‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’: ReZoomion

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Reunion, Part 1”
September 2, 2020

In keeping with the “Breaking the Fourth Wall” theme of this season …

we begin the reunion with a glimpse into how the sausage of the first virtual Beverly Hills Housewives reunion is made, with the ladies in their pajamas, testing their Zoom setups. It’s interesting insomuch how friendly everyone is towards one another, a tone that will not remain two days from now, when the actual reunion begins.


From his living room, Andy Cohen welcomes the women to the “reunion” with his traditional compliments on their outfits: Dorit looks “incredible”; he calls Kyle “Kyle Carrington Colby”; Teddi is “Pink Hair Don’t Care”; Erika looks “great” and Andy  Cohen wonders where Tom is. Erika clarifies that he’s “in his office, where he is every day. Really, when your name is on the front door, business doesn’t stop.”

Season 11 is all …

Rinna claims her wig is named after Joan Crawford; Garcelle calls her look “modern flapper” and Andy Cohen welcomes “Fucking Denise Richards” but she corrects him: it’s “Denise Fucking Richards.”

Except … it isn’t?

Andy Cohen’s first montage sequence is about the newest Housewife, Garcelle and how outspoken she is, sometimes to the point of being abrasive. Andy Cohen notes that on her appearance on Watch What Happens Live!, Garcelle stirred up trouble by saying that Kyle was the “least welcoming” of the group. Kyle says she was “blindsided” by the comment, especially because she thought Garcelle enjoyed her company, and Kyle was nothing but nice to her.

Garcelle’s defense is that she had a “big drink” while on the show and she couldn’t remember anyone else’s name. Excepppppppt … when Andy Cohen asked her, her first response was, “Did I already say Sutton? Oh, I would have to say Kyle, actually Kyle.”

Kyle then accuses her of being mean about her in what Kyle calls “interview bites” which is a term I have not heard used before, but sure! I’ll add it to the list. I can only use “testimonial” and “talking head” so many times, you know?

And Kyle points out the little barb Garcelle threw out at the Mission event, in which she said thank you to her “new best friends … some of them not so much” and then clarified in the interview that she was talking about Kyle. Garcelle tries to claim that it was tongue-in-cheek, and anyway, she never said that Kyle wasn’t nice, just that she “glazed over” her.

Dorit, who can’t shut the fuck up, backs Garcelle on this point, claiming that Kyle has a tendency to interrupt people. But Kyle counters that she never interrupts unless they’re in an argument.

All the other women:

Kyle argues that she thinks Garcelle’s claim that she “glazed over her” is just Garcelle looking for a problem to have with her, and that she’s being disingenuous. And anyway, if they didn’t get close over the season, maybe it’s because Garcelle was never around and they didn’t have a chance to bond?

Which is fair! Garcelle wasn’t around much!

But then Kyle decides to do a little blindsiding of her own, and claims that Garcelle has never paid the $5,000 she bid at Kyle’s auction event, which is NEWS TO GARCELLE. “WHAT?!” Garcelle exclaims, before warning Kyle that she better watch what she says.

Kyle keeps shrugging that the women have to be honest on camera and be genuine, which Garcelle thinks is rich, considering how Kyle nasty tweets while the season is airing. Kyle insists that they’re supposed to tweet, and Garcelle’s like, “Yeah, and I was warned about you and Twitter.” When Andy Cohen asks Garcelle who warned her about Kyle, Garcelle becomes coy.

Andy Cohen asks Garcelle what it was like being the first Black Real Housewife of Beverly Hills, and Garcelle claims it was cool, but there is also a lot of pressure to not be painted as an “angry Black woman.” Eboni K. Williams is raising a glass to Garcelle somewhere.


Andy Cohen notes that Garcelle told Wendy Williams that she feels like the other women tiptoe around her because they’re afraid Black social media will come for them. And Garcelle’s like, “Well yeah! Have you met Black Twitter? I’d be nervous too!”

Kyle tries to argue that she never changed her behavior towards Garcelle out of fear of Twitter, but we all know better.

A fan asks Erika why she hit it off instantly with Garcelle, and Erika is like, “Because she’s honest and fun?” Two years later Erika will be posting pictures of herself throwing Garcelle’s new book in the trash, so apparently something has taken a hard left turn in the past two years. Looking forward to finding out.

Andy Cohen asks Garcelle about raising biracial children in the middle of the Black Lives Matter moment. Garcelle says that she had always discussed race with her sons since they were 3 because she wanted them to always be positive about their racial background.

That said, she’s had “the talk” with the boys about how to be careful with police officers. And, in fact, just a couple of months ago, she was pulled over with one of her sons in the car, and she was actually kind of glad he got to see how she interacted with the officer — carefully, respectfully. Her friends were shocked that “someone like her” has to do that, but it doesn’t matter what your resume says when the cops pull you over.

Garcelle adds that she’s hopeful that things will change in the wake of George Flloyd’s death: it’s been a long time coming.

