Hey, you know what 2020 really doesn’t need? SURPRISE FIREWORK SHOWS.

HELLO, TUESDAY.

I am still laughing about the Tulsa rally, guys.

Macy’s, unable to hold a traditional fireworks extravaganza because of the Rona, has announced that, instead, they would hold five-minute fireworks shows in each of New York City’s five boroughs over the course of five nights, and SURPRISE! they won’t be announced beforehand so as to prevent crowds from gathering.

HEY, MACY’S. I get that you feel like you need to do some fireworks and COVID-19 has put a real hink in your plans, BUT NO ONE IS ASKING FOR SURPRISE FIREWORKS SHOWS. AND NO ONE IS ASKING FOR A WEEK OF SURPRISE FIREWORKS SHOWS, JESUS CHRIST. READ THE ROOM.

For those of you who didn’t know, there is a weird thing going on in New York City in particular but also Los Angeles and Oakland where people are shooting off fireworks in the middle of the night and there is a lot of suspicion that it could be a coordinated effort by cops to disorient people — particularly people of color. Others think this is all just a wacky conspiracy theory, and that people are just bored and cooped up. I was leaning towards that line of thought myself until I saw this completely insane video from Harlem a couple of nights ago:

What. The. Actual. Fuck. But also? NO SURPRISE FIREWORK SHOWS. 2020 DOES NOT NEED SURPRISE FIREWORK SHOWS.

COVID-19 numbers are skyrocketing here in the States and we are now looking at up to 145,000 dead Americans by July 11. At that rate, we could have 200,000 dead by early September. This is absolutely horrifying and infuriating and for the LOVE OF GOD, my fellow Texans, STAY THE FUCK HOME. AT THE VERY LEAST, WEAR A GODDMANED MASK.

Jacksonville doesn’t want your death convention, GOP. I’ve mentioned it here before, but may I suggest again: cruise ships. If y’all are so determined to spread this shit around, why not do it in the most efficient manner possible? And on the flip side, if you’re not willing to have it on a cruise ship, why not?

The 2021 Golden Globes have been pushed back to February 28.

Season four of The Handmaid’s Tale has been pushed back to 2021.

Meanwhile, The Young and the Restless is looking at starting back up on July 6.

Oh? Hollywood is rethinking intimate scenes? Why?

The Walking Dead universe and NOS4A2 are joining Comic-Con’s virtual panels.

HBO Max has announced a series based on Outliers, and Dr. Fauci is going to be the first subject.

Homemade, a short-film anthology from directors all around the world including Larraín, Paolo Sorrentino, Ladj Ly, Naomi Kawase, Sebastián Lelio, Ana Lily Amirpour, Kristen Stewart, and Maggie Gyllenhaal made in quarantine, has been set at Netflix.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel team made this video in quarantine in just three days. Here’s how.

The British soap Coronation Street will address coronavirus in this next season. (I mean, it’s right there in the title.)

Spain is ramping up production.

MLB is going to go with a shortened 2020 season, it looks like. We will see.

Tennis star Novak Djokovic has tested positive for COVID-19. And I would say this is highly ironic considering he announced he wouldn’t take a vaccine if one comes along and then ORGANIZED A TENNIS TOURNAMENT that spread the virus to a bunch of players and attendees, but that’s not ironic, that is 100% PREDICTABLE. What a fucking idiot.

Apple Watches will now help you wash your hands for the full recommended 20 seconds.

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run is skipping theaters altogether and will be available on VOD in early 2021.

Fandango is going to begin offering COVID-19 safety information about theaters on their app and website.

Black Lives Matter

Black artists and executives are calling for Hollywood to divest from the police.

Tina Fey has asked that four episodes of 30 Rock that used blackface be pulled from streaming platforms.

“As we strive to do the work and do better in regards to race in America, we believe that these episodes featuring actors in race-changing makeup are best taken out of circulation,” Fey wrote in a letter to each of the platforms. “I understand now that ‘intent’ is not a free pass for white people to use these images. I apologize for pain they have caused. Going forward, no comedy-loving kid needs to stumble on these tropes and be stung by their ugliness. I thank NBCUniversal for honoring this request.”

Jimmy Kimmel apologized for using blackface and the N-word in the past.

This is really beautiful. And this is how crazy 2020 is: that I am describing something NASCAR did as “beautiful.”

Bowen Yang addressed Megan Amram’s racist tweets in a long, thoughtful, and forgiving tweet thread that he has since taken down. I can only assume he was met with less thoughtful and forgiving responses.

