It’s Friday. Yay? Who cares? What does it matter anyway?
Andrew Cotter meets virtually with his employees to discuss their performances:
Let’s start with politics today, because President Fuck Science is having quite the 24 hours. Yesterday, at his not-campaign rally in Pennsylvania, President Saying the Quiet Part Out Loud was, for once, honest about he feels about testing:
TRUMP: "When you test, you have a case. When you test, you find something is wrong with people. If we didn't do any testing we would have very few cases." pic.twitter.com/tEX1uXQbmp
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 14, 2020
Or, if you’d rather have it delivered more hilariously:
How to more cases than anybody in the world pic.twitter.com/VA9bPJiQ6i
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) May 15, 2020
Some people are pointing out how dumb this is, but I think he’s actually being remarkably forthcoming: President Head in the Sand would rather no one be tested than implement a broad coordinated system of testing and contact tracing, because if there were no tests, none of us would ever know just how terrible this virus is. LOGIC! He would legitimately prefer to keep you, me, your parents, our grandparents, our entire country in the complete dark about REALITY than do the hard work of confronting the truth. After all, science and the truth are proving to be very inconvenient for him, and so he’d rather it just all go away now. And the maddening thing about this denialist messaging is that his hardcore followers and believers are going to hear it, absorb it, and refuse to be tested or treat the virus with the seriousness it deserves when or if it touches their very lives.
But leaving that bonkers part of the equation aside, these comments by President Incompetent are a revealing glimpse into exactly what went wrong in this country and why it is not unreasonable to lay the deaths of tens of thousands of our fellow Americans directly on the doorstep of the White House. From the moment this virus became a pandemic, President Denial believed that if he just exerted his will strong enough, if he just ignored it hard enough, it would just go away, magically, sometime in April. The testing, which revealed how widespread the virus actually was, belied this insane fantasy, and thus, in his broken brain, the testing was the problem, not the lack of a competent, aggressive, and federally coordinated response to the virus. Reality literally went to war with President Delusional’s fantasy world and as a result, we are now closing in on 90,000 Americans — roughly 300 9/11s, or 22,5000 Benghazis, for the Republicans in the audience — dead.
Anyway, today he had a press conference which was forced outside in the Rose Garden for social distancing purposes, and it’s being drowned out by a bunch of truckers blaring their horns to protest low shipping rates. He’s claiming it’s a demonstration of “love for Trump,” because he’s a lying lunatic.
Truckers start honking in protest during Trump's address, and he says it's "a sign of love" and they're "protesting in favor of President Trump." The truckers are protesting low shipping rates during the pandemic, and have called for Trump to act https://t.co/Nj065D03oX pic.twitter.com/LlLO6sZW4p
— CBS News (@CBSNews) May 15, 2020
NBC acquired the Canadian medical drama, Transplants, suggesting they, like Fox and The CW, will be seeking out programs that have already been produced to fill their fall schedule. NBCUniversal is owned by Comcast, which also owns the U.K. broadcaster, Sky, so I’ll be curious if they acquire any content from them, too, or if they will stick to Canadian productions or series that they have already produced for Peacock. Stay tuned.
Facebook will be streaming a graduation ceremony this afternoon at 1/2 p.m., CST/EST. This is the event where Oprah will be delivering the commencement. Tomorrow’s primetime broadcast will be the one where President Obama delivers the commencement.
ITV will be making a series about the animals at the London Zoo during lockdown.
Or not! Do what you want, says Oklahoma. They’re just offering mild suggestions over there.
Kumiko Okae, actress and voiceover actress, has died from the virus.
