Well, happy afternoon, kids! We are another step closer to impeaching the motherfucker!
This morning, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and other House leaders, including Representatives Adam Schiff and Representative Jerry Nadler, delivered two articles of impeachment against President Orange Menace. The first article is for abuse of power for the whole Ukraine scheme, the second article is for Obstruction of Congress for defying subpoenas for testimony and documents.
You can read them right here and you should because they’re only 9 pages long.
Now, the Democrats had reportedly also considered additional articles, namely for Bribery and Obstruction of Justice, but Pelosi decided to go small as a way to placate moderate Democrats and House members from districts that President Cheats-a-Lot won. Here’s an interesting article on the strategy of not including those articles, and why it might backfire.
All that said, we need to be honest with ourselves: there is ZERO CHANCE the Senate Republicans are going to remove him from office. When you have Ted Zodiac Killer out there saying that a Ukrainian writing a political op-ed is the same damn thing as the Russians hacking the DNC’s server and spreading disinformation via social media, you have to realize the Republicans are not being reasonable or open-minded about any of this and will cling to anything as means to exonerate him. My point is, wringing one’s hands over whether or not the Democrats should have also included an article of impeachment over the Mueller material is entirely intellectual. In the end, it won’t make a difference.
That said, I’m not being negative about the usefulness or importance of impeaching this asshole. Republicans both in the Senate and the House should be forced to explain why they re defending criminal behavior on the part of the President of the United States and explain whether or not they would tolerate such behavior from a Democratic President. (LOL, OF COURSE NOT. HILLARY CLINTON WOULD HAVE BEEN IMPEACHED FIVE MINUTES AFTER SHE TOOK THE OATH OF OFFICE.) And Democrats, though they know this probably will not end with President Cult Leader being removed from office, still must be willing to do the right thing and defend the Constitution and our Republic from a man who would be king. Someone has to.
Meanwhile, President Pridurok, as if to prove everything the Democrats have been saying about him since 2016, he met with Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov today, because, you know, fuck it. Why not.
As for yesterday’s hearing, the short version is the House lawyers for both the Democrats and Republicans came in to testify to what we already know regarding the whole Ukraine thing. Nothing new was really revealed or said, honestly, and if you only watch five minutes of it, make it these five minutes:
As Rep. Swalwell notes, nobody asks “what did Trump know and when did he know it?”
He knew everything, he directed everything, he was at the center of everything. pic.twitter.com/2c8SGrpdg7
— House Judiciary Dems (@HouseJudiciary) December 9, 2019
So what’s next? The House Judiciary Committee will vote on the articles of impeachment, and then the entire House will. Considering they want this taken care of before Christmas, look for sometime next week.
In Other TV News
The Irishman was watched by some 26 million homes in its first week on Netflix. God damn. We were one of those homes, but I fell asleep in the second half because, you know.
The head of AT&T is now taking shots at Disney: HBO Max, unlike Disney+, isn’t just for toddlers, apparently.
Oh great: AT&T U-Verse and Direct TV will be raising their prices. Time to start looking into transitioning entirely over to streaming …
Piecing together the Walking Dead universe for those of you who are still invested.
CBS is selling its Manhattan headquarters, known as Black Rock, and I guess moving into Viacom’s headquarters — which, fun fact, is in Times Square directly across the street from my office when I was in book publishing. I know this because when MTV’s TRL aired at 3 p.m., we could hear the screaming on the 45th floor. 45TH FLOOR.
The payoff on this is worth it:
Bill Cosby’s appeal to overturn his sexual assault conviction has been denied by an appeals court because fuck you, Bill Cosby.
Seven more women have come forward to accuse Cuba Gooding Jr. of inappropriate behavior, bringing the total number of women to 22. Yikes!
Harvey Weinstein used a cane to hobble into court last week as prosecutors sought to raise his bail to $5 million for fucking with his ankle monitor. Pieces of shit are gonna be pieces of shit.
One of R. Kelly’s girlfriends has moved out of Trump Tower because of course R. Kelly lives in Trump Tower. See above.
This whole Richard Jewell controversy is infuriating. Reporter Kathy Scruggs, one of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reporters who broke the Jewell story, is portrayed in the film as having offered to sleep with an FBI agent to get information on the case. Scruggs, who has passed away, is not here to defend herself or her reputation, but the newspaper is demanding the producers issue a statement clearing her name. It’s gross and insulting, and the film and its producers should apologize.
