Here’s a metaphor:
Look. We all know what THE STORY of the day is. We’ll get to that in a minute. TRUST.
But first: a couple of weeks ago I had the pleasure to be asked to guest on “Secret Door to the Left,” a brand new political podcast. The podcast is hosted by Alicia and Frances, two liberals who live amongst conservatives in a community just outside of the Houston area.
Here’s their description of the podcast: “Are you an undercover Democrat in a Republican world? Are you voting for Biden but everyone you know is voting for Trump? Then step through the Secret Door to the Left and join Frances and Alicia as they discuss current events and issues from the unique perspective of two liberal friends entrenched in a conservative community. Everything from social justice to social media, from patriarchy to parenting. New episodes drop each Tuesday.”
I strongly recommend the podcast in general: Alicia and Frances are personable and approach the topics of the day in a fun, chatty way. It’s like having a conversation with a pair of your funny friends, and a nice reminder that even if all of your neighbors are participating in Trump boat parades, you’re not alone.
I had the pleasure to chat with them about politics, obviously, and how I got to be such a shrieking harpy, but we also talked TV, including The Bachelor and Bachelorette, Watchmen, and Lost. It was a blast. And if you’ve ever wondered what I sound like while I cackle nervously, ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED.
“Secret Door to the Left” is available on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you like to listen to podcasts!
One of the things that struck me while talking with Alicia and Frances (and which is touched upon in that preview above) is that I really do live in a liberal bubble, despite being in a very red state. My family is conservative, but most of my friends and my closest contacts are at the very least anti-President DumpsterFire. But talking with them was a reminder that not everyone feels comfortable giving the Liar-in-Chief the finger publicly. This was also discussed in this very good AP article about former Trump voters who are voting for Biden this year.
Shawna Jensen’s moment of reckoning came in March, as she sat in her suburban Fort Worth, Texas, living room next to her fireplace. Her laptop was open to a Zoom happy hour with five girlfriends. She sucked in a breath, gripping her glass of red wine.
“Hey, guys, I gotta tell you something,” she said. The women, all white, Republican, suburban moms, stared back at her.
Jensen’s heart raced. How would they react? What would they think? She never dreamed she would utter these words aloud.
“I’m not voting for Trump this year. My heart will not let me do it. I can’t vote for someone who is that ugly to other people.”
An uncomfortable pause descended over the screen. “Oh, OK,” one woman said, in a strained voice.
Since then, the 47-year-old hasn’t been invited to parties, and the Zoom happy hours have been few.
FUCK THEM, SHAWNA. I’LL BE YOUR FRIEND, AND I’LL BRING THE WINE. Also, can I give you a podcast recommendation?
Meanwhile, The New York Times‘ Bret Stephens is out here making up a Bernie-supporting Manhattan lesbian who is planning on voting for the one candidate who has made it his explicit campaign promise to take away health care and destroy the planet. LOL OK BRET.
News Fire Hose Time!!!
Yesterday, the following stories broke within hours/sometimes minutes of each other:
President Traitor’s former national security advisor H.R. McMaster gave an interview on MSNBC in which he described the President of the United States as “aiding and abetting” Russian President Vladimir Putin’s campaign to seed doubt in our electoral process.
“I agree that he is aiding and abetting Putin’s efforts by not being direct about this, right? By not just calling out Putin for what he’s doing,” McMaster said.
“You know, Putin gets away with, I mean, literally murder or attempted murder … because people don’t call him out on it,” he added. “And so they are able to continue with this kind of fire hose of falsehood, to sow these conspiracy theories. And we just can’t be our own worst enemies.”
Also, conservative lunatics Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman, who have just been BEGGING to be arrested for years now (fun “stunts” they have played: hiring a woman to claim Robert Mueller sexually harassed her; hiring a man to claim Pete Buttigieg sexually harassed him; hiring another guy to claim he had an affair with Elizabeth Warren) finally got their wish and were arrested and charged with four felony counts of making robocalls to primarily African-American communities and giving them false election information, intending to discourage them from voting. They could spend up to 12 years in prison!
Then, The New Yorker broke the news that Kimberly Guilfoyle, Dummy Jr.’s terrifying girlfriend, was fired from Fox News back in 2018 after she sexually harassed a female assistant. According to the piece, Guilfoyle would force a particular female assistant to work from Guilfoyle’s home where Guilfoyle would parade around naked, and she would often show this assistant photographs of the genitalia of the men Guilfoyle slept with.
