‘The Real Housewives of New York City’: Don’t sweat it

The Real Housewives of New York
“Not So Model Behavior”
April 30, 2020

Welcome to another New York Fashion Week, which, fun fact for those of you who don’t live in New York, is actually twice a year and which often lasts longer than a week.

In any event, Sonja is planning on hosting another fashion show for her ready-to-wear line, Sonja by Sonja Morgan, where you can buy items like this sweater with a personality disorder or this 30-lb chandelier for your face. Tinsley is preparing to walk in a fashion show for designer Garo Sparo. The Countess is working on her next cabaret show, “Marry, Eff, Kill.” This doesn’t have anything to do with New York Fashion Week, but neither does Ramona doing crunches on her living room floor, but here we are watching that for several minutes, for some damn reason.

To say Sonja presides over a meeting with her fashion line team about the fashion show is like saying my Ridgeback presided over our discussion about whether or not he wanted to go for a walk: there’s a lot of barking, everyone’s distracted, and there’s clearly only a sliver of an idea what is actually going on or how any of it works. Sonja demands that they use only one modeling agency, she’s upset that so few people have been invited, and then a spider drifts into the room and she completely forgets what she was talking about.

We then spend entirely too much time on Tinsley’s big runway moment: she has to wear a crown and sneakers is my big takeaway. Well, that, and she thinks that this is her ticket back to “It Girl”-dom, so much so that she and Mother start crying about it backstage. (Spoiler alert: It is not.)

But she seems happy, so we’ll let her have this moment … unlike Ramona who criticizes her backstage for walking too fast.

The next fashion show we are treated to is Mother-of-the-Groom designer — and not making this up, sister-in-law of Betsy DeVos — Pamella Roland. The Countess arrives early and goes backstage to demand that a hairstylist — who is there to do the hair for the actual models and not just random guests — give her a blowout? Sure! SURE. WHY NOT.

Meanwhile, out on the step and repeat, Ramona is shoving people out of the way to get pictures with Rolland, demanding that the professional photographer use her phone to take personal photos for her.

The obliviousness and entitlement of both women is breathtaking and almost impressive.

As the women take their seats, Ramona bitches about Tinsley trashing the bedroom she stayed in at Ramona’s house, including leaving spaghetti sauce stains on the bedding.

Really? How?

And she bitches about Leah throwing torches all over her backyard like a scene out of Game of Thrones …

… Alright, fair.

Tinsley arrives, without Leah, and Ramona gives her an earful about staining the duvet, which Tinsley responds to with an eye roll. And you know what? THEY’RE BOTH RIGHT.

As for Leah, Tinsley informs the other women that she’s not going to make it to the show, she had a family issue, but she will make it to lunch. Ramona is OUTRAGED. This is a COVETED fashion show ticket, and to just not show up is AN OUTRAGE. Ramona then turns her ire on Sonja, criticizing her reading glasses, and for being on her phone through the entire three-minute fashion show. But the reason we love Sonja is that Sonja don’t care.

After the show, the ladies go to lunch where Ramona begins ranting about how she wants oysters and she is NOT GOING TO SHARE HER OYSTERS. We are then treated with a montage of Ramona eating oysters which just involves … so much tongue. So much.

~shiver~

Sonja, meanwhile, is still on her phone: there’s an issue with the models for her show, AND SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN HANDLE IT, RAMONA, SO LET HER TAKE HER CALL. With that, Sonja moves to another table BECAUSE SHE IS A SERIOUS BUSINESS WOMAN DOING SERIOUS TOASTER OVEN BUSINESS.

Leah arrives and apologizes: she was having a family issue. Ramona doesn’t give a shit and explains that Leah was VERY RUDE for not going to the fashion show and that IT WAS A VERY COVETED INVITATION.

Leah is like, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure the designer gave a shit that I wasn’t there. The thing is my dad called me to tell me my mother isn’t speaking to me right now. Apparently I upset her when I mentioned to her in a text that I had been drinking last weekend.” Leah opens up about how her mother is furious with her for drinking for the first time in nine years, though Leah doesn’t think it’s a big deal and that everyone needs to stop treating her like a wild teenager, and more like a 37-year-old mother who can make her own decisions.

The other women, however, are in agreement that maybe Leah shouldn’t have texted this news to her mother, and are sympathetic to her mother’s concern for her. The one exception is Tinsley who starts burbling about the VERY SERIOUS ARGUMENT she and Mother had about how she was going to wear her hair in Garo Sparo’s fashion show. Dorinda can’t believe the inanity that she is listening to (and she’s not entirely wrong) and threatens to perform a self-lobotomy with a table knife. Been there, girl.

