WELCOME TO SEPTEMBER! Get your groove on before we get down to business. Better yet, play this and get your groove on while we get down to business.
Political Crap
I’m going to start with some good news: in an agreement reached between the NBA and the players, NBA stadiums that are owned by the league franchise will be used as a voting location in this year’s election. Some teams had already announced they would use their stadiums for this ahead of the agreement (including my own Houston Rockets) but this agreement adds eight more stadiums to the list. There are still a number of stadiums that are owned by the local governments that are not subject to this rule. Still! This makes at least 14 (with 2 more likely to join) stadiums across the country that will be opened up for safe voting this year.
Additionally, here in Houston, Harris County has designated the NRG Arena, which is adjacent to the Houston Texans’ home stadium, will also be used as a voting location.
We are excited to announce that NRG Arena has been designated as Harris County's Election Headquarters for the upcoming election, as well as an Early Voting and Election Day Vote Center, offering in-person and drive-thru voting! Thanks to @nrgpark. #HarrisVotes pic.twitter.com/xlCjdjv83n
— Harris County Clerk (@HarrisVotes) August 31, 2020
I know that at the Toyota Center (the Rockets’ stadium) parking will be free, but I can’t find information about NRG. I assume it will be, but until I find confirmation that it is, I don’t want to be talking out the side of my mouth.
But yay! Vote safely! And remember: we are 63 days from Election Day and 42 days until Early Voting begins here in Texas.
As for the nonsense we need to vote out, in the span of 24 hours, President Catastrophe:
- refused to denounce violent supporters and defended a murderous 17-year-old
Trump defends Kyle Rittenhouse, the 17-year-old supporter of his who is charged with murdering two protesters in Kenosha pic.twitter.com/KdfkdTPRVG
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) August 31, 2020
- said that there were people in “dark shadows” who are controlling Joe Biden and claimed that there was a plane full of people in all black traveling from somewhere to somewhere else to make trouble? but it’s under investigation? and this story might actually be based on a Facebook post on some random conspiracy nut’s page?
The President claims people in the dark shadows who control the streets are really controlling Biden. He goes on to talk about a plane full of people wearing black uniforms but then says he can’t reveal anymore because it’s under investigation pic.twitter.com/AAk5GX0eWu
— Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) September 1, 2020
What I want to know is how this fake story made its way from some Idaho loon's Facebook account in May (No, Boise was not attacked by hordes of Antifa Super Soldiers) to the "president" of the USA. https://t.co/FbJweM535h https://t.co/E35aLXFo5W pic.twitter.com/EyNAWAAp1d
— Doktor Zoom (@DoktorZoom) September 1, 2020
- compared the police shooting people on the street to missing a putt in a golf tournament
Trump: You know a choker they choke. Shooting a guy in the back many times couldn’t you have done something different… in the meantime he might have been going for a weapon… but they choke just like in a golf tournament they miss a 3 foot putt…. pic.twitter.com/HkzEX9ghZj
— Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) September 1, 2020
- suggested that poor people commit crimes
The President says low income housing brings crime and violence pic.twitter.com/doH9DJDiRz
— Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) September 1, 2020
- said that Governor Cuomo is “number one” in COVID death in the country, AS IF NEW YORK STATE ISN’T A PART OF THE COUNTRY THAT HE IS IN CHARGE OF
"He's the number one state in the country by far for death" — Trump shamelessly attacks Andrew Cuomo for coronavirus deaths in New York, despite the US being by far the world's worst-hit country in terms of total deaths pic.twitter.com/dlC9BB9h4x
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 1, 2020
- and his social media surrogates tweeted out TWO fake videos of Joe Biden, one of which had to be flagged by Twitter as manipulated media because they replaced Harry Belafonte with a still of Joe Biden
— Dan Scavino (@DanScavino) August 30, 2020
To all the triggered journalists who can't take a joke about their candidate, it's not our fault Joe Biden was dumb enough to say this on camera.
— Trump War Room – Text TRUMP to 88022 (@TrumpWarRoom) August 31, 2020
It’s going to be a LONG fucking 63 days.
Oh, and also, a new book is coming out by New York Times reporter Michael Schmidt that suggests that President Neurological Incident’s unscheduled visit to Walter Reed in November was serious enough to put Mike Pence on alert: “in the hours leading up to Trump’s trip to the hospital, word went out in the West Wing for the vice president to be on standby to take over the powers of the presidency temporarily if Trump had to undergo a procedure that would have required him to be anesthetized.”