“The draft complaint also alleged that Guilfoyle spoke incessantly and luridly about her sex life, and on one occasion demanded a massage of her bare thighs; other times, she said, Guilfoyle told her to submit to a Fox employee’s demands for sexual favors, encouraged her to sleep with wealthy and powerful men, asked her to critique her naked body, demanded that she share a room with her on business trips, required her to sleep over at her apartment, and exposed herself to her, making her feel deeply uncomfortable.”
When Fox News began investigating harassment cases in general and began sniffing around Guilfoyle in particular, Guilfoyle reportedly threatened this assistant with retaliation if she said anything and also offered to pay her off. But in the end, Guilfoyle was fired and the assistant was paid $4 million for her trouble by Fox News.
AND THEN, Anderson Cooper interviewed former Melania aide Stephanie Winston Wolkoff last night, and LORDY, THERE WERE TAPES:
Some highlights include Melania claiming the children locked in cages are happy to be there, and admitting that she wore the “I Don’t Really Care, Do U?” jacket just to piss off the liberals:
In the recording, we hear Wolkoff ask Melania Trump about why she wore the jacket.
“I’m driving liberals crazy, that’s for sure,” Melania said. “And they deserve it. You understand? And everybody’s like, ‘Oh my god, this is the worst, this is the worst.’ I mean come on. They are crazy, OK?”
"The jacket was… a publicity stunt, and it was to garner the attention of the press, to make sure that everyone was aware that Melania was going to the border."— Anderson Cooper 360° (@AC360) October 2, 2020
Melania Trump's former friend, Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, on the infamous "I really don't care. Do U?" jacket. pic.twitter.com/sCJAAAcvBf
But my very favorite moment is when, while bitching about the media coverage, Melania says, and I quote: “who gives a fuck about Christmas stuff?”
People are proud to be saying Merry Christmas again. I am proud to have led the charge against the assault of our cherished and beautiful phrase. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 25, 2017
LET’S ALL CLOSE OUR EYES AND IMAGINE FOR ONE MINUTE WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF MICHELLE OBAMA HAD BEEN CAUGHT ON A RECORDING SAYING, “WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT CHRISTMAS STUFF?”
Any one of those stories would have fueled a normal news cycle for days, even weeks. BUT WE HAVEN’T LIVED IN NORMAL TIMES FOR FOUR YEARS NOW.
Because just as we were all digesting “Who gives a fuck about CHRISTMAS,” the big news of the day broke: White House advisor and pretend Trump daughter, Hope Hicks, tested positive for COVID-19 on Wednesday. Which is notable because 1. according to The New York Times, they didn’t want anyone to know this and kept it even from White House employees and 2. these assholes knew Hicks was positive on Wednesday and that President Dipshit had been in close contact with her, and they STILL went to a New Jersey fundraiser yesterday, exposing roughly some 100 other people, because, yes, obviously, President Superspreader and his wife Ghoulania both tested positive themselves yesterday.
Reminder: a wedding in Maine that was attended by 62 people has been linked to over 170 cases and at least 8 deaths. How many people will this fundraiser infect? How many will it kill?
then what happened https://t.co/jaJXkPDBIx— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) October 2, 2020
And then, of course, there was the debate on Tuesday, where President Spittle yelled and screamed on stage in an enclosed space with Joe Biden and Chris Wallace nearby. Was he infected then? WHO KNOWS. His asshole family refused masks — WHICH WERE REQUIRED — when offered by the Cleveland Clinic.
Fortunately, so far Joe and Jill Biden have tested negative (as have Kamala Harris and her husband Dog) but it could be a few more days before a positive result would show up.
Jill and I send our thoughts to President Trump and First Lady Melania Trump for a swift recovery. We will continue to pray for the health and safety of the president and his family.— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) October 2, 2020
Doug and I join Joe Biden and Dr. Biden in wishing President Trump and the First Lady a full and speedy recovery. We’re keeping them and the entire Trump family in our thoughts.— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) October 2, 2020
For no reason at all, President Empathy four years ago today:
Donald Trump mocks Hillary Clinton over her pneumonia outbreak pic.twitter.com/feHjV6cLDa— The Telegraph (@Telegraph) October 2, 2016
Here are some other people who have had close contact with the White House in recent days who have tested positive recently:
Ronna has the Rona:
BREAKING – Ronna McDaniel, the RNC chairwoman, tested positive for the coronavirus on Wednesday, multiple sources say. She has mild symptoms. She was last with POTUS last Friday and has been in Michigan since then.— Maggie Haberman (@maggieNYT) October 2, 2020
Utah Senator Mike Lee:
Notre Dame President Fr. John Jenkins:
BREAKING: Notre Dame President Fr. John Jenkins, who attended Amy Coney Barrett's nomination at the White House on Saturday & didn't wear a mask has tested positive for COVID-19.— RuralLiberal (@HiraethResists) October 2, 2020
A White House staffer and journalist:
News: I have obtained a memo from the @WHCA board to WH reporters with word of "two additional cases of COVID-19 at the White House." A journalist received a preliminary positive result. And a WH staffer who sits in the "lower press" area received a confirmed positive result.— Brian Stelter (@brianstelter) October 2, 2020
Despite the nomination ceremony for Amy Coney Barrett emerging as a superspreader event, Lindsey Graham assures us that her Supreme Court nomination hearings will continue afoot. Good luck with that, Linds.
