‘The Bachelorette’: Principles for Self-Growth

by Therese Odell, posted in the bachelorette: season 21

The Bachelorette
July 15, 2024

Another episode; another flashforward. This time Temu Pete Davidson is barking at Win-Ngyuen that he’s embarrassing himself only to be told by Win-Ngyuen to go back inside and fuck off. OH, SO THE GIRLIES ARE FIGHTING THIS SEASON!

But before we get to all that, we head to Melbourne (“Melbin”) Australia which is the earliest we’ve ever taken this show on the road, and without making a useless pit stop in Cleveland or Ottawa or wherever.

The men receive their first date card upon arriving at the hotel: “Love Virgin; Frenchy; Too Much; Cheeky Mummy; The Twin; Beatboxer; Overcompensating; Temu Pete Davidson: Let’s find love in Melbourne.”

This first group date takes them to the Queen Victoria Market for some shopping, drinking, and eating common Australian staples such as Vegemite and kangaroo testicles. This being their first group date, the men aren’t sure how to work this unnatural dynamic, particularly Love Virgin who begins to pout about feeling left out. But Temu Pete Davidson, he takes it as a challenge, and grabbing Jenn’s hand, leads her away from the group for a little time alone at a gelato stand.

The other men notice immediately, obviously, and The Twin in particular huffs about being disrespected. They find Jenn and Temu Pete Davidson in no time, and Jenn notes that the whole situation is awkward.

Temu Pete Davidson, he doesn’t care.

The date then heads to a comedy club (The amazingly named “Cheeky Chuckles”) where the men are told they have 10 minutes to come up with material with which to roast their fellow contestants in front of this audience of Australians.

Temu Pete Davidson begins the show by pointing out that Jenn is looking for a “ferocious love” not a “fraternal love,” adding that the other guys are “bro-ing out” pretty hard. After promising to not be a clown in her dating life, he lowers the mic considerably to introduce Overcompensating. Which is a good joke!

And then every man comes to the stage to roast Tem Pete Davidson, calling him ugly, full of shit, and, ahem, a “Budget Pete Davidson.”

Anyway, Budget Temu Pete Davidson isn’t insulted, he’s flattered by all the attention — and jealousy.

That evening at the cocktail party, Cheeky Mummy takes Jenn aside first where they talk about his “funky” (read: orange) socks and commiserate over being awkward middle schoolers.

Beatboxer tells Jenn that he wants to be a husband and father (we’ll see how much he’ll be singing that particular song when he gets to Paradise), which earns him a makeout session.

Meanwhile, The Twin decides to take Temu Pete Davidson aside to dress him down, accusing him of not being serious; of not being “ready” or a “good fit;” of being a “boy,” not a man; of wasting Jenn’s time; and of being named “Dylan.”

Temu Pete Davidson points out that Jenn doesn’t need The Twin to determine how best to spend her time, and tells The Twin he can’t wait for him to come to their wedding.

The Twin laments Temu Pete Davidson’s “childish behavior” and notes that he is looking forward to spending uninterrupted time with Jenn.

SIR. HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED A SINGLE EPISODE OF THIS SHOW?

The Twin takes Jenn aside for his conversation, reintroducing himself because he’s worried she’s forgotten who he is as he “struggled” during the group date. Jenn assures him that she remembers who he is, and The Twin begins talking about what a “fun-loving guy” he is.

Which is, of course, when Temu Pete Davidson arrives with an ice cream cart loaded with dessert for two. The Twin tries to shoo Temu Pete Davidson away, but Temu Pete Davidson is like, “It’s ice cream, it’s gonna melt, whaddya gonna do?”

The Twin takes his leave, huffing that Temu Pete Davidson better watch out and not “poke the bear.”

While Jenn and Temu Pete Davidson chat, The Twin bitches to Overcompensating about being interrupted, and Overcompensating, having walked away with his tail tucked between his legs after Too Much stole his rental car out from under him on the first night, urges The Twin to go back in there and reclaim his time. Which is what The Twin does, and Temu Pete Davidson is like, “You know what? Sure,”  and leaves …

… for a couple of minutes before returning and demanding to continue enjoying his ice cream with Jenn. The Twin leaves, again, and Temu Pete Davidson is able to get his makeout on with Jenn.