The book does not specify what he went to Walter Reed for, but President Broken Brain himself just offered a hint:
So the president is denying something that no one has actually reported – that he had a series of mini-strokes. https://t.co/GcatJopYV9
— Maggie Haberman (@maggieNYT) September 1, 2020
🤔 🤔 🤔
The book also reports that Rod Rosenstein prevented Robert Mueller from actually investigating Russia’s ties to the Trump campaign but I can’t spend much time thinking about it because if I do I will start screaming and I will never stop.
So instead, I’m just going to read and re-read two very different comedians’ responses to this entire fucking mess: the mild-mannered, middle-of-the-road, good Catholic boy Jim Gaffigan and the much less politically sensitive Christopher Titus.
President Habitual Liar broke poor Gaffigan during his speech at the RNC, and he unleashed a barrage of tweets saying the same shit I’ve been saying here for years. It did not go over well with some of his fans. A sampling:
Remember everything Trump accuses the Democrats of he's guilt of. Dont let the socialist name calling distract you from the fact he is a fascist who has no belief in law.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 28, 2020
You know he lies. Constantly. Yet you dont care? What because he insults people that make you and me feel dumb?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 28, 2020
Look Trumpers I get it. As a kid I was a cubs fan and I know you stick by your team no matter what but he's a traitor and a con man who doesn't care about you. Deep down you know it. I'm sure you enjoy pissing people off but you know Trump is a liar and a criminal.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 28, 2020
You should go read all of them, especially if you’re familiar with Gaffigan, because they are wonderful. He then felt he had to respond to the people who were shocked he went off, and explain himself.
I wrote about what I learned from my Thursday Night Twitter rant on RNC/Trump. It’s too long for here so I put it on my Facebook. https://t.co/vnRdGCBigx pic.twitter.com/mfx7x6ZnJq
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 31, 2020
And then there is Christopher Titus who does not give one fuck about your feelings:
came out and said "Yeah, Russia is helping Trump" Why is it so hard to believe that Trump, is helping Russia? But you "Americans" don't seem to care, in fact some of you wore shirts saying "I'd rather be Russian than a Democrat." Would ya? Let's talk about why you follow this man
— Christopher Titus (@TitusNation) August 31, 2020
Is it because everything they find on Trump is shit on toast? From 6 bankruptcies, 3 wives, 34 sexual assault allegations, a rape case with a 13 year old girl that got settled 16 days before the election. Wonder what that check looked like?
But you "Americans" seem to be cool— Christopher Titus (@TitusNation) August 31, 2020
These are all people that knew him well, yet you "Americans" won't believe his crime partners. People he bailed on, cuz they talked. On the other hand you get Roger Stone, General Flynn, who both got convicted, Flynns sentence dumped, Stone set free. Rule of law, dead. Americans?
— Christopher Titus (@TitusNation) August 31, 2020
Even funnier is that you claim to be Christians yet follow this man who paid off a porn star with campaign funds while his illegal immigrant wife was home with a newborn. Followers of Christ? Are you kidding me? Blasphemers, Bullshitters. And this is the LEAST of his crimes.
— Christopher Titus (@TitusNation) August 31, 2020
You back HIM? Let a democrat kill 200k with incompetence and see how you act. Patriots? You kidding me? Cult members, that's what you are. No matter what he does, no matter who he fucks over, you just keep cheering. You ARE like him, Evil, malevolent, ignorant and UnAmerican.
— Christopher Titus (@TitusNation) August 31, 2020
The soldiers who built that base are members of the great American Military that Putin put bounties on and Trump didn't even ask him about it, and you don't care. Daddy cult leader even gets a pass on letting our soldiers be killed. You have the balls to call yourselves Patriots?
— Christopher Titus (@TitusNation) August 31, 2020
to kill people, and murders two, is just defending himself? I hear so much bullshit EVERY TIME a black guy gets shot, or mumbles out his last breath while he calls for his Mom and dies because a grown man is kneeling on his neck.
You "Patriots" are fine with it.— Christopher Titus (@TitusNation) August 31, 2020
So as the rule of law becomes something in a history book. While black people are murdered with no consequence, we watch the presidents henchmen commit crime with impunity and are let go, and Trump adds to his 22000 lies and tomorrow another 1000 die, you need to know "Patriots"
— Christopher Titus (@TitusNation) August 31, 2020
….that you can call yourself whatever you want. Magats, Trumpers, Deplorables, whatever. You can fly the confederate flag over your truck with the truck nuts because YOU don't have any. But you can't call yourself "Americans."
You don't know what the word even means.— Christopher Titus (@TitusNation) August 31, 2020
Yeah, that was satisfying.
All Other TV News
This should probably go under In Development below, but anything to do with Game of Thrones showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss is pretty huge news around here. Today, Benioff and Weiss announced their next project: The Three-Body Problem, an award-winning trilogy of novels about an alien invasion. They will write and produce the series for Netflix along with The Terror producer, Alexander Woo.