Meanwhile, Ramona orders a plate of clams for herself, while everyone is shouting over one another and oblivious that the waiter is trying to take their order. When the clams arrive and they realize she ordered without them, everyone is very irritated with Ramona. BUT!

On the day of Sonja’s fashion show, we spend a little time at Leah’s business, which seems like a real, bustling company. She talks about her fashion line for a second — streetwear for women that isn’t just all pink with “JUICY” written on the ass — before we get to the crux of the matter: her baby daddy Rob is at the office and he’s DISPLEASED she’s drinking again. Rob and her mom have been talking about it and they are in agreement: bad idea. Also, Rob thinks Leah should show her mother the respect she deserves.

And let’s just put a pin in that particular message which maybe is not the healthiest for many  people who grew up in abusive homes.

Moving on: Sonja’s fashion show. Dorinda is dressed and styled and puts on the Liza Minnelli-esque Sonja by Sonja Morgan jacket that Sonja sent her to wear. She also spills to her makeup artist that she and Fudgie are having some problems: basically, he’s going out without her to parties and events and all she wants to do is stay in.

All of New York:

And long story short: she hasn’t returned his calls in two days.

Meanwhile, Sonja is setting up her fashion show at a restaurant? It’s unclear where they are, but it is certainly not Bryant Park. It’s maybe an hour before the show is set to begin, and Sonja is fluttering around, yelling at her 30 interns about seating arrangements and the ugly ass carnations and supermarket orchids they’ve decorated the space with.

At one point, The Countess calls from her gig in California to check in and Sonja is all, NOT NOW, COUNTESS. And The Countess is all, LOL, WHAT? ARE YOU BUSY BEFORE A BIG SHOW, OR SOMETHING?

Elsewhere, Tinsley and Leah are riding to the show together, and Tinsley notes that Leah doesn’t appear to be wearing the Sonja by Sonja Morgan outfit Sonja set her. “Yeah, that’s right,” Leah explains, “Because instead of a cute dress like the one she sent you, that bitch sent me sweatpants, a crazy pink hat and some ugly ass sunglasses.” Leah has the outfit with her shoved in a grocery bag because she has every intention to return the outfit to Ms. Morgan.

Ramona and that Elyse woman who I suppose is a thing now arrive at the show and order the bartender to mix vodka with sangria while Sonja is still running around like a chicken with her head cut off. Meanwhile, Ramona wonders what they’re even doing there: Sonja’s line isn’t going to be sold in stores, so what’s the point. And, in fact, over on a Reddit thread is this interesting anonymous observation:

“Sonja’s brand is literal garbage. Aside from her beauty line and some of her “signature collection,” literally everything on her site is from AliExpress.

She holds some super limited inventory within the US (items with a “Fast Shipping” badge), but 95% of everything on her site is dropshipped. That means that when you place an order on her site, you’re effectively placing an order directly through AliExpress, and AliExpress is shipping you your item from a ton of different suppliers and warehouse across China. Sonja doesn’t touch the inventory except to buy one sample, then give it to Sonja to wear. No one is checking if bulk shipment is okay quality at all. She is charging hundreds of dollars to be a middle man and is doing effectively no additional work.”

OH.

 

 

Fudgie arrives at the fashion show to Dorinda’s obvious surprise and there is a clear chill between them.

Leah and Tinsley arrive and everyone notices that Leah is DEFINITELY not wearing Sonja by Sonja Morgan. Leah’s more than happy to explain, whipping out the sweatpants and showing them to anyone who asks.

The fashion show happens and, you know.

Leah spends the entire show pointing out outfits that she would have happily worn OUTFITS WHICH ARE NOT SWEAT PANTS.

As the show ends, Sonja comes out to accept praise from her audience and friends, and Leah shoves the grocery bag at her, THANKS BUT NO THANKS. Sonja can’t believe Leah didn’t wear her beautiful cashmere loungewear and proceeds to strip down there in the middle of the room and put the sweatpants on her self, before strutting proudly about as if she’s not wearing lint-colored sweatpants.

And even Leah can’t stay angry: “It’s hard to stay mad at Sonja when she’s prancing around her fashion show looking like a pimp in pajamas.” Yes, it’s amazing what one can do if one completely lacks the shame gene.

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The Real Housewives of New York airs on Bravo.

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