President Inciter is now threatening violence if he’s punished for inciting violence.

It’s Tuesday and things are still terrifying, so here’s a soothing video of someone petting a very fine duck.

Petting a damn fine duck from r/aww


Political Crap

Today’s terrifying news: Congress was briefed by the FBI on plans being made by right-wing extremists to surround the Capitol ahead of Joe Biden’s inauguration and assassinate certain politicians — namely all Democrats and any Republicans deemed not supportive enough of President Igniter. And the military being assigned to protect the Capitol during the inauguration are having to be vetted to make sure they aren’t tied to any right-wing groups. Great! Everything is great.

There are also reportedly plans for armed “protests” at all 50 state capitols during inauguration week, so that’s super cool.

President Terrorist is obviously railing against his impending second impeachment, and blaming Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer for “causing tremendous danger to our county and it’s causing tremendous anger.”

So basically: don’t punish me for invoking violence or I’ll invoke violence. Got it.

And there are a shit-ton of Republicans who are demanding “unity” from the Democrats — meaning they should just let this go without anyone suffering any consequences for a deadly coup attempt on our Capitol — without explaining what they themselves will do towards “unifying” this country. Oh, and also? They never called on President Insurrectionist for “unity” after he lost fair and square to Joe Biden, but now, NOW, it’s important that Democrats be the ones to heal a fracture they created. VERY COOL.

The Washington Post has a remarkable story about the six hours of the siege and how President Traitor was enjoying the coverage of the violence, and reluctant to call off the rioters.

And The New York Times has a piece about how President Fox News Feedback Loop is more upset at losing his Twitter account than he is the violence that happened in his name last week.

Oh, and President Felon is learning that if he pardons himself, it might be interpreted as an admission of guilt and could be used against him in civil lawsuits resulting from the siege. He’s super pissed and now considering not giving out ANY pardons if he can’t have one.

Two Capitol Police officers have been suspended for their behavior during the siege, and 10 to 15 more are being investigated.

Chad Wolf, acting Homeland Security head, is peacing out. He joins Betsy DeVos, Elaine Chao, and apparently Ted Cruz’s communications director.

Also abandoning President Toxic: New England Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick, who refused the Presidential Medal of Freedom and Deutsche Bank, the bank that has kept his bankrupt ass afloat for years now, and might have some information on his relationship with the Russians. ALLEGEDLY.

Twitter has banned over 70,000 accounts associated with Qanon since last week.

And speaking of Qanon, you know that shirtless weirdo in the horned helmet who stormed the Capitol? Yeah, he’s refusing to eat prison food because it’s not organic. What is that they call the left? Snowflakes? It’s snowflakes, right?

And some sick fucko carved “TRUMP” into a manatee because his supporters are not good people. Full stop.

8 Days. It will happen.

Going Viral

Rep. Pramila Jayapal and Rep. Brad Schneider have become the second and third Congresspeople to test positive after being in a secure location with a bunch of Republican congressional assholes who refused to wear a mask during the siege of the Capitol.

The Trump administration has reversed course, and will make more doses of the vaccine available, and are urging anyone 65 and older to get it. We’ll see.

Bob Read, managing editor of Inside Edition, has died of COVID-19.

Grimes has the virus and is posting weird shit about it.

The NBA had to postpone three games to outbreaks. Hey, remember the bubble? That actually worked well. Why aren’t we bubbling, again? I understand you can’t make players live in a bubble the entirety of a season, but how about playing a block of games in the bubble, having a time away from the bubble, and then return for another block of games?

Dr. Fauci remains optimistic that theaters could reopen in the fall with the vaccine rollout.

Speaking of the vaccine: Disneyland will be a super site for the vaccine for Orange County, California.

CNN’s Sara Sidner broke down on-air talking about the Los Angeles death crisis:

All Other TV News

The networks are trying to figure out their primetime coverage of President-Elect Joe Biden’s inauguration — except for Fox, of course, who doesn’t want to preempt The Masked Dancer.

As to the other national crisis: The fallout from the Samantha-less Sex and the City revival continues:

Sarah Jessica Parker is insisting that it’s not that she doesn’t like Kim Cattrall, just that “Samantha isn’t part of this story.”

Meanwhile, Kim Cattrall has not said anything publicly, but she did like a rando’s tweet about it, so.

And here’s one lunatic’s take on how to create a Samantha-less revival. And let me just say: only a man would suggest this.

Anna Paquin and the original cast of True Blood were as surprised to learn of the upcoming revival as anyone, apparently.

Some production shakeups:

Jon M. Chu is not going to be directing the Willow series on Disney+ after all. And Joe Barton is the new director of The Batman series on HBO Max after Terrence Winter exited the show.

AT&T TV Now, AT&T’s cheap TV bundle for cord-cutters, is being killed off.

On its 50th anniversary, Variety celebrates the history and legacy of the controversial and important sitcom All in the Family.

The Sopranos, Dawson’s Creek, and the Gary Cooper question.

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • Netflix has announced plans to release a movie every single week of 2021.

  • The United States vs. Billie Holiday will premiere on Hulu on February 26.

  • grown-ish returns on Freeform on January 21.

  • Snowpiercer returns on TNT on January 25.

  • Bonding returns on Netflix on January 27.

  • Beartown will stream on HBO Max on February 22.

  • Love & Marriage: Huntsville returns on OWN on January 30.

  • Double Cross will debut on ALLBLK on January 14.

  • Perfect Life will debut on HBO Max on January 21.


AnnaRose King, Writer-director and the daughter of King World Production’s Roger King

Stacy Title, Writer and director

Martin Markinson, Broadway producer


The Resident: Conrad and Nic prepare for their wedding day while everyone else has COVID flashbacks in the season premiere. 7 p.m., Fox

Prodigal Son: Malcolm finds his life in disarray after what his sister did in the first season finale. Season premiere. 8 p.m., Fox

Two Sentence Horror Stories: This strange and unexpected little horror anthology series is back. I’m not convinced that this show is good — but it does stay with you. Season premiere. 7 p.m., The CW

Trickster: An Indigenous teen tries to keep his struggling family above water when he begins having strange visions. Series premiere. 8 p.m., The CW

Everyone is Doing Great: Basically, this comedy is if the two leads of The Vampire Diaries were still floundering around five years after the show had been canceled, looking to recreate their previous success. Series premiere. Hulu

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Anne Hathaway, Lilly Singh, Jazmine Sullivan
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Carey Mulligan, Leslie Jordan, Neil Gaiman
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: James Comey, Lili Reinhart
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Liam Neeson, Pillow Queens
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Kyra Sedgwick, Aldis Hodge, JP Saxe
  • The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
  • Watch What Happens Live: Kameron Westcott, Cheyenne Jackson
  • A Little Late with Lily Singh: Brie Larson

TUES. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Captain America: The Winter Soldier
FBI: Most Wanted
CW Two Sentence Horror Stories
Two Sentence Horror Stories
FOX The Resident
Prodigal Son
NBC Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist
This Is Us

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