Andy Cohen asks the rest of the women if they’ve been having these conversations, too (this reunion was filmed in the summer of 2020, in the middle of the protests), and Kyle claims that it’s an ongoing conversation in her home and that it is important to educate oneself and ask important questions. Garcelle agrees and adds that she appreciates when her friends ask her if it’s OK to say certain things or what her preferences are. We have to have these uncomfortable conversations to grow and move forward from it.

Andy Cohen asks Erika about her police officer son, and she notes that she sees the best in law enforcement, but that there are institutional and individual problems that need to be addressed. Erika then adds that Garcelle was the first of the Housewives to reach out to her to check on her son, which is genuinely lovely.

Again, fast-forward two years, and Erika will be throwing her book into the trash and posting it on Instagram.

Andy Cohen brings in Sutton, who looks really pissed and ready to fight. Andy Cohen begins by asking her who she’s wearing, and she reveals it’s Pamella Roland and hold up … I’m not a fashion person, but isn’t she a mother-of-the-bride designer who somehow was involved in RHONY?

(She was.)

A fan asks Sutton about her putting her $9 million mansion up for sale, wondering where she’s going. Sutton sarcastically says that she’s “desperately broke” before explaining that she’s not even sure if she’s moving or not. She found a house she likes better, so she has decided to try to sell this one.

Another fan chastises her for being a millionaire using match.com, and wonders what her worst date was. Sutton replies her worst date was with another millionaire and leaves it at that.

Andy Cohen then introduces the Sutton montage before asking Dorit on behalf of a fan why she blew Sutton’s comment to her at Rinna’s daughters’ party completely out of proportion. Dorit begins by saying that she “whole-heartedly apologizes” for making a big issue out of it. She tries to explain that she was being protective of the Hamlin girls, and since she didn’t know Sutton, she was mistaking her nervous energy with anger.

Sutton does not just accept this apology, however, and instead yells at Dorit for making a huge fucking issue over her panic attack. Dorit again apologizes for misreading the situation adding that she did feel bad watching it back. But she wasn’t concerned about how Sutton was feeling, she was concerned that she was going to act out at the event and ruin the Hamlin girls’ big night celebrating the fashion line their Mommy and Daddy bought for them.

Sutton demands to know why she brought it up to the entire party in the first place instead of taking her aside privately, and the best Dorit can come up with is, “You’re new to the group?”

Yeah … that’s not a great answer?

A fan asks Kyle why she came to Sutton’s defense without knowing her, and Kyle gets on her high horse about how she always defends what’s “right.”

Another fan asks Rinna why she turned on her friend so quickly based on what Dorit said about her freaking out at her daughters’ party (which, again, it should be noted she did not do) and Rinna pulls out the “BUT MAH KIDS” defense.

Someone asks Sutton if she could pick the Mayor of West Hollywood out of a lineup, and Sutton, who is still pissed, huffs that she knows LOTS of other mayors, thankyouverymuch.

Andy Cohen notes that the women were very impressed by the items in Sutton’s gift bags, and asks what was inside. The most we get is “good shit” from Erika. They also talk about the rain boots she gave them in Rome as if they were more than a pair of overpriced rubber boots that had been bedazzled by some underpaid intern and then packed into one of her 10 oversized suitcases she absolutely did not lug through the airports herself. BUT YES. She’s a good gift-giver.

Erika praises Sutton’s excellent social graces and how she’s just a well-bred Southern lady. This, hilariously, ironically is the perfect lead-in to the time Sutton attacked poor pregnant Teddi at Kyle’s dinner party for absolutely no reason — behavior that no properly bred Southern momma would ever approve of.

Teddi sighs that she thinks Sutton made up her mind about her when they first met in New York, when Teddi was wearing that “cute black romper.” Teddi adds that it wasn’t that Sutton called her boring that made her cry, it was that she attacked her for being pregnant.

Sutton claims that she’s since apologized to Teddi about the whole thing, and that she was just trying to be “funny and silly” with Teddi, the way she is with her other girlfriends. If Teddi’s going to let Sutton’s “small disdain for [her] clothes get in the way …”


Andy Cohen notes that the fans seem split on Sutton: they either find her refreshingly blunt or an entitled bitch, and wonders how Sutton would respond. Sutton admits that her insecurities came out when she first started filming, and she tensed up. As a result, she looked like a “snotty asshole”  — which is quite the image — but that’s not who she is.

To conclude this segment, Andy Cohen asks Kyle to do an impersonation of Sutton, giving Sutton the opportunity that she is not, in fact, a snotty asshole, and that she can laugh at herself.

This is Sutton’s actual response:


In between segments, Andy Cohen notes that he can’t tell if Garcelle is “annoyed or listening” and Garcelle clarifies “both,” before adding that she’s been emailing her business manager about Kyle’s claim that she never paid for the item she bid on at Kyle’s auction, SO SIT TIGHT.

