Because everything is shutting down around us, it just seems fitting that TV would begin the season finale purge this week, too. Six — SIX — network shows will end their seasons this week, and some seven notable cable shows will wind down, too. Now, of these thirteen shows that I’ve highlighted, only two of them will end forever, but the bottom line is without any end in sight for our social distancing moment, it’s unclear when the TV world will get back to business. What I’m saying is, enjoy your This is Us now, while you can.
Meanwhile, in FoolishWatcherLand, the votes are in and it looks like I have to get back to work on American Gods. Which, alright! I will! I am also considering getting back to Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, as I need something empty-headed to do, too. Especially since it looks like The Bachelorette will be postponed. As for the write-in votes, thank you for the suggestions — I’m going to take them into account. And there was one suggestion that was written in a couple of times that I will hopefully be able to satisfy much sooner than later. Stay tuned!
The D.B. Weiss/David Benioff guest appearance on Westworld happened last night and it was damned delightful. I won’t give it away if you haven’t watched yet, but if you have, here’s how it came together (beer was involved).
The Walking Dead had a big exit last night that did not involve killing off a major character. Spoilers, obviously. And anyway, she’ll be back.
The author of Outlander was disappointed in Outlander this week. Somewhere, the showrunner is crying in bed.
Bad dialogue, bad direction, bad lighting, awkward set. Actors did their level best with what they were given to work with. https://t.co/YM2ESGgGSa
— Diana Gabaldon (@Writer_DG) March 22, 2020
If you’ve been watching Netflix’s Tiger King — and if you haven’t, you really need to get on it — here are Joe Exotic’s batshit bananas music videos all in one place.
Season Three of Star Trek: Discovery, like everything else, is probably going to be delayed a bit:
I didn’t see @albinokid’s comment this morning on #InstagramLive… but see for yourself in regards to #startrekdiscovery season 3. It’s coming, but it may be a little longer than we thought… It’s coming though! https://t.co/Ne5srvUogd
— Wilson Cruz (@wcruz73) March 18, 2020
Eric Kripke has you covered, The Boys fans:
— Eric Kripke (@therealKripke) March 22, 2020
People are talking shit about Ellen DeGeneres and it’s kinda amazing.
One of Meghan Markle’s former co-stars (for about five minutes) was supposedly offered $70,000 by a British tabloid to lie that he had a relationship with her. Just in case you wondered why Meghan and Harry got the fuck out of that particular shitshow.
Aww, Newsradio‘s 25th birthday was on Saturday, and I didn’t do anything to celebrate.
Congratulations, genuinely, to Meghan McCain. It must be terrifying to be pregnant right now — especially having previously lost a pregnancy — and I wish her and her family all of the best.
Personal news. pic.twitter.com/Pp2RhUUK6v
— Meghan McCain (@MeghanMcCain) March 22, 2020
WELP. My summer recapping just opened up as it looks like the Summer Olympics are going to be postponed. After Japan and the IOC dragged their heels about postponing the events, Canada announced that they wouldn’t be sending a delegation if the Olympics were going to be held on the scheduled date. They were soon joined by Switzerland and Australia, and eventually the IOC agreed to delay it by a year. This is only the fourth time in the modern Olympics that the event has been canceled. The other three times were due to war.
Other things shutting down:
- The White House Correspondents Dinner has been indefinitely postponed.
- The Walking Dead: World Beyond has postponed its premiere.
- Cirque du Soleil, which has temporarily laid off 95% of its staff.
- VidCon, an online video conference which is hosted by Viacom.
- The National Spelling Bee.
- XFL has scrapped the rest of its season.
- And it hasn’t happened yet, but there’s a strong chance the Emmys will be pushed back. Studios and networks are asking the Academy to delay events related to the ceremony.
Charlotte: [wears latex gloves and mask, wipes down the table and menus]
Miranda: My client is suing her parents to make them stay home
Samantha: Oh honey I LOVE it! All the phone sex and you don’t have to see them for months? Fabulous
Carrie: I’m selfish. I’ll keep going out
— Danielle SepulvereSpellingBee (@ellesep) March 22, 2020
In late-night TV news:
- Seth Meyers will be making A Closer Look from home 2-3 times a week.
- Full Frontal with Samantha Bee will return on March 25 with Bee taping from home.
- The Daily Social Distancing Show will return in its regular time slot tonight.
- Watch What Happens Live was supposed to begin streaming live from Andy Cohen’s home but then Cohen tested positive. (See below.)
ESPN2 is running all dog-related programming tonight in honor of International Puppy Day, and on account of WE ALL NEED MORE DOG CONTENT RIGHT NOW.
MTV has debuted a special episode of Unplugged featuring musicians playing from home:
The first episode of Oprah Talks COVID-19, in which Oprah interviews Idris Elba and his wife, is available for free on Apple TV+.
Disney+ will reduce its bandwidth and Netflix is reporting that viewing is up. As for programming, they have plenty in the pipeline for the next few months but could face some disruption later in the year. All of TV right now: SAME.
The Lovebirds will premiere on Netflix instead of in theaters.
