Impeachment Corner!
Hi hello hi! Do you feel different today? A little lighter, a little less just pissed off? Yeah, that’s because, as promised back in November 2018, the House impeached the motherfucker.
After hours and hours of “debate” where the Republicans compared President Abuse of Power to Jesus and demanded a moment of silence for the 63 million Trump voters whom the Democrats were “trying to silence” — you know, kinda like the 65.8 million voters whom the Electoral College actually silenced — the vote came down strictly party lines, with that asshole Tulsi Gabbard voting “present,” and a couple of other Democrats voting no because they’re cowards.
But it’s done and headed to the Senate now where the Republicans are ready and waiting to acquit President Obstruction.
Yeah, turns out, Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, she’s not handing over the impeachment, not just yet. See, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, this obstructionist piece of shit, he’s been going around proudly and loudly talking about how he’s been working with the White House to arrange a sham trial to exonerate President Will Forever Be Impeached. In response, Minority Leader Chuck Schumer has demanded a fair trial with witnesses and documents — you know, LIKE A TRIAL, but Mitch McConnell has been all, “Yeah, nah.”
So, then, there’s this Constitutional scholar — the guy who literally wrote the book on Constitutional Law — Lawrence Tribe, who has been saying, “You know, there is no timetable for when the House has to turn over the impeachment to the Senate. In theory, the House could just hang on to the impeachment while other investigations continue or courts rule that witnesses do, in fact, have to testify.”
Nancy Pelosi:
So following the House vote last night, Nancy Pelosi had a press conference where she explained that they would not be handing the impeachment over to the Senate, not until they make perfectly clear how this trial is going to go. Her reasoning is that she has to appoint House Managers to the trial — basically prosecutors that will explain the House’s case for their articles of impeachment. But she can’t make that decision until she knows what the trial is going to look like. She isn’t doing anything until she knows that the trial is going to be fair — or exactly the opposite of what Mitch McConnell is promising.
And if that has the additional benefit of making The First President to Be Impeached in His First Term’s head explode, well, that’s just an added benefit.
By the way, his head is totally exploding:
I got Impeached last night without one Republican vote being cast with the Do Nothing Dems on their continuation of the greatest Witch Hunt in American history. Now the Do Nothing Party want to Do Nothing with the Articles & not deliver them to the Senate, but it’s Senate’s call!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 19, 2019
“The Senate shall set the time and place of the trial.” If the Do Nothing Democrats decide, in their great wisdom, not to show up, they would lose by Default!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 19, 2019
Pelosi feels her phony impeachment HOAX is so pathetic she is afraid to present it to the Senate, which can set a date and put this whole SCAM into default if they refuse to show up! The Do Nothings are so bad for our Country!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 19, 2019
LOLOLOLOL.
Lindsey Graham, who just this weekend repeated that he had no intention of being a fair or impartial juror in an impeachment trial — otherwise known as performing his Constitutional duty — is now getting his panties in a twist over Constitutional propriety:
Sen. Lindsey Graham: "I don't know who came up with the idea, 'Let's hold the articles back until Mitch McConnell does things we like in terms of the trial. Let's hold the articles back maybe forever.' That's Constitutional extortion." pic.twitter.com/CGi5sJvG6m
— The Hill (@thehill) December 19, 2019
And Mitch MotherFucking McConnell — the man who held up a nominee for the Supreme Court for nearly a year because he didn’t want Obama to have an appointment — this shitbird, he’s ACTUALLY WHINGING ABOUT PELOSI HOLDING THIS UP FOR POLITICAL REASONS, SAYING THAT THE DEMOCRATS ARE DESTROYING INSTITUTIONS, AND WORRYING ABOUT PARTISANSHIP!
Sen. Mitch McConnell: "This particular House of Representatives has let its partisan rage at this particular president create a toxic new precedent that will echo well into the future." pic.twitter.com/6DqTBhVrog
— The Hill (@thehill) December 19, 2019
Sen. Chuck Schumer: "Leader McConnell claimed the impeachment was motivated by partisan rage. This from the man who said proudly, I am not impartial. I have no intention to be impartial at all in the trial of President Trump. What hypocrisy." pic.twitter.com/9McXh83wbK
— The Hill (@thehill) December 19, 2019
Look, the bottom line is that the House will turn over the impeachment to the Senate soon enough. Holding onto it indefinitely undermines the Democrats’ argument that they needed to expedite the impeachment because President CheeseyPoof was threatening the election. But in the meantime, Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats get to rent some space out in the Republicans’ heads for free, give some moderate Republicans a little time to see that their Senate leadership is a fucking joke, and push the Piece-of-Trash-in-Chief a little bit farther over the edge.
Point: Nancy.
In Other TV News
It sounds like the Oscars might be hostless again.
Oh damn, Netflix has already lost some one million viewers to Disney+. Y’all love you some Baby Yoda.
Lara Logan is suing New York Magazine for a 2014 piece about her that she claims derailed her career at 60 Minutes.
Here are 10 minutes of muppets doing impersonations of one another in the event that you just needed something sweet today.
