2020
This is pure genius:
My friend Nicole Spiezio used to make me scream by pretending to conduct the score to the housewives. pic.twitter.com/02pDS6WvRn
— John Early (@bejohnce) November 16, 2020
For #MNF pregame tonight my guy @athielen19 will be honoring the legend Alex Trebek who passed last week. I feel like no matter where you were from I feel like Jeopardy was a part of all of our lives in some way. 🙏 #skol pic.twitter.com/1itrgOM4M8
— Mache- that guy who does the artwork on the shoes. (@MACHE275) November 16, 2020
- Woke has been renewed at Hulu.
- Conan is ending on TBS this summer. Conan O’Brien will move to HBO Max with a weekly series.
“In 1993 Johnny Carson gave me the best advice of my career: ‘As soon as possible, get to a streaming platform.’ I’m thrilled that I get to continue doing whatever the hell it is I do on HBO Max, and I look forward to a free subscription."
— Frank Pallotta (@frankpallotta) November 17, 2020
- A sitcom starring Alec Baldwin and Kelsey Grammer from the producers of Modern Family has been ordered at ABC.
- Wonder Girl is being turned into a TV series by Greg Berlanti for The CW.
- For Real: The Story of Reality TV, a series hosted and produced by Andy Cohen, has en ordered at E!
- Dial M For Murder is being adapted into a limited series.
- The Final Girl Support Group is being turned into a TV series.
- The Long Call is being adapted into a miniseries at ITV.
- Drag Race Spain is being produced by World of Wonder.
- Gretchen Mol will co-star in American Gigolo on Showtime.
- Nick Jonas is returning to The Voice and will replace Gwen Stefani.
- Gregg Wayans, Asjha Cooper, Ron Taylor, Justin Miles, and Katelyn Tarver have been cast in Freeform’s None of the Above.
- Aaron Dominguez is joining the cast of Hulu’s Only Murders In The Building.
Mark Your Calendars
- The Stand will premiere on CBS All Access on December 17.
- Pieces of a Woman will debut on Netflix on January 7.
- Tiny Pretty Things will premiere on Netflix on December 14.
- 40 Years a Prisoner will debut on HBO on December 8.
- Small Axe: Lovers Rock will debut on Amazon on November 27.
- The Movie Show will premiere on Syfy on November 27.
- 30 Coins will debut on HBO sometime next year.
- Earth at Night in Color will debut on Apple TV on December 4.
- 69: The Saga Of Danny Hernandez is now streaming on Hulu.
- An Hour with President Obama will air on BET tonight.
- Women of Worth will air on CBS on November 25.
- Crossing Lines will premiere on Ovation TV on December 7.
- Garth & Trisha Live! A Holiday Concert Event will air on CBS on December 20.
- The Commons will premiere on Sundance on December 3.
- Unexpected will return on TLC on December 20.
- Rocket Around the Xmas Tree will premier on Discovery on December 3.
- Streets of Dreams with Marcus Lemonis will premiere on CNBC on December 29.
The LEGO Star Wars Holiday Special: Rey, Finn, Poe, Rose, and Chewie celebrate Life Day, and there better be weird musical numbers, dammit. Premiere. Disney+
Kevin Hart: Zero Fucks Given: Kevin Hart has a new stand-up special, guys. Netflix
We Are the Champions: Rainn Wilson narrates this new series that explores weird competitions around the world. Season premiere. Netflix
The Oprah Conversation: Oprah interviews that scamp Barry Obama. Apple TV+
Big Sky: Ryan Phillippe stars in this new David E. Kelley mystery as a private detective who has to team up with his ex to investigate the disappearance of two sisters in Montana. Series premiere. 9 p.m., ABC
NCIS: The team deals with a cadaver that goes missing from their autopsy room in the season premiere. 7 p.m., CBS
FBI: The team searches for a mass shooter. Season premiere. 8 p.m., CBS
FBI: Most Wanted: A single mother goes on a rampage in the season premiere. 9 p.m., CBS
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Whoopi Goldberg, Emma Corrin, Dierks Bentley
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Hugh Laurie, Rachel Bloom, LP, Valerie Franco
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Lewis Hamilton, Andrea Bocelli
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Melissa McCarthy, Bobby Cannavale, FITZ
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: “People”‘s Sexiest Man Alive, Alison Brie, G-Eazy featuring Blackbear
- The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
- Conan: Tracee Ellis Ross
- Watch What Happens Live: Stephen Dorff, Elizabeth Berkley
|FBI: Most Wanted
|Tell Me a Story
|FOX||Cosmos: Possible Worlds
|This Is Us