‘The Bachelorette’: And they all lived happily ever after. For a change.

by Therese Odell, posted in the bachelorette: season 20

The Bachelorette
August 21, 2023

We begin the finale, as ever, in the Bachelor studio with Jesse Palmer overpromising the events of the next three hours. HEARTBREAKING! MOST EMOTIONAL! SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN ON THIS STAGE THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE WE SWEAR ON THIS STACK OF BACHELOR CONTESTANT INSTAGRAM ACCOUNTS!

And … wait … what the actual fuck is SHE doing here?

WHY IS PILOT PETER’S MOM HERE? OOOOH, HE BETTER NOT BE THE NEXT BACHELOR.

We return to Fiji, where Charity has just discovered that A-A-RON has arrived to ask her for another chance. A-A-RON does not get a Fantasy Suite, but he is allowed one (1) dinner with Charity, where he tells her that he still sees her as his wife and the mother of his children. Charity assures him that she understands how huge it was for him to fly halfway around the world to tell her all this, and that she feels good every time she sees him.

HOWEVER. It’s also important to remember, she sent him home for a reason.

And so it is, another Rose Ceremony, just not with the three men some are expecting. In fact, Tall Dotun and Tennis Boy, they have no idea that 1. Almost-Dr. X has already been sent home and 2. been replaced by A-A-RON.

Tall Dotun and Tennis Boy when A-A-RON walks in:

Charity arrives and reveals the obvious: Almost-Dr. X is not here; A-A-RON is.

Rose #1: Tennis Boy

Charity then asks to speak to A-A-RON alone, where she’s like, “Sorry about that 27-hour-long flight that you took for no good goddamned reason, but you should have taken a hint the first time I dumped you. You should just fly directly to Mexico from here, honestly.”

And stay away, A-A-RON.

Rose #2: Tall Dotun

The Men Who Are Soon Going to be Dumped by Charity:

The Men Who Have Been Dumped by Charity:

We meet with A-A-RON in the Bachelor Studio for five seconds so that Jesse Palmer can tell him that he can rest easy knowing that he tried everything to be with Charity, and that we’ll see him in Paradise soon enough.

BACK TO FIJI.

It’s now time for Charity to introduce the final two men to her family, have a final date with each of them, and then a final conversation with them where they will bring her some sort of small offering before everyone heads to the Proposal Platform and its many vases and ferns.

Charity explains to her mother, father, and older sister that they are going to meet Tennis Boy and Tall Dotun, two of the very best men she’s ever met. In fact, she explains, she might be in love with two people, which, she admits, is making her job a lot harder.

Mom is skeptical.

First up: Tennis Boy.

Charity introduces Tennis Boy to her family, explaining that Tennis Boy makes her feel “validated and seen” and that he’s swept her off her feet. Tennis Boy counters that she’s the reason that he’s so comfortable, that it has everything to do with what a wonderful person Charity is.

Tennis Boy chats with Charity’s sister, where he tells her that he’s in love with Charity, and wants to protect her and make her feel special. He adds that they have a love for family in common, and then asks her how she feels about Charity being in an interracial relationship? She replies that for her family, it’s about love and Charity’s heart being protected and that they have no problem with an interracial relationship if it’s with the right person. Tennis Boy notes that it’s important to talk about these issues, and that he is not one of those people who claims to not see race. This is the answer that Sister is looking for, and she says in an interview that she’s excited that Tennis Boy could one day be her brother-in-law.

 

Tennis Boy also charms Mom by telling her that he and Charity share a “family first” set of values, and that his family means the world to him, just as Charity’s does to her. He has zero doubt that he could see being a part of their family, he just hopes that they could see him that way. Mom tells Tennis Boy that he seems like a very genuine person, and that his immediate comfort with them puts her at ease.

As for Dad, Tennis Boy chats with him about football.

Dad doesn’t seem very invested in this process.

With that, Charity says her goodbyes to Tennis Boy, who feels like he’s on Cloud Nine after having completely wooed Mom and Sister.

Up next: Tall Dotun. And before Tall Dotun even crosses the threshold, Mom is out here being like, “I mean, I hope it goes well, I guess. But Tennis Boy is going to be a hard act to follow.”

Tall Dotun never had a chance.

Anyway, he comes in and meets everyone. Charity’s family:

Mom speaks to Tall Dotun, and asks him when he felt the connection with her daughter. Tall Dotun explains that their connection came in stages, but that Charity just checks all the boxes in what he’s looking for in a life partner. He’s known he’s in love with her for a few weeks now and she’s rekindled his passion and his wanting a family and kids and all those things he had put on the back burner for a while now.

Mom:

In an interview, Mom explains that she’s not sure about Tall Dotun. He’s familiar, he’s the type of man that Charity tends to gravitate towards, and has a certain “swag.”

Mom goes on to say that Charity just seemed happier with Tennis Boy, there was a “pep in her step” that she didn’t see when she was with Tall Dotun.

As for Sister, she tells Charity that while Tall Dotun is clearly intelligent and they have chemistry, Tennis Boy seems to make her “glow,” and they shared more PDA. Charity visibly sinks at this observation and Sister is tries to backpedal. It’s not successful.

Charity becomes emotional, and talks about how stressed out she is about making this decision especially since it’s clear that her family prefers the guy she was planning on dumping.

After Tall Dotun leaves, Charity asks her family what they think of both Tennis Boy and Tall Dotun, and Sister makes some diplomatic comments about how Tennis Boy isn’t afraid to talk about difficult issues, while Tall Dotun is very intentional and willing to sacrifice for her.