When Temu Pete Davidson joins the rest of the men, The Twin demands to know if he’s proud of his behavior. 

Temu Pete Davidson:

Jenn finally joins the men and offers the date rose to Beatboxer, rendering all the pissiness between The Twin and Temu Pete Davidson completely pointless. (And also to save the tension for the Rose Ceremony later.)

Back at the hotel, the one-on-one date card is delivered: “Major Tom: Let’s fall in love. Jenn.”

The next day, while Jenn and Major Tom are driven to their mystery date, Major Tom notes that “everyone” (the other men? the producers? who, Major Tom?) has been asking him what would scare him, what would get his heart rate up, and honestly, he thinks he can “weather any storm.” Jenn is all, “OH WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT,” before taking him to an airstrip and announcing they are going to be going skydiving.

1. Girl, he’s a former Army Ranger who dreams of being an astronaut. Skydiving was literally his average Tuesday.

2. Ma’am, I genuinely do not mean to slut shame you but I need to know what your thought process was when you learned you were going skydiving and you decided this scrap of a sweater held tenuously together with the world’s smallest buttons was the most practical thing to wear on this particular date:

Her skydiving sweater.

Upon seeing the skydiving plane, Jenn announces that she’s “sweating” and terrified. I’m terrified for that sweater.

Anyway, they skydive, Major Tom is calm because IT IS HIS JOB, Jenn yammers about how “safe” he made her feel and how jumping out of a plane is like falling in love and taking a leap of faith and MY GOD IT HAS BEEN 21 YEARS NOW, CAN WE GET A NEW SCRIPT?

That evening for dinner, the producers induct Major Tom into the Sisterhood of The Salmon Jacket:

Because we’re recycling everything this season, apparently.

There, Major Tom tells Jenn the story of being nearly killed by a grenade attack while serving in Afghanistan. Jenn nods solemnly while Major Tom tells her about his multiple surgeries and long recovery and how he now understands the fragility of life and wants to live a life full of love and meaning. There are tears, Jenn calls him a hero, and offers him the date rose because what kind of monster wouldn’t?

The final group date finds Jenn meeting Mullet; Dr. Stethoscope; Dr. Pedestal; Up House; Checkmate; Breakfast Shots; Golden Retriever; Win-Ngyuen and PUPPIES for a wildlife photoshoot. The men are to put on their sluttiest Crocodile Dundee cosplay and each of them will pose with Jenn and some mystery animal for a photo. The man with Jenn’s favorite photo will have dinner with her, and everyone else will take their shrimps and barbies and go home.

Talk about slut shaming.

Breakfast Shots is the first up and is handed a lace monitor lizard who the photographers warn had never bitten anyone until last week, so GOOD LUCK.

He’s fine.

Golden Retriever is given an owl; Mullet is given some sort of marsupial; Win-Ngyuen is given a different kind of marsupial; and Checkmate is given what looks like a flying squirrel.

And then there’s Up House who is like, “I’ll be cool with anything but spiders.”

I AM BEGGING YOU PEOPLE TO LIE ON YOUR APPLICATIONS. Suggestions for what to put under “Biggest Fears”: chocolate; puppies; cashmere; spa treatments.

You know where this is going; Up House knows where this is going; everyone knows where this is going: Up House has to pose with a giant, utterly horrifying, furry spider.

Up House does not keep his cool. There is a lot of yelping “WHOO! WHOO!” and spinning around and Jenn realizing that he’s absolutely terrified. The animal wranglers warn Up House that the spider, “Goldie,” could run up his arm and neck and they advise him to remain still in the event that happens.

No ma’am. If a giant spider with a whole grown-ass name has the audacity to run up my neck, she’s gonna get hit. Not sorry in the least.

Up House manages to get through it without squishing the spider or wetting his pants, and honestly, that is worth the date rose right there.

Instead, the animal wranglers bring out one final animal: a giant snake of some sort, which sends Jenn into a tailspin.

