The GOP is absolutely terrified of your vote. So let’s make them piss their pants.

We are having yet another Thursday, somehow.

Here’s an angry French Bulldog on a diet.

It me.

Political Crap

We’re going to start with something local for a change (although this also has implications for the national election, too, of course). But our governor here in Texas just issued a proclamation CLOSING ballot dropoff locations. Now each county can only have ONE (1) dropoff location.

FUN FACT: Harris County is the third-most populous county in the country with a population larger than 25 states.

A party that is afraid of people voting is a party that is scared they are losing. They are making it loud and clear they are TERRIFIED you will vote.

Voter registration closes here in Texas (and in many other states) on October 5. Make sure you’re registered. And then vote early. You can even vote from your car here in Harris County:

Let’s deny Governor Abbott and his GOP cronies the satisfaction of stealing this election by suppressing the vote.

And fun fact: if Texas votes blue? President Tax Cheat can’t steal the election even with one of these terrifying dirty tricks.

After President Dingus attempted to irreparably break the debates on Tuesday, the Commission on Presidential Debates announced they’ll be implementing changes so an unhinged screaming asshole can’t burn down the whole damn thing.

President Twatwaffle is obviously unhappy at this news:

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OK, DUDE. OK.

They’re never going to condemn white supremacists because they’re never going to condemn their base, you guys:

Welcome to the Resistance, Fox News’ John Roberts:

“Why Didn’t Sauron Condemn the Orc Hordes?”  

You paid more in taxes than the Slacker-in-Chief. Here is a calculator that shows you all the treats you could have bought yourself if you paid as little as he did.

This is gratifying. You’re a coward, Ted.

Black Lives Matter

Texas Sheriff and Live P.D. star Robert Chody has been charged with tampering with evidence for destroying video evidence of the death by cop of Javier Ambler. This is one of the cases that led to Live P.D. being canceled by A&E despite being its most popular series on TV.

Adult Swim has permanently removed episodes of The Boondocks and Aqua Teen Hunger Force for being racially insensitive.  

NBC Universal and Gabrielle Union have reached “an amicable resolution” to her complaints of behavior on America’s Got Talent. What that resolution is? UNCLEAR.

Pose co-creator Steven Canals has many questions about the lack of Latinx representation behind and in front of the cameras.

A grand juror on the Breonna Taylor case sued to have the proceedings made public, accusing the Kentucky Attorney General Daniel Cameron of using the jurors “as a shield to deflect accountability and responsibility” and of planting “more seeds of doubt in the process.” A judge agreed and Cameron is expected to release the 20 hours of recordings by the end of the week. Cameron has suggested that the grand jury declined to charge the police officers with Taylor’s murder, while the recordings are expected to show that they were never presented with such charges to begin with. While grand juries can theoretically bring charges outside what prosecutors present, many may not know that (and it’s not necessarily in the prosecutor’s interest to inform them of that). Stay tuned.

This is what is wrong with the “defund the police” language: the meaning is more nuanced and complicated and completely lost on the likes of people like Charles Barkley. Also, Sir Charles, respectfully, you’ve got this Breonna Taylor situation all wrong, my friend.

The L.A. Times made a promise to do better in terms of increasing diversity and not perpetuating biases and prejudices. Which is great! But then this morning, they tweeted this and then had to take it down because oh my god:

Yeah, that’s not it, my dudes. Do better.

Meanwhile, if you want to talk about “violence” at protests, here’s a sobering figure: since George Floyd’s murder, there have been 104 incidents in which people drove cars into protestors. 43 of the incidents have been determined to be malicious, 8 have involved police cars. And Florida Governor Ron DeSantis wants to provide legal protections to such drivers.

And as for teens crossing state lines to murder protestors: the Department of Homeland Security has got your back. “In preparing Homeland Security officials for questions about Rittenhouse from the media, the document suggests that they note that he ‘took his rifle to the scene of the rioting to help defend small business owners.'” Yeah, don’t hold your breath for a denouncement of white supremacists, John Roberts.

Going Viral

You should sit down before reading this, but it turns out the leading source of misinformation about COVID-19 is one Donald Jasmine Trump. HUH.

That is the conclusion of researchers at Cornell University who analyzed 38 million articles about the pandemic in English-language media around the world. Mentions of Mr. Trump made up nearly 38 percent of the overall “misinformation conversation,” making the president the largest driver of the “infodemic” — falsehoods involving the pandemic.

The study, to be released Thursday, is the first comprehensive examination of coronavirus misinformation in traditional and online media.

VOTE. HIM. OUT.

New York City is not fucking around with the masks. Wear one or be fined $1000.

The MLB is going to allow a limited number of fans to attend the NLCS and World Series. Y’all have fun.