As for President Co-Morbidity, the man is old and obese and definitely at risk for a bad reaction to this virus. While he has a cough and fever, I’m confident he will ultimately be fine, but this next week will be crucial. He will be in isolation for at least a while … putting the next presidential debate into question (which, honestly, might just be for the best).
As for what’s next?
All of 2020 in one headline: pic.twitter.com/QUyOt7coNH— Bobby QUARANTINE DREAM Hankinson (@bobbyhank) October 2, 2020
I’m not celebrating this. Honestly, I want the man to stay alive so that I can see him be arrested and hauled off to jail for his countless crimes. And though I understand where they come from, I’m also not buying into the conspiracy theories that he’s faking this for sympathy points or to avoid the debates. He wants to avoid the topic of COVID-19 altogether because he knows he can’t defend his administration’s handling of it and the 200,000 Americans who are dead because of his incompetence. His entire brand for the past year has been that COVID-19 isn’t a big deal and shouldn’t be taken seriously. He was mocking Biden for wearing a mask just three days ago on the national stage.
Pres. Trump mocks Joe Biden on the issue of masks: "I don't wear masks like him. Every time you see him, he's got a mask. He could be speaking 200 feet away and he shows up with the biggest mask I've ever seen." https://t.co/5Bl4Ob3O2t #Debates2020 pic.twitter.com/OA3ffVcrkg— ABC News (@ABC) September 30, 2020
He was insisting that the shutdowns would be lifted on November 4. Shattering the illusion that this is all a hoax that the Democrats are perpetrating to hurt his election chances a month before the election would be self-defeating.
So get some rest, stay hydrated. October is going to be insane.
Gonna be like an October Surprise Advent Calendar— James Poniewozik (@poniewozik) October 2, 2020
(And that’s not even to mention what is ahead of us next month …)
Don’t underestimate the year of November. https://t.co/At0ZMttguu— Katy Tur (@KatyTurNBC) October 2, 2020
- NO REASON. Hulu. October 20.
- Amazon reports that nearly 20,000 of its employees have tested positive with this virus. No word on how many of those employees have died from it. Still, they aren’t required to report these numbers and did so voluntarily, so that’s something.
- Turner Classic Movies has announced that they are canceling the in-person TCM Classic Film Festival for 2021. The festival is usually held in April and will be held virtually next year.
- COVID-19 forced AMC to retool their plans for The Walking Dead’s seasons 10 and 11. They added six episodes to season 10, which will now serve as a “bridge” to Season 11, which, for some reason, they won’t be able to shoot “right away.” INTERESTING. I read this as something big was planned for the Season 11 premiere that they can’t safely film right now, and so they’re filling time, is that right?
- The Grey’s Anatomy showrunner wanted to not do COVID-19, but her writers were like, “BITCH, ARE YOU CRAZY?”
- Jersey Shore Family Vacation is filming in a Las Vegas quarantine bubble. Can we just make them stay there?
All Other TV News
Angela Kang, The Walking Dead‘s showrunner, is describing Carol and Daryl’s spinoff series as a “road show.” So they’re definitely driving to New Mexico, right?
AMC+ has added all seasons of Mad Men, by the by. (And I don’t know that I fully appreciated this until today, but AMC+ is a streamer that bundles “the best” content from AMC, IFC, Sundance, and Shudder, not just AMC programming.)
Showtime will make the premiere episode of The Good Lord Bird available for free on streaming and On Demand after Sunday’s premiere, for those of y’all without a subscription.
Tamron Hall is being sued for $16 million by an anti-vax mom. Good luck with that, Crazy!
The Supreme Court is looking into FCC rules about media ownership: “In particular, the court will review a ban that has been in place since 1975, barring cross-ownership of TV stations and newspapers in major American cities (although some exceptions have been made).”
“And on the set of 90210, I couldn’t even make eye contact with any of the cast members, which was really strange when you’re, like, trying to do a scene with them,” she said. “Yeah, it was like, ‘You’re not allowed to make eye contact with any one of the cast members or you’ll be thrown off the set.’”