AGAIN, WHEN THEY ASK YOU ON YOUR APPLICATION WHAT YOUR BIGGEST FEARS ARE, YOU SAY: long naps, caviar, Louboutins.

But Dr. Stethoscope, he steps up, takes the snake, and wins the dinner.

Which is some bullshit, right? Jenn was confronted with her biggest fear — snakes — and she pawned it off on some big strong man to handle it for her. Like Jenn, Up House was also confronted with his biggest fear, but he confronted it, he held the spider. You would think that Jenn would appreciate that kind of courage, ESPECIALLY after being proven to be so squeamish herself, and yet Up House gets no points for that?

At dinner, Jenn talks about how she’s never had someone step up for her before the way Dr. Stethoscoped did by ~checks notes~ holding a harmless snake in a photo.

As for Dr. Stethoscope, he discusses his parents’ relationship, how they got married after only six months, and how they are who he wants to model his own marriage on.

Dr. Stethoscope also confesses he came into the show full of confidence, but that upon meeting the other men, and realizing how great they all are, he’s suddenly a bit insecure and worrying that he doesn’t fit in. Jenn sympathizes and thanks him for opening up to her before offering him the date rose.

The rejected men return to the hotel in their Outback Steakhouse costumes, and basically inform the other men that because they didn’t get much time with Jenn, they’ve collectively decided that everyone else will let them have time with Jenn first at the cocktail party the next night. The other men nod in agreement and Temu Pete Davidson responds with: “I’m not going to fall back to the end of the line, but I think it goes without saying you guys deserve a little bit more.”

Later, The Twin tells the producers that he can’t stop thinking about Temu Pete Davidson, that he’s just such a pest, and decides that he is the one to offer Temu Pete Davidson some parently advice about his behavior.

The Twin is one year older — 14 months to be specific — than Temu Pete Davidson.

The Twin takes Temu Pete Davidson aside for a chat. There, he explains, he hopes to make Temu Pete Davidson become more aware of some of his behaviors and really learn from The Twin.

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The Twin tells Temu Pete Davidson that his behavior on the first group date was very arrogant and he’s alienating everyone, including the other men in the house, and maybe he needs to chill. Temu Pete Davidson is like, “Look, I don’t like the way things went at the end of the night, but I don’t appreciate you calling into question my character or depth.”

The Twin counters that if Temu Pete Davidson really thinks about it he might come to the conclusion that “Hey, The Twin is really right, and when I approached you, I was like, ‘hey, I want to talk to Dylan …'”

Temu Pete Davidson stops him right there, pointing out that The Twin has no place questioning his depth when he can’t even get his name right. He just doesn’t know him like that.

The Twin then calls Temu Pete Davidson a bully, to which Temu Pete Davidson is like, “Who did I bully? I took her for ice cream for half a minute!”

That’s when The Twin gives Temu Pete Davidson his copy of Principles for Self-Growth, because he wants to “see Temu Pete Davidson win.”

YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS. ARE YOU EVEN KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? WE’RE JUST STEALING EVERYTHING FROM EARLIER SEASONS?

For those of you who don’t remember or did not watch Tayshia’s season of The Bachelorette: The Twin’s twin brother, Noah, was in a beef with this aggravating preppy robot named Bennett, and Bennett at one point gave Noah a book on “emotional intelligence,” as a way of belittling him.

SO, NO, SIR. YOU CAN NOT JUST BECOME THE VILLAIN FROM YOUR BROTHER’S SEASON, AND NOT EXPECT EVERYONE TO NOT NOTICE.

My flabers are gasted.

But then it’s Rose Ceremony time, and of course, as soon as Jenn arrives at the Rose Ceremony cocktail party and finishes her opening remarks, Temu Pete Davidson grabs her hand and leads her away absolutely INFURIATING the other men.

Once alone, Temu Pete Davidson explains he just wanted to talk to her for a minute “before all the chaos started.”

Because he knew exactly what he was doing.

Temu Pete Davidson goes on to basically say that he knows he has a big personality and he’s felt like he’s had to tamp it down in the past for other people, but that he wants her to know she will always get his authentic self.