AND PLEASE DO NOT VISIT SCHITT’S CREEK RIGHT NOW, THANKS.
Friends, we've heard there are still groups of people visiting the town where we filmed #SchittsCreek.
Now is not the time. Please stay home until it's safe to visit again.
At the moment, it is a health risk to the residents of the town, some of whom are immunocompromised. pic.twitter.com/XMD5gKdO83
— Schitt's Creek (@SchittsCreek) March 23, 2020
Chandler: Could 6 feet BE any further away?
Monica: I’ve been preparing for COVID my entire life
Ross: Actually it’s COVID-19 & why I’ll never have sex again
Rachel: Sure blame it on a virus Ross
Phoebe: My psychic says this is how I die
Joey: [eats a sandwich]
— Danielle SepulvereSpellingBee (@ellesep) March 23, 2020
Some people who have tested positive since we last checked in:
- Andy Cohen
- Virgin Bachelor Colton Underwood
- Senator Rand Paul who was the only senator to vote against an $8.3 billion Covid-19 aid package and who worked out in the Senate gym — which was closed — while he awaited his results EVEN THOUGH HE’S A DOCTOR AND SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER
- An aide to Mike Pence
- Plácido Domingo
- Debi Mazar
- Broadway star Aaron Tveit
- Gordon Quinn, a documentary film producers
- A crew member on Power Book II: Ghost
- An ABC News staffer
- FOUR Fox News staffers
- Lou Dobbs and Liz Claman are in quarantine because of that last one.
- And Harvey Motherfucking Weinstein.
— Tom Hanks (@tomhanks) March 23, 2020
Here is Rita Wilson nailing ‘Hip Hop Hooray’ while she and husband Tom Hanks are in Coronavirus quarantine…❤️🌎💥 pic.twitter.com/PnIE0VXPYK
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) March 22, 2020
Sophie Turner has some shit to say, EVANGELINE LILLY:
i’m living for sophie turner dragging evangeline lilly and vanessa hudgens after they said the coronavirus quarantine is overdramatic and they value their freedoms over their health. sophie did not come to play pic.twitter.com/yWJckWPDDX
— rey (@dicksgraysn) March 20, 2020
Dr. Phil knows who the real villains are in this (and he’s not wrong, it just feels like small potatoes right now).
— Mike Judge (@MikeJudge) March 20, 2020
Jerry's girlfriend demands to know if they're at "quarantine level"; George and Elaine pretend to date to get around the Uber pool ban; Kramer pretends to be an epidemiologist on twitter and gets retweeted by the President etc etc https://t.co/ZyHk2W1lWI
— Eric Lach (@ericlach) March 17, 2020
To that end, after watching some idiot bitch on Fox News about the economic impact of social distancing, our incompetent president is now suggesting that the “cure” can not be worse than the illness itself — meaning he’s growing bored with medical and social interventions that require people to stay away from one another and from work, and is threatening to lift restrictions designed to flatten the curve in two weeks.
WE CANNOT LET THE CURE BE WORSE THAN THE PROBLEM ITSELF. AT THE END OF THE 15 DAY PERIOD, WE WILL MAKE A DECISION AS TO WHICH WAY WE WANT TO GO!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 23, 2020
He also lashed out at the media, blaming them, because when you don’t know what else to do, fall back on your greatest hits, right?
I watch and listen to the Fake News, CNN, MSDNC, ABC, NBC, CBS, some of FOX (desperately & foolishly pleading to be politically correct), the @nytimes, & the @washingtonpost, and all I see is hatred of me at any cost. Don’t they understand that they are destroying themselves?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 23, 2020
Yep! Because covering the spread of the virus accurately, and questioning whether or not this administration has handled this crisis well is an attack on him. Because he and his delicate fee-fees are what is most important right now. Jesus Christ, this malignant narcissist …
And as for the one person we can trust in the administration, the head of the NIH, Dr. Fauci, he’s given interviews expressing his exasperation with our president’s inability to tell the truth and stay on the proper message, while President Illiterate is expressing his frustration with Fauci for being honest with the American people instead of being a cheerleader for his half-assed measures:
But Mr. Trump has become frustrated with Dr. Fauci’s blunt approach at the briefing lectern, which often contradicts things the president has just said, according to two people familiar with the dynamic.
Mr. Trump knows that Dr. Fauci is seen as credible with a large swath of the public and with journalists, and so he has given him more leeway to contradict him than he has other officials. But the president has also resisted portraying the virus as an existential threat in a way that the public health experts have.
Fauci won’t be with the administration much longer.
Finally, part of the problem at hand is that President Out of His Depth is refusing to require corporations to make medical supplies because it would undermine conservative values against nationalizing a response. Instead of coordinating a response, making sure that supplies are being made and then sent to hotspots, this idiot has walked away from being an actual leader and dumped the majority of the response on the states. As a result, this has forced the states to compete with each other for masks and PPE and ventilators and other needed materials. SO, GREAT JOB EVERYONE. GOOD GOING.
Don’t listen to our dumb president. Listen to Danny DeVito:
— Andrew Cuomo (@NYGovCuomo) March 22, 2020
Look for the helpers:
Netflix has announced a $100 million fund to help film and TV industry workers.
