Do not fuck with Nancy.

Impeachment Corner!

Hi hello hi! Do you feel different today? A little lighter, a little less just pissed off? Yeah, that’s because, as promised back in November 2018, the House impeached the motherfucker.

crowd applause omg claplucille-applause-clap-arrested-developmentprince applause clapping standing ovationbless your heart clapping fuck you nancy pelosi applause state of union trump

After hours and hours of “debate” where the Republicans compared President Abuse of Power to Jesus and demanded a moment of silence for the 63 million Trump voters whom the Democrats were “trying to silence” — you know, kinda like the 65.8 million voters whom the Electoral College actually silenced — the vote came down strictly party lines, with that asshole Tulsi Gabbard voting “present,” and a couple of other Democrats voting no because they’re cowards.

But it’s done and headed to the Senate now where the Republicans are ready and waiting to acquit President Obstruction.

not so fast sandra oh andy samberg.gif

Yeah, turns out, Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, she’s not handing over the impeachment, not just yet. See, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, this obstructionist piece of shit, he’s been going around proudly and loudly talking about how he’s been working with the White House to arrange a sham trial to exonerate President Will Forever Be Impeached. In response, Minority Leader Chuck Schumer has demanded a fair trial with witnesses and documents — you know, LIKE A TRIAL, but Mitch McConnell has been all, “Yeah, nah.”

So, then, there’s this Constitutional scholar — the guy who literally wrote the book on Constitutional Law — Lawrence Tribe, who has been saying, “You know, there is no timetable for when the House has to turn over the impeachment to the Senate. In theory, the House could just hang on to the impeachment while other investigations continue or courts rule that witnesses do, in fact, have to testify.”

Nancy Pelosi:

buffy go on i'm listening all ears oh yea

So following the House vote last night, Nancy Pelosi had a press conference where she explained that they would not be handing the impeachment over to the Senate, not until they make perfectly clear how this trial is going to go. Her reasoning is that she has to appoint House Managers to the trial — basically prosecutors that will explain the House’s case for their articles of impeachment. But she can’t make that decision until she knows what the trial is going to look like. She isn’t doing anything until she knows that the trial is going to be fair — or exactly the opposite of what Mitch McConnell is promising.

And if that has the additional benefit of making The First President to Be Impeached in His First Term’s head explode, well, that’s just an added benefit.

By the way, his head is totally exploding:

LOLOLOLOL.

Lindsey Graham, who just this weekend repeated that he had no intention of being a fair or impartial juror in an impeachment trial — otherwise known as performing his Constitutional duty — is now getting his panties in a twist over Constitutional propriety:

And Mitch MotherFucking McConnell — the man who held up a nominee for the Supreme Court for nearly a year because he didn’t want Obama to have an appointment — this shitbird, he’s ACTUALLY WHINGING ABOUT PELOSI HOLDING THIS UP FOR POLITICAL REASONS, SAYING THAT THE DEMOCRATS ARE DESTROYING INSTITUTIONS, AND WORRYING ABOUT PARTISANSHIP!

oh-oh-oh-okay-rupauls-drag-race

Look, the bottom line is that the House will turn over the impeachment to the Senate soon enough. Holding onto it indefinitely undermines the Democrats’ argument that they needed to expedite the impeachment because President CheeseyPoof was threatening the election. But in the meantime, Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats get to rent some space out in the Republicans’ heads for free, give some moderate Republicans a little time to see that their Senate leadership is a fucking joke, and push the Piece-of-Trash-in-Chief a little bit farther over the edge.

Point: Nancy.

In Other TV News

It sounds like the Oscars might be hostless again.

Oh damn, Netflix has already lost some one million viewers to Disney+. Y’all love you some Baby Yoda.

Lara Logan is suing New York Magazine for a 2014 piece about her that she claims derailed her career at 60 Minutes.

For $125 a head, you can get a former Sopranos cast member and former chef to cook you and your friends dinner.

Here are 10 minutes of muppets doing impersonations of one another in the event that you just needed something sweet today.

Renewals

  • You has officially been renewed at Netflix for a third season.
  • Good Trouble has been renewed at Freeform for a third season.
  • David Makes Man has been renewed for a second season on OWN.

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

The CW has announced their winter premiere dates:

  • Nancy Drew returns January 15.
  • Supernatural and Legacies return January 16.
  • Charmed and Dynasty return on January 17.
  • Batwoman and Supergirl return January 19.
  • All American and Black Lightning return on January 20.
  • Arrow and Legends of Tomorrow return on January 21.
  • Riverdale returns on January 22.
  • The Flash returns February 4.
  • The Masked Singer will return after the Super Bowl on February 2. The promo gives us a sneak peek at the new costumes — and some hints about which celebrities will be wearing them.
  • Eddie Murphy is hosting SNL this weekend. Lizzo is performing. It’s going to be good:
  • Leslie Jones: Time Machine will debut on Netflix on January 14 — and it was directed by Benioff and Weiss.
  • Little America will debut on Apple TV+ on January 17.
  • Tommy will premiere on CBS on February 6.
  • For Life will premiere on ABC on February 11.
  • To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before: P.S. I Still Love You will debut on Netflix on February 12.
  • Cherish the Day will premiere on OWN in February.

R.I.P.

Peter Larkin, Film and Broadway production designer, won four Tonys

WATCH THIS

Miss America 2020: There she is … an outdated concept of idealized womanhood … 7 p.m., NBC

A Christmas Carol: Oh, hey, this is that BBC Christmas Carol starring Guy Pearce. I would have guessed that it would have aired on BBC America, but here we are. 6:30 p.m., FX

After the Raid: An immigration raid on a small town forces some Christians to question what it means to love thy neighbor in this new documentary. Netflix

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Kate McKinnon, Dua Lipa
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: John Lithgow, Ana Gasteyer
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Jennifer Hudson, Jonathan Pryce, Sharon Van Etten featuring Norah Jones
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Mariah Carey, Billie Eilish, Taylor Swift, Jennifer Hudson, Rebel Wilson, Jason Derulo, Francesca Hayward, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Tom Hooper
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Brie Larson, Jamie Foxx, Bryan Stevenson, Molly Hopkins, Yola
  • The Daily Show: Mehdi Hasan
  • Conan: Adam Sandler
  • Lights Out with David Spade: Nicole Byer, Greg Fitzsimmons, Ron Funches

 

  • Watch What Happens Live: Liam Payne, Lea Michele
  • A Little Late with Lily Singh: Charlize Theron
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CBS Young Sheldon
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Mom
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CW iHeartRadio Jingle Ball
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Gwen Stefani’s You Make it Feel Like Christmas
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