If you had “suggests people inject Clorox” on your President Trump Insanity Bingo card, big news!

by Therese Odell, posted in Uncategorized

I have been trying to begin these posts this week with something that made me laugh or took my mind off of  … you know … everything; a palate cleanser of sorts before I dive us all back into the hellscape that we are all PERFECTLY AWARE OF, THERESE, THANKS. And so I feel the need to apologize for not finding a cute dog video or adorable llama tweet or whatthefuckever to start this post with. But the fact of the matter is, this tweet is the funniest thing I have seen in the past 24 hours, and it is based ON OUR ACTUAL SHARED REALITY:

As you all know by now, as the entire world knows by now, the dementia patient we elected president suggested in yesterday’s White House pandemic briefing that we treat the virus by somehow using UV light internally on patients, or, maybe, inject folks with disinfectants.

Here’s the tape.

i don't know what normal feels like anymore

The thing that is most surprising to me about any of this, ALL OF THIS, is that I still have the capacity to be surprised. Hasn’t he run out of insane things to spring on us yet? APPARENTLY NOT BECAUSE HERE I AM STILL STUNNED THAT THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES TOLD PEOPLE TO INJECT BLEACH INTO THEMSELVES AND YOU JUST KNOW SOME MAGA FOOLS WILL.

You know who wasn’t surprised? The Onion. This was one month ago almost to the day:

R.I.P. All Comedy. Comedy is officially dead now.

The good people of Lysol would like you to know that under no circumstances should you ingest or inject their product.

Odds that the head of P.R. at Lysol has been drinking non-stop since 7 p.m. last night?

And then there is Dr. Brix. You know who was happy he stayed in the office last night? Dr. Fauci.

Oh, but don’t worry, Dear Reader, President Shitwagon clarified that he was just “asking sarcastically” when he suggested people take Clorox Challenge, as a gotcha to the FAKE NEWS MEDIA:

So, just to clarify what President Good Science Brain here is saying: in the middle of a global pandemic that in a month has left more than 50,000 Americans dead, the President of the United States used a press briefing intended to educate the public on where this emergency stands to spread disinformation — disinformation that could possibly KILL people if they took it seriously — as a way to trick the media into reporting it.

Well that just makes very good sense.

The bottom line is that this asshole is desperate for a miracle cure that will make this whole thing just disappear so that the economy he inherited from Obama will come back and he can focus on the election. And while it’s fine to hope that there will be some good news or a cure that falls into our laps, in the meantime, we have to figure out what we’re going to do to mitigate this thing. But that’s boring and hard and takes too long and so like any charlatan or toddler, he’s looking for a quick fix.

What makes this dangerous is that President Dunning-Kruger actually believes that he is smarter than the experts and that with his “outside the box” thinking, he’s going to land on some sort of miracle cure they just hadn’t thought of. First, it was with hydroxychloroquine, about which you’ll notice he and Fox News have been really quiet recently. Hmm, wonder why?

And now it is bleach and UV rays. He’s DESPERATE for a miracle. As a result, people will die because of his inability to trust in the science, and as evidenced by today’s nutty performance in the Oval Office, his pathological inability to ever admit he was wrong.

Good times, you guys. GREAT TIMES.

Even Stephen Colbert can not capture how completely dangerously incompetent this lunatic is. In a bit clearly taped before yesterday’s White House press briefing, Colbert attempts to make fun of President Turdwrinkle’s buffoonery by joking at the 3:15 mark that the Moron-in-Chief might suggest “boof[ing] some Listerine” as a treatment for COVID-19. Oh, my sweet summer child:

The biggest, bestest news of the day is that NBC is going to air a new Parks and Recreation special episode on April 30, filmed from the actors’ homes to raise money for Feeding America. Amy Poehler, Rashida Jones, Aziz Ansari, Nick Offerman, Aubrey Plaza, Chris Pratt, Adam Scott, Rob Lowe, Jim O’Heir and Retta are all back for the special, and I’m so happy I could drunk dance:

drunk-ron-swanson

America Ferrara’s departure from Superstore will have to wait until the first episode of next season. Because of production shutdowns, Superstore‘s season was cut short, and her final episode will be next season’s premiere episode.

Also cut short: Riverdale‘s season. The season will end with the 19th episode rather than fill the full 22-episode order.

Michelle Visage is going to host a series for BBC Three called How’s Your Head, Hun?, a series that will be filmed inside her home during the quarantine.

Fox Sports on-air talent are taking pay cuts.

Paramount is bringing a bunch of classic titles back for Blu-Ray and streaming (and, one day, in theaters, but let’s not get too excited about that just yet).

