Please indulge me while I yell at Ted Cruz for a hot minute

Beto O’Rourke has apologized for a sexist comment he made in a critique of a Broadway musical in the Columbia Daily Spectator in 1991, when he wrote about the “perma-smile actresses whose only qualifications seem to be their phenomenally large breasts and tight buttocks.”

Here’s the thing about this story: I’m not saying that we shouldn’t hold men accountable for the things they did in college or even high school if those things were physically violent and fit into a larger pattern of sexist behavior. If there are a bunch of women Beto went to Columbia with who have accusations of abusive behavior against him, I’m all ears. But the fact that this 27-year-old piece that has one questionable line is the only thing that Ted Cruz’s opposition research team can dig up on Beto to cast him as some sort of casual misogynist is pretty pitiful.

More than that, though, this speaks volumes about how Ted Cruz, the GOP and the right in general see women and feminists: as easily triggered harpies, ready to light the torches and grab the pitchforks over the smallest insult. This college review with one kinda gross line about women’s bodies is not the same thing as holding a high school girl down on a bed, trying to rip off her clothes while holding a hand over her mouth as she screams. And it’s not the same as drunkenly wagging his dick in a college girl’s face. And it’s certainly not the same thing as drugging women and at the very least turning a blind eye as they are assaulted by his buddies — and at the very most something much, much worse. Women know the difference.

So, Senator Blobfish, call me when you have multiple women lining up saying that Beto sexually assaulted or harassed them, or when you find his high school yearbook mocking a woman as a slut and suggesting she was passed around by his football team, or when he blatantly lies about all of the above under oath because he’s desperate to grasp enough power to take women’s rights away. Then I’ll find a set of pearls to clutch, you condescending piece of shit.

Please, I’m begging you: register to vote and if you are registered to vote, make sure you still are registered to vote. I’m not kidding about that last part: in Georgia, they purged 10% of the rolls. The last day to register in Texas is Tuesday, October 9. Early voting in Texas begins on October 22. Election Day is November 6.

The third Kavanaugh accuser Julie Swetnick was interviewed by NBC News yesterday. Just FYI.

But, honestly, the more damning story is that after testifying that he only heard about the Deborah Ramirez story (the one where he waggled his tiny kavanaugh in her face, forcing her to touch it to get away) when it was published in The New Yorker on September 23, Kavanaugh might have been texting his Yale buddies as far back as July to get their stories straight about her. 

Meanwhile, Kavanaugh won’t be teaching at Harvard Law in January after alumni urged the school to remove him as a lecturer.

Somehow in the Kavanaugh mess, I managed to miss the story of Kevin Jackson the Fox News contributor who got fired from the network for tweeting that Dr. Ford and the other accusers “lying skanks.” He also tweeted at Dr. Ford, “Dang girl, stop opening your legs and OPEN A BOOK!” He ALSO compared Kavanaugh to Emmett Till, while saying that “lying women ruin the careers of good men, or worse lying women get men killed.” And then just to make sure he covered all of the misogyny bases, he called Bill Cosby an “icon” who is in prison because “some lying piece of crap leftist feminist who will say whatever they pay them to say or do.” He seems nice.

Meanwhile, C-SPAN’s Washington Journal was flooded with calls from sexual assault and rape survivors — or “lying skanks” on Thursday.

Louis C.K. was back at the Comedy Cellar on Sunday. At least this time the club refunded customers who chose to leave. That said, one woman who had contacted the club for reassurance that Louis C.K. wouldn’t make a surprise appearance before buying her ticket, got up and left the club when she learned he would be performing, only to be made fun of by another comedian. HEY. MALE COMICS. CUT THAT SHIT OUT RIGHT NOW. YOU’RE THE FUCKING PROBLEM.

Aziz Ansari is also back on the stand-up circuit. Here’s a thoughtful critique of his performance.

Over in the Donald Trump shitshow, yesterday he held a press conference where he yelled over a number of female reporters (this after last week’s unhinged press conference where he did the same thing) and had this exchange with ABC’s Cecilia Vega:

But don’t worry, the White House went back and changed the transcript to read “I know you’re not thanking, you never do.”

Honestly, I don’t know. Listening, it sounds like “thinking” but “thanking” actually makes sense in context. Either way, the way this asshole treats her is rude and demeaning.

Also, President Liar had The Trump Organization via Eric Trump and Michael Cohen enforce the hush agreement against Stormy Daniels. This after saying that 1. he wouldn’t be involved with The Trump Organization while President and 2. he knew nothing about the Stormy Daniels payout. Liars gonna lie.

Cristiano Ronaldo has been accused of rape in a civil case.

Orri Páll Dýrason, the drummer for Sigur Rós, has left the band after being accused of sexual assault.

In Actual TV News

Here are the first five minutes of The Walking Dead‘s ninth season premiere.

We have some more hints about SPOILER I GUESS! Rick and Maggie’s departures from The Walking Dead, thanks to an episode title and the guys who wrote and directed it. The question is how will it happen? Speaking of, Lincoln started talking about leaving the show in season 4, and wanted to leave in season 8.

You can watch the first episode of Channel Zero: The Dream Door right now. It debuts on Syfy October 26.

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina will have a little bit of Clive Barker in it.

South Park is coming for the Catholic Church.

IFC is launching a streaming channel called Sloth which will air slow TV, including programming like “Black Cats Watching Scary Movies.” Alert the stoners in your life.

Matt Damon nailed that Brett Kavanaugh impersonation in three hours, guys. And speaking of SNL, Kenan says that Kanye held them hostage. And, wait, I get people being mad about the Charlie Sheen joke, but where’s the outrage over Pete Davidson saying he’s replaced Ariana Grande’s birth control pills with Tic Tacs?

In case you were wondering about the News Emmys, and I know you were.

Renewals

  • Mayans M.C. has been renewed for a second season on FX.
  • Queen of the South has been renewed on USA.
  • C.B. Strike (or Strike on BBC) has been renewed on BBC. It’s unclear as of now if Cinemax will pick it up.

Cancellations

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • Marvel’s Runaways will return on Hulu on December 21.
  • Malevolent will debut on Netflix on October 5.

R.I.P.

Marian Rees, Producer, former VP of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences, co-chair of the National Council for Families and Television, VP Television for the Producers Guild of America, and goddamned pioneer

WATCH THIS

Below Deck: Captain Lee and the crew head to Tahiti for an all-new season. 8 p.m., Bravo

Student Athlete: This documentary follows the lives of four athletes and the exploitive world of high-revenue college sports. The NCAA is really gross, y’all. 9 p.m., HBO

Frontline: Trump’s Showdown: A look inside the Mueller investigation and Trump’s fight against it. 8:30 p.m., PBS

Late Night: Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Claire Foy, Chelsea Clinton, Lil Wayne Late Night with Seth Meyers: Eric McCormack, Sean Casey, Kevin Millar, Amanda Litman, Daxx Nielsen The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Eva Longoria, Damon Wayans Jr., Steve Kornacki The Late Late Show with James Corden: Riz Ahmed, Minnie Driver, Phosphorescent Jimmy Kimmel Live: Sarah Paulson, Kacey Musgraves Conan: Pete Holmes The Daily Show: Lester Holt Watch What Happens Live: Kate Chastain, Capt. Lee Rosbach

TUES. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC Dancing with the Stars
(new)
Castaways
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CBS NCIS
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FBI
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NCIS: New Orleans
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CW The Flash
(repeat)
The Outpost
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Local
FOX The Gifted
(new)
Lethal Weapon
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News/Local
NBC The Voice
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This is Us
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New Amsterdam
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