Restaurants are adding COVID-19 surcharges to help cover costs, and God bless them, I’m more than happy to pay. Meanwhile, something you should know before you order through GrubHub: they have a shit policy wherein if you, the customer, call a restaurant, GrubHub could be charging the restaurant a service fee. The deal is, GrubHub creates phone numbers for the restaurants with whom they have contracts and they flood the internet with these phone numbers. And if you happen to call that number — even if GrubHub doesn’t make the delivery — they will charge the restaurant a fee, which could be as high as $7 or $8. A CALL. I, for one, will no longer be using GrubHub or any of its other delivery services, and will be doing what I can to find any restaurant’s real phone numbers before placing any orders. So shitty, GrubHub. Truly shitty.
The Los Angeles County Fair has been canceled for the first time since World War II.
Want to join me and my friends from Once Upon A Time for a virtual reunion and raise money for a great cause? Enter for your chance to win here: https://t.co/ZJSSNps1cM @chocchildrens pic.twitter.com/b49DIYiLKy
— Rebecca Mader (@bexmader) May 14, 2020
Julio Torres is hosting a virtual comedy show to raise money for undocumented workers. It will stream this evening.
All Other TV News
How to Get Away with Murder ended last night after a six-season run, and it managed to answer a bunch of lingering questions in a very plot-heavy 40 minutes. Here, the showrunner discusses tying up those loose ends and a potential spinoff, if you’re interested. And here, Viola Davis discusses why she took on the role of the complicated Annalise Keating. Whatever you might think of the show, her character was certainly groundbreaking in how it portrayed African-American women of a certain age: Davis was a goddamned revelation.
Bret Weston Wallis is definitely one of my favorite ridiculous Riverdale names because I’m a big nerd, but this list overlooks Donna Sweett — a tribute to author Donna Tartt, whose book The Secret History not only inspired last season’s prep school murder mystery plot, but all of How to Get Away with Murder, too. Anyway, there are a lot of hilarious names on Riverdale, is the point.
Interesting: Black Mirror has been kicked out of the Emmys’ Movie category and will be forced to compete in Drama. Why haven’t the Emmys created an Anthology category yet? Shows like Black Mirror and American Horror Story shouldn’t be judged against traditional narrative dramas, or limited series as they are self-contained stories in each episode. It’s time to give them their own category.
- American Idol has been renewed for season 19 on ABC.
- The Good Fight has been renewed for a fifth season.
- Code 404 has been renewed at Sky.
- Ugh, Quibi is doing a documentary series called Sign Language about the Houston Astros cheating scandal. BLARG.
- A Percy Jackson series is in the works at Disney+.
- Star Trek: Strange New Worlds has been ordered at CBS All Access.
- Ball and Chain, a superhero movie starring Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt, is coming to Netflix.
- Ladies Who Punch, the tell-all book about The View, is being turned into a limited series, and if Cheri Oteri isn’t cast as Barbara Walters, I will burn it all down.
- Clouds, a biopic about teenage singer-songwriter Zach Sobiech, is coming to Disney+.
- Britbox has picked up the largest collection of Agatha Christie projects, including movies and TV series.
- The Lost Boys has not been picked up as a series at The CW — but it isn’t dead yet.
- Close Up, a mystery drama, is not moving forward at Freeform.
- Darren Barnet will guest star on Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Mark Your Calendar
- Somebody Feed Phil will return on Netflix on May 29.
- White Lines premieres on Netflix today:
- TBS will run a Frank Costanza marathon of Seinfeld episodes this weekend beginning on Saturday.
- A Grease-sing-a-long will air on CBS on June 7.
- Queer Eye returns on Netflix on June 5.
- Patriot Act returns on Netflix on May 17.
- Eric Andre: Legalize Everything will debut on Netflix on June 23.
- Sherman’s Showcase Black History Month Spectacular will air on IFC on June 19.
- Chemical Hearts will debut on Amazon on August 21.
- Big Time Bake will premiere on Food Network on June 8.
- The Genetic Detective will premiere on ABC on May 26.
- Hallmark Movies: Country at Heart, June 6; Love in the Forecast, June 13; Love Under the Olive Tree, June June 20.
