I’m not an interior designer and I know there are people who would take exception with the way I have decorated my own home so I may not be the best person to judge other people’s decorating style. That said, when I saw these pictures of the interior of Dr. Phil’s home which is currently on the market for nearly $6 million, all that came to me were Lovecraft quotes.
“In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming …”
Look at Dr. Phil's house. (It's for sale for $5.75 million.) pic.twitter.com/aFhR1VwqPj
— Daniel Miller (@DanielNMiller) January 2, 2020
Apparently, the house is currently being occupied by Dr. Phil’s son Jordan, which is of some relief if only because I had a hard time coming up with a scenario in which Robin McGraw would choose to decorate her dining room with guns and Bearbricks.
Just Bearbricks hiding everywhere:
And then there’s the entryway artwork, that literally begs the question, “what the fuck?”
Maybe it’s because I’m from Texas, but the decorative guns were not the most shocking element in this monstrosity of a house. No, that would be the stairwell and bar area which appears to be under attack by a fhtagn of giant psychic squids:
How are you expected to enjoy a drink at the bar when you’re constantly being threatened by tentacles?
ALSO, WHAT ARE THOSE DISEMBODIED LIPS OVER ON THE LEFT? WHAT IS THIS LIVING NIGHTMARE?
Anyway, what I’m saying is that I have a whole lot of questions for Dr. Phil and his entire family and I might be calling the police soon. You can see the rest of the house here (which includes a perfectly normal master bedroom, because you definitely want to put all your weird out in the public areas, and a lovely backyard and pool).
They are threatening us with a “raw” and “turbulent” ending to The Bachelor this season. But what else is new.
Here is an excellent argument that George Costanza is the greatest hip-hop style icon of the 2010s.
This clever billboard that uses shadowplay is a cool reminder that Dracula premieres on Netflix this weekend:
Some context for this Instagram post: this is one of the twins who played Ross and Rachel’s daughter, Emma, on Friends. From Warming Glow:
In the season 10 episode “The One With the Cake,” Chandler and Monica reluctantly attend Emma’s first birthday parties, which coincided with a romantic trip. When asked if they want to send Emma a message to be heard when she’s older, Chandler offers a pissy retort.
“Hi, Emma. It’s the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?” Chandler says. Monica adds, “We’re Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler, by the way — you may not recognize us because we haven’t spoken to your parents in 17 years.”
Well played, Noelle.
BREAKING NEWS: A Real Housewife is an idiot who doesn’t understand the political climate in this country at the moment.
Renewals
- Killing Eve has been renewed for a fourth season by BBC, yay!
- Raising Dion has been renewed for a second season on Netflix.
In Development
- RuPaul’s daytime talk show isn’t moving forward. That’s a shame.
- Richard Plepler, the former CEO at HBO, has just signed a deal with Apple TV+. INTERESTING.
Mark Your Calendar
- Better Call Saul returns on AMC on February 23.
- Grace and Frankie returns on Netflix on January 15.
- Dracula will debut on Netflix tomorrow.
- Puppy Bowl will return on Animal Planet on February 2.
R.I.P.
Elizabeth Sellars, Actress
WATCH THIS
FRIDAY
Ilana Glazer: The Planet is Burning: The Broad City star does stand-up. Amazon
Hawaii Five-0: A list of undercover CIA agents is stolen in the crossover with Magnum P.I. Has anyone checked the White House? Winter season premiere. 7 p.m., CBS
Magnum P.I.: In the second half of the crossover, Tani and Quinn ask Magnum and Higgins for help. Winter season premiere. 8 p.m., CBS
Blue Bloods: Danny and Baez investigate a string of ambulance robberies. Winter season premiere. 9 p.m., CBS
SATURDAY
Dracula: Claes Bang stars in Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat‘s miniseries treatment of the classic vampire story. Series premiere. Netflix
The Aftermath: Sexy post-war times are afoot. 7 p.m., HBO
SUNDAY
The 2020 Golden Globes: It’s all a sham. But, you know, enjoy Ricky Gervais making fun of the drunk celebrities or whatever. 7 p.m., NBC, Red Carpet Coverage begins at 3 p.m., on E!
God Friended Me: Miles comes a little closer to finding out who is behind the God Account. Winter premiere. 7 p.m., CBS
NCIS: Los Angeles: The CIA asks for the team’s help in finding a missing agricultural engineer. Winter premiere. 8 p.m., CBS
Power: Ghost’s shooter faces dire consequences. Mid-season premiere. 8 p.m., Starz
The Simpsons: Lisa struggles with popularity and misogyny. Winter premiere. 7 p.m., Fox
Bless the Harts: Jenny decides to take things to the next level with Wayne. Winter premiere. 7:30 p.m., Fox
Bob’s Burgers: Louise defends Gene’s honor. Winter premiere. 8 p.m., Fox
Family Guy: Lois becomes a music teacher. Winter premiere. 8:30 p.m., Fox
| FRI. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | American Housewife (repeat) |
Fresh Off the Boat (repeat) |
20/20 (new) |
| CBS | Hawaii Five-0 (new) |
Magnum P.I. (new) |
Blue Bloods (new) |
| CW | Penn & Teller: Fool Us (repeat) |
Whose Line is it Anyway? (repeat) |
Whose Line is it Anyway? (repeat) |
Local |
| FOX | Friday Night Smackdown (new) |
Local |
| NBC | Ellen’s Game of Games (repeat) |
Dateline (repeat) |
—
| SAT. | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 | 10:00 | 10:30 | 11:00 | 11:30 |
| ABC | Brad Paisley Thinks He’s Special (repeat) |
The Gold-bergs (repeat) |
The Gold-bergs (repeat) |
20/20 (repeat) |
News/Local |
| CBS | NFL Playoffs (live) |
News/Local |
| FOX | Flirty Dancing (repeat) |
Deputy (repeat) |
News/Local |
| NBC | Dateline | Saturday Night Live | News/ Local |
Saturday Night Live (repeat) |
—
| SUN. | 6:00 | 6:30 | 7:00 | 7:30 | 8:00 | 8:30 | 9:00 | 9:30 |
| ABC | America’s Funniest Home Videos (new) |
Kids Say the Darndest Things (new) |
Shark Tank (new) |
Shark Tank (repeat) |
| CBS | 60 Minutes (new) |
God Friended Me (new) |
NCIS: Los Angeles (new) |
NCIS: New Orleans (repeat) |
| The CW | Local | Batwoman (repeat) |
Supergirl (repeat) |
Local |
| FOX | Last Man Standing (repeat) |
The Simpsons (new) |
Family Guy (new) |
Bob’s Burgers (repeat) |
Bless the Harts (repeat) |
Local/News |
| NBC | 77th Annual Golden Globes (live) |
Dr. Phil’s house is … interesting. But it can’t top the one I saw on Zillow. Big, beautiful house with some very nice furnishings. And mannequins, fully dressed and posed in various rooms as if they were visiting. I dunno, maybe the owner needed a friend or five.
(Zillow is great for the interior designer voyeur in you.)