Charity is like, “OK, but who should I choose?”

But Mom and the rest of the family, they aren’t falling for this trap. Even though they clearly prefer Tennis Boy, they tell her she has to make this decision on her own and live with it. They’re not going to be blamed for her choice down the road when Charity is on the cover of People Magazine in six months, talking about her broken engagement.

HEY BARB, SEE HOW THIS FAMILY CHOSE TO STAY OUT OF IT? ARE YOU TAKING NOTES?

With the Meeting the Family piece out of the way, Charity presumably goes on daytime dates with each of the men, but because we had to spend so much time re-dumping A-A-RON, we just skip to the part where Charity talks with each of them after the date in their hotel rooms or wherever.

First, Charity chats with Tennis Boy and tells them that her family fell in love with him, and are ready to marry him. He in turn presents her with a framed copy of the terrible poem that embarrassing dude wrote for them in New Orleans. 

As for her time with Tall Dotun, after he notes that Mom seemed skeptical — and how could he not notice that she was skeptical —

— Tall Dotun takes Charity on a “treasure hunt.” It starts with his I.D. card, then a plate of s’mores (which he had never had before his date with Charity in Washington) and ends with a locket with their baby pictures inside, because “[she] is [his] treasure.”

And then it’s proposal day! While Charity walks around her hotel room monologuing about how impossible it is to have to choose between Tennis Boy and Tall Dotun, Tennis Boy and Tall Dotun spend their morning with Neil Lane who decided he COULD be bothered to go on a free trip to Fiji.

Finally, Charity arrives at the Proposal Platform, which has been outfitted with every potted plant the PAs could steal from the resort. The first man to arrive is, obviously, Tennis Boy, and the only surprising thing about this is the loud GASP of shock that the studio audience lets out.

GUYS. It’s been Tall Dotun since Washington, BE REAL NOW.

Tennis Boy joins Charity on the Proposal Platform and begins by talking about how lucky he feels to be a part of her story, from their first kiss to their time in New Orleans. He brings up that dumb poem, AGAIN, and he begins to get down on one knee before Charity stops him. She tells him that she never doubted what is between them, and she knows how deep his love is. BUT.

And Tennis Boy knows where this is going, but Charity has to say it anyway. Through tears, Charity explains that as crazy as it sounds, she found a deeper love with someone else, but that she can’t quite believe this is where their story ends. He assures her that he just wants her to be happy, and she wishes the same for him, insisting that she knows he will find it.

And that, my friends, is the first advertisement for Tennis Boy’s season of The Bachelor. OH WAIT, SPOILER ALERT, MY BAD. (As if we didn’t all see that coming like three episodes ago.)

Charity walks him out, sobbing the entire way, and as he drives away in the You’re The Next Bachelor van, he wonders when love will happen for him?

~looks at calendar~ Sometime in January? March at the latest?

In the Bachelor Studio, Tennis Boy is on the couch, looking sad, but not too sad, and telling Jesse Palmer that yes, in fact, it IS hard to watch being dumped in front of a studio audience and all of America. But it’s what he signed up for, Jesse Palmer, whaddya gonna do, you know?

Charity then joins them in the studio and Tennis Boy acknowledges the weirdness of the situation, before checking in on Charity, to make sure she’s doing OK. Charity assures him she is just fine before going on to talk about what a hard decision it was for her and that she was literally going back and forth in the hours before making it. But in the end, she will always have love and respect for him and she wants him to know how much he gave to her that helped her grow as a woman, and how thankful she is that he came on this journey with her. And he thanks her for allowing him to be a part of it, before wishing her all the best.

(I mean, but not really, go away. We love a respectful man.)

Back in Fiji, Charity is reinstalled on the Proposal Platform to wait for Tall Dotun. When Tall Dotun arrives, he tells her that she has made him feel special and admired and that he is certain he wants to spend the rest of his life showing her that he is 100% committed to her.

In return, Charity tells him that he’s changed her life forever, and that when she looks into his eyes, she sees a man who respects, values, and adores her, and a man who she can love forever. Tall Dotun replies that she has taught him that a good thing can be a good thing — which is a genuinely lovely reiteration of a sentiment shared between them earlier–  before asking her to marry him. She gladly accepts and offers him the final rose.

Rose #1: Tall Dotun

AND LOOK, I AM TRYING TO BE SNARKY HERE, BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. ALL THREE OF THESE PEOPLE ARE SO GOOD AND SWEET AND PURE AND I WISH THEM ALL THE VERY BEST. THERE. I SAID IT. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENED TO ME EITHER.

Charity and Tall Dotun are in the Bachelor Studio and talk about how glad they are to be in public and live their lives normally. Mom tries to pretend that she’s happy about this decision but can’t quite pull it off. Jesse Palmer then tells the couple that they are sending them to Greece as a consolation prize for being too cheap to do a European leg of The Bachelorette this season.

Tall Dotun is the one who informs Charity that she will be competing on Dancing With the Stars (which, I mean, she surely already knew that).

And then it’s announced that Tennis Boy will be our next Bachelor because it was always to be such. And, you guys … will this be the first time in … ever … that the guy who is the Bachelor isn’t a huge douche who makes terrible decisions? MAYBE! JUST MAYBE!

But if so … what on Earth am I going to write about?

I guess we’ll all figure that out when we get there. In the meantime, we have an entire season of Bachelor in Paradise AND Grandpa Bachelor ahead of us, so, you know … Godspeed. And send box wine.

The Men Who Are Soon Going to be Dumped by Charity:

The Men Who Have Been Dumped by Charity:

The Bachelorette streams on Hulu.

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