The final segment of the evening breaches the topic I’m pretty sure will be dissecting for at least another hour of this reunion: The Denise of It All, Specifically SEX TALK.

After a montage that ended with Denise and Aaron storming out of Kyle’s family barbecue to go to “a strip club and get a steak,” Andy Cohen asks Denise which strip club has a good steak. Denise laughs that she said that as a joke knowing full well that Rinna would go back and tell the others.

A fan asks why it is that Denise first told Kyle that she didn’t bring her daughters to the barbecue because they had other plans but then told Garcelle they didn’t come because she didn’t want her kids around the women? Denise responds by adding a third excuse: because her teens didn’t want to go to Kyle’s barbecue, and a fourth: because she didn’t want to have to watch Eloise around Kyle’s pool, and then a fifth: it’s actually the other ladies’ fault because they told her in Santa Barabara to not bring her kids to dinners, and finally a sixth excuse: because she didn’t want her kids to see her arguing with the other women.

The other women wonder why she didn’t just say that the teens didn’t want to come in the first place, but Denise doesn’t have much of a response to that.

Rinna makes the dumb point that Denise’s daughters were at the pizza party at her own home, and Denise is like, “Yeah, because it was a pizza party. At my house.”

Denise then adds that it had been her experience that they didn’t talk about sex around the husbands, and the other women are like, “SINCE WHEN?” and they point out that at her pizza party, Denise was bragging about the size of Aaron’s penis, mere feet away from her precious innocent daughters, whom I am certain DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.

Erika declares the entire situation infuriating and accuses Denise of trying to make them all look like assholes. She set the dinner party up so that there was an adult table and a kids’ table and then when they did what they always do, engage in raunchy conversation, they were penalized for it because there were kids in their presence. Denise tries to claim that she wasn’t that upset, but Erika notes that she was upset enough to take Erika to coffee to scold her for it. Erika insists she was fine with being singled out by Denise and she apologized sincerely, but then she found out that Denise proceeded to bitch to Sutton and Teddi about it. Denise keeps insisting that she was not upset with Erika specifically and that when she discussed things with Sutton and Teddi it was mom-to-mom.

Rinna wonders why after making a big deal about how horrified Sami was by the threesome conversation, Denise wouldn’t tell them what, exactly, she had to say about it, and Denise argues that it was “between [her] and Sami.” Now, this is probably a product of editing, but boy howdy, had I been in this discussion, my first point would be that it was “between Denise and Sami” and the Bravo cameras, because BITCH, WE ALL SAW THIS CONVERSATION ON OUR TV SCREENS. Denise went out of the way to bring the cameras to a cafe to film her with Sami to make a point, only for Sami to be like, “LOL, of course I’ve heard of threesomes. I’m a 14-year-old living in Los Angeles and, also, MY DAD IS CHARLIE FUCKING SHEEN.”

Andy Cohen then asks about Erika’s comment that of course “they” know what a threesome is, they “already knew if they haven’t had one already.” Now. That “they” is at issue here. Denise and her fans felt like Erika was speaking specifically about Denise’s daughters; Erika claims the pronoun referred to teenagers as a whole, before pointing out that teenagers do have sex, after all.

Denise says she was upset by Erika’s comment, and Rinna points out that Denise liked how angry it made her fans with the rest of them. Apparently, there was a Twitter comment by one of Denise’s fans that Denise liked that demanded Erika apologize to Denise and her daughters that also said Rinna was a racist who should lose her job. Denise swears that she didn’t see the part about Rinna, that she was only responding to the Erika comment, to which Rinna begins yelling “LIE! LIE! LIE! LIE! LIE!”

Andy Cohen tries to move on, pointing out that last season, Denise said some things that were “fun,” that “we all responded to” (i.e.: Aaron has a huge dick; they have sex every day; she got him a handjob because he’d never had one before), did she have to sit the kids down and say that some things were going to come out on the show? Denise responds that she doesn’t want to censor herself but that at the same time, she has to walk a fine line when things come up on the show. Denise insists that her daughters don’t watch the show …


… but does concede that they did hear things from their friends. Erika wonders if Denise was able to pick and choose what the girls heard, and Rinna announces that the whole world knows about Denise’s husband getting a “happy ending” from a 100-year-old woman.

As Erika wanders off-screen to adjust her lip gloss, Andy Cohen tries to ask Denise if she consciously tried to change her image this season, as Rinna theorized. Denise claims that she was uncomfortable early in the season when she felt like the women were targeting her. And, she admits, she can understand why the women were “confused” by the change in her behavior. But what she doesn’t understand is why they couldn’t just “agree to disagree and move on?”

Girl, have you seen this show?

It’s when Denise insists that it was the other women who kept bringing it up, not her, that Rinna begins sing-songingly repeating “GASLIGHTING! GASLIGHTING! GASLIGHTING!” to end this, the first of three parts of this reunion.

Put in a VanderPrayer for me.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs on Bravo.

Leave a Reply