TV during a global pandemic is … weird.

by Therese Odell, posted in Uncategorized

I know that working from home for an extended period of time is new to a lot of you, but it is my everyday. WELCOME, PLEASE ENJOY THE SWEATPANTS, SNACKS, AND DISGUST WITH YOURSELF. As a TV blogger, I spend my day “at work” with daytime TV blaring in the background and would like to share with you some observations about daytime TV in the middle of a global health crisis:

1. Soap opera plots (and most primetime drama plots) in the time of pandemic are hilariously small stakes. Who cares about a mob war in a pandemic? In fact, can you even have a mob war when people are supposed to be social distancing, Sonny Corinthos? NEVERMIND ROMANCE TIME. How does one have an extramarital affair when you’re supposed to stay six feet apart from people you don’t live with? And, honestly, questions of paternity seem like small potatoes when 2% of the population might die.

2. Late night has, as per the videos I’ve been including, also been working from home after trying to make audience-less episodes work. They didn’t work. Over on daytime shows, it’s been marginally more successful. I only watch The View, but though their numbers around the table have been diminishing, the ladies there make a valiant effort to make it work. And for the most part it does! Live with Kelly and Ryan! is another story. They are not a news show the way The View is, they are a celebrity talk show, not unlike the late night shows, and not having an audience is tough. Live! spent the better half of last week without an audience and did the best they could. It was not great. What is weird, however, is that Live! had already planned to take this week off (presumably for spring break), and as such had taped a bunch of shows ahead of time. With an audience. As a result, it’s unintentionally the weirdest and eeriest “live” show on the air right now, seeing all those people packed into a small studio together.

3. During Monday’s episode of Supernatural, which I only got around to watching today, a TGI Friday’s ad aired that I’m sure they wish they could have pulled. The bottom line is that the tagline, God bless them, is “Together, to gather,” which I’m sure sounded GREAT about three months ago when they filmed it.

#prayforthecopywriter

Hey, listen, we’re all a little stressed right now, and I understand if you might need a pressure valve to help relieve some of the anxiety you might be feeling — God knows I do. This Buzzfeed post revealing the true stories behind some of the most emotional TV scenes in recent memory might help you if you need just a little cry right about now. Just a wee one. A cry that is about something utterly meaningless and unimportant and not about ~gestures at everything~. (That or I’m just an emotional wreck right now who can’t be trusted to manage her own feelings. WHO KNOWS!)

Speaking of emotional: Supernatural fans put up billboards in Canada thanking the cast and crew as the series begins wrapping production — or will wrap production once they can begin production again.

One more disappointment for those of you who were hoping that The Bachelorette‘s Hannah Brown and Tyler Cameron had finally realized in this time of crisis that they were in love. Seems they are just friends. Maybe. I mean, they are riding out this crisis together which suggests … something, right?

As for The Bachelorette, no chance it is going to be premiering on May 18, and it’s going to look a lot different than previous seasons (and not just because everyone will be two decades older than your usual contestants) (Oh God, I just remembered that they were planning on doing a Grandma/Grandpa version of The Bachelor … is that still happening?) in which it stays domestic.

Additionally, I’m glad I didn’t do my post about Clare’s contestants (yet) because she just suggested on Instagram that men could continue applying to be on the show. And according to Chris Harrison: “The chances are, for everybody to be able to put their life on hold and come back again is very slim. So yeah, we are still casting, so if you have somebody you think is great for this beautiful woman right here.” You still have a chance, guys!

 The Navarro Cheer season is over thanks to this bullshit. Just. Ugh.

