An idiot reporter for The New York Post used the White House daily presser on COVID-19 to ask the actual President of the United States whether he would consider pardoning Joe Exotic. (Apparently, Dummy Jr. is advocating for Joe Exotic to be pardoned BECAUSE OF COURSE HE IS.)
To be fair to President Ratings Whore, he hasn’t actually watched Tiger King, and had no idea what Joe Exotic has been accused of, but he assured the reporter that he would “take a look.”
President Trump: "Would you recommend a pardon?"
Jim @Acosta: "I'm not weighing in on Tiger King."
— CSPAN (@cspan) April 8, 2020
Y’all, if he thinks this will improve his poll numbers, he will 1,000% pardon Joe Exotic — who, let us be perfectly clear, in no way deserves a pardon. Yes, Carol is a terrible person, too, but that doesn’t mean Joe Exotic is innocent.
BUT ALSO, WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT JOE FUCKING EXOTIC IN THE MIDDLE OF A PRESS CONFERENCE ABOUT A VIRUS THAT HAS KILLED 15,000 AMERICANS SO FAR? WHAT IS THIS NIGHTMARE THAT WE ARE WALKING THROUGH? WHY CAN’T WE WAKE UP FROM THIS?
(And I know when I post these Instagram posts, you can’t see them here. I encourage you to actually click through this one to see my brilliant friend @thejohnnysmith’s Joe Exotic/Trump/Carol Baskin/Hillary Clinton mashups:)
Saturday Night Live is going to return this weekend with a one-off remote episode. How this will work? WHO KNOWS. There will be “Weekend Update” and other segments by other cast members, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
So, some London network called London Live, broadcast an interview with a notorious conspiracy nut who believes the Queen of England is a lizard, and shockingly, he had some controversial thoughts about COVID-19, namely that it’s all a plot to control the population (by those pesky lizards, no doubt) and that most people don’t really get sick from it. COOOoooollll.
Of course, this is not that dissimilar from what Fox News assholes are starting to spew. Tucker Carlson, Brit Hume, Harris Faulkner, and Laura Ingraham are beginning to push the “deaths are inflated” messaging so as to push for the economy to be reopened sooner rather than later.
Fun quote from Tucker Carlson at the end of this segment: "When journalists work with numbers, there sometimes is an agenda. Unfortunately." https://t.co/5ouifNA9Kg
— Matthew Gertz (@MattGertz) April 8, 2020
Brit Hume's theory is spreading on Fox News.
— Aaron Blake (@AaronBlake) April 8, 2020
I wrote about the "deaths are inflated" talking point yesterday after it hit Tucker Carlson's show: https://t.co/7IMVcxFf0g
— Matthew Gertz (@MattGertz) April 9, 2020
I mean, it’s probably harmless as the most powerful man in the world certainly is not easily manipulated by the people who talk at him from his favorite TV station or anything.
And Fox News aren’t the only assholes doing this: Rush Limbaugh is talking shit (even though he LIVES IN FLORIDA and HAS A SEVERELY COMPROMISED IMMUNE SYSTEM HIMSELF), Bill O’Reilly argued that the people dying from COVID were on “their last legs” anyway; and those ding-dongs Diamond and Silk had one of their tweets pulled down after they told people that they should be “out in the environment.” And then there’s the part where Mike Pence’s office is blocking Dr. Deborah Birx and Dr. Anthony Fauci from appearing on CNN until CNN promises to show
President Joe Exotic’s rallies the White House press conferences in full.
The bottom line is the right is terrified that a strong economy is the only way President Ineptitude is re-elected and considering as of this morning 10% of workers are unemployed because of this thing …
Last week, 6.6 million Americans filed for unemployment benefits. In the past three weeks, a total of nearly 17 million people have filed.
Here's a look at how those numbers compare to previous weeks since 2006 👇 pic.twitter.com/CA4j0qfKMC
— NPR (@NPR) April 9, 2020
Well, it’s not looking great for them in November. So they are DESPERATE to get the economy back up and running as soon as possible, except we haven’t peaked with this virus yet, and it’s going to get (more) people killed if we open ourselves back up too soon.
And so maybe MAYBE I’m being a tinfoil hat-wearing cuckoo bird to think that this has anything to do with the fact that the federal government announced yesterday that they are not going to fund any more COVID-19 tests … or maybe the government who is run by a bunch of right-wing nuts who are more than happy to sacrifice your granny to the Dow don’t want us to know just how bad it still is out there so that we will fling open our economy by the end of the month.
This “I Don’t Know What Day of The Week It Is” song pairs nicely with that video I posted yesterday:
Charles Gregory Ross, an Emmy-winning hairdresser has passed from COVID-19.
Remember that grandma who texted the wrong person and he went to her Thanksgiving anyway and they became friends? Her name is Wanda Dench, she has the virus, and sadly, her husband Lonnie passed away from it.
Meanwhile, Boris Johnson just left ICU.
Social Isolation, Day 23
Kids: We're booooored! What can we do?
Wife *cleaning basement*: What are we ever going to do with these Simpsons Halloween costumes we only wore once?
— Joel A. Sutherland (@joelasutherland) April 8, 2020
The Cannes Film Festival STILL hasn’t been canceled. I thought it had, but it has not. Somehow.
A coalition of producers, writers, and directors, It Takes Our Village, is raising money to help out film and TV crews.
I don’t like Thomas Kinkaid. AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME. But this painting of his of a roll of toilet paper is being issued as a print and a puzzle to raise money for art galleries impacted by this gallery, so this is a good thing. Also, I can’t be mad about a painting of toilet paper.
