THIS IS NOT A DRILL: THE OBAMAS ARE COMING TO NETFLIX. Well, I mean, it’s not a done deal yet, but it might as well be.
Sadly, they aren’t planning to do a show in which they just dunk on Trump all of the time — but if they did it would be THE MOST WATCHED THING EVER SO MAYBE THINK ABOUT IT, BARRY? Instead, they plan to tell “inspirational stories” and maybe he would host a show where he would moderate conversations about political topics. Michelle is thinking about a show that would focus on her core interests like health and nutrition. While that’s not as good as making Cheeto dick jokes, I think we can all agree that we could use a little bit of Obama-style uplifting these days.
But I can’t help but wonder if this isn’t a subtle ploy on the Obamas part to get inside Turnip’s brain and manipulate him into doing their bidding. Their upcoming books aren’t going to be read by him, but we all know how he spends “Executive Time,” and there is NO WAY he’ll be able to resist watching.
Netflix Facebook is also planning to stream 25 daytime MLB games a week. Which is kinda a big deal.
Looking to launch a boycott against a cable news company? I’ve got your starter kit right here: the list of the biggest advertisers on CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, and for Sean Hannity, Rachel Maddow and Anderson Cooper. Apparently, Fox News viewers are looking to shed a few pounds, MSNBC viewers are in the market for a new car, and psoriasis is the one thing that unites us as a country.
No, Jessica Capshaw and Sarah Drew are not leaving Grey’s because of Ellen Pompeo’s pay raise, and it’s pretty gross and sexist to suggest that.
We pretty much know who is going to be the Joker on Gotham and it’s basically a classic soap opera ploy.
Teri Hatcher is up for a Desperate Housewives reboot that no one asked for.
People are overthinking this Fear the Walking Dead photo.
Oh my God, do you know what this means? It means Liz and Liz exist in the Portlandia universe. MIND. BLOWN.
Vulture has some other ideas for American Crime Story, but somehow they left off American Horror Story: Frances McDormand’s Oscar.
Gretchen Carlson is apparently returning to TV but she’s being really coy about it.
Aw, this Glee reunion photo is actually making my cold heart feel things.
Grabby Monsters
American Idol is standing by Ryan Seacrest, which is not surprising in the least considering they have already filmed 12 episodes and he cost a fucking fortune.
Mark Cuban might be in trouble after all. The NBA is looking into it.
Lisa Bonet has something to say about Bill Cosby.
Oprah knows why Harvey Weinstein launched the #MeToo movement: because famous people were involved. (It’s entirely true.)
Fox News has settled their lawsuit with Diana Falzone.
Louie was not pulled off of Hulu because Louis CK is a gross man, its license just expired.
This Instagram account is naming names in the advertising industry.
Renewals
- Days of Our Lives lives.
- Showtime has ordered seven more episodes of Our Cartoon President (which, by the way, Trump is voiced by the father of one of my husband’s co-workers, what?).
Cancellations
- The Librarians has been canceled by TNT.
In Development
- The Suits spinoff is a go at USA.
- CMT is bringing Wife Swap back.
- Roche Limit is being turned into a series for Syfy.
- Netflix is going to make a series of superhero movies based on the other characters by Deadpool’s creator.
- Showtime is developing Fallet, a Scandinavian series.
- Fox is developing drama Paradise Cove.
- Nickelodeon has ordered Cousins for Life.
Casting News
- Christina Aguilera, Shania Twain, Courtney Love, Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer, Lena Dunham, Padma Lakshmi and Billy Eichner will be judges on RuPaul’s Drag Race and Stephen Colbert, Andy Cohen and Cheyenne Jackson will make appearances.
- Alan Cumming is going to guest star on Doctor Who.
- Bronson Pinchot has been cast as the principal in Sabrina.
- Jane Leeves is going to co-star in an untitled Fox comedy pilot.
- Raul Esparza is going to star in the NBC pilot Suspicion.
- Blake Anderson is joining the NBC comedy pilot Like Family.
- Dafne Keen will star in the His Dark Materials series.
- Taylor Dearden and Aubrey Peeples are joining Hulu’s Search & Destroy.
- Jorja Fox is going to star in Chiefs, a CBS pilot.
- Christine Ko will join The CW’s pilot Dead Inside.
- Scott Cohen is going to star in the Fox pilot The Fix.
- Rachel Skarsten will star in the ABC pilot For Love.
- Vinny Chhibber is joining Red Line.
- Christian Camargo has been cast in the Katie Holmes FBI pilot.