Bethenny Frankel is donating half-a-million masks to doctors and nurses.
Christian Siriano and his team began sewing masks for health care workers:
If @NYGovCuomo says we need masks my team will help make some. I have a full sewing team still on staff working from home that can help.
— Christian Siriano (@CSiriano) March 20, 2020
A very productive day today. pic.twitter.com/UV0wN7b9yq
— Christian Siriano (@CSiriano) March 23, 2020
New Amsterdam, the Chicago series, The Rookie, Pose, and Filthy Rich have joined other shows in donating their medical supplies to hospitals.
These are small things, but Amazon is making a bunch of kids shows free to all.
Jake Johnson is offering personalized messages to young Spider-Man fans:
View this post on Instagram
Since the quarantine a lot of parents have DM’d me saying they’ve been watching Spiderverse with their kids. A lot. So, here’s my idea. If your child is home from school and wants a quick encouraging message from Peter B Peter, then send me an email with their name and I’ll try and send over a short voice note. If I don’t get to you, I apologize. #stayhome Email here if you wanna try this: firstname.lastname@example.org
And of course, we can’t forget all of the true heroes: our medical professionals, the scientists, the pharmacists, the grocery store employees, the cooks and chefs, the delivery people and the post office, the police, firefighters and first responders, our waste disposal workers, the national guard, the cashiers, the caretakers, our teachers, all the critical infrastructure folks, the farmers and food producers, all the people stepping up to make vital medical equipment, and the local government leaders who are making the hard decisions to keep us safe. Please, wash your hands, and follow your local social distancing protocols to help keep safe those who are working hard to keep us all safe.
WATCH: This week's Meet the Press credit roll:
— Meet the Press (@MeetThePress) March 22, 2020
I love you. Wash your hands. Stay 6 feet apart. Listen to the doctors.
Just your weekly reminder that Harvey Weinstein is a piece of human garbage, and if it seems like I’m relishing the fact that he contracted Covid-19, it’s because I am:
Good news for Woody Allen and his defenders like Bret Stephens: his memoir has found a publishing home after all, just as everyone predicted. So everyone can just shut the fuck up with their “censorship” pearl-clutching. It is within any publishing house’s right to not publish something! That’s how it works!
R. Kelly is being prosecuted for knowingly and intentionally giving a woman herpes. Yep! That seems on brand.
A friendly legal reminder from a woman who is not a lawyer to Johnny Depp, Donald Jingleballs Trump and everyone else who would file a vindictive lawsuit against their lawyers’ wishes: DISCOVERY IS A BITCH.
- Light as a Feather has been canceled at Hulu after two seasons.
- Rosario Dawson has been cast in The Mandalorian as Ahsoka Tano.
Mark Your Calendar
- We’re Here is like Queer Eye but with some of RuPaul’s best drag queens and I am all about this right now. Deliver it straight into my veins — on HBO, April 23.
- Run will debut on HBO on April 12.
- The Great will debut on Hulu on May 15. If you loved The Favourite as much as I did, this will be your jam.
- Hawaii Five-0‘s series finale is in two parts, the first to air this Friday.
- The Willoughbys will premiere on Netflix on April 22.
- Survive will premiere on Quibi on April 6.
- Lou Dobbs Tonight is being moved to 5 p.m. on Fox Business News, and FBN: am, and Bulls & Bears are being suspended because of the Rona.
- The 55th Academy of Country Music Awards has been moved to September 16 on CBS.
- Sinners Wanted will debut on TV One on April 5.
- Netflix announced the premiere dates of several Korean projects: Time to Hunt on April 10; The King: Eternal Monarch sometime in April; and It’s Okay to Not Be Okay will premiere sometime in June.
Kenny Rogers, Country music legend and Houston native. When I was living in New York City, I went to a Kenny Rogers Roasters with my friend, the great Houston Chronicle writer Andrew Dansby (you should read his obituary for Rogers here). I accidentally left my purse there, a lovely Coach purse my mother had given me some years earlier, and never got it back, leading me to joke for the next 20 years that Kenny Rogers stole my purse. Fast forward to a few years ago, and Foolish’s own Whitney went to a Kenny Rogers concert and had a chance to meet him backstage. As she and her mother put their purses down to take a photo with him, he joked, “You know, we keep those.”
You can keep the purse, Kenny.
And just in case you needed a little cry today:
So you be safe with God and just know that I will always love you, dolly.
— Dolly Parton (@DollyParton) March 21, 2020
Lucia Bosè, Italian actress
Supernatural: Castiel asks Jack to do the unthinkable. 7 p.m., The CW
Freud: A young Sigmund Freud gets mixed up in some occult shit in this new series. Netflix
Saving Private Ryan: I don’t know why a movie about another difficult time in our history might make you feel better right about now, except that it has a happy ending? And Tom Hanks? Man, I don’t know. 7 p.m., Sundance
The Golden Girls marathon: Just another reminder for why you should be staying out of public: to keep Betty White, national treasure, safe. 10 p.m., CMT
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