Listen, this video of Dolly Parton singing Kenny Rogers’ “Sweet Music Man” as a tribute to the late Houstonian is probably going to make you a little weepy, if you’re anything like me and feeling a little fragile. THAT LAST LINE, DOLLY. But it’s part of the KennyCares initiative that is raising money for COVID-19 relief, so, you know.
All Other TV News
Modern Family ended last night in a two-hour special and it was … fine. It was fine! Everyone had a happy ending even as everyone went their separate ways which is a hard thing to reconcile on a sitcom about a tightly knit family but what else are you going to do, right? You have to end it somehow. Also, it might have given me a heartbreaking dream in which my 15-year-old was 3 again BUT THAT’S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE, the bottom line is my children are never leaving home thanks to this pandemic so everything is fine. ANYWAY, THERE MIGHT BE A SPINOFF, SO.
Apparently, Ty Burrell — the best thing about Modern Family — nearly didn’t get the role of Phil because the network wanted someone “edgier” (because they clearly didn’t understand Phil) and they didn’t think Burrell was “appealing, charming, funny” enough. You guys, they tried to hire Matt LeBlanc. MATT LEBLANC.
Meanwhile, the documentary crew that has been filming the Pritchett/Dunphy clan was finally revealed on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night:
“Our director, Jimmy, has been taking a really long time because he’s a—” Phil says.
“Psychopath,” Claire interjects.
“No, psychopaths are smart,” Phil says.
Speaking of Kimmel, the celebrity reboot of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? (featuring plenty of millionaires) debuted after the Modern Family finale with Kimmel as host and I wasn’t going to watch it but the next thing you know, I had. Jimmy makes a good Regis!
I am almost as sick of talking about Tiger King as I am COVID-19 but this is just the storm we all have to weather until the next distraction finally comes along. Anyway, it will probably not surprise you to learn that the tigers that were rescued from Joe Exotic were malnourished and depressed and otherwise in terrible shape, the poor things.
Here’s a whole New York Times piece about how some of the people involved in the documentary were told it would be an exposé on big cat ownership but then was turned into a “LOOK AT THESE WEIRDOS” series instead. And I get it! The tigers and other big cats’ mistreatment does take a backseat to all the lunatics featured, but I definitely came away from the series appalled at the big cat business and how these animals are abused. That message definitely came through, too. You’d have to be an idiot to think the message of Tiger King is that tigers are a cool and inexpensive pet.
“We’ve basically watched Tiger King in two sittings — it’s sort of amazing. I’m just really disappointed that I didn’t know you could get a tiger for two grand. It’s a lot of money, but like, it’s a tiger! That would have been pretty cool to have a tiger hanging around the house.” — Dummy Jr.
Quibi only streams on phones and you can’t screencap it? That’s a mistake and here’s why.
Here’s my comedy boyfriend John Mulaney discussing his time at Saturday Night Live. He auditioned with Nick Kroll, Ellie Kemper, Donald Glover, TJ Miller, and Bobby Moynihan AND ONLY MOYNIHAN WAS CAST. That is insane. I mean, I love Bobby Moynihan as the next person but COME ON.
Congratulations, Robert and Anny of 90 Day Fiancé.
- A female Doogie Howser reboot has been ordered at Disney+.
- My Spy, a Dave Bautista action-comedy, has been bought by Amazon.
- The Other Black Girl has been picked up by Hulu.
- Erin and Aaron, a live-action comedy pilot has been greenlit at Nickelodeon.
- Brad Pitt ’s Plan B Entertainment has signed a first-look deal with Warner Media and HBO Max.
- Erik Valdez is joining the cast of Superman & Lois on The CW.
- Lisa Vanderpump is going to guest star in an upcoming episode of American Housewife.
Mark Your Calendars
- The Happy Days of Gary Marshall will air on ABC on May 12.
- Homecoming returns on Amazon on May 22.
- Cooked with Cannabis will debut on Netflix on April 20. Obviously.
- The Stranger will debut on Quibi on April 13.
- After Life will return on Netflix on April 24.
- Medici: The Magnificent will return on Netflix on May 1.
- The Half of It will premiere on Netflix on May 1 and it is a Cyrano De Bergerac story with a twist or two:
- The Simpsons: Playdate with Destiny, a new short film, will debut on Disney+ on April 10.
- The Masked Singer: After the Mask will begin airing on Fox on April 22.
- Helter Skelter will debut on Epix on June 14.
- Valeria will debut on Netflix on May 8.
Infamous tattletale Whistleblower in the Clinton controversy
Chynna Rogers, Rapper and model
The Good Fight: Christine Baranski is back to bust some balls. Season premiere. CBS All Access
Grey’s Anatomy: “Owen discovers something” in the “whoops, I guess this is the season finale now.” 8 p.m., ABC
It: Watch the first movie before the second lands on HBO on Saturday. 9 p.m., TNT
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Mike D & Ad-Rock, Anna Kendrick, Dan White
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Jane Fonda, Yamiche Alcindor
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Jon Favreau, Jon Lovett, Tommy Vietor, Jon Meacham, Dave Matthews
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Don Cheadle, Regina Hall, Phoebe Bridgers
- The Daily Show: The Daily Social Distancing Show
- Conan: Tig Notaro
- Watch What Happens Live: Casey Wilson, Danielle Schneider, Sonja Morgan
- A Little Late with Lily Singh: Abby Elliott, Adam Pally
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