Hey, you can watch Do The Right Thing for free this week.

Kids, Race & Unity: A Nick News Special, a special on race, will be hosted by Alicia Keys and air on Nickelodeon on Mondy.

The Watchmen folks had a virtual reunion where they discussed the Tulsa Massacre, racism, and police brutality.

All Other TV News

And speaking of, you guys, I don’t know why this keeps needing to be said, but it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY there will ever be another season of Watchmen. And, y’all? THAT’S FOR THES BEST.

Floor is Lava is the most-watched title on Netflix right now, but do you know what it dethroned? Hint: It’s Polish.

If you are one of the six people who watched the recap of Ben Higgins season of The Bachelor last night, you might be interested to know what happened to some of the more memorable contestants. Here ya go.

Melissa King is the best chef on Top Chef ever, and I will not entertain arguments to the contrary.

They once considered crucifying Michael Scott on The Office, which is really only a step below riding a horse off of Niagra Falls, so.

Oh great, Hulu is promising to make interactive ads.

As I have mentioned here before, Georgia is second only to California in the number of productions that take place in their states, thanks to a generous tax credit. This creates a few problems, however, when the red state’s politics bump up against blue state values. See: Heartbeat Abortion Bill. Anyway, the legislature is rethinking the tax credit now that the state is facing budget cuts thanks to COVID-19, so Hollywood might not have to worry about choosing between protecting liberal values and saving money much longer.

#MeToo

Adult film star Ron Jeremy has been charged with “forcibly raping three women and sexually assaulting another in separate incidents dating back to 2014.”

Hollywood manager and producer David Guillod has been charged with 11 felonies including rape, kidnapping for rape, and rape of a drugged person.

I somehow forgot to include Jeff Ross in my roundup yesterday, but the roastmaster has been accused of having a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old girl back in the day. He’s denied it.

An old clip of Megan Fox talking about how Michael Bay sexualized her as a 15-year-ol has found new life recently.

She has since put out a statement defending Bay, and suggesting that she’s endured far worse. I’m sure she has.

Renewals

  • It’s FINALLY official: Lucifer has been renewed for a sixth and final season at Netflix.
  • Animated series The Great North has been renewed for a second season at Fox before the first season has debuted.
  • Amphibia has been renewed for a third season at Disney Channel.

In Development

  • NBC is very close to ordering to series two of their pilot orders: Debris and La Brea. They announced they will film pilots of Langdon; Night School; Ordinary Joe; Grand Crew; and American Auto when production can begin again. Pushed to next year are pilots At That Age; Echo; Crazy for You; Jefferies; and Someone Out There.
  • I’m a Virgo, a series from Boots Riley, is in development.

Mark Your Calendars

  • The Babysitters Club will premiere on Netflix on July 3.
  • P-Valley will debut on Starz on July 12.
  • Foundation will debut on Apple TV+ in 2021.
  • Over the Moon will debut on Netflix in the fall.

R.I.P.

Steve Bing, Producer and Screenwriter (this is easily the cruelest headline for his obituary)

WATCH THIS

Eric Andre: Legalize Everything: The hilarious (and strange) comedian has his first Netflix stand-up special. Netflix

Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel: The sports talk show is back with a hard look at the impacts of COVID-19 and police brutality on the world of sports. Season premiere. 9 p.m., HBO

Celebrity Show-Off: Celebrities compete to make the best content from home or something. SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE US FROM COVID TELEVISION. Series premiere. 9 p.m., TBS

Greenleaf: Lady Mae and Bishop seek a sign from God in the season premiere. 8 p.m., TBS

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Lin-Manuel Miranda, Kenya Barris, Michael Stipe & Big Red Machine
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Chelsea Handler, Andrew Rannells
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: John Bolton, Leslie Odom Jr.
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Will Ferrell, Billy Porter, Phoebe Bridgers
  • The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
  • Watch What Happens Live: Antoni Porowski, Tan France, Karamo Brown, Bobby Berk, Jonathan Van Ness

 

TUES. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Conners
(repeat)
The Conners
(repeat)
black-ish
(repeat)
Mixed-ish
(repeat)
The Genetic Detective
(new)
CBS NCIS
(repeat)
FBI
(repeat)
FBI: Most Wanted
(repeat)
CW Stargirl
(new)
Louie Anderson: Big Underwear Local
FOX Hell’s Kitchen
(repeat)
Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell and Back
(repeat)
News/Local
NBC America’s Got Talent
(new)
World of Dance
(new)

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