Hi! I made a thing for you: 49 sci-fi, horror and dystopian series to binge on, and what better time to binge a horror series than during a weekend that is all about a dude coming back from the dead! Horror/sci-fi/dystopian are actually my favorite genres, so please let me know if I forgot or overlooked any.
Also, two little insider tips for my Foolish readers:
1. I included The Leftovers in here. I just want to add a caveat to this: if you have not seen The Leftovers before, and you are feeling particularly raw or emotional right now, this might not be the best time to watch a drama about the people left behind after a supernatural event of some sort disappears 2% of the population. It is genuinely one of the best dramas of the decade, but it might not be the right time for you as it might hit a little too close to home.
2. That said, Avenue 5 is about a space cruise that is beset by disaster and things only get worse and worse thanks to incompetent leadership that believes superficial appearances and showmanship are more important than expertise and science. It is obviously a thinly veiled satire of this presidency that was conceptualized and filmed long before the COVID-19 crisis, but Jesus H. Christ, they nail it RIGHT ON THE HEAD and it is EXACTLY the series to watch right now no matter how emotional you are feeling.
Apple TV+ is making a bunch of stuff available to watch for free right now.
HBO is adding Big Little Lies to its plate of free streaming series. Here’s everything else you can watch without having to subscribe.
Sounds like this season of The Bachelorette might turn into The Bachelorette in Paradise? Which brings me to another question: WHAT HAPPENS TO BACHELOR IN PARADISE IN COVID-VILLE?
ESPN is going to air a H-O-R-S-E tournament featuring NBA players because this is sports now.
The UFC will not go forward with a pay-per-view event because ESPN asked them not to.
Looks like The XFL will die before it ever really began, thanks to this virus.
And without a vaccine, there’s no guarantee the Tokyo Olympics can be held next year. GET ON THAT VACCINE.
The article designed to infuriate you today: SO. President Cheesebox told the States that they were on their own during this crisis — WHICH IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT BUT WE’VE BEEN OVER THAT A BUNCH OF TIMES ALREADY — so then, when states and hospitals put their own orders in for medical supplies, thermometers, and masks, and testing equipment and whatnot, guess what happened. No, go ahead and guess! OK I’LL TELL YOU: The feds have been, without warning or explanation, seizing some of these orders and then not telling the hospitals or states, the customers who ordered them, whether or not they will ever receive them. Orders in at least seven different states have been stolen by the federal government, including my home state:
Jose Camacho, who heads the Texas Assn. of Community Health Centers, said his group was trying to purchase a small order of just 20,000 masks when his supplier reported that the order had been taken.
Camacho was flabbergasted. Several of his member clinics — which as primary care centers are supposed to alleviate pressure on overburdened hospitals — are struggling to stay open amid woeful shortages of protective equipment.
“Everyone says you are supposed to be on your own,” Camacho said, noting Trump’s repeated admonition that states and local health systems cannot rely on Washington for supplies. “Then to have this happen, you just sit there wondering what else you can do. You can’t fight the federal government.”
Meanwhile, President Shitshovel’s poll numbers are slipping again because, well … ~gestures at everything~ and not least of all because of his GODDAMNED WORTHLESS PRESS CONFERENCES EVERY GODDAMNED DAY WHERE HE JUST GOES UP THERE AND LIES AND BLUSTERS AND TALKS ABOUT BANGING SUPERMODELS AND I JUST …
Anyway, my point is, The Wall Street Journal, a newspaper who is not averse to this halfwit in the White House, they wrote an editorial where they were like, “Hey, dude, maybe cut it out with the press conferences, people want to hear from the health professionals right now and not a steak salesman (and also we’ll say this part super quiet but it’s probably hurting your polls too, so shhhh)” but President Bingbong doesn’t like to be told to sit down and he had a perfectly predictable tantrum on Twitter:
The Wall Street Journal always “forgets” to mention that the ratings for the White House Press Briefings are “through the roof” (Monday Night Football, Bachelor Finale, according to @nytimes) & is only way for me to escape the Fake News & get my views across. WSJ is Fake News!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 9, 2020
Ah yes, so very presidential to brag about one’s “ratings” in the middle of a fucking crisis killing thousands of Americans, just like President Bush did during 9/11, President Obama did during Sandy Hook, President Clinton did during Oklahoma City and President Reagan did during the Challenger Explosion.