Gretchen Carlson, Julie Roginsky and Diana Falzone have started an anti-NDA campaign. Good.
- Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen! has been renewed at Bravo through 2021.
- Ride with Norman Reedus has been renewed at AMC.
- The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, based on Michael Chabon’s novel, is being turned into a limited series at Showtime.
- A Really Good Day, a dramedy based on Ayelet Waldman’s book, is being developed at Showtime. Anna Chlumsky is set to star.
- High in the Clouds, a children’s book written by Paul McCartney, is being turned into an animated film at Netflix.
- Re-Friended, a half-hour comedy, is in the works at Fox.
- Obsessed, a millennial comedy, is being developed at The CW.
- 1% Happy, a comedy, is being developed at HBO Max.
- CURS_R, a horror gaming drama series from Ridley Scott, is being developed at Quibi.
- Rosie Huntington-Whiteley will host a beauty series on Quibi.
- Sexology with Shan; Fashion’s a Drag, and The Nod with Brittany & Eric have been set at Quibi.
- Jonathan Stern has set a deal with Warner Bros TV.
- Alison Sweeney is returning to Days of Our Lives.
- Nicole Richie is joining Bless This Mess on ABC.
- Chelsea Frei is joining The Last O.G. on TBS.
Mark Your Calendars
- Avenue 5 will premiere on HBO on January 19. CAN. NOT. WAIT.
- Miracle Workers: Dark Ages will premiere on TBS on January 28. It looks delightful.
- Curb Your Enthusiasm will return sometime in January.
- The Ranch‘s final season will begin on January 24 on Netflix.
- A Christmas Carol will air on BBC … sometime, presumably soon.
- Jimmy Kimmel Live After Darth: A Star Wars Special will air on ABC on December 16.
- Battle of Little Bighorn will debut on Smithsonian on January 13.
- It’s Pony debuts on Nickelodeon on January 18.
- Bill Burr Presents: The Ringers will premiere on Comedy Central on January 10.
- The Crystal Maze will premiere on Nickelodeon on January 24.
Barrie Keefe, British TV writer and screenwriter of The Long Good Friday, a classic British gangster film
Marie Fredriksson, Roxette singer
Pete Frates, Inspiration behind the Ice Bucket Challenge which ended up raising more than $200 million for ALS research worldwide
Ellen’s Greatest Night of Giveaways: Ellen and a bunch of celebrities give stuff away to deserving and needy people in an attempt to make you cry. This goes on for three solid nights, so I’m not sure why “Night” in the title is singular. Series premiere. 7 p.m., NBC
The Flash: Black Lightning, Barry, Cisco and Killer Frost come up with a plan in the “Crisis” crossover and fall finale. 7 p.m., The CW
The Conners: Dan excludes Jackie from the family Santa photo in the fall finale. 7 p.m., ABC
Bless This Mess: Mike and Rio’s first Christmas as a married couple is interrupted by wacky crises. Fall finale. 7:30 p.m., ABC
mixed-ish: Alicia and Paul try to keep Christmas traditions from the compound alive. Fall finale. 8 p.m., ABC
black-ish: Pops goes all out for Christmas. Fall finale. 8:30 p.m., ABC
Emergence: The entire Evans family is put in danger in the fall finale. 9 p.m., ABC
- Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Charlie Puth
- Late Night with Seth Meyers: Saoirse Ronan, Alex Borstein, Dan Soder, Coady Willis
- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Clive Owen, Florence Pugh, Jon Batiste
- The Late Late Show with James Corden: Kendall Jenner, Tracee Ellis Ross, guest host Harry Styles
- Jimmy Kimmel Live: Dwayne Johnson, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, She & Him
- The Daily Show: Alfre Woodard & Aldis Hodge
- Conan: Valerie Tosi
- Lights Out with David Spade: Bert Kreischer, Steve Ranazzisi, Candice Thompson
- Watch What Happens Live: Seth Meyers
- A Little Late with Lily Singh: Tom Lennon, Aisling Bea
|Bless This Mess
|NCIS: New Orleans
|Crisis Aftermath II
|FOX||The Masked Singer
|NBC||Ellen’s Greatest Night of Giveaways