I regret to inform you that we’ve entered the era of the ‘talking penis.’

All older siblings know this look.

@goth_pack

Briggs is like 😑 #dog #pug #funny #fyp

♬ original sound – _jennaleman

All Other TV News

Here are some sentences I never imagined I would type: 1. There is a talking penis in the upcoming Pam & Tommy series on Hulu — namely Tommy’s penis. 2. The penis is voiced by Jason Mantzoukas. I suppose this begs the question, “Who would voice your penis?” I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR ANSWERS.

Jon Stewart will receive The Mark Twain Prize for American Humor from the Kennedy Center.

People really liked Yellowjackets — it is the second-most-streamed show in Showtime’s history. Speaking of, this article makes a good argument that if you’re looking for your next binge, Brand New Cherry Flavor on Netflix is a good fit for a 90s/horror/time-bending trip. I’d also recommend Archive 81 for the same reason, though the ending is … meh.

Did y’all know that the bodybuilding God Squad on The Righteous Gemstones was based on a real group in the 80s called The Power Team who preached “about the dangers of drugs and alcohol, premarital sex and gangs,” to teenagers and then performed feats of strength? Because now you do.

Just look at NBC trying to dance around having to defend their choice to broadcast the Beijing Olympics despite China’s human rights issues: “We’re going to be focusing on telling the stories of Team USA and covering the competition, but the world as we know is a really complicated place right now,” she said. “We understand that there’s some diff issues regarding the host nation. So our coverage will provide perspective on China’s place in the world.” At the same time, she added, “the athletes do remain the centerpiece of our coverage.” OK. SURE. By the way, they’re also not sending most of their announcers or hosts to China, but that’s because of COVID, not because of any political reason.

Speaking of the Olympics, the hot oiled-up Tonga flag-bearer

… yeah, him, he’s raising money for his tsunami- and volcano-ravaged country, if you’re interested in helping out. 

According to TVLine, season two of La Brea will answer the mystery of who is electrocuting people. Have fun with that, y’all.

General Hospital buries Luke Spencer tomorrow.

Jessica Alba was mean to Jensen Ackles on the set of Dark Angel in today’s chapter of News You Can Use in the Year 2001.

A reporter was hit by a car on live TV, but she’s OK! She gets knocked down, but she gets up again. Literally.

GLAAD Media Awards have released their nominees.

Someone is making a space studio for some reason.

Congratulations, Adam Rippon and Jussi-Pekka Kajaala!

Renewals

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • The Walking Dead returns for its final episodes on February 20.
  • We Need to Talk About Cosby will premiere on Showtime on January 30.
  • Outlander will return on Starz on March 6.
  • The Chelsea Detective will debut on Acorn TV on March 7.
  • Aziz Ansari: Nightclub Comedian will debut on Netflix on January 25.
  • Tall Girl 2 will debut on Netflix on February 11.
  • LOL: Last One Laughing Canada will debut on Amazon on February 18.
  • Three Songs for Benazir will premiere on Netflix on January 24.
  • Kid of the Year will air on Nickelodeon, TeenNick, and Nicktoons on February 9.
  • The Tuck Rule will premiere on ESPN on February 6.
  • Slapface will premiere on Shudder on February 3.
  • Shenmue the Animation will premiere on Adult Swim on February 5.
  • Wu Assassins: Fistful of Vengeance will premiere on Netflix on February 17.

  • Forecasting Love and Weather will debut on Netflix on February 12.
  • AI Love You will debut on Netflix on February 15.

R.I.P.

Hardy Kruger, Actor who appeared in A Bridge Too Far and The Flight of the Phoenix

WATCH THIS

Single Drunk Female: A 20-something fresh out of rehab moves back in with her mother in this new comedy. Series premiere. 9 p.m., Freeform

Supernatural Academy: A set of twins raised in two different worlds are set to be reunited at the Supernatural Academy in this new animated series based on the best-selling book series. Premiere. Peacock

Servant: Season premiere. Apple TV+

Fraggle Rock: Back to the Rock: The Fraggles are back! Series premiere. Apple TV+

La Fortuna: Stanley Tucci stars as a treasure hunter in this Spanish series about an effort to recover an underseas shipwreck. Series premiere. AMC+

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Will Forte, Jennifer Coolidge, Gunna
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Ricky Gervais, Edi Patterson, Daniel Fang
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Dionne Warwick, David Cross
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Ed Helms, Rachel Brosnahan, Samm Henshaw
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Jason Bateman, Ashley Park, Ghost
  • Watch What Happens Live: Isla Fisher, Nicole Ari Parker
THUR 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30

(new)

ABC Women of the Movement
(new)
Let the World See
(new)
CBS Young Sheldon
(new)
United States of Al
(new)
Ghosts
(new)
B Positive
(new)
Bull
(new)
CW Walker
(new)
Legacies
(repeat)
News/Local
FOX Joe Millionaire: For Richer or Poorer
(new)
Call Me Kat
(new)
Pivoting
(new)
News/Local
NBC The Blacklist
(new)
Law & Order: SVU
(new)
Law & Order: Organized Crime
(new)

2 thoughts on “I regret to inform you that we’ve entered the era of the ‘talking penis.’

  1. The only person who should voice a penis honestly is Mantzoukas. It just makes sense somehow. Although it would be hilarious to have, say, a Morgan Freeman voiced donger.

  2. Noted garbage person Michael Weatherly was also (allegedly) a dick to Jensen Ackles on Dark Angel and then proceeded to base his NCIS character on Jensen’s Dark Angel character. I don’t care for Michael Weatherly …

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