But also, as my husband points out:
Maybe he doesn't realize people hate-watch the Bachelor finale? https://t.co/HyLp63GpFm
— Chris Odell (@__Chris_Odell__) April 10, 2020
Even Death Denier Brit Hume thought this was a bad look:
This is a ridiculous tweet. He could get his views across without bragging, endlessly repeating himself, and getting into petty squabbles with the junior varsity players in the WH press corps. And he could stop talking much sooner to give Pence, Fauci, Birx and Giroir more time. https://t.co/ui7sN3WgGx
— Brit Hume (@brithume) April 9, 2020
Meanwhile, Pence’s office backed off blocking health officials from going on CNN. Good.
Fox News’ Jerediah Bila is recovering from COVID-19.
#MeToo founder Tarana Burke is also recovering from the virus.
Todd Chrisley is also recovering and says it is the sickest he’s ever been.
The L.A. Philharmonic has canceled the rest of their season.
Universal Studios is keeping their parks closed until at least May 31. And Disney is threatening to take people’s temperatures when their parks open back up.
AMC theaters are likely to go bankrupt.
— Stephen King (@StephenKing) March 27, 2020
Good news:
ABC has scheduled a Disney sing-along for Thursday featuring performances and appearances Christina Aguilera, Erin Andrews, Bobby Bones, Michael Bublé, Kristin Chenoweth, Auliʻi Cravalho, Luke Evans, Jordan Fisher, Josh Gad, Derek Hough, Julianne Hough, Carrie Ann Inaba, Little Big Town, Kenny Ortega, Donny Osmond, Thomas Rhett, Amber Riley, John Stamos, and more. It is going to raise money for Feeding America.
Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Sarah Silverman, Adam Sandler, Tom Brady, Jason Bateman, Tobey Maguire, Adam Levine, Bryan Cranston, Jon Hamm, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, and Cheryl Hines are among the celebrities involved in All In For America’s Charity, a stay-at-home poker tournament to raise money for Feeding America.
Rihanna is donating $2.1 million to domestic violence charities to help during this crisis.
Happy Easter, y’all. Please attend church from your computers. PLEASE.
We asked our daughter to design an Easter card and she came back with this pic.twitter.com/ItxMBsIdgU
— Cam Williams (@MrCamW) April 5, 2020
All Other TV News
Grey’s Anatomy is one of the many shows that had to scrap their season finale plans thanks to this fucking virus. Last night was the premature season finale, and though this article teases that it is about what would have happened in the planned season finale, it does not. Basically, some of the original finale plot will be folded into next season, so the producers are trying to avoid spoilers. But spoilers will be had, I’m sure.
Oh good, Chris Harrison has finally weighed in on Pilot Peter and Ally McBeal, I’ll finally be able to get some sleep.
Reminder: The new Phoebe Waller-Bridge dark comedy, Run, debuts on HBO this weekend.
Reminder: Parasite is available to stream on Hulu now (and if you haven’t seen it yet … you should.)
if you don't want to read subtitles, you can always learn Korean!
— Hulu (@hulu) April 8, 2020
Reminder: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills returns next week. Another reminder: I completely ditched the last season. Maybe I’ll try to fix that, too.
Also, Quibi, have you even THOUGHT about how your app is supposed to work with live tweeting, one of TV show’s greatest lifelines? Are you supposed to watch the show with one phone and tweet with a second one? On your computer?
LOL, a judge has ruled that MGM must turn over the infamous “Apprentice Tapes” which may or may not contain footage of Trump saying all sorts of racist and sexist things. Which, I mean, great! But it’s not like it’s going to change a single one of his supporters’ minds. Anyway, the ruling will be appealed, so chances are these tapes if they ever see the light of day won’t until long after the election.
In Development
- Amy Schumer Learns to Cook is in the works at Food Network.
- The Operative, a spy drama starring Craig T. Nelson, is being developed. It’s not yet attached to a distributor.
- Mercy House, a thriller about renegade nuns, is being developed at CBS All Access.
- BeatBuds, a preschool series, has been greenlit at Nickelodeon.
Mark Your Calendar
- Too Hot to Handle will premiere on Netflix on April 17. Sexy idiots are trapped in paradise together and they can’t have sex — it’s the ultimate social distancing dating series. Netflix could not have planned this better.
- RuPaul’s Secret Celebrity Drag Race will debut on VH1 on April 24.
- Dead to Me will return on Netflix on May 8.
- Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill will debut on Netflix on May 5.
- Patton Oswalt: I Love Everything will debut on Netflix on May 19.
- The Tiger King and I will debut on Netflix on April 12.