A Wall Street analysis called “Say Goodbye to Hollywood” does not have great news for the TV/film industry coming out of the pandemic. Basically, the report argues that Netflix, Disney, and Amazon will end up with the most subscribers/viewers, and budgets will be slashed, thereby bringing the era of “peak TV” to an end. Also, fewer people will go to movies, most will be streamed from home, and the movie business will be fundamentally changed, just like the music industry was with the advent of streaming.

Speaking of, Mission Impossibles 7 and 8 have both been pushed back.

Rapper Fred the Godson has died from COVID-19.

Representative Maxine Waters says her sister is dying of the virus.

Andy Cohen is furious that federal law prevents him from donating blood and plasma because he is a gay man. It’s infuriating that as a survivor, his plasma might be able to be used to save lives, but because of outdated HIV stigma, he isn’t able to donate.

Funny or Die is having to furlough employees.

2 Chainz is threatening to open up his Atlanta restaurants on Monday. Thanks again, Governor Kemp!

Good News:

Fox Corp is putting their lot food service workers back to work making 2,000 meals a week for people with disabilities.

Shakira has been using her time in lockdown to take a class from Penn State on ancient Greek philosophy. Meanwhile, I feel accomplished if I take a shower.

All Other TV News

Penny Dreadful: City of Angels will debut this weekend on Showtime. But you can watch the premiere for free right here:

Greg Daniels is really uninterested in bringing The Office back, no matter what this headline says.

Will & Grace ended — again — last night. Two things to know about the finale: 1. Grace was pregnant and 2. they never revealed who the father was.

Here are the episode titles for the second season of The Mandalorian. SPECULATE AWAY.

Ooh, good question: how long will Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune be able to go until they run out of new episodes?

While we’re on the topic, Alex Trebek is a savage bitch:

Renewals

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendar

  • Snowpiercer will debut on TNT on May 17.
  • Quiz will premiere on AMC on May 31.
  • The Great will debut on Hulu on May 15.

WATCH THIS

FRIDAY

After Life: Grumpy Ricky Gervais is back. Season premiere. Netflix

Defending Jacob: In this adaptation of the crime novel, Chris Evans plays a district attorney discovers his teenage son is a suspect in a murder. Series premiere. Apple TV+

Beastie Boys Story: Spike Jones directed this documentary about the iconic rap group. Apple TV+

Making the Cut: Season finale of Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum’s new fashion competition series. Amazon

RuPaul’s Secret Celebrity Drag Race: Celebrities get their drag on. BUT WHO? Series premiere. 8:30 p.m., VH1

SATURDAY

Bad Education: Hugh Jackman stars in this HBO film based on the true story of corruption in a Long Island school district. Premiere. 7 p.m., HBO

My Paranormal Nightmare: People confront the scary things that happened to them when they were kids in this new paranormal series. Series premiere. 9 p.m., Travel

Saturday Night Live: They’re doing it from home again. 10:30 p.m., NBC

SUNDAY

Homeland: Series finale. That’s all the information I’ve got, y’all. 8 p.m., Showtime

God Friended Me: Two-hour series finale. 7 p.m., CBS

Vida: A figure from the sisters’ past returns in the season premiere. 8 p.m., Starz

Penny Dreadful: City of Angels: This new spinoff of Penny Dreadful is set in late 1930s Los Angeles and Natalie Dormer stars. Series premiere. 9:10 p.m., Showtime

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Jonas Brothers, Lester Holt, Chvrches
  • Watch What Happens Live (Friday): Mike Shouhed, Golnesa Gharachedaghi

 

FRI. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC NFL Draft
(live)
CBS MacGyver
(new)		 Magnum P.I.
(new)		 Blue Bloods
(new)
CW Penn & Teller: Fool Us
(repeat)		 Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(repeat)		 Whose Line Is It Anyway?
(repeat)		 Local
FOX Friday Night Smackdown Local
NBC The Blacklist
(new)		 Dateline

—

SAT. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30
ABC Shark Tank
(repeat)		 American Idol
(repeat)		 News/Local
CBS Let’s Go Crazy: A Grammy Tribute to Prince
(repeat)		 48 Hours News/Local
FOX 9-1-1
(repeat)		 Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell and Back
(repeat)		 News/Local
NBC Dateline Saturday Night Live
(repeat)		 News/
Local		 Saturday Night Live
(At-Home)

—

SUN. 6:00 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
(new)		 American Idol
(new)		 The Rookie
(new)
CBS 60 Minutes God Friended Me
(new)		 God Friended Me
(new)		 NCIS: New Orleans
(new)
The CW Local Batwoman
(repeat)		 Supergirl
(repeat)		 Local
FOX The Simp-sons
(repeat)		 Bob’s Burgers
(repeat)		 The Simp-sons
(new)		 Duncan-ville
(new)		 Bob’s Burgers
(new)		 Family Guy
(new)		 Local/News
NBC Little Big Shots
(repeat)		 The Wall
(repeat)		 Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist
(new)		 Good Girls
(new)

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