HAVE YOU MET MY HOUSTON OTTER FRIENDS? I am moments away from heading down to the bayou to try to find these guys and kidnap them.
All Other TV News
For at least the remainder of the season, Mayim Bialik and Ken Jennings will serve as the hosts of Jeopardy! Sorry, LeVar Burton fans, but it was never going to be him.
The Bachelor chose some guy you’ve never heard of because he’s from Michelle Young’s upcoming season and … he’s got a lot of chin.
After some people made it known that they thought turning activism into a competitive game show was gross and dystopian and the opposite of what activism is supposed to be about, CBS announced that The Activist, which was supposed to be a competition series, would now be a documentary special. LOL.
The Television Critics Awards were last night, and Ted Lasso won Outstanding Achievement in Comedy, Outstanding New Program, and Program of the Year, and deservedly so! Also, Jean Smart was the Career Achievement Honoree, and I’m thrilled she is finally being recognized for how fucking amazing she is thanks to Hacks and Mare of Easttown, but where has everyone been? She has been killing it since Designing Women, 24, Samantha Who? and more recently Fargo and Watchmen.
Sarah Paulson is threatening to leave American Horror Story.
Netflix is being sued for $5 million by Russian chess champ Nona Gaprindashvili for a throwaway line about her in Queen’s Gambit.
Late Night with Seth Meyers is going to bring the studio audience back in October, but I can’t say I’m thrilled about it. I currently like the looser, clubhouse feel of the show.
FX’s lineup is amazing, but good luck figuring out where to stream their shows.
The comedians closest to Norm Macdonald are still processing his death and sharing their stories about him, and there seem to be two consistent themes:
1. Norm reveled in not just bombing with audiences, but in pissing them off:
Jon Lovitz was on The Rich Eisen Show where he told a story about being banned from a Mississippi casino:
“So he’s doing the show—and he’s very funny, but he’s dirty. So someone yells out, ‘We don’t like that kind of talk.’ So there’s about 400 people there and he goes, ‘Well how many of you don’t like that kind of talk?’ and it was practically the whole room. Then he goes, ‘Well how many of you don’t mind?’ And it was like 10 people. So he goes, ‘Well, I’d hate to disappoint those 10 people because the rest of you don’t like it.’ And then he just got dirtier. And I was just crying laughing. The audience wasn’t even laughing, but that was typical him.”
And Bob Saget remembered his infamous Comedy Central Roast, in which Norm read jokes from a 1940s joke book, instead of doing the expected insults. The audience was silent but the comedians involved thought it was brilliant:
2. Norm MacDonald was a genuinely sweet, kind person and a loving friend:
Got a text from my sister this morning pic.twitter.com/feOfB6h9n8
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) September 15, 2021
And from that same Bob Saget interview:
Though Macdonald did not share details of his nearly 10-year bout with cancer, Saget says he himself suspected Macdonald’s health had taken a turn for the worse recently. “I knew that the last month was a turn in whatever was going on,” Saget says, adding that he suspected it was cancer but the two never discussed it. The friends had even been planning a project together, though Saget doesn’t go into details.
“Last week, I got a text and it just said ‘I love you.’ And I didn’t say much back. I just said ‘I love you Norm.’ And that was my [final] communication with him…One of the gifts of my life is that he loved me, and that I loved him.”
“I loved him, and I love him,” Saget says. “What do we do with that when we lose someone?”
Simone Biles, McKayla Maroney, Maggie Nichols, and Aly Raisman testified in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee to explain how U.S. Gymnastics and the FBI failed them in their investigation into the abuse by Larry Nassar. They are all so brave and strong and true heroes.
‘We have been failed and we deserve answers’ — Watch Simone Biles’ full testimony before a Senate panel on Wednesday where she said ‘enough is enough’ pic.twitter.com/MYVKKVL4K1
— NowThis (@nowthisnews) September 16, 2021
One of the FBI agents who failed to investigate Nassar, Michael Langeman, has been fired. Fucking finally. I’m sure this hearing had nothing to do with it.
One of R. Kelly’s accusers says that she witnessed the singer sexually assaulting Aaliyah when she was only 13 or 14 years old. Good lord.
