“Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell”
March 11, 2017
THEN: “Hellhounds, Dean. Your favorite!”
The boys stagger into the Bunker after days on the road and three consecutive hunts. Dean calls it one for the books. He’s carrying a trophy. A baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire.
A baseball bat.
In barbed wire.
“Dad would’ve loved this thing.”
Dean sinks into one of the leather bound library chairs as Sam desperately tries to stop him. He’s covered in ghoul! And wraith. Sam grimaces and points. He thinks Dean has a piece of siren in his hair. Dean dislodges the grisly bit of goo from his scalp and flicks it away.
After three episodes I’ve decided I don’t care for writer Davy Perez’s characterization of Dean. Dean wouldn’t treat his home so carelessly. He’s not a slob. His room is neat and tidy as a pin. He was pissed in “Slumber Party” when the Wicked Witch trashed the kitchen because he had just cleaned in there.
Whatever, Davy Perez. What. Ever.
Sam’s phone chimes. He tells Dean they’ve got another case. The text says “Frodo” but Sam lies and says he wrote an algorithm that scrapes data from police scanners and news sites. Dean stares at him blankly.
Hey, remember when Frank taught Dean all about computers and sometimes he even surprises Sam with how savvy he is and how JUST THIS SEASON he hacked into the local police cams after Lady Cardboard kidnapped Sam? Remember that? Because I do.
DAVY, IF YOU NEED THE SEASON 7 DVDS I’LL SEND THEM TO YOU. ALSO MY NETFLIX PASSWORD IF STREAMING IS EASIER.
Anyhoo, Dean is ready to roll. He’s got baby wipes in the car. Sam is insistent that Dean take a shower. “You smell like roadkill.” Dean relents, but says he’s using the fancy shampoo that Sam keeps hidden from him.
They motor to Sheridan County, Nebraska and a crime scene in the woods. The sheriff says the victim, Marcus, was most likely killed by a bear. Or a cougar. They found a fair amount of blood, but no body. He assumes it was dragged off. He says it’s not much to make a federal case over.
Sam asks about the survivor, Gwen Hernandez. The sheriff says she’s badly shaken and not making much sense. She claims she and her boyfriend were attacked by an invisible wolf – one that’s coming for her next.
The boys are still arguing when they arrive at Gwen’s house. Dean thinks Sam’s idea is dumb. What are they going to tell her? “That guy you were banging? We’re pretty sure he made a deal with a demon, so a hellhound came and dragged his soul to Hell. But you? You’re cool. And since there’s nothing around for us to kill, peace out.”
When Sam is pretty sure Dean has gotten it out of his system, he says no. They tell her something that will give her peace. Something that will help her sleep at night.
“Oh, so we lie.”
“Yeah. A lot.”
They tell Gwen again some more that Marcus was killed by a bear. They found it and put it down. Let the healing begin! Gwen is not having it. She says she knows what she saw and orders them out of her house. They boys leave. The hellhound that followed them in stays.
Gwen hears the low rumble of its snarl. She watches as deep scratches are gouged in her hardwood floors. Not the hardwood! The horror! She screams and runs into the back bedroom with the hellhound snapping at her heels. It pounces … Dean appears in the doorway and fires at the empty space above Gwen. He fires again and the hellhound crashes through the window.
Castiel is in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho investigating the deaths of the angels who were hunting Kelly. He goes to the diner. He flashes a badge. It’s upside down.
Manager Herb leads Cas back to his oddly fortified office. He says you can’t be too careful. They’re always watching … listening … He tells Cas that the waitress, Sarah, was killed by aliens. Reptilians. “You know, like the Queen of England.”
Castiel filters this information through everything he knows to be true about the universe and decides he’s come to a dead end. Herb calls him back. He says he has proof! Cas pauses at the door and hangs his head. He may or may not gently pound his forehead against the reinforced steel. Herb rifles through his desk drawer and comes up with a tape.
“Most sheeple can’t handle the truth. But not me. I’m woke.”
Herb rolls footage from the alley behind the diner. Cas watches the two angels confront Kelly as the manager gives a running commentary of what he thinks is happening. The camera fritzes out just as Dagon kills the first angel. Herb runs the tape back to make sure Cas sees Dagon’s eyes.
There’s an angel waiting for Cas when he leaves the diner. Kelvin is just there to talk. He says there’s nothing like the imminent birth of a nephilim to bring everyone together. It’s all hands on deck in Heaven – and that includes Cas.
Kelvin asks if Cas ever misses Heaven. Kelvin himself loves Earth. “It’s quirky. Smells like hay.” But it’s not home, is it? Kelvin tells Cas that coming back wouldn’t be easy. A lot of angels still hold grudges. But Cas could come home. All his sins could be forgotten. Forgiven.
