Mueller Report blah blah blah, LET’S WATCH SOME ‘GAME OF JONES!’

“Gay of Thrones” is my favorite Game of Thrones recap only because “Game of Jones” isn’t weekly. SOMEONE GIVE LESLIE JONES A DRAGON:

DO NOT CHALLENGE THE KHAL. DUMBASS.

Also, Elmo threw himself in between Cersei and Tyrion in a video that was always going to happen once Sesame Street moved to HBO.

I’ve always been partial to Cookie Monster. 

In response to the release of the Mueller Report which he has since called “total bullshit,” President Joffrey tweeted the following:

HBO is not amused and put out a statement that reads: “Though we can understand the enthusiasm for Game of Thrones now that the final season has arrived, we still prefer our intellectual property not be used for political purposes.”

But the question remains: which character in Game of Thrones does Toots think he is? He thinks he’s Jaime, doesn’t he?

I haven’t read the Mueller Report so I’m not going to write a whole thing about it — at least not now — but here are a few takeaways that might be relevant in a TV blog:

Sarah Huckabee Sanders is a confirmed liar who lies all the fucking time and no one should ever trust anything she ever has to say ever again, DO YOU HEAR ME WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS? I’d like to know if the lies she told about the FBI and Rod Rosenstein and Comey were among those she used for that smoky eye.

The good news for Dummy Jr.: Mueller didn’t find he colluded with Russians. The bad news for Dummy Jr.: That’s because was too stupid to collude with Russians.

Here are a bunch of Hollywood types’ hot takes on the report.

This is a good little roundup of a bunch of bits and pieces of the report that might get otherwise overlooked, like the fact that there was a second meeting with the Russians to give Hillary dirt that is still being investigated; that Wikileaks and Julian Assange knew DAMN WELL Seth Rich wasn’t their source for the Democratic hacked emails, a lie that Sean Hannity pushed and hard; and that Barr defended Trump obstructing justice because “he was frustrated” which is NOT A DEFENSE FOR COMMITTING CRIMES.

President NO COLLUSION also tweeted this video made from clips from back in March in which people on CNN and MSNBC quoted Barr’s misleading letter saying there was no collusion and that. OK DUDE. I’M SURE THIS WILL DO THE TRICK:

Meanwhile, over at Fox News yesterday, Chris Wallace said about Bill Barr’s performance:

“…You got into this very curious area where the Attorney General seemed almost to be acting as the counselor for the defense for the counsel for the president rather than the Attorney General talking about his motives talking about his anger his feeling that this was unfair and he was big, there were leaks.”

Wallace continued: “And really as I say making a case for the president. I suspect that Democrats heads on Capitol Hill were exploding and they’re going to come down very sharply about the way that Bill Barr today laid this out because there’s no question.

And Andrew Napolitano said that “there might be enough to prosecute” El Presidente and that “the president is not exactly cleared.” No shit.

As for how everyone else covered reading a 448-page document in real time, it was something.

So this is fun for those of us who were alive in the 70s: Jimmy Kimmel is making a live sitcom special, in which classic episodes of All in the Family and The Jeffersons, are recreated. Live in Front of a Studio Audience: Norman Lear’s ‘All in the Family’ and ‘The Jeffersons’ will air on ABC on May 22, and get this: “In the one-night-only event, Woody Harrelson will take on the role of Archie Bunker, alongside Marisa Tomei who will be playing Edith Bunker, with Jamie Foxx and Wanda Sykes playing George and Louise Jefferson. Ellie Kemper will play Gloria Stivic; Will Ferrell will appear as Tom Willis, and Justina Machado is set to play Florence Johnston. More stars will be named later.”

All of your favorite shows have won Peabody Awards: The Good Place, Killing Eve, The Americans, Barry, Pose, Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj, The End of the Fucking World, Steven Universe, Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette, and Random Acts of Flyness all received the well-deserved honor. The only show that was overlooked as far as I’m concerned is Atlanta. WHY DON’T YOU PEOPLE LOVE ATLANTA THE WAY IT DESERVES TO BE LOVED?

When Chernobyl debuts on HBO next month, it will be accompanied by a podcast.

Here is a giant-ass gallery of the shows that will be available on Disney+. It’s a lot.

AT&T is now fighting with the NFL over the NFL considering pulling out of their exclusive deal with DirecTV.

