Welcome to 2018 in which President Dongo is doing his level best to turn reality into one long episode of ‘Black Mirror’!

Good morning, friends, and welcome to 2018! It’s a wonderful fresh new year in which anything is possible, even traditionally presidential behavior from ou…

The amazing thing about this tweet? It wasn’t even close to being the most batshit insane tweet from Troodles yesterday. He also: 1. demanded Huma Abedin be jailed while referencing some anonymous sailor on a submarine; 2. took credit for there being zero deaths from commercial jet crashes anywhere in the world; 3. claiming that Hispanics will come to LOVE the Republican party for reasons still unclear; 4. lectured the New York Times on how to do their job and made the specious claim — again — that they had to apologize for … something … which they have not; 5. oh, and threatened nuclear war in a dick measuring contest with North Korea.

These are things that the President — THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES — is doing on the internet for shits and giggles. People, we are already living in Black Mirror. Welcome to the future.

Here’s the thing: it’s perfectly fair to be alarmed and upset over these tweets and call for the fucking 25th Amendment to FUCKING BE EMPLOYED ALREADY BEFORE WE ALL DIE IN A NUCLEAR WAR STARTED ON FUCKING TWITTER OF ALL FUCKING PLACES. But other than the “Dishonest and Corrupt Media Awards” tweet, I chose to not embed the rest after reading this insightful twitter thread from a Berkley cognitive scientist:

Dr. Lakoff is absolutely correct: the more OUTRAGED we become by the outrageous things Tinkles tweets, the more power we give him, not just of our emotions, but in shaping the entire narrative and determining what we should be paying attention to.

Now, as someone who is fiercely protective of the First Amendment, I do not want to ignore President Taenia’s relentless attack on the free press — or his amazing (possibly terrifyingly accurate?) claims that the media will want to see him reelected in 2020.

That said, per Dr. Lakoff’s advice I think it is important to put all of Tangerine’s crazy tweets from the last 36 hours — including his renewed effort to undermine the media and truth in general — in their proper context, which is: he is trying to distract us from this editorial in the New York Times from the creators of Fusion GPS, the research group who hired Christopher Steele. The editorial is a demand that the Republicans QUIT FUCKING AROUND with the congressional investigation into Russian collusion and trying to make it about anything other than the Trump campaign’s guilt (and something preferably about the Democrats); quit lying about Fusion GPS, Steele, and his unpaid sources; and for the committees to release the 10 21 hours worth of testimony that they willingly gave because there is some HELLA DAMNING stuff about Trunk, his family and his campaign in there. Oh, and they drop the bombshell that the Steele dossier isn’t the only credible source alleging collusion and Congress and the FBI KNOW IT. Also, Tinkerbell isn’t happy about any of these quotes from the new Michael Wolff book, Fire and Fury.

Go. Read it. Share it. Read it again. And then go read about the new Michael Wolff book, Fire & Fury, in which Steve Bannon gives some interesting quotes, prompting Trundle to put out this AMAZONG statement. “The Most Dishonest and Corrupt Media Awards of the Year” aren’t even happening until Monday, so you have plenty of time. (Maybe Foolish will be nominated in the Blogger category!)

stephen colbert fingers crossed good luck.gif

Speaking of dystopian hellscapes, have you watched Black Mirror yet? Or at the very least the first episode of season four, “U.S.S. Callister?” Which was amazing and was everything that The Orville is not? (And yes, I know, it’s not really actually anything like The Orville. But now that I’m feeling all defensive about it, I also suddenly feel compelled to write an entire essay about how the two compare, the only thing stopping me is just the thought of the comments that would mansplain to me why I’m wrong and dumb …)

ANYWAY, back on topic, if you haven’t watched “U.S.S. Callister” yet, just skip on ahead because there are some spoilers in here and Black Mirror really needs to remain unspoiled. For the rest of you: did you catch the two cameos from a pair of stars? One was considerably more obvious than the other. Also, there was a very sly, very deliberate Star Trek reference in the episode — I mean, aside from all the obvious Star Trek references — a reference that has become such a part of TV vernacular that mentioning it here would spoil the episode, so DON’T CLICK unless you’ve watched it, I’m serious. Also, might “U.S.S. Callister” be turned into its own series? Probably not, but I’d happily recap it if it were to be.

If you’re a big Black Mirror fan, here are all the easter eggs that tie the episodes to one another in its dystopian universe. I find this kind of thing fascinating, but then I’m an obsessive weirdo, so. Also, here’s a pretty funny easter egg from “Crocodile” which should make any obsessive weirdo question everything.

As for the final episode of the season, “Black Museum,” here’s an argument for how it could be the series finale.

Twitter has some ideas for Black Mirror episodes.

And somehow, everyone seems to have collectively forgotten about the Black Mirror pilot episode:

Going back to “U.S.S. Callister,” here’s a teenage Seth MacFarlane in a Star Trek fan film BECAUSE THE ORVILLE IS JUST THE “U.S.S. CALLISTER” BUT IN REAL LIFE, Y’ALL.