Cas bluntly says Kelvin is lying. The angel readily admits he doesn’t have the power to lay out the welcome mat. But Joshua does. Castiel’s attitude and posture instantly shift when he hears the name. He’s still wary, but now there’s a flicker of hope.
Kelvin urges him to consider the offer. Hear Joshua out. Help them find Kelly Kline. It’s the chance to be a part of his family – his true family – again.
Crowley and Lucifer blah blah I don’t care and scene.
The boys sit Gwen down and give her the talk. Maybe it’s the shock, but she seems to take ‘monsters are real’ in stride. She asks why they told her Marcus was killed by a bear.
“To make you feel better. It was [Sam’s] idea.”
Gwen agrees that what they’re telling her is insane … but she knows what she saw. Sam gently broaches the whole soul selling thing. Dean is a shade more blunt. Is there anything Gwen really wanted about ten years ago? “Like a Hello Kitty backpack? Or the death of an enemy?” No and no. And neither did Marcus. So they call Crowley.
Crowley is glad to take a break from boring administrative duties even if he is still furious that they sent his son back in time to die. Dean takes the call off speaker. He tells Crowley that one of his mutts is going after people who didn’t sell their souls. How sure is he that that’s not possible?
Crowley holds the phone to his chest. He asks his patiently waiting minions if there’s anything they’d like to tell him about his hounds. One of them admits that Ramsey got out.
Crowley zaps himself to Gwen’s house. He says that Ramsey isn’t just a hellhound. She’s the hellhound. He explains that hellhounds were just one of many things Chuck created at the dawn of time. Things like koalas. It’s Dean’s look of, ‘Oh, they’re nice. I like them.’, that makes the scene poetry. Well played, Ackles.
Hellhounds were meant to be Chuck’s best friend, but they were too vicious, so he had them put down. All except for pregnant Ramsey who was saved by Lucifer. She’s loyal only to him. Crowley’s best guess is that she’s huddled up somewhere in a nice, warm den.
Dean questions why Ramsey would still be coming for Gwen. Gwen is at a loss as well … until she’s like, oh right. When Ramsey attacked us in the woods I hit her with an ax, so.
“There you go. Bitch does tend to hold a grudge.”
Crowley is only too happy to put aside differences and join the Winchesters on their hunt. Having Ramsey out on the loose isn’t good for business. It makes him look like he’s not in control. Having her head mounted on his wall is good for the brand.
Dean shakes his head. Just when he thought this gig couldn’t get any weirder … Crowley chuckles. “Oh, it can always get weirder.”
They return to the woods and Dean breaks out the hipster hellhound specs. He and Sam each take a pair. Dean says he and Crowley will track down Cujo. Sam and Gwen will keep moving. Dean tells Sam to take care of her. He’s extra earnest so you know he’s actually talking about Baby, not Gwen.
“You tend to ride the brakes.”
Night falls. Dean and Crowley walk through the woods. Crowley compliments the glasses. He says they really bring out Dean’s eyes. Dean tells Crowley to shut up. They go back and forth with Crowley mimicking everything that Dean says. I would seriously watch a whole episode of just that.
Crowley says Dean has gotten predictable over the years. Dean shoots back that Crowley’s gotten soft. Who thought the King of Hell would be helping the Winchesters save the girl of the week?
Dean thinks maybe they’ve rubbed off on the demon. He did save Cas. Crowley says that was just to spare himself the Winchester man pain. Whatever his reasons, Dean appreciates it. He says thank you. Crowley turns it back around. Maybe he’s the one who’s rubbed off all over Dean.
And now Dean needs a Silkwood shower.
They find Ramsey’s den – and what’s left of Marcus – but there’s no sign of the hellhound.
Gwen replays Marcus’s death over in her mind. She’s overcome with guilt. She asks Sam to pull over. She tells him camping was her idea. She suggested the trip even though she knew their relationship was over. Gwen thinks if she had just been honest with Marcus, none of this would have happened. He would still be alive.
“Why couldn’t I just tell him the truth? I lied. I lied to make things easier.”
And now Dean is off in the woods with Crowley hunting the baddest of bad bitches on a job he thinks the computer told Sam about. In case the anvil didn’t hit you square in the face.
Sam turns the key in the ignition and turns on the headlights. Ramsey is standing right in front of the car. She leaps onto Baby’s roof. The metal sags under the hellhound’s weight. The windshield breaks. WHAT DID DEAN SAY, SAM? WHAT DID DEAN SAY?
Sam is like it’s fine. This is fine. He tells Gwen to stay in the car as he exits to face the beast. Ramsey pins him to the ground with a quickness, knocking his glasses off in the process.