The XFL won’t debut until 2022 because Dwayne Johnson gives a shit about the players’ health unlike others.

Queen Sugar has resumed production. As have A Million Little Things and The Mighty Ducks.

The Conners will not have a live studio audience anytime soon.

ABC is developing Real People, a single-camera comedy following a group of families who return to their everyday lives following the lockdowns.

How The Bachelorette, The Masked Singer, and Dancing With the Stars are filming during this mess: VERY CAREFULLY.

All Other TV News

OOH, are you watching The Vow, the documentary about the batshit insane NXIVM sex cult? Because Clare Bronfman, one of the Seagram’s heirs who was bankrolling this nonsense was just sentenced to 81 months in prison “for conspiracy to conceal and harbor aliens for financial gain and fraudulent use of personal identification information.”

Oh, The Conners are going to be addressing the 2020 election, don’t you worry.

The reason Tom Bergeron and Erin Andrews were fired as hosts of Dancing with the Stars? Eh, just cuz.

How’d you feel about the series finale of The 100?

Mickey Rourke just couldn’t handle that mask.

Reality TV is booming, and not just because of the pandemic (although that hasn’t hurt it).

My heart is breaking for Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. May they and their family find peace soon:

View this post on Instagram

We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough. . . We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital.  But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack.  So he will always be Jack to us.  Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever. . . To our Jack – I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive.  We will always love you. . . Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts and prayers.  We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you. . . We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience.  But everyday can’t be full of sunshine.  On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on

Renewals

  • Billions has been renewed for season six on Showtime.
  • The Wall was renewed at NBC for season four.

Cancellations

  • F is for Family has been renewed for a fifth and final season on Netflix.

In Development

  • A Conan the Barbarian TV series is coming to Netflix.
  • Summer, a drama about a group of families vacationing in Cape Cod, is in development at NBC.
  • The Gentlemen is being turned into a TV series and it will be written and directed by Guy Ritchie.
  • Stevie Nicks is turning “Rhiannon” into a miniseries and wants Harry Styles to star in it.
  • Priest of Bones is being adapted into a TV series.
  • Rebecca Cutter has signed an overall deal with Lionsgate Television.

Casting News

  • Naomie Harris is joining the film Swan Song on Apple TV+.
  • Brendan Hines is joining the cast of Locke & Key and Liyou Abere will guest star.
  • Alex Morf will be DC Comics villain Victor Zsasz in Batwoman this season.
  • Stefania LaVie Owen has joined the cast of Sweet Tooth on Netflix.
  • Gretchen Carlson will be a special correspondent on PEOPLE (the TV show).

Mark Your Calendars

  • Borat 2: Subsequent Moviefilm will debut on Amazon on October 23.

  • Belushi will premiere on Showtime on November 22.

  • Big Sky will premiere on ABC on November 17.

  • The Conners returns on October 21 on ABC.

  • Social Distance will premiere on Netflix on October 15.

  • His House will debut on Netflix on October 30.

  • Between the World and Me will premiere on HBO on November 21.

  • The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City will debut on Bravo on November 11.

  • The Eric Andre Show will return on Adult Swim on October 25.

  • The South Westerlies will premiere on Acorn on November 9.

  • Someone Has to Die will debut on Netflix on October 16.

R.I.P.

Archie Lyndhurst, Star of BBC’s show So Awkward

Bonni Lou Kern, An original Mouseketeer

WATCH THIS

Let’s Be Real: A political puppet show from the Triumph the Insult Comic Dog guy. Premiere. 8 p.m., Fox

A World of Calm: Basically, this is bedtime stories for grownups told by famous people. Series premiere. HBO Max

Scare Me: Aya Cash and Josh Reuben star in this horror-comedy in which two strangers try to frighten one another with scary stories. Premiere. Shudder

Code 4040: Robocop if Robocop was a comedy. Premiere. Peacock

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Michael Che, Colin Jost, Kaitlyn Dever, BTS
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Cecily Strong, David Wright, Miranda July, Jessica Burdeaux
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Ethan Hawke, Andrew Weissmann
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Tyra Banks, Sally Hawkins, Craig Roberts
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Travis Scott, Lauren Cohan
  • The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
  • Watch What Happens Live: Chelsea Clinton, Samantha Bee
THUR 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Celebrity Family Feud
(new)
Press Your Luck
(new)
Match Game
(new)
CBS Big Brother
(new)
Star Trek: Discovery
(new)
CW Mysteries Decoded
(new)
Penn & Teller: Fool Us
(repeat)
News/Local
FOX The Masked Singer
(repeat)
Let’s Be Real
(new)
Family Guy
(repeat)
News/Local
NBC The Wall
(new)
Dateline
(repeat)

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