The men, meanwhile, stand around, irritated before voting to send Win-Ngyuen in to retrieve Temu Pete Davidson and give him the what for. The two men walk off together, leaving Jenn alone and wondering what the hell is going on.

Out in the hallway, Win-Ngyuen “reminds” Temu Pete Davidson that he promised to let the other guys go first, and Temu Pete Davidson is like, “I never promised that, and anyway, who are you to determine who she speaks to first?”

Meanwhile, Jenn is out here eavesdropping on the whole thing, and, honestly, who amongst us…

Truly, the people’s bachelorette.

But as to this little slap fight: when it was proposed that the men on the photography date should have time with her at the rose ceremony, Temu Pete Davidson did begin by saying that he would not “fall back to the end of the line,” before agreeing that the other men deserved some carved out time with Jenn. The question, I suppose, is when should that time take place? Reasonable people would, I think, agree that the other men should go first, but not Temu Pete Davidson, who is now out here claiming he went first as a favor to the other men, to get his time with her out of the way so they could spend time with her uninterrupted by him.

Such generosity.

His spat with Win-Ngyuen ends, and as Temu Pete Davidson goes downstairs to join the rest of the men, he actually makes one solid point which is that Win-Ngyuen interrupted his conversation with Jenn — not to talk to Jenn, but instead to yell at him, which is 1. a waste of previous time and 2. rude.

Temu Pete Davidson then joins the other men and is all, “I know you’re talking shit about me, but I was doing you a favor by getting my time with her out of the way first.” Again, not the best argument to go with, but I guess you work with what you’ve got. Temu Pete Davidson then points out that Win-Nyguen’s little hissy fit left Jenn all by herself which took the attention off of her.

Meanwhile, Win-Nyugen tattles to Jenn that Temu Pete Davidson promised them they could have time with her first (technically, he did not). Win-Nguyen adds that they all agreed that Mullet would talk to her first, and Jenn is like, “Hold up: why are you guys making these decisions for me? Why are you taking my power away?”

Win-Nguyen:

Jenn also asks if the 10 minutes he spent yelling at Temu Pete Davidson, leaving her all alone, were worth it.

Win-Nguyen:

And then Breakfast Shots interrupts to take some time with Jenn and Win-Nguyen is left to go sit outside and panic. Breakfast Shots talks about how while he was frustrated, he’s happy to get the small moments with her, and then they start full-on chewing each others’ faces.

Jenn also makes out with Cheeky Mummy; Jenn also makes out with Golden Retriever.

Meanwhile, Temu Pete Davidson goes outside to find Win-Nguyen and yell at him for ruining Jenn’s night; Win-Nguyen counters that Temu Pete Davidson should go back inside before he gets “his ass beat”; when Temu Pete Davidson declines to do so, Win-Nguyen returns inside with Temu Pete Davidson on his heels. Both men join the rest of the guys in the parlor where they continue yapping at one another until Jesse Palmer THANKFULLY comes in and tells them it’s time to Rose Ceremony.

LINE UP AND SHUT UP.

Rose #1: Mullet
Rose #2: The Up House
Rose #3: Golden Retriever
Rose #4: Overcompensating
Rose #5: Cheeky Mummy
Rose #6: Dr. Pedestal
Rose #7: PUPPIES
Rose #8: Breakfast Shots
Rose #9: Temu Pete Davidson
Rose #10: Love Virgin
Rose #11: The Twin
Rose #12: Win-Ngyuen

Which means the men who must go away now are: Too Much, Checkmate, and Frenchy.

And here I thought Too Much was going to be our villain this season. Shows what I knows.

The Men Who Are Soon Going to be Dumped by Jenn:

The Men Who Have Been Dumped by Jenn:

 

The Bachelorette airs on ABC on Mondays at 8/9 p.m. and streams on Hulu.

One thought on “‘The Bachelorette’: Principles for Self-Growth”

  1. I cannot tolerate this silly show! It amazes me that you actually watch it and write so much on it but that’s why we have choices. Guess I’ll just continue watching that new Netflix series RIPLEY…it’s really great viewing! Sure NOT going to waste my ears on Chump and his sheep.

    Reply

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