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I am heartbroken with the circumstances that the world is currently facing. We are in unprecedented times and everyone needs to take precautions for the safety of one another. Because of this pandemic, the Navarro Cheer team’s season has come to an end. Sunday evening Varsity made a decision to cancel the NCA Collegiate National Championship in Daytona Beach, FL. This decision was inevitable as things have progressed and our country is in uncertain times. My heart, however, is breaking for the lost memories and the lost time with my beautiful team. I was not ready to say goodbye so quickly. I was not mentally prepared for the team to turn in uniforms, pack their things and leave town. I want to thank the kids for pouring everything they had into this entire year – for the late nights- the games- the community service- the holidays given up. They are fighters and have always given me 100%. Their routine was so beautiful and their work ethic was bar none. I have always been able to control the narrative and resort to plan B or C or even Z. For the first time in my life I had no control and my life has been a roller coaster over the past week. What I do know is that we will be back better than ever!!! “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

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Please vote — it’s safe! You don’t even have to wash your hands afterwards! (But you should anyway. In fact, go wash your hands right now. )

Going Viral

On the personal front, the good news is that as far as I know, no one else I know has tested positive for Covid-19 in the past 24 hours. The bad news is without mass testing this is an absolutely meaningless fact. “Fact.” We all might have it right now and we’ll have no idea for God only knows how long.

seth meyers who knows don't know

In bad personal news, the State Department has issued an unprecedented travel advisory to all Americans outside of the country to return home as soon as possible, or be prepared to shelter in place. My uncle and aunt have been in Greece for the past few weeks — when they left the U.S., everything was relatively calm and they were assured that it was fine to go. So they did! And now everything is shut down in Greece, and they have been trying, unsuccessfully, to get on a flight out of the country. They have a flight — in theory — on Sunday, and Greece is threatening to shut down all flights that night, so who knows if they’ll make it home.

seth meyers who knows don't know

Great times! Great times.

TV shows postponed by this crud:

OK, but WHY WERE YOU STILL FILMING, OZ? YOU ARE A DOCTOR.

Speaking of TV doctors, The Resident, The Good Doctor and Station 19 are donating their shows’ medical supplies, including masks, to hospitals and fire stations. Cool, but WHERE Y’AT, GREY’S ANATOMY AND 9-1-1??

Hey, do you have any idea what day it is? It’s not a trick question, I just feel like I have no idea what day it is because time no longer has any meaning. And to prove my point, Hallmark Channel will be hosting a Christmas movie marathon to help get us through this, starting tomorrow.

NOT NOW, DIRECTV.

Stephen Colbert tries to see the silver lining in all of this. Also, buttholes.

Note: Colbert is taking next week off, but Conan will be in to pick up the slack. From home, of course.

The Rosie O’Donnell Show will return for one night only as a live stream to help benefit The Actors Fund.

Prince Albert II of Monaco is the first head of state to (admit to) having it. ABC News reporter Kaylee Hartung is recovering after reporting on the early cases in Washington state. Two members of Congress, Mario Diaz-Balart (R-FL) and Rep. Ben McAdams (D-UT), have tested positive. Drake is in self-quarantine after partying with a bunch of NBA players.

Daniel Dae Kim also has it, dammit.

Meanwhile, his former co-star, Evangeline Lilly is still taking her kids to gymnastics class. EVANGELINE. NO.

SAG-AFTRA has told broadcasters that reporters need to be given hazmat suits while covering hotspots. BECAUSE SEE ABOVE.

FINALLY, Cannes has been postponed. WE ALL KNEW THIS WAS COMING, CANNES.

Over in Europe, they are asking Netflix to reduce video quality so as to not overload the internet. CALM DOWN, IT’S ONLY IN EUROPE. NOT HERE. (Yet.)

And in a plot twist stranger than anything on Westworld, gamblers, unable to bet on sports, have turned to betting on Westworld.

No one asked for this, y’all. Thanks but no thanks.

Also, let’s not put this on a Kardashian/Jenner to solve, Surgeon General. If we’re hoping that Kylie Jenner can fix this, WE ARE ALL DOOMED.

That said, if she can get through to these fucking morons … I mean, it’s worth a shot:

Oh, hey, a 34-year-old man who visited DisneyWorld a couple of weeks ago has died from the virus, but y’all keep partying at Padre. What could go wrong?

PLEASE DO NOT DO IN-PERSON CASTINGS RIGHT NOW.

OH GREAT, FOX NEWS IS OFFERING ITSELF FOR FREE. THIS WILL DEFINITELY HELP MATTERS.

Reminder: they were calling it a hoax A WEEK AGO.