The Tiger King and I — a Tiger King after show hosted by Joel McHale and featuring brand new interviews with John Reinke, Joshua Dial, John Finlay, Saff, Erik Cowie, Rick Kirkman, and Jeff and Lauren Lowe — will premiere April 12 pic.twitter.com/8fbbNdaiDA
— Netflix (@netflix) April 9, 2020
- Station 19 is moving to 8/9 p.m. on Thursdays on April 16.
- Tirdy Works will premiere on truTV on May 5.
- Hubble: Thirty Years of Discovery will premiere on the Science Channel on April 19.
R.I.P.
Dieter Laser, Star of The Human Centipede
Mort Drucker, Mad Magazine artist
WATCH THIS
FRIDAY
Magnum P.I.: Mid-season premiere. Apparently. 8 p.m., CBS
Office Space: Hey, remember being irritated with your officemates? Yeah. 7 p.m., Vice
The Karate Kid marathon: NO MERCY. 6 p.m., AMC
Fleabag: Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s one-woman show is now available to stream to raise money for COVID-19 relief efforts. Amazon
SATURDAY
Saturday Night Live: This is happening. Somehow. 10:30 p.m., NBC
It: Chapter Two: So then the kids, they come back to Derry as grown-ups to fight that asshole clown again. 7 p.m., HBO
Key & Peele marathon: Just the best. 3 p.m., MTV2
The Clark Sisters: First Ladies of Gospel: The story of Gospel’s Dreamgirls, the highest-selling female gospel group in history. 7 p.m., Lifetime
SUNDAY
Killing Eve: Eve tries to rebuild her life after SPOILER ALERT FOR SEASON TWO being shot by Villanelle. Good luck with that! Season premiere. 8 p.m., BBC America
Run: Merritt Wever and Domhnall Gleeson star in this romantic comedic thriller about two people who drop their humdrum lives at a moment’s notice to run away together. Series premiere. 9:30 p.m., HBO
Insecure: Season premiere. 9 p.m., HBO
Biography: Dolly: The Queen of America gets her due. 7 p.m., A&E
Willie Nelson: American Outlaw: I swear to God, Coronavirus, don’t even look at him. 9 p.m., A&E
Late Night:
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Kerry Washington, Andrew Rannells, Anderson .Paak
- Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Reza Farahan, Destiney Rose
| FRI. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | Shark Tank (repeat) |
20/20 |
| CBS | MacGyver (new) |
Magnum P.I. (new) |
Blue Bloods (repeat) |
| CW | Charmed (new) |
Dynasty (new) |
Local |
| FOX | Friday Night Smackdown | Local |
| NBC | The Blacklist (new) |
Dateline |
—
| SAT. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 | 10:00 | 10:30 | 11:00 | 11:30 |
| ABC | Shark Tank (repeat) |
American Idol (repeat) |
News/Local |
| CBS | Bull (repeat) |
48 Hours | 48 Hours | News/Local |
| FOX | 9-1-1 (repeat) |
Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell and Back (repeat) |
News/Local |
| NBC | Dateline | Saturday Night Live (repeat) |
News/ Local |
Saturday Night Live (new) |
—
| SUN. | 6:00 | 6:30 | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | America’s Funniest Home Videos (repeat) |
American Idol (new) |
The Rookie (new) |
| CBS | 60 Minutes | God Friended Me (new) |
NCIS: Los Angeles (new) |
NCIS: New Orleans (new) |
| The CW | Local | Batwoman (repeat) |
Supergirl (repeat) |
Local |
| FOX | The Simp-sons (repeat) |
Ice Age: The Great Egg-scape | The Simp-sons (repeat) |
Duncan-ville (repeat) |
Bob’s Burgers (repeat) |
Family Guy (repeat) |
Local/News |
| NBC | Jesus Christ Superstar: Live in Concert | Dateline |
To the list of sci-fi / horror / dystopian shows I would add some classics: The Twilight Zone, The Outer Limits, The Prisoner, Doctor Who. Also: Grimm, Reaper, Angel, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Travelers, Mr. Robot, The Expanse, 3%, Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, Maniac, Ash vs. Evil Dead, Futurama, Rick and Morty.
On reconsideration, Strange & Norrell probably doesn’t belong in this category – if we include it we should perhaps add The Magicians (an excellent show), which is really more in the fantasy category (though it does have its episodes of horror).
Hmm.. me thinks President Dipshit might be hosting so many press conferences as he cannot host his usual Dear Leader rallies as that would look bad during the pandemic that was supposed to disappear two weeks ago…. scratches chin thoughtfully…