- Brave New World
- The Capture
- Psych 2: Lassie Come Home
- In Deep with Ryan Lochte
- Lost Speedways
- Curious George
- Dreamworks Cleopatra in Space
- Dreamworks Where’s Waldo?
The Great: Elle Fanning and Nicolas Hoult star in this reimagining of the Catherine the Great story from the creator of The Favourite. Series premiere. Hulu
The Last Narc: Amazon gets its own cartel series, a la Netflix’s Narcos. Series premiere. Amazon
She-Ra and the Princesses of Power: Final season. Netflix
The Blacklist: The season finale contains an animated surprise. 7 p.m., NBC
The Greatest #StayAtHome Videos: Cedric the Entertainer hosts a collection of viral moments created during our collective lockdown. 7 p.m., CBS
7 Days on the Front Line: A look at one of the hardest hit hospitals in the world: Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx, New York. 8 p.m., CBS
Shark Tank: Season finale. 7 p.m., CBS
Graduate Together: America Honors the High School Class of 2020: All four major networks will simulcast this graduation ceremony for all of our high school seniors who have been robbed of their own commencement ceremonies. President Obama will deliver the commencement (and I’m already weepy just thinking about it). 7 p.m., ABC, CBS, Fox, NBC
Joker: The Joker has a backstory. 7 p.m., HBO
Prince of Darkness: Satan’s been hanging out in a basement this whole time! (I haven’t seen this movie in years, but I remember it being very spooky.) 9 p.m., Starz Retroplex
Snowpiercer: Daveed Diggs and Jennifer Connelly star in this TV adaptation of the brilliant Bong Joon-ho film. Series premiere. 8 p.m., TNT
American Idol: A winner is chosen. Season finale. 7 p.m., ABC
Taylor Swift City of Lover Concert: Taylor Swift performs in Paris in this one-hour special. 9 p.m., ABC
America’s Funniest Home Videos: A special “at-home” edition, but isn’t AFV always from home? 6 p.m., ABC
Hightown: A National Marine Fisheries officer is caught in a mystery when a body washes ashore. Series premiere. 7 p.m., Starz
Beverly Hills Dog Show: There is a joke about dog plastic surgery in here somewhere, but I can’t find it. 7 p.m., NBC
Batwoman: Season finale. 7 p.m., The CW
The Simpsons: Santa’s Little Helper bites Marge in the season finale. 7 p.m., Fox
Duncanville: Duncan runs for class president. Season finale. 7:30 p.m., Fox
Bob’s Burgers: Louise gives mischief lessons. Season finale. 8 p.m., Fox
Family Guy: The Principal moves in with the Griffins in the season finale. 8:30 p.m., Fox
Supergirl: Season finale. 8 p.m., The CW
The Last Dance: It’s the finale of the Michael Jordan and the Bulls documentary. I wonder how it wins? Do you think they win? 9 p.m., ESPN
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Dwayne Johnson, Daveed Diggs, the Head and the Heart
- Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Gizelle Bryant, Kim Zolciak-Biermann
|CBS||The Greatest #StayAtHome Videos
|Bravery and Hope: 7 Days on the Front Line
|CW||Masters of Illusion
|Masters of Illusion
|Masters of Illusion
|FOX||Friday Night Smackdown||Local|
|ABC||Graduate Together: America Honors the High School Class of 2020||American Idol
|CBS||Graduate Together: America Honors the High School Class of 2020||48 Hours||48 Hours||News/Local|
|FOX||Graduate Together: America Honors the High School Class of 2020||Celebrity Watch Party
|NBC||Graduate Together: America Honors the High School Class of 2020||Dateline||Saturday Night Live
|Saturday Night Live
|ABC||America’s Funniest Home Videos
|Taylor Swift City of Lover Concert
|CBS||60 Minutes||Mission Impossible||Man With a Plan
|NBC||Little Big Shots
|Beverly Hills Dog Show