While we’re thinking about Game of Thrones: here’s a reminder that George R.R. Martin got his start on television. In fact, it was the limitations of Beauty and the Beast‘s budget that drove him to write a series of books that he thought would never be filmable. Also, Beauty and the Beast has long been considered a pretty great show despite its admittedly silly premise. You can catch up with it on CBS All Access.
Were you wondering what the deal was with the baby-headed ghost in this week’s episode of Lovecraft Country? (I definitely was.) Wonder no more! The answer is: TIME TRAVEL. Hmmm.
Derek Waters has no idea if the already shot seventh season episodes of Drunk History will ever see the light of day. Hey, Netflix? Hulu? This seems pretty cut and dry.
The Miss Universe family of pageants are moving from Fox to the FYI network, and, curiously, Miss Teen USA will take place at Elvis’ Graceland? Sure. Why not.
HEY! Congratulations, Niecy Nash and Jessica Betts!
Going Viral
ABC’s legal drama, For Life and HBO Max’s The Flight Attendant have both begun production in New York City.
Sex/Life, a new Netflix dramedy, has resumed production in Canada.
BBC One’s Line of Duty has returned to production in the U.K.
DEVO founder Mark Mothersbaugh says that he very nearly died of COVID-19, and was on a ventilator for 10 days.
#MeToo
Ron Jeremy has been charged with 20 new counts of sexual assault on 13 women and girls ranging in age from 15-54.
Oh, hey, another comedian has been accused of rape: this time it’s James Veitch, who had just landed an HBO Max comedy special. Multiple Sarah Lawrence alums accuse him of rape and assault. He denies everything. HBO Max has pulled the special for the time being.
Roman Polanski will not be reinstated to the Academy of Motion Pictures and Sciences. Fuck off, child rapist.
Director Neil Marshall, Charlotte Kirk’s fiance, has been dropped by his agency following allegations he was involved in an extortion scheme against former NBC Universal Chairman Ron Meyer.
Another woman is coming forward to sue the estate of Jeffrey Epstein for sexually abusing her.
COULD Y’ALL JUST LET THE COMMERCIAL LADIES LIVE, PLEASE?
Not the AT&T lady speaking out on y’all horny weirdos
pic.twitter.com/crkmSGnCOW— 💫 (@justbmal) August 24, 2020
Cancellations
- Ashley Garcia: Genius in Love and The Big Show Show will end this season on Netflix with Christmas specials.
In Development
- Big Wishes, a comedy series from Kristen Bartlett, the co-head writer of Full Frontal, is in the works at ABC.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger will star in and produce a spy adventure series.
- Riverdale‘s Marisol Nichols has sold her story about being an undercover agent in the war against sex trafficking. It will be turned into a series by Sony Television.
- A docuseries about the Woodstock ’99 music festival is being developed at Netflix.
- A series about human rights lawyer, Jared Genser, is being produced by Orlando Jones at Amazon.
- A series based on the life of punk musician Viv Albertine is in the works.
- The Summoner, an animated series has been ordered by Syfy’s TZGZ.
Casting News
- Alice in Borderland, an upcoming Japanese Netflix series, has announced its cast.
Mark Your Calendars
- Supernatural returns on The CW on October 8.
- Women Make Film, a 14-part documentary, will begin airing on TCM in addition to 100 films made by female filmmakers, beginning tonight.
- Big Sky will debut on ABC … later.
R.I.P.
Marcus Smythe, Actor on Another World
Morrie Gelman, Former Variety writer
WATCH THIS
Women Make Film: A 14-part documentary series about female filmmakers (see above). 7 p.m., TCM
Transplant: A Syrian doctor and his sister try to make a new life in Canada in this transplanted medical drama. You saw what I did there. Series premiere. 9 p.m., NBC
16 and Recovering: Northshore Recovery High welcomes students recovering from drug and mental health issues in this new docuseries. Series premiere. 8 p.m., MTV
Yeti or Not: YETI OR NOT! God bless whoever came up with this title. 7 p.m., Animal Planet
Late Night:
- Conan: JB Smoove
| TUES. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | NBA Playoffs (maybe!) (live) |
| CBS | NCIS (repeat) |
Love Island (new) |
FBI: Most Wanted (repeat) |
| CW | Dead Pixels (new) |
Dead Pixels (repeat) |
<Tell Me a Story (new) |
Local |
| FOX | Hell’s Kitchen (repeat) |
Prodigal Son (repeat) |
News/Local |
| NBC | America’s Got Talent (new) |
Transplant (new) |