Looks like we have to explain to Ted Cruz who the bad guy was in ‘Watchmen’ because Ted Cruz is a fucking idiot

It’s Tuesday —  or Twosday, if you want to be cute since it’s 2/2 — and Groundhog Day. And our weather-predicting friend says we have six more weeks of winter ahead of us. Sorry, friends in the Northeast! Sucks for you!

Other alarming things: armed squirrels.

All Other TV News

Everyone is dunking on Ted Cruz for suggesting that “rabid environmentalists” are the bad guys in Avengers: Endgame and Watchmen, and … yeah … I mean, no. That’s not … no.

First of all, in the Avengers movies, Thanos was not a “rabid environmentalist,” but he did subscribe to the Malthusian theory that states the larger a population grows, the fewer resources will be available. He wiped out half the population of the entire universe — not just our planet — believing that by doing so, he was saving it. The universe as a whole. Not just Earth. And it had absolutely nothing to do with climate change.

As for The Watchmen and Watchmen let’s take this one at a time since they are technically two different projects and I’m not entirely sure which one he’s actually talking about.

In the original comic (and the Zack Snyder adaptation), The Watchmen, the character I think Ted is referring to here, Ozymandias, is the “smartest man in the world” who comes up with an elaborate conspiracy to prevent the Soviet Union and the United States from destroying the world in a nuclear holocaust. He does so by creating whole cloth a third, non-Earthly enemy — a giant psychic squid — who kills off millions of people in the New York City area. As a result, the world bands together (temporarily, at least) to fight this common enemy. Ozymandias doesn’t believe that “people are a disease” — he’s trying to save humanity from its own militaristic self-destructive nature.

As for Watchmen the series, if I remember correctly — AND I DO BECAUSE I RECAPPED IT — the actual villain on that show is an ambitious Southern senator who uses White supremacists to commit terrorist acts as part of his effort to become President, turn America into a White supremacist state, and harness Doctor Manhattan’s powers to alter reality altogether to better fit his racist worldview.

Maybe you should step back from trying to overthrow our democracy for your own ambitious and White supremacist purposes, Ted, and do a rewatch. You might learn a thing or fifty.

Obviously, someone has already written “The Gang Storms the Capitol” spec script for Sunny. Obviously.

Ramin Djawadi will be doing the score for House of the Dragon, thank The Seven.

Kelly Dodd thinks she’s going to be fired from The Real Housewives of Orange County. Huh! Why? Was it the whole treating COVID like a joke thing, or was it when she called Andy Cohen anti-American?

The Disney+/Hulu/ESPN+ bundle with ad-free Hulu is now widely available to everyone. Sign-up here.

Comcast NBCUniversal has launched Black Experience on Xfinity, a channel that will feature content from their network partners that has been approved of by the African American Film Critics Association.

#MeToo

Evan Rachel Wood explicitly named Marilyn Manson (nee Brian Warner) as her abuser on Instagram, saying that he groomed her beginning when she was a teenager, and “horrifically abused [her] for years.”

Wood had previously spoken publicly several times about being a survivor of abuse including in a House Judiciary Committee meeting in 2018 in support of passing the Sexual Assault Survivors’ Bill of Rights, but she declined to name her abuser.

But we all knew who she was talking about.

Four more women came forward to Vanity Fair to say that Manson abused them as well.

Marilyn Manson claims these are “distortions of reality.”

OK, Brian.

Meanwhile, he’s been dropped by his label, dropped by his agency, he will be removed from an upcoming episode of American Gods, and Shudder is pulling an upcoming episode of Creepshow in which he appeared.

John Weaver, a Lincoln Project founder and former political advisor to John McCain and John Kasich, has been accused of several men of being a sexual predator and abuser. One young man started receiving messages from Weaver beginning when he was 14 years old.

A number of women have come forward accusing rapper and reality TV star T.I. and his wife Tiny of violent sexual abuse. They deny all of the allegations.

Armie Hammer has now dropped out of The Offer, the Paramount series about the making of The Godfather on the heels of a number of horrific allegations against him, including sexual fantasies involving cannibalism and physical and psychological abuse. Also, he might be abusive towards his dog? In any event, his ex-wife wants you to know that she knew nothing about any of this.

America’s Next Top Model contestant Lisa D’Amato has come forward accusing Tyra Banks and the show’s producers of abusive treatment and exploiting their past traumas for drama on the show.

James Bennet, the New York Times editor who was responsible for publishing that Tom Cotton op-ed that urged the President to send in the military to tamp down BLM protests — which, understandably, was met with furious outrage that The New York Times would even publish such a dangerous piece — has been accused of being an abusive asshole during his time at The Atlantic, too. He stepped down from the Times after the Cotton controversy, but don’t worry about him: despite his clearly poor decision-making skills, and credible accusations of creating a hostile workplace environment, he’s found a new job at The Economist.

Uh-oh, Prince Andrew.