Meanwhile, one of his accusers says he held her against her will for days and raped her when she was unconscious, and Kelly’s lawyers tried to suggest that actually, she just had a bad reaction to Chinese food.
This is a good Vanity Fair piece on how Kelly has just how brazen Kelly has been in his abuse for the past 30 years.
Alanis Morrissette participated in an HBO documentary about the making of her Jagged Little Pill album, in which she revealed she had been raped by five different men when she was a teenager. However, she now is furious with the film, and put out a statement calling it “salacious” and containing “facts that are simply not true.”
Kirstyn Crawford, the ABC news producer who accused her former boss, Michael Corn, of assaulting her, has also claimed that ABC retaliated against her after she formally complained.
Rap pioneer Afrika Bambaataa has been sued for sexually abusing and trafficking a 12-year-old boy in the ’90s.
Something messy happened with Queens of the Stone Age’s Josh Homme, in which his 10-year-old and 5-year-old sons filed a restraining order against him, alleging domestic abuse against themselves and their mother. The request was denied by a judge.
Bill Cosby’s comedy tour is on hold because of a civil sexual assault case. GOOD. STAY HOME, PREDATOR.
The rape lawsuit against Marilyn Manson has been thrown out because the statute of limitations had passed. Boy howdy, do I hate the fact that sex crimes still fall under statutes of limitation. The entire reason statutes of limitation in sex crimes were created was to discourage prosecutions based on “unreliable witness testimony,” which SOUNDS LIKE SOME SEXIST GARBAGE TO ME. In recent years, technology has advanced significantly in the fields of DNA and digital communications, making that witness testimony argument fall flat. Additionally, we understand a lot more about the sort of psychological, physical, and emotional trauma these assaults can cause, preventing victims from coming forward immediately — or even years later. So why not extend the statute of limitations, or, better yet, do away with them altogether? There’s no statute of limitations on murder, so why not on rape?
Patrick Dempsey sounds like he was a monster on the set of Grey’s Anatomy (not in a sexual way, I should add).
Happy 9/11 from America’s Mayor!
On the 9/11 anniversary, Rudy Giuliani gets sidetracked and denies hanging out with Prince Andrew.
“I never went out with him! Never EVER! Never had a drink with him. Never was with a woman or a young girl with him. Never ever ever.”
— Jan Wolfe (@JanNWolfe) September 12, 2021
Steve Bannon gave Jeffrey Epstein media training ahead of a 60 Minutes interview? Yeah, that definitely checks out.
The Britney Spears saga might be coming to an end very soon. Her father Jamie, after trying to extort her for $2 million, formally filed to have the conservatorship he oversaw come to an end. According to Britney’s lawyer, Jamie Spears did so without a settlement.
“This filing represents a massive legal victory for Britney Spears, as well as vindication,” Rosengart told Vanity Fair in a statement. “Having exposed his misconduct and improper plan to hold his daughter hostage by trying to extract a multimillion-dollar settlement, Mr. Spears has now effectively surrendered. There is no settlement.” He added, “To the extent Mr. Spears believes he can try to avoid accountability and justice, including sitting for a sworn deposition and answering other discovery under oath, he is incorrect and our investigation into financial mismanagement and other issues will continue.”
If you’re interested in Jamie Spears’ side of the story, he clearly sold it to TMZ. It’s hilariously self-serving.
All that said, the judge won’t rule on Spears’ motion until September 29, so we’ve still got a couple of weeks left before this will be settled one way or another. In the meantime, Britney has gotten engaged to boyfriend Sam Ashgari, and is taking a break from Instagram. Congratulations to her on both.
Meanwhile, Amanda Bynes is still under her conservatorship, though it sounds a lot less oppressive than the one Britney was under.
I’m not going to harp on the Texas abortion mess because I’m trying to have a relatively nice day over here. I’ll just note that the Department of Justice has filed a lawsuit against my state for violating the Constitution and has asked a federal judge to block the completely insane law until the lawsuit can move forward. Fingers crossed for the women of my state that the judge will hear reason.
In the meantime, a reminder of what these people really think of women and girls in their own words:
- The Outpost has been canceled at The CW after four seasons. The final episode will air on October 7.
- Drop Dead Dave, a reimagining of Drop Dead Diva, is in the works at CBS.
