I just found the best/worst thing on the internet, we can shut it down now.

Y’all, I was going to lead today’s post with a rant about Rupert Murdoch being a ancient old troll who dismissed his vipers’ nest of sexual harassers at Fox News as “nonsense” because he is an ancient old troll who doesn’t get it, obviously, OBVIOUSLY, but then while doing some procrastinating Christmas shopping, I discovered the single most amazing item on Amazon, and it’s mostly TV-related.

I present to you: The Danny DeVito Life Size Cutout by Celebrity Cutouts.

Danny Devito life size cutout.png

I have many many many questions, and fortunately, Amazon has the answers:

Questions RE: Danny Devito

To be clear, this is not a real Danny DeVito. And the mini version “shure” isn’t life-size. But it is sturdy enough to spoon with because he is a strong man.

Still not convinced? How about some glowing five-star reviews:

Danny Devito reviews

An anxiety-relieving life saver who watches you sleep and brings you to peace with the world’s problems and, for no extra cost, will terrify your toddler. WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR?

And yet, the most disturbing part of this product is somehow the other items that people who viewed a life-sized Danny DeVito cutout viewed:

Also viewed Danny Devito

Vladimir Putin, Nicholas Cage, Ted Cruz, Fabio and … Peter Dinklage. Not shown from the first page which was mostly just more Danny DeVito items (because obviously more Danny DeVito items) was a life-sized cutout of Guy Fieri. How poor Peter Dinklage found himself trapped at the worst party ever remains something of a mystery.

Sadly, your life-changing dream-catching, baby-terrifying Danny DeVito Life Size Cutout by Celebrity Cutouts will not be available in time for Christmas, but I think we can all agree he’s worth the wait.

In other TV news:

Sheila Nevins is leaving HBO as Documentary President. She is an icon who has received 32 Primetime Emmy Awards, 35 News and Documentary Emmys and 42 George Foster Peabody Awards. And at 78 years old, she’s had plenty of experience with working in a charged environment.

People are pissed about that Walking Dead midseason finale. A lot of people. 50,000+ people so far. (Spoilers at the link if you haven’t watched yet.)

Hey! You can watch The Chi now, if you’re a Showtime subscriber.

Emilia Clarke is repeating that bit about Game of Thrones having multiple finales, but it sounds like they might just be writing them, not necessarily filming them.

SpoilerTV is hosting a contest for a Stranger Things varsity jacket if that’s your kind of thing.

Sam Rockwell is going to host Saturday Night Live when it returns on January 13. The musical guest will be someone named Halsey who I just learned was born the year before I graduated from college because that’s how old I am.

Ian McKellen would like to be Gandalf again, please.

This is an fascinating piece written by an Ellen producer on how he lives with prosopagnosia, a condition that makes it impossible to remember faces, which as it turns out is something of a challenge in Hollywood.

I didn’t watch because I was busy spending some quality time with Solange, but I hear that A Christmas Story Live! was something of a dumpster fire?

So, Jay-Z is making a docu-series about Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman threatened to feed Jay-Z to an alligator and that made Snoop Dogg really angry? Listen, Zimmerman, if Jay-Z could survive a Solange attack, you’re no threat.

Sex Monster Roundup:

As noted at the beginning of this post, Rupert Murdoch said some unfortunate things about how the sexual harassment charges at Fox News were limited to Roger Ailes and everything else was “nonsense.”

“All nonsense, there was a problem with our chief executive [Ailes], sort of, over the years, isolated incidents. As soon as we investigated it he was out of the place in hours, well, three or four days. And there’s been nothing else since then. That was largely political because we’re conservative. Now of course the liberals are going down the drain — NBC is in deep trouble. CBS, their stars. I mean there are really bad cases and people should be moved aside. There are other things which probably amount to a bit of flirting.”

$32 million to one — ONE — accuser of Bill O’Reilly’s = “nonsense.” OK.

Unsurprisingly, the women at Fox News are PISSED. Some of their comments:

“What kind of company pays close to 100 million dollars to keep ‘flirting’ quiet?”