Bungie! Croakies! Gwen jumps out of the car. She uses her travel case to knock the hound off of Sam.
Traveling light is for suckers. Over packing for the win!
Ramsey takes another leap at Sam, but this time he’s ready. Sam times his strike to catch her in the belly mid-air. Add another hellhound to Sam’s kill column.
“And this is why you don’t drive.”
Gwen throws her arms around Crowley in a grateful hug. Dean is too busy being angry about the state of his Baby to appreciate the win. Sam says thank you to Crowley. The King savors the unlikely approbation from both brothers before blinking away without a word.
“He seems nice.”
Lucifer is waiting for Crowley at his palace. He’s sitting on Crowley’s throne with one leg thrown over the arm. What was it that the demon was saying about always being two steps ahead? It seems Crowley didn’t count on his minions going rogue and releasing Lucifer from his chains. They’re dead now of course, but that’s just the cost of doing business with the devil.
Lucifer stands and backhands Crowley to the ground. The Lightbringer throws back his shoulders and unfurls his wings. The light of his grace fills the room. Crowley snaps his fingers and the light goes out. He dusts himself off and straightens his coat.
“What I said was, I’m always ten steps ahead. You hit me, I hit you back twice as hard.”
Crowley snaps his fingers and Lucifer writhes in pain. Another snap and Lucifer falls to his knees. “You make me your dog, I make you my slave.” Crowley resumes his throne and explains the chains were little more than stylish accessories. Nick’s meatsuit is Lucifer’s true prison. Runes and spell work from the cage have been carved into every molecule.
“In there, I own you. And I’m just getting started.”
Cas checks in with Dean as the boys arrive home. He tells them that Kelly is with Dagon, a Prince known mostly for her psychotic savagery. He’s not sure where they are now, but he’ll let them know if he finds anything. Cas ends the call.
Kelvin asks Cas if he’s ready. They’re standing in the playground next to the sandbox. After all those things he said a few episodes ago when he was dying, has Cas had a change of heart about who his family is?
Dean stares at his phone. Something feels off. He asks Sam if Cas sounded weird to him. Sam’s phone buzzes before he can answer. Dean asks if it’s the computer talking to him again. Sam tells him it’s Mick Davies calling. He admits that every job they’ve worked in the last two weeks has come from the BMoL. He can barely look at Dean as he says it.
Dean is like, there it is. The other shoe he didn’t know he was waiting to drop. Sam tries to excuse the lie. He says he didn’t tell Dean because he knows how much Dean hates the BMoL. He says it like he didn’t tell Dean there were mushrooms in a dish because he knows Dean hates them.
Dean corrects his brother. We. “We hate them. Us. Together.” I imagine that hurts more than the lie. The boys lie to each other all the time. But picking a side against the other one? After Mary already threw in with the BMoL? That cuts deep.
I think – I hope – that Sam gets that. But like Mary, he’s dazzled by the bigger picture. Sam says that, because of Mick and his guys, the Alpha Vampire is dead. Well, Sam’s the one who pulled the trigger and Mick’s ‘guys’ are also dead, so. They only deserve so much credit there, Stretch.
And! And! The BMoL have proved themselves most valuable at PULLING THE BOYS’ MEAT OUT OF FIRES THAT THEY THEMSELVES CREATED. Fires that wouldn’t have sparked in the first place if anyone had LISTENED TO DEAN WHEN HE SAID NOT TO DO THE THING.
Anyhoo, Sam says the BMoL get results. If they can save people … Dean is silent. He doesn’t look at Sam. He seems to be inside his own head. Sam reads it as Dean just being stubborn. He heaves a heavy sigh and changes tack. He says regardless, he shouldn’t have lied. He’s sorry.
” … Well, okay.”
Sam has a confused. Dean says he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like any of it. He sure as hell doesn’t trust the BMoL. But even he has to admit, Sam is right. They get results. They save lives. Dean says they work with people all the time they don’t trust.
“I mean hell, I just Liam Neeson’ed it up with Cowley.”
So if Sam wants to give it a shot, fine. It’s fine with a side of ‘against my better judgement’, but fine. Dean lays down the condition that the minute – the very second – that something feels off, they bail. Sam calls it a deal as his phone starts buzzing again. It’s Mick. He seems unsure what to do. Dean flatly tells him to pick it up.
It’s clear that Dean isn’t happy following Sam’s lead, but as he told Mary in “The Raid,” he’ll find a way to get used to it – and hope he’s ready when the other, other shoes drops.
Supernatural airs Thursday at 8:00 p.m. (Eastern) on The CW. Follow Whitney on twitter @Watcher_Whitney.