Renewals
- You has officially been renewed at Netflix for a third season.
- Good Trouble has been renewed at Freeform for a third season.
- David Makes Man has been renewed for a second season on OWN.
In Development
- He-Man and the Masters of the Universe is being turned into a CG animated series on Netflix.
- An AI comedy and a sisters comedies are being developed at NBC. They are both from Seth Meyers and Mike Shoemaker’s Sethmaker Shoemeyers Productions.
- The Story of Late Night, a documentary series, is being developed at CNN.
- The Clearing, a true-crime podcast is being developed into a TV series.
- The Beach, a drama, is being developed at HBO Max.
- I Hope You Get This Message is being developed into a series at Amazon.
- Dead Spots is being developed into a series at Quibi.
- Revenge of the Nerd is coming to Discovery.
- Mary McCartney is getting a live TV special on Food Network.
- Sharon Horgan has signed a deal with Apple TV+.
Casting News
- Joely Richardson is joining The Blacklist.
- Calahan Skogman, Zoë Wanamaker, Kevin Eldon, Julian Kostov, Luke Pasqualino, Jasmine Blackborow, and Gabrielle Brooks have joined Shadow and Bone on Netflix.
- Rob Reiner, Mira Sorvino, and Michelle Krusiec will guest star on Hollywood on Netflix.
- Victoria Justice, Karen Allen, Colin Ford, Alex Fitzalan, James Ransone, Emily Hampshire, Elizabeth Reaser, Rory Culkin, Warren Christie, Danay Garcia, and William B. Davis has joined the cast of 50 States of Fright on Quibi.
- Ava Allan, Courtney Eaton, Briana Venskus, and Liv Hewson have joined the cast of Yellowjackets on Showtime.
- John Michael Higgins has been cast as the principal on the Saved by the Bell revival.
- Karen Aldridge has been added to Fargo on FX.
- Sam Corlett, Skye Marshall, and Jonathan Whitesell are joining Chilling Adventures of Sabrina on Netflix.
- Eve Plumb is going to host Generation Renovation on HGTV.
- Jordana Spiro and Josh Andrés Rivera have been added to Vegas High on HBO Max.
- John Simm is going to star in Roy Grace on ITV.
Mark Your Calendars
The CW has announced their winter premiere dates:
- Nancy Drew returns January 15.
- Supernatural and Legacies return January 16.
- Charmed and Dynasty return on January 17.
- Batwoman and Supergirl return January 19.
- All American and Black Lightning return on January 20.
- Arrow and Legends of Tomorrow return on January 21.
- Riverdale returns on January 22.
- The Flash returns February 4.
- The Masked Singer will return after the Super Bowl on February 2. The promo gives us a sneak peek at the new costumes — and some hints about which celebrities will be wearing them.
- Eddie Murphy is hosting SNL this weekend. Lizzo is performing. It’s going to be good:
- Leslie Jones: Time Machine will debut on Netflix on January 14 — and it was directed by Benioff and Weiss.
- Little America will debut on Apple TV+ on January 17.
- Tommy will premiere on CBS on February 6.
- For Life will premiere on ABC on February 11.
- To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before: P.S. I Still Love You will debut on Netflix on February 12.
- Cherish the Day will premiere on OWN in February.
- Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet will premiere on Apple TV+ on February 7.
- Below Deck Sailing Yacht will premiere on Bravo on February 3.
- Aaron Hernandez: An ID Murder Mystery will air on ID on January 20.
- Russell Peters: Deported will debut on Amazon Prime on January 17.
- LMN has released a bunch of new movies and their premiere dates if you’re interested.
R.I.P.
Peter Larkin, Film and Broadway production designer, won four Tonys
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Late Night:
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Kate McKinnon, Dua Lipa
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: John Lithgow, Ana Gasteyer
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Jennifer Hudson, Jonathan Pryce, Sharon Van Etten featuring Norah Jones
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Mariah Carey, Billie Eilish, Taylor Swift, Jennifer Hudson, Rebel Wilson, Jason Derulo, Francesca Hayward, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Tom Hooper
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Brie Larson, Jamie Foxx, Bryan Stevenson, Molly Hopkins, Yola
- The Daily Show: Mehdi Hasan
- Conan: Adam Sandler
- Lights Out with David Spade: Nicole Byer, Greg Fitzsimmons, Ron Funches
- Watch What Happens Live: Liam Payne, Lea Michele
- A Little Late with Lily Singh: Charlize Theron
THUR | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
ABC | Disney’s Prep & Landing | Disney’s Prep & Landing 2 | The Great American Baking Show (new) |
CBS | Young Sheldon (repeat) |
The Unicorn (repeat) |
Mom (repeat) |
Carol’s Second Act (repeat) |
Evil (repeat) |
CW | iHeartRadio Jingle Ball (new) |
News/Local |
FOX | Last Man Standing (repeat) |
Prodigal Son (repeat) |
News/Local |
NBC | Miss America 2020 (new) |
Gwen Stefani’s You Make it Feel Like Christmas |