‘Supernatural’: I deserve some pie

Supernatural
“The One You’ve Been Waiting For”
November 10, 2016

THEN

NOW

Sam comes back to the Bunker after an early morning grocery run. Is Dean feeling scrambled or fried? Dean doesn’t look up from his laptop. He says he’s not that hungry. Sam is like, I’m sorry have we met?  He pops the lid on the pastry box. How about pie?

Sweet Chuck, Sam remembered the pie!

These boys are both clearly hurting. The offer tickles Dean’s interest, but he turns back to the computer.

“Maybe later.”

It’s when a dog doesn’t eat, that’s when you know something is wrong.

Dean cuts Sam off before he can start with the touchy feelie Dr. Phil crap. He says Mary needs her space. He’s cool with it. Dean might need some space too, but Sam has always processed by talking things out, so he pushes back. Dean ignores him and presents the case he’s found. Possible spontaneous combustion. And no, he really doesn’t want to talk about their mother.

“Dean, it’s called sublimation.”

“Yeah. It’s kind of my thing.”

The boys pull up at an antique store in Columbus, Ohio. Sam lock picks them in. There are two large scorch marks on the floor that used to be the dealer and a wealthy collector. Dean breathes in a big sniff. No sulfur. I was certain he was going to say it smelled like pot roast instead.

Sam goes to the computer on the counter while Dean pokes around upstairs looking for signs of a hex bag or cursed object. He stops to admire a model ship … and snaps the wee flag right off the mast. He tries to put it back and knocks the whole thing off the table. Dean gets into a wrestling match with the ship and loses.

It’s hilarious and adorable, but seriously. When did Dean turn into a klutz?

Sam suggests maybe not touching anything else until they figure out if any of it wants to kill them.

Dean continues his survey and does his best to look with his eyes, not his hands. He is nothing if not tactile. He sees a scrape mark on the floor and gives the large bookcase a tug. A latch clicks. The bookcase swings forward to reveal a door. Dean switches the light on in the hidden room.

Sam digs through the hard drive and calls out that Marv the owner was conducting an underground business catering to …

” … Nazi nutjobs?”

Sam joins Dean upstairs and is gobsmacked by all the Third Reich memorabilia. He says that Marv was selling a gold watch that belonged to a member of Hitler’s inner circle.

A couple on a date come back to the girl’s apartment. Her name is Ellie and she’s kind of like if Willow from Buffy and Rebecca from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend had a child together. She tells the guy to fix himself a drink and scurries off to the bathroom to collect herself. She gives herself a pep talk in the mirror.

“You put on those big girl pants and you take off his!”

She hears a crash and peeks into the living room in time to see her date burst into flames, EEP! She locks the door and goes out the bathroom window. BECAUSE WINDOWS ARE SOMETHING BATHROOMS HAVE AND THEY MAKE FOR AN EXCELLENT POINT OF EGRESS OR ESCAPE WHEN THE PRIMARY EXIT IS BLOCKED.

The boys retire to a diner to research and put in a call to the Judah Initiative. Although conversations about wiping out “Nazi corpsebags” are perhaps best not had on speaker. Just a thought.

Aaron and the golem are in Berlin. He says they’re halfway through the Thule’s zombie ledger. He took out six and the golem got the rest. He tells the boys it feels good to be finishing what his grandfather started.

Dean asks about Thule activity in their neck of the woods, but Aaron says the “deutsche-nozzles” have been sticking to the Fatherland. They’re jumpy and closing ranks. Something big is cooking. Something they call ‘Das Blut.’ The Blood.

Ellie’s extra crispy date hits the police blotter and the boys suit up. While they’re in her apartment, Ellie is sitting outside in a police car. They walk out onto the street just in time to see her being driven off, screaming from the back seat for help.

Her abductor, Christophe, drives her to a parking garage. He calls his father to report that Ellie has been secured. He quickly ends the call when he hears the click of Dean’s gun. “Oh, family drama’s a bitch, ain’t it?”

Ellie tries to process that “Nazi zombies” are a thing. Dean asks Christophe what the Thule want with the watch and what it has to do with her. Christopher toughs that they’ll have to kill him. Dean is like, okay. What part of Sam’s, ‘We kill bad things’ statement did this kid not understand? Dean puts one in the chamber. Ellie protests that he can’t just shoot Christophe!

“Oh no, sure I can. I do it all the time.”

Dean presses the gun to the base of Christophe’s skull; he starts talking. He says the watch belongs to his father, Commandant Nauhaus, Thule High Command ranking officer. Sam tells Christophe to keep talking, but the boy balks. He says his father will kill him. Dean brandishes the pearl handled pistol.

“What do you think this is? A tickle party?”

Christophe says that as the Soviets were closing in on Hitler’s bunker and all hope seemed lost, his father saved the Fuhrer’s life. Or rather, his soul. Nauhaus transferred it to the watch like a horcrux. Sam translates for Dean.

“It’s a Harry Potter thing.”

In my head!canon, Dean started reading Harry Potter because Charlie, but hasn’t finished the series because it hurts too much.

Ellie cackles with laughter when Christophe says the intent was to bring Hitler back. It sounded bonkers to him too, the first time he heard it. He says it’s all the OG Thule talk about. The agents in charge of smuggling the watch out of Germany were killed by the Soviets. The watch passed through several hands before ending up in the antique shop.

Now it’s resurrection time, but the soul of Hitler can only inhabit a host that possesses his blood. Das blut. So they need a relative. He says the Thule track all of Hitler’s descendants. Ellie just happened to have proximity to the watch. Ellie insists it isn’t possible. Her mom traced their genealogy back to the Mayflower.

“You’re adopted.”