- Zach Cherry has been cast in an untitled NBC comedy pilot.
- Mark Webber, Shea Whigham, and Alana Arenas are joining L.A. Confidential.
- Joelle Carter and Evan Parke have been cast in Salvage.
- Gil Birmingham and Dichen Lachman are going to join the cast of Animal Kingdom.
- Janet McTeer will star in Facebook’s Sorry for Your Loss.
- Luca James Lee and Siobhan Murphy are joining The Bold Type.
Mark Your Calendar
- Dietland will premiere on AMC on June 4.
- SIX will return on History on May 30, Memorial Day.
- Wyatt Cenac’s Problem Areas will debut on HBO on April 13.
- Starz announced dates for several documentaries:
The Rape of Recy Taylor on July 2
McLaren March 12
Pecking Order March 26
Sled Dogs April 9
Intent to Destroy: Death, Denial & Depiction April 23
What Haunts Us May 14
Stranger Fruit June 18
Love & Bananas July 30 - New Wave: Dare to be Different will premiere on Showtime on March 30.
- Innocent will begin streaming on Sundance Now on March 22.
- Yoo Byungjae: Too Much Information(TMI), a Korean stand-up special, will be available on Netflix on March 16.
R.I.P.
WATCH THIS
FRIDAY
Collateral: A British detective uncovers a conspiracy while investigating the murder of a pizza delivery guy in this new series. Series premiere. Netflix
Nailed It: If you like cakewrecks.com — and who doesn’t? — you’re going to enjoy this new baking competition series. Netflix
Sneaky Pete: Season two. Amazon
Dynasty: The CW has moved their not particularly successful soap to a Friday night grave. 7 p.m., The CW
SATURDAY
Saturday Night Live: Sterling K. Brown & James Bay 10:30 p.m., NBC
WALL-E: I genuinely think this and Up are Pixar’s two greatest accomplishments. FINE, Toy Story 3, too. 6 p.m., Starz Family
Moulin Rouge: In the event that the Winter Olympics Ice Dancing made you want to watch this again. 9 p.m., Starz Cinema
SUNDAY
Timeless: And we’re back! Improbably! And Lucy is hanging out with Marie Curie! Season premiere. 9 p.m., NBC
American Idol: And we’re back! Improbably! And on a different network! 7 p.m., ABC
O.J. Simpson: The Lost Confession: And he’s back. Improbably. In an interview that probably should not see the light of day. Here’s to hoping Fox is donating all the ad proceeds to the Brown and Goldman families. 7 p.m., Fox
Deception: In this new series, a magician — SORRY, ILLUSIONIST, MICHAEL — teams up with the FBI to catch criminals with card tricks or something. Series premiere. 9 p.m., ABC
Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Drew Barrymore, Josh Radnor, Kelsey Cook The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: (Friday): Helen Mirren, David Byrne
| FRI. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | Once Upon a Time (new) |
Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (new) |
20/20 (new) |
| CBS | MacGyver (new) |
Hawaii Five-0 (new) |
Blue Bloods (new) |
| CW | Dynasty (new) |
Jane the Virgin (new) |
Local |
| FOX | MasterChef Junior (new) |
9-1-1 (repeat) |
Local |
| NBC | Blindspot (new) |
Taken (new) |
Dateline (new) |
—
| SAT. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 | 10:00 | 10:30 | 11:00 | 11:30 |
| ABC | NBA Basketball | News/Local |
| CBS | NCIS (repeat) |
NCIS: New Orleans (repeat) |
48 Hours (new) |
News/Local |
| FOX | College Basketball (live) |
College Basketball (live) |
Showtime at the Apollo (repeat) |
News/Local |
| NBC | Will & Grace (repeat) |
Superstore (repeat) |
Dateline (repeat) |
Saturday Night Live (repeat) |
News/Local | Saturday Night Live (Sterling K. Brown & James Bay) |
—
| SUN. | 6:00 | 6:30 | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | America’s Funniest Home Videos (new) |
American Idol (new) |
Deception (new) |
| CBS | 60 Minutes (new) |
60 Minutes (new) |
NCIS: Los Angeles (new) |
Madam Secretary (new) |
| FOX | Bob’s Burgers (repeat) |
Bob’s Burgers (new) |
O.J. Simpson: The Lost Confession? (new) |
Local/News |
| NBC | American Ninja Warrior (new) |
Timeless (new) |
Netflix is also planning to stream 25 daytime MLB games a week. Which is kinda a big deal.
This is on Facebook, not Netflix, right?
Guh, reading comprehension fail. Thanks for the edit.