Sorry for missing the last few days of blogging, y’all. I’ve just been so busy booting up Grindr and hunting down dates with journalists. (Just kidding! Journalists can’t afford dates!) Look, people, the first rule of Grindr is we don’t talk about Grindr, specifically whom we see on Grindr. The second rule is NO STRAIGHTIES ALLOWED. I don’t show up at your fantasy football party and tell everyone which Facts of Life actress you’re all jerking off to together, or whatever the fuck you people do there. Leave our sexy, horny Olympic hotties to get theirs.