Ellie storms off. Dean eyebrows at Sam. “Yep. I got her.” Dean says they’ve got to move, meaning both location and speed. He knows Christophe was on the phone with his father and has to assume that Nauhuas is on his way. But despite the threat of imminent zombie reinforcements, Sam’s puppy dog eyes are like, THE HEALING WILL TAKE AS LONG AS IT TAKES.

He tells Ellie that she can handle this and it will get easier. He knows. He’s been there. Granted, an evil Nazi zombie society didn’t want to use him to resurrect Hitler, but a demon did want him to bring back Lucifer, so.

Ellie is on the verge of going critical when Dean comes into the small office. Caring and sharing time is over. He says they’ve got the upper hand for the moment and a chance to take out the entire Thule high command. It’s scary, sure.

“But there are times when you run and there are times when you stand and fight. Now is one of those times when you fight.”

Dean promises that they will keep Ellie safe. That’s when she sees a Thule agent come through the outer door. Way to lose focus, boys. NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS WHEN YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON THE BAD GUY.

Fight fight struggle fight BUNGIE! The Thule suddenly break off their attack and retreat. Sam checks on Ellie. He finds an empty office and an open window.

WINDOWS. HOW DO THEY WORK, BUCKNER AND ROSS-LEMING? HOW. DO. THEY. WORK?

Ellie makes it a block before Nauhaus grabs her back up. She’s taken to a private air hangar and prepped for the resurrection ritual. The Commandant tells a henchman to take Christophe out back and shoot him. The boy was meant to be his heir, but has turned into an inconceivable disappointment. One who wants to LIVE, dammit! Christophe gets the gun away from henchie and shoots him.

He turns to the Winchesters for help. They’re back at the diner, sipping coffee, and displaying a distinct lack of urgency for finding Ellie. Christophe tries to convince them he’s not leading them into a trap by sharing his daddy angst.

“Do you know what it was like to have a Nazi necromancer for a father? It sucked! Christmas was a joke. Career day at school was a nightmare. I’ll never be good enough.”

It’s the “asked a guy named Fritz to kill me” that tips the scales. Christophe directs the boys to the hangar. Sam handcuffs him to Baby’s steering wheel while Dean does a weapons check and perimeter scan. He pulls out the grenade launcher. Sam full body, ‘ARE YOU HIGHs?’ He says no. They need to be stealthy. They need to be quiet. Dean is like, but … but grenades can be quiet …

“We’ll get a chance.”

Just not today.

Wagner’s Das Rheingold plays on the phonograph. Nauhaus says it’s the perfect way to ease the Fuhrer into the new century. Ellie is barely conscious, strapped down on a gurney. He takes his place on a gurney next to her so that her blood can be transfused into him.

The pocket watch is brought forth and placed in the center of Nauhaus’s torso. Four needle-tipped arms protrude from the watch. They cut open a swastika shaped incision. The watch sinks into Nauhaus’ body. The opening glows and is cauterized from the inside. Moments later the man’s eyes pop open. Hitler gives a cry of triumph and leaps to his feet, hooting and dancing a jig.

The Thule are nonplussed.

Hitler greets them joyfully, hugs and backslaps for all! He offers a heartfelt danke to his great-grandniece. Then he tells his men to feed her to the dogs.

The way into the hangar was a piece of streusel, but the boys are nabbed by the Thule almost as soon as they walk through the door. Are they always this bad at their job, or was this the one piece of advice new writer Meredith Glynn did take from Buckner and Ross-Leming? When in doubt, make your characters dumber than dirt.

“Should’ve just brought the grenade launcher.”

They’re brought into Hitler’s presence. Dean compliments the Fuhrer on his new meatsuit.

“Did it come with two testicles this time?”

Oh, it did. One of many upgrades Hitler is enjoying. He brandishes a cell phone. “It’s like having a tiny Goebbels in my pocket!” He crows that he sold 10 million copies of Mein Kampf.

“What do you think I can do with twitter?!!”

That would have been funny a week earlier.

No one is paying attention to Ellie, who’s just slowly bleeding out. She slips free of her restraints and grabs Dean’s gun, which is conveniently right at hand. It takes a moment for her eyes to focus, but when they do, she nails Hans right in the melon. Dean grabs the Thule’s fallen gun and drops Wolfgang and Hansel before punching a simpering Hitler in the face.

“Heil this.”

Dean’s expression is grim. Sam’s face glows with stunned admiration for his big brother.

“Dude … You killed Hitler!”

Awareness washes over Dean. The range of emotions that we watch Dean experience is remarkable. Kudos to Jensen.

Dean breaks into a huge smile. And just this once, he lets himself feel like the big damn hero he is.

They walk with Ellie back to the car. Dean is still grinning. “I killed Hitler.” He thinks it should entitle him to free drinks for the rest of his life. “I’m gonna get t-shirts made.” Even Sam saying that no one will believe him can’t rain on Dean’s parade. Sam will believe him. He was there and that’s good enough.

Dean unlocks Christophe. Being hunted as a traitor for the rest of his short life seems like a suitable punishment. Sam’s advice to him is to run.

Sam sees Ellie to her apartment building. He asks how she’s holding up. “Well, we just burned a pile of dead Nazi zombie bodies … one of which I killed, so third worst day ever?” But she thinks she’s going to be okay. “You can only run for so long.” And once you’ve faced the reincarnation of Hitler, you can kind of face anything.

Sam climbs into Baby. Dean gives him the, ‘She’s cute. I can come back later’ look, but Sam says he’s good to go. Dean tells him they passed a bakery on the way into town. “Sign said, ‘Best Pie for 1,000 Miles’.”

“I killed Hitler. I think I deserve some pie.”

Supernatural airs Thursday at 8:00 p.m. on The CW.

Whitney is also watching Hawaii Five-0 and Timeless. Follow her on twitter @Watcher_Whitney.