The big news of the day (or really yesterday) is that Hoda Kotb is your new Matt Lauer (in a positive way, not an icky way) and it did not come easy for her. And yes, Lauer congratulated her. Kotb and Savannah Guthrie co-hosting marks the first time in the history of the show that two women have hosted. The future is female — even if it still isn’t paid equitably.

And Al Roker had his friend’s back against a sexist tweet:

Dr. Phil is being accused of giving guests drugs and alcohol before appearing on the show, putting their health in risk. Producers are calling the charges, “absolutely, unequivocally untrue.”

Jeopardy took a contestant’s money away because he didn’t say “Gangsta” the right way, and now Coolio is adding his two cents.

Britain’s Royal Mail is releasing a series of Game of Thrones stamps for all your raven deliveries, and the Queen of Thorns makes the cut. GIMME. Also, Some minor Game of Thrones casting news, if that’s your thing.

A producer of The Walking Dead thinks y’all need to calm down about the ratings decline. OK.

BREAKING: People are very dumb.

Jack Bauer + Audrey Raines 4EVA.

Peter Capaldi is a good man. “It’s like the Doctor says, ‘Everything ends and it’s always sad. But everything begins again, and that’s always happy. Be happy.’ So, have a brilliant Xmas, a happy new year, and a wonderful life — I’m sure you will. All the best, Peter Capaldi, Doctor ?”

The Countess is going to rehab. Time to brush up on those elegance lessons, I guess.

CNN decided to one-up Don Lemon’s New Year’s Eve performance from last year.

I don’t think Nicole Kidman is going to be appearing on Watch What Happens Live anytime soon:

Congratulations, Maria Menounos, on being married on TV by a snowman!

Congratulations, Chip and Joanna!

R.I.P. Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar Times Square location. Relive the most hilarious restaurant review ever written, a.k.a., the restaurant’s obituary written seven years before its demise.

Back to the gropings

The women of Hollywood are done with this bullshit. Three hundred women in the business have created the “Time’s Up” initiative to battle sexual harassment in every workplace. Fuck yeah. You can donate here: https://www.gofundme.com/timesup

Dan Harmon apologized to a writer who worked under him at Community for being shitty in a particularly heated Twitter exchange.

Meryl Streep is opening up about Dustin Hoffman, and it’s not great for the actor.

Harvey Weinstein’s cases have been sent to the L.A. County district attorney and hopefully will not fall down the same hole that the Danny Masterson cases disappeared into.

Remember when Robert Rodriguez tried to paint himself as a hero in the Weinstein controversy? Yeah, Rose McGowan remembers the whole thing very differently.

The Circus will go on, with Mark Halperin replaced by Alex Wagner. GOOD.

Frankie Shaw confirms that the season finale of SMILF was a direct message to Dylan Farrow, letting her and all victims of abuse know that “we believe you.” Related: Watch SMILF if you haven’t already. It’s a gem of a show.

Gretchen Carlson has been named the chair of the Miss America Organization Board of Directors. GOOD.

Fox News (and former MTV VJ somehow) Kennedy, admits that Trump has “said misogynistic things.” Wow, how daring.

NOT NOW, DAVE CHAPPELLE.

Renewals

Cancellations

In Development

Casting

Mark Your Calendars

R.I.P.

Rose Marie, Showbusiness icon and co-star of The Dick Van Dyke Show

Sue Grafton, Writer

Thomas Stanford, Editor

And a look back at all the TV stars we lost in 2017.

WATCH THIS

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Danielle receives “closure,” whatever the hell that means. 8 p.m., Bravo

The X-Files: Mulder and Scully and a bunch of bad guys are all looking for Mulder and Scully’s kid. Season premiere. 7 p.m., Fox

grown-ish: A Different World for the 2000s. Series premiere. 7 p.m., Freeform

9-1-1: Ryan Murphy attempts a procedural. Series premiere. 8 p.m., Fox

Late Night: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: David Harbour, Julien Baker Jimmy Kimmel Live: Jessica Chastain, Sean “Diddy” Combs, Brandi Carlile The Daily Show: Dan Harris The Opposition with Jordan Klepper: Jeff Goodell Watch What Happens Live: Chrissy Teigen, Teresa Giudice

 

WEDS. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Goldbergs
(new)
Speechless
(new)
Modern Family
(new)
American Housewife
(new)
Match Game
(new)
CBS The Amazing Race
(new)
SEAL Team
(new)
Criminal Minds
(new)
CW Riverdale
(repeat)
Dynasty
(repeat)
Local
FOX The X-Files
(new)
9-1-1
(new)
News/Local
NBC The Blacklist
(new)
Law & Order: SVU
(new)
Chicago P.D.
(new)

One thought on “Welcome to 2018 in which President Dongo is doing his level best to turn reality into one long episode of ‘Black Mirror’!

  1. “People, we are already living in Black Mirror. Welcome to the future.”

    The future sucks and I don’t like it one bit.

    “White Famous is one and done for Showtime.”

    Oh no! I mean, I figured as much because of the whole very few people watching it thing. But still. Oh no!

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