Come yell at me about your favorite show I stopped recapping.

HI. How are you feeling? Sweaty? Feverish? Headachey? Anxious? Yeah, me too. So here’s what we’re going to do: before we get to the virus news, because that’s pretty much all there is anymore, we’re going focus on something a little more fun for two minutes.

So as you might have noticed, I have become VERY lazy with my recaps, giving up on many of them altogether. I blame Donald Marie Trump and I am not joking. Thanks to his incompetence, crises pop up every five minutes and it takes me until 2 p.m. to finish these posts, and I’m stuck glued to MSNBC and can’t watch the shows to recap them and AAAAAGRRHGHGHHHH.

Well, as of later today when I post my final Bachelor post of the season (and when I finish another project that I am veryveryclose to, but won’t mention here lest I curse myself), a big chunk of my recapping time will open back up and I intend to get back to one or two series that I have abandoned faster than Tiffany Trump by her father. I’ve drafted a poll of all the shows I (remember) recapping and am curious what you, Dear Reader, are most interested in me catching up with. But feel free to suggest a series, too, because why the hell not, we’re all going to be dead in a month anyway:

And I’m posting this poll all next week, so feel free to vote often.

Damon Lindelof is threatening to do something in the Marvel Universe, forcing me to have to watch something in the Marvel Universe.

Well well well, look who just got fined over $850,000 for “producing and selling modified diesel pickups that wreaked environmental havoc in the state of Utah.” Christ, what assholes.

Teresa Giudice is threatening to freeze her eggs to try for a son. Good God, WHY?

Listen. There just isn’t much TV news out there that isn’t about the virus, so enjoy 80 minutes of Seinfeld bloopers some guy found on a bootleg DVD in a flea market:

Leading into our next category, CNBC Mad Money host / Squawk on the Street co-anchor Jim Cramer, took a call in the middle of his show from the White House and then returned on air to say that he thinks the administration is going to take some of his advice on how to deal with the economic nervousness caused by Covid-19. I will point out that Jim Cramer is the same man who Jon Stewart DRAGGED OVER THE COALS so ruthlessly for his terrible advice during the 2008 recession that there is an entire Wikipedia page dedicated to it. So yeah, let’s definitely get his input on this.

Going Viral

President Yutz has declared a national emergency after doing essentially FUCK ALL to contain Covid-19 despite having months of advance notice. I didn’t realize that when I said he prevented testing because he was worried it would hurt his reelection campaign made me sound like a conspiracy theorist — I thought it was just FUCKING OBVIOUS — but apparently, people are only just now coming around to realizing this.

I know I shouldn’t hate anyone but …

And now, courtesy of your malignant administration, our daily list of everything that has been shut down by this virus:

TV Shows that have halted production:

stephen colbert disinfect coronavirus

there's no such thing as too much purell andy samberg snl cornoavirus

michael che cornoavirus how could this turn out well for us

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendar

WATCH THIS

FRIDAY

Bloodride: A Norweigian horror anthology with a dark humorous twist. Series premiere. Netflix

Stargirl: Grace VanderWaal stars in the movie which is not to be confused by the upcoming CW series. Disney+

Elite: More sexy teen murder. Complete season three. Netflix

Love Island: Australia: Love Island but, you know, with a bunch of dumb Aussies. Season premiere. Hulu

The Pale Horse: Rufus Sewell stars in this adaptation of the Agatha Christie novel. Amazon

Lincoln Rhyme: The Hunt for the Bone Collector: Lincoln risks himself to save his son in the season finale. 8 p.m., NBC

SATURDAY

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw: ZOOM! 7 p.m., HBO

The Fast & the Furious marathon: Because you’ll never be able to follow Hobbs & Shaw if you don’t see all 15 earlier movies. 4:30 p.m., WGN

Watchmen: The movie, so as to remind you just how good the show was. 9 p.m., IFC

SUNDAY

Westworld: The bebots are loose in our world and making trouble. 8 p.m., HBO

Black Monday: Mo runs from his past in the season premiere. 9 p.m., Showtime

Avenue 5: Chaos breaks out when a seat on a rescue shuttle becomes available in the season finale. 9:15 p.m., HBO

The Wall: Season premiere. 6 p.m., NBC

The Walking Dead: The Whisperers attack Hilltop with Negan’s help. 8 p.m., AMC

Late Night:

  • Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Reza Farahan, Destiney Rose

 

FRI. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Shark Tank
(repeat)
20/20
(repeat)
CBS MacGyver
(new)
Hawaii Five-0
(new)
Blue Bloods
(new)
CW Penn & Teller: Fool Us
(repeat)
Whose Line is it Anyway?
(repeat)
Whose Line is it Anyway?
(repeat)
Local
FOX Friday Night Smackdown
(new)
Local
NBC Lincoln Rhyme: The Hunt for the Bone Collector
(new)
Dateline
(new)

SAT. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30
ABC NBA Basketball
(live)
News/Local
CBS NCIS: Los Angeles
(repeat)
48 Hours
(new)
48 Hours
(new)
News/Local
FOX Big East Basketball Tournament
(live)
LEGO Masters
(repeat)
News/Local
NBC The Fate of the Furious News/
Local
Saturday Night Live
(repeat)

SUN. 6:00 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
(new)
American Idol
(new)
The Rookie
(new)
CBS 60 Minutes
(new)
God Friended Me
(new)
NCIS: New Orleans
(new)
NCIS: New Orleans
(new)
The CW Local Batwoman
(new)
Supergirl
(new)
Local
FOX The Simpsons
(repeat)
Bob’s Burgers
(repeat)
The Simpsons
(new)
Duncan-ville
(new)
Bob’s Burgers
(new)
Family Guy
(new)
Local/News
NBC The Wall
(new)
Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist
(repeat)
Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist
(new)
Good Girls
(new)

2 thoughts on “Come yell at me about your favorite show I stopped recapping.

  1. Send all those pending recaps to the circular file. The Assignment Desk has three other ideas, all of them ridiculously ambitious.

    #1 Career recap: Kaitlyn Dever
    I just watched the film Booksmart this week and it’s a lot of fun, and Dever is of course a big part of it. So let’s see where she came from. You’ll review the story lines in Justified that involved her character. Maybe not one entry per episode, but at least a handful of blog entries, all told. And then you’ll look at her work in Unbelievable. (This will be a tough (re-)watch.) Of course if you care to comment on Toni Collette and Merritt Wever, that’s fine too.
    Somewhere in between you might check a few Eve-centered episodes of Last Man Standing, just to see what she does with … um … material of a different stripe.

    #2 Career recap: Damian Lewis
    Same sort of deal. Maybe a look at Band of Brothers. Pick a sampling of Life, the quirky NBC procedural. But the meat of this assignment will be his work on Homeland. And then Billions, which I can’t believe will have aired 60 episodes by the end of July. (I haven’t seen a single one, but I hear the performances are fun, at least.) You could even check in with Wolf Hall, if you’re feeling PBSsy.

    #3 All right, you probably won’t take up either of the first two, but maybe this one, the most ambitious of all, will be to your liking. We’ll call it: Chasing Chase.
    That’s right: You’re recapping The Sopranos. Maybe you start with a look back at The Rockford Files, or maybe you’ll skip that and just dig right into Season 1, Episode 1 (“Pilot”).

    For the sake of your sanity, please ignore this entire message.

    1. Stan: You literally made me laugh out loud with this. Wonderful ideas, all of them, will never happen.
      -T

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