LOL, imagine being told you aren’t allowed to make eye contact with Tori Spelling.
KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF RICK MORANIS, CANADIAN TREASURE.
- Cobra Kai has been renewed for a fourth season on Netflix.
- The Woman’s Hour, an anthology drama produced by Hillary Clinton, is in the works at The CW.
- Double Cross With Blake Griffin, a prank show with NBA star Blake Griffin, is coming to truTV.
- Ada Twist, Scientist, an animated series produced by The Obamas and the creators of Doc McStuffins has been ordered at Netflix.
- Mickey Mouse Funhouse is in production for Disney Junior.
- Cops is back in production, but it won’t air here in the States.
- Christian Slater, Joe Manganiello, Harry Lennix Anya Chalotra, Ross Butler, Vanessa Hudgens, Jena Malone, Yetide Badaki, Christina Wren, Monica Barbaro, and Nolan North have all joined the voice cast of Army of the Dead on Netflix.
- Keegan-Michael Key, Alan Cumming, Fred Armisen, Kristin Chenoweth, Aaron Tveit, Dove Cameron, Ariana DeBose, Jaime Camil, Jane Krakowski, and Ann Harada have joined the cast of an untitled Cecily Strong musical comedy on Apple TV+.
- David Leisure will guest star on the premiere episode of The Goldbergs.
- Noah Galvin, Summer Brown, Bria Samoné Henderson, and Brian Marc are joining The Good Doctor.
- Bex Taylor-Klaus is joining the cast of Triage on ABC.
- Kerry Godliman will star in The Whitstable Pearl on Acorn.
Mark Your Calendar
- The Witches will debut on HBO Max on October 22.
- Bad Hair will debut on Hulu on October 23.
- Savage X Fenty Show Vol. 2 premieres on Showtime today.
- The Snoopy Show will debut on February 5 on Apple TV+.
- Holy Calamavote, the Run the Jewels concert/get-out-the-vote special on Adult Swim has been pushed back to October 17.
- 537 Votes will debut on HBO on October 21.
- Here are all the spooky things you can watch on HBO Max this month.
Larry Rosen, Producer of The Partridge Family and the Mike Douglas Show
George J. Steiner, Louisiana Film Commissioner and president of Filmworks New Orleans
Francis Rocco Presti, Bassist for the Tower of Power
Emily in Paris: A young marketing executive moves to Paris to start a new job and find love or something. Remember when we could go to Paris? Series premiere. Netflix
Monsterland: This new horror anthology series is based on Nathan Ballingrud’s North American Lake Monsters, and features all sorts of strange beasts who drive desperate people to do desperate things. Series premiere. Hulu
Dick Johnson is Dead: A filmmaker deals with her fear of her father’s death by making him die over and over again in this quirky and moving documentary. Premiere. Netflix
Tiny World: A look at the world through the eyes of the world’s smallest creatures. Premiere. Apple TV+
Undercover Boss: Time to reopen the wig closet. Season premiere. 8 p.m., CBS
Kingdom of Silence: A documentary about the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi by the Saudi Arabian government. Premiere.8 p.m., Showtime
Warrior: Season two of the drama based on Bruce Lee’s life. Season premiere. 9 p.m., Cinemax
Saturday Night Live: Chris Rock and Houston’s own Megan Thee Stallion bust open the new season. Season premiere. 10:30 p.m., NBC
Downhill: Will Ferrell and Julia Louis-Dreyfus star in this remake of a Swedish dark comedy about a man who panics and abandons his family during a life-threatening event. 7 p.m., HBO
Austin City Limits: The Very Best of John Prine opens the 46th season. 11:30 p.m., PBS
The Walking Dead: The season finale is finally here, six months after it was originally supposed to air. Season finale. 8 p.m., AMC
The Walking Dead: World Beyond: Another Walking Dead spinoff, which literally no one asked for. Series premiere. 9 p.m., AMC
The Good Lord Bird: Etha Hawke stars in this new series about the lunatic and leader of the raid on Harpers Ferry, John Brown. Series premiere. 8 p.m., Showtime
black-ish: This two-part special follows Junior’s journey as a first-time voter. 9 p.m., ABC
The Comedy Store: This five-part documentary series explores the history of the iconic Los Angeles comedy club. Premiere. 9 p.m., Showtime
Pandora: Jax comes face-to-face with her mother in the season premiere. 7 p.m., The CW
David Attenborough: A Life on Our Planet: The legendary documentary maker discusses his life and what it is like to witness the impact of humans actions on our planet. Premiere. Netflix
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Adam Sandler, Millie Bobby Brown, BTS
- Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Monique Samuels, Bowen Yang
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