- Nnamdi Asomugha has signed a first-look deal with Amazon.
- Piers Morgan has rejoined News Corp., and they’re giving him a Fox Nation show. I mean, this is hardly unexpected, but it looks like we’ll never be rid of him now.
- Anthony Mackie will star in the Twisted Metal series.
- Emily Deschanel will star in Devil in Ohio on Netflix.
- Krysten Ritter has joined the cast of Love & Death on HBO Max.
- Eric McCormack has joined the cast of Departure on Peacock.
- Joely Richardson, Ella Hunt, and Faye Marsay have joined the cast of Lady Chatterley’s Lover on Netflix.
- Richard Schiff, Jessica Hecht, and John Michael Higgins have joined the cast of Super Pumped on Showtime.
- Miles Fowler is joining the cast of The Resident on Fox.
- Thaddeus Street, Tray Chaney, and Chris Clanton, Jermaine Crawford, and Nathan E. Corbett have been added to the cast of We Own This City on HBO.
- Hideaki Ito, Show Kasamatsu, Tomohisa Yamashita, Shun Sugata, Masato Hagiwara, Ayumi Tanida, and Kosuke Toyohara have been cast in Tokyo Vice on HBO Max.
- Janice Lynde is returning to The Young and the Restless on CBS.
- Inigo Pascual has been added to the cast of Monarch on Fox. (The PR team on this show is doing an amazing job dribbling this information out one name at a time.)
- Here are the contestants of Tough as Nails on CBS
Mark Your Calendars
- Sex Education returns on Netflix on September 17.
- Queenpins will debut on Paramount+ on September 30.
- The Manor will premiere on Amazon on October 8.
- Bingo Hell will premiere on Amazon on October 1.
- Madres will premiere on Amazon on October 8.
- Black As Night will debut on Amazon on October 1.
- Among the Stars will debut on Disney+ on October 6.
- Fever Dream will premiere on Netflix on October 13.
- Power Book II: Ghost returns on Starz on November 21.
- Elvira’s 40th Anniversary, Very Scary, Very Special Special will stream on Shudder on September 25.
- Eli Roth’s History of Horror returns on Shudder on September 25.
- Young Sheldon returns on CBS on October 7.
- 7 Prisoners will debut on Netflix in November.
- We Couldn’t Become Adults will debut on Netflix on November 5.
- TUDUM: A Netflix Global Fan Event will take place on September 25.
- Here’s a look at Apple TV+’s fall:
- Acapulco will premiere on Apple TV+ on October 8.
- Snoop and Martha’s Very Tasty Halloween will stream on Peacock beginning October 14.
- Molly Yeh’s Magnolia Adventure will premiere on Food Network on October 24.
- Move Fast & Vape Things will premiere on FX and Hulu on September 17.
- The cast of Brooklyn Nine-Nine will be on Late Night with Seth Meyers tonight, following the show’s series finale.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The squad takes an assessment of their time together in the one-hour series finale. 7 p.m., NBC
Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol: They should have called this series “Young Robert Langdon.” Series premiere. Peacock
The Morning Show: So this is back. Season premiere. Apple TV+
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Amy Adams, Billy Crudup, a performance from “Six”
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: The cast of “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”, José Medeles
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Melissa McCarthy, Lindsey Buckingham
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Angela Bassett
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson, James Blake
- Watch What Happens Live: Antoni Porowski, Jessica Chastain
|When Nature Calls with Helen Mirren
|Call Me Kat
|Call Me Kat
|Law & Order: SVU
|Law & Order: Organized Crime
4 thoughts on “LeVar Burton is still not your ‘Jeopardy’ host.”
Prediction: Someone will post an overdub of one or more key scenes from The Handmaid’s Tale, giving all the characters exaggerated Texas accents.
I’ve twice now seen otters at lake Conroe. From what I read the Texas River Otter is making a comeback.
This is the best thing I’ve heard maybe all year. Maybe the past … oh, I don’t know … five years.
I was watching local news earlier this week and they were showing one of the bayous full of Nicholas. As the camera panned along the far bank I thought I saw something break the surface and go back under. I think now it was an otter.
(I love these guys! If there’s reincarnation, this is what I want to be next time around.)