“You cannot rewrite history, Mr. Murdoch. The problem was not only with your chief executive. For example, one of your former executives trapped me in his office, pulled-out his penis and shoved my head on it. That’s not ‘nonsense.’ That’s criminal.”

“He now says it was a bit of ‘flirting’ and an issue related to the fact that Fox News has conservative hosts? Sexual harassment has nothing to do with politics. Many of us are conservative and want the truth to come out. Those of us who still work at Fox News have anxiety issues every time we see another woman coming forward with stories we have all lived through but have never shared.”

“Shame on Mr. Murdoch. Even now he can’t do or say the right thing. That’s precisely why the culture perpetuated and lasted so long on his watch. He knew. He knew and he didn’t care. He still doesn’t care that his company unfairly destroyed the careers of many hardworking talented women while covering for sexual harassers time after time.”

Meanwhile, Bill O’Reilly is claiming victory against the lawyer who brought him down after The Hill published an article alleging that she was offering accusers of Trump money to come forward. OK. But, $32 million.

Over at MSNBC, Chris Matthews is the most recently revealed creep. In 1999 he was reprimanded for making inappropriate comments and jokes about a woman who was paid to go away.

Gene Simmons is denying accusations of sexual battery in a current lawsuit against him by a radio and TV broadcaster.

University of California Regent Norm Pattiz is going to resign, but not because he was caught on tape asking to hold a comedian’s breasts and once told an employee that she looked like a schoolgirl and that he’d been watching too much porn involving schoolgirls. Nope. Has nothing to do with it.

Paul Haggis is being accused of rape and is denying all claims, calling it a “public hanging.” This is an interesting case, because of his role in smearing the Church of Scientology — who has just been embarrassed by the accusations against their celebrity member, Danny Masterson. Keep your eye on this one.

The owner of the Carolina Panthers, Jerry Richardson, is going to sell the team amidst allegations of sexual misconduct. P.Diddy wants to buy them and hire Colin Kaepernick. Yes to every part of this.

Peter Jackson and Terry Zwigoff have come forward to say that Harvey Weinstein blacklisted Mira Sorvino and Ashley Judd. Weinstein is obviously denying it, but come on.

Terry Crews is now saying that agency WME began spying on him and his family after he came forward with his allegations.

Showtime has dropped Morgan Spurlock as an executive producer on his docuseries, The Trade. Super Size Me 2 has been dropped from YouTube Red and pulled from Sundance.

A Prairie Home Companion is now Live From Here.

A Commission on Sexual Harassment and Advancing Equality in the Workplace backed by the entertainment business is going to be helmed by Anita Hill.

Minnie Driver and Alyssa Milano had some choice words for that asshole Matt Damon. I do, too: STOP TALKING.

Meanwhile, Rose McGowan is on a scorched earth campaign and coming for women who she felt remain complicit. Amber Tamblyn does not think this is particularly helpful.

NO ONE WANTS YOUR PIZZA DOUGH CINNAMON ROLLS, MARIO BATALI.

Wait, what?

Renewals

Cancellations

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendar

R.I.P.

Bob Givens, Original designer of Bugs Bunny

 

WATCH THIS

Gunpowder: Kit Harington and his pretty hair star in this three-part movie about the events of the Gunpowder Plot. It continues on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. 9 p.m., HBO

The Year in Memoriam 2017: GOOD RIDDANCE. 9 p.m., ABC

Ellen’s Game of Games: Ellen brings her goofy daytime games to primetime. Series premiere. 9 p.m., NBC

Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Anna Kendrick, Rhett & Link, Randy Newman Late Night with Seth Meyers: Kenny Chesney, Aaron Sorkin Watch What Happens Live: Anna Camp, Jamie Bell

 

MON. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Great Christmas Light Fight
(new)
The Year in Memoriam 2017
(new)
CBS Kevin Can Wait
(new)
Man with a Plan
(new)
Superior Donuts
(new)
9JKL
(new)
Scorpion
(new)
CW Popstar’s Best of 2017
(new)
The Hollywood Walk of Fame Honors 2017
(new)
Local
FOX Lucifer
(repeat)
The Gifted
(repeat)
News/Local
NBC The Voice
(new)
Ellen’s Game of Games
(new)
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