Jean-Claude Van Damme sounds like a monster to have to work with. GET YOUR TONGUE OUT THEIR MOUTHS.

A friend of mine did a thing: Houston author and actual high school teacher, Jennifer Mathieu, had her fourth YA novel, Moxie, turned into a movie by Amy Poehler, and it begins streaming on Netflix on March 3. It’s about a group of high schoolers who, led by a girl who is inspired by her mother’s own riot grrl days, protest against the school’s harassment culture. It looks fun and feisty and I’m very excited and proud:

Going Viral

We are somewhere between 454,000 and 443,000 American deaths, but we are slowing down, thank God. Other good news: the Russian vaccine that was received skeptically by other countries, appears to be about 91% effective. We need vaccines around the world, not just here, if we’re ever going to get this thing under control.

An over-the-counter, 15-minute, at-home COVID test has been given a $231,000,000 contract by the Biden Administration to ramp up production and should be available later this month.

Jane Fonda, Anthony Hopkins, Martha Stewart, Al Roker, and Samuel L. Jackson have all received the vaccine.

Andrew Yang has tested positive.

Some asshole SoulCycle instructor cut to the head of the vaccine line by presenting herself as an “educator.” (This woman is famous enough that she was parodied by Kate McKinnon on SNL, I’m not kidding.)

Related: rich white assholes are taking more than their share of vaccines. I’m so shocked. This is my shocked face.

Covid Diaries NYC will debut on HBO on March 9. “Covid Diaries NYC chronicles the lives of five young filmmakers, ranging in age from 17 to 21, who turn their cameras on themselves to tell the stories of their families during the first wave of the COVID-19 pandemic in New York City. The deeply personal film illuminates the plight of essential workers and their families during the early days of the COVID-19 crisis as they navigate the deadly virus and a country riven by social upheaval.”

Fauci will air on National Geographic soon.

Renewals

  • Line of Duty on BBC, BritBox, and Acorn TV has been given an extended sixth season.

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • The Nevers will debut on HBO Max in April.
  • The Walking Dead will premiere one week earlier on AMC+ on February 21.
  • Marvel’s Behind the Mask will debut on Disney+ on February 12.
  • My Celebrity Dream Wedding will air on VH1 on February 9.
  • Havana Street Party Presents: Beatriz Luengo will stream on HBO Max and air on HBO Latino on February 12.
  • Millennials will stream on ALLBLK on February 25.
  • Basketball Wives returns on VH1 on February 9.
  • Pacific Rim: The Black will premiere on Netflix on March 4.
  • Crazy About Her will premiere on Netflix on February 26.

R.I.P.

Hal Holbrook, Legendary actor on both stage and screen, perhaps best known for his life-long portrayal of Mark Twain. Holbrook won five Emmys over the course of his career, and in addition to all of the stage roles that he performed for television, he had a recurring role on Designing Women.

Dustin Diamond, Child actor best-known for his role as “Screech” on Saved by the Bell and his struggles in his post-Saved by the Bell years.

“Words cannot express the grief that I am feeling right now. Dustin and I had a warm and special friendship, he was a caring gentleman, and my memories of him will always be cherished. I am so very sorry he is gone. But it’s exceptionally sad for his close loved ones who have to deal with his tragic death and their own great loss. My heart goes out to them at this trying time.” – Lark Voorhies

Cy Chermak, TV producer who worked on CHiPs, Kolchak: The Night Stalker, and Ironside

Ricky Powell, Street photographer and honorary fourth Beastie Boy

WATCH THIS

Fake Famous: An exploration of social media, in which three individuals who have small followings are turned into “influencers” through a bunch of paid fake followers and bots. 8 p.m., HBO

Tiffany Haddish: They Ready 2: Six diverse comedians are showcased. Netflix

Frontline: China’s COVID Secrets: A look at how China responded to the COVID crisis in the early days, and how they missed opportunities to contain the spread. PAY ATTENTION, EVERYONE, because this won’t be our last novel coronavirus. 9 p.m., PBS

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Drew Barrymore, Talib, Nilüfer Yanya
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: David Duchovny, Elizabeth Olsen, Wright Thompson, Matt Cameron
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Zendaya, Father James Martin
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Naomi Watts, FINNEAS
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Matthew McConaughey, Kathryn Hahn, Rhye
  • The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
  • Conan: Mike Birbiglia
  • Watch What Happens Live: Tiffany Moon, Stephanie Hollman
  • A Little Late with Lily Singh: Adam Mosseri

TUES. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC To Tell the Truth
(new)
black-ish
(new)
mixed-ish
(new)
Big Sky
(new)
CBS NCIS
(repeat)
FBI
(repeat)
FBI: Most Wanted
(repeat)
CW Two Sentence Horror Stories
(new)
Two Sentence Horror Stories
(repeat)
Trickster
(new)
Local
FOX The Resident
(new)
Prodigal Son
(new)
News/Local
NBC Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist
(new)
This Is Us
(repeat)
Nurses
(new)

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