I assure you, you are not ready for this British reality dating show clip.

Yes, I know Halloween is over, but here is this Twitter thread in case you need it. And trust me, you need it:

All Other TV News

Whatever you think is going to happen in this clip for a British reality dating show called Love Trap, it ain’t that:

Y’all, I’m still laughing, and I’ve watched it dozens of times. (She’s fine, by the way, and yes, she was the “Love Trap” whatever the hell that means.)

Jimmy Kimmel did not encourage parents to pull the Halloween candy prank on their kids, but they went ahead and did it anyway. Hope these parents are saving up for therapy:

Fox News is trying to distance itself from Tucker Carlson’s January 6 truther documentary, even though it’s streaming on its platform, Fox Nation. Good luck with that, Murdochs!

Carole Baskin has sued Netflix to try to stop the release of Tiger King 2, but it didn’t work — at least for the moment. Tiger King 2 is set to premiere on November 17.

Ayyyyyyy.

No, Lindsey Lohan is not going to be on The Real Housewives of Dubai even though she lives there, apparently?

This is me weeping for Ed Sheeran, who had his fee-fees hurt by Game of Thrones fans who objected to his cameo on the series. Actually, the most interesting thing about this story is the fact that Arya wasn’t expected to survive the seventh season originally. The actual fuck?

Listen, this isn’t TV-related, but the headline “Texas Longhorns Coach’s GF Monkey Allegedly Attacks Kid … Woman Blames Kid” is a headline that needs to be shared.

#MeToo

Ho boy. Zayn Malik has been charged with criminal harassment after getting into an altercation with and shoving former model and Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Yolanda Hadid, the grandmother of his child with supermodel Gigi Hadid. He pled no contest to the charges after calling it a “private matter.” Malik and Gigi Hadid have broken up.

Andrew Cuomo is being charged with a misdemeanor for forcible touching in Albany.

Huma Abedin, whose shitty husband put her through the fucking ringer, has revealed in her new book that she was sexually assaulted by a U.S. senator when she was in her twenties.  She does not name the senator — or even which party he belongs to — but she’s being attacked for revealing it anyway. Because of course she is.

According to a report, Netflix did what it could to suppress the promotion of Cuties within its algorithm to decrease the outrage around the French movie. The movie, which is actually a criticism of the sexualization of children, was denounced by right-wingers and QAnon as being kiddie porn — though most of the people criticizing the film did not watch it.

Dax Shepard discussed on a podcast how he and Kristen Bell are teaching their young daughters about sex and consent, and talked about how he has no interest in “protecting” their virginity. I strongly approve of all of this, and am genuinely shocked there is not more outrage on the right about it. SHHH … NO ONE TELL THEM.

In Development

Casting News

Mark Your Calendars

  • black-ish will return on ABC on January 4.
  • Next Level Chef will debut on Fox on January 2.
  • 14 Peaks: Nothing Is Impossible will premiere on Netflix on November 29.
  • Top Gear returns on BBC America on November 23.
  • “Days of Christmas” returns on Freeform on December 1.
  • TBS, TNT, and Tru TV will begin their winter programming on November 5.
  • Frayed returns on HBO Max on November 4.
  • Hollington Drive will premiere on Sundance Now on November 18.
  • Kevin Garnett: Anything Is Possible will debut on Showtime on November 12.
  • Arcane will premiere on Netflix on November 6.

R.I.P.

WATCH THIS

Dr. Brain: A brilliant neuroscientist suffers a terrible personal tragedy when he loses his family in a mysterious accident. In an attempt to learn what happened, he performs “brain syncs” with the dead, which just seems like a very good idea. Series premiere. Apple TV+

The Bachelorette: Oh boy, it’s Spoken Word Poetry Week. 7 p.m., ABC

Late Night:

  • Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Kumail Nanjiani, Fred Armisen, Lucy Dacus
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers: Willie Geist, Steve Schirripa, Michael Imperioli, Roy Mayorga
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: Michael C. Hall, Michael Eric Dyson
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden: Anna Kendrick, O’Shea Jackson Jr., Atsuko Okatsuka
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live: Tom Hanks, Matthew Stafford
  • The Daily Show: TBA

TUES. 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30
ABC The Bachelorette

(new)
Queens

(new)
CBS FBI
(new)
FBI: International
(new)
FBI: Most Wanted
(new)
CW Stargirl
(new)
Supergirl
(new)
Local
FOX The Resident
(new)
The Masked Singer
(repeat)
News/Local
NBC The Voice
(new)
La Brea
(new)
New Amsterdam
(new)

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