As for our fearless leader, during today’s press conference, a One America News reporter asked him if it was unfair for people to say it’s racist for calling it the “Chinese” virus — after all, people call it “Chinese” food, is THAT racist?

First of all:

dumbass saturday night live snl

But second of all, let me explain what is happening here, because it’s a whole giant steaming pile of crap:

1. By trying to make “Chinese Virus” happen, President Racist is trying to give his base someone other than him to blame when people start dying in large numbers and when businesses start going under. Fun bonus points: it’s super racist.

2. On a different political level, it allows him to claim that the Democrats — Joe Biden in particular — are siding with CHINA, you know THE COUNTRY WHO GAVE YOU THE VIRUS. It’s already being weaponized in fundraising letters:

3. And the brilliance of all of this is if any of President HOAX!’s “enemies” note that it’s racist to call it the “Chinese Virus,” they are being “divisive” and not worrying about the important things, attacking our President in this moment of crisis and just trying to score points in an election year. Nevermind our Asian-American community who has increasingly been targeted economically and violently through this whole thing — the real victim is Donald Jingles Trump.

its-a-trap

But back to our One America News reporter who then asked the DingDong-in-Chief  this amazing question:

“On that note, the major left-wing news media, even in this room, have teamed up with Chinese communist party narratives, and they claim you are racist for making these claims about the Chinese virus. Is it alarming that major media players, just to oppose you, are consistently siding with foreign state propaganda, Islamic radicals and Latin gangs and cartels, and they work right here in the White House with direct access to you and your team?”

wow ramona the real housewives of new york rhony

President Victim then, predictably, went on a rant about the media, going so far as to single out The Wall Street Journal — THE WALL STREET JOURNAL! –for doing an in-depth piece on how unprepared the administration has been for this entire fiasco. And in conclusion, the media is SO UNFAIR to him and blah blah blah, you’ve heard it all before.

And what’s that you have to say, Fox News correspondent?

Like I said, great times.

Finally, some servicey items for you:

BoingBoing alerts us to Supercook, a website where you can plug in ingredients you have in the pantry and they will give you recipes.

And if you’re freaking out about toilet paper — AND WHO ISN’T? — this calculator will help you figure out when you’re going to need to raid the neighborhood toilet paper factory for more.

Reminder: Don’t go anywhere if you can avoid it, and go wash your hands. Now. Yes, right now. We love you and want you to stay healthy.

Monterey Bay Aquarium is, and I’m not kidding, one of my favorite places on earth and I hope to be able to get back there sooner rather than later. Watch their jellies for some soothing mindlessness — trust me, it helps:

In Development

Casting News

  • Kelis will co-host Cooked With Cannabis on Netflix.

Mark Your Calendar

  • The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills will return on Bravo on April 15.
  • One Day at a Time returns on Pop TV on March 24.
  • Ghost Nation returns on the Travel Channel on April 22.
  • Bakeaway Camp with Martha Stewart will debut on Food Network on May 4.
  • Fauda will return on Netflix on April 16.
  • Extracurricular will premiere on Netflix on April 29.
  • The Straight Story will be available on Disney+ on April 3.
  • Hallmark Movies & Mysteries debuts: Mystery 101: An Education in Murder on March 29; Ruby Herring Mysteries: Prediction Murder on April 5; Aurora Teagarden Mysteries: Heist and Seek on April 12; MatchMaker Mysteries: A Fatal Romance on April 25.

R.I.P.

Al Worden, Apollo 15 astronaut. I know it’s not TV related but it’s my blog, I do what I want.

Peter Whittingham, Soccer player

WATCH THIS

Top Chef: The All-Stars are back for a season set in Los Angeles (until it moves somewhere else). Season premiere. 9 p.m., Bravo

After Truth: Disinformation and the Cost of Fake News: An examination of the threat of “fake news” and how it affects the average citizen. ~cough cough cough~ 8 p.m., HBO

Feel Good: Mae Martin and Lisa Kudrow star in this new dramedy about a stand-up comedian as she deals with sobriety and a new girlfriend. Series premiere. Netflix

THUR 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Station 19
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