Wendy Williams has been going through some stuff, and now her husband, from whom she is getting divorced, has been removed as a producer of her show.

Two of Kim Foxx’s deputies have resigned in the wake of this whole Jussie Smollett meshugas.

It’s Friday. Here are newscasters making hilarious Freudian slips:

Renewals

In Development

Mark Your Calendar

  • When They See Us will premiere on Netflix on May 31, and it looks like a gut punch. As the mother of boys this age, I don’t know that I have it in me to watch this.
  • Alternatino with Arturo Castro will debut on Comedy Central on June 18.

  • Flinch is going to debut on Netflix on May 3 and this is one of the most sociopathic things I’ve ever seen. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
  • Strange Angel will return on CBS All Access on June 13.
  • Jinn will premiere on Netflix on June 13.
  • The Rain returns on Netflix on May 17.
  • Into the Dark: “All That We Destroy” will debut on Hulu on May 3. Happy Mother’s Day!

R.I.P.

Lorraine Warren, Legendary paranormal investigator who inspired The Conjuring films.

WATCH THIS

FRIDAY

Bosch: Fifth season premiere. Amazon

Lunatics: Chris Lilley is hilarious (but let’s hope he cuts it out with the blackface). Series premiere. Netflix

Brené Brown: The Call to Courage: BE VULNERABLE. DAMMIT. Netflix

Ramy: Ramy Yousef stars in this new sitcom about a young Muslim American man searching for his place in the world. This one is receiving great reviews. Series premiere. Hulu

Last Man Standing: Season premiere. 7 p.m., Fox

SATURDAY

BlacKkKlansman: Spike Lee’s Oscar-winning film based on the true story about a black detective who infiltrated the Ku Klux Klan. 7 p.m., HBO

The Ten Commandments: Happy Passover, everybody! 6 p.m., ABC

Harry Potter marathon: Begins at 8:30 a.m., USA

SUNDAY

Motown 60: A Grammy Celebration: Smokey Robinson, Diana Ross, and Stevie Wonder Will Be Joined by Boyz II Men, Chloe X Halle, Ciara, Lamont Dozier, Fantasia, Brian & Eddie Holland,Thelma Houston, Tori Kelly, John Legend, Little Big Town, NE-YO, Pentatonix, Martha Reeves, Valerie Simpson, Mickey Stevenson, and Meghan Trainor are set to perform. 7 p.m., CBS

Madam Secretary: Season finale. 9 p.m., CBS

Game of Thrones: Because I’m going to mention it every week for the next month. 8 p.m., HBO

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (Friday): Michael Shannon, Jane Goodall, Winnie Harlow, Jess Salomon
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: (Friday): Robert De Niro, Beth Behrs
  • Watch What Happens Live (Sunday): Roxane Gay, Cynthia Bailey

FRI. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC NBA Playoff
(live)
CBS I Love Lucy: Funny Money Special
(new)
Hawaii Five-0
(repeat)
Blue Bloods
(repeat)
CW Dynasty
(repeat)
Whose Line is it Anyway?
(repeat)
Whose Line is it Anyway?
(repeat)
Local
FOX Last Man Standing
(new)
The Cool Kids
(new)
Proven Innocent
(new)
Local
NBC Blindspot
(new)
The Blacklist
(new)
Dateline
(new)


SAT. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30
ABC The Ten Commandments (begins at 6 p.m.) News/Local
CBS Ransom
(new)
48 Hours
(new)
48 Hours
(new)
News/Local
FOX PBC Fight Night
(live)
News/Local
NBC Stanley Cup Playoffs
(live)
News/Local Saturday Night Live
(repeat)


SUN. 6:00 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC America’s Funniest Home Videos
(new)
American Idol
(new)
Shark Tank
(repeat)
CBS 60 Minutes
(new)
Motown 60: A Grammy Celebration
(new)
Madam Secretary
(new)
The CW Local Supergirl
(new)
Charmed
(new)
Local
FOX The Simpsons
(repeat)
Bob’s Burgers
(repeat)
The Simpsons
(repeat)
Bob’s Burgers
(repeat)
Family Guy
(repeat)
Family Guy
(repeat)
Local/News
NBC Ellen’s Game of Games
(repeat)
World